Abusive Relationships: What if You Still Love Them?

November 20th, 2008

A reader asked about how to move beyond an abusive relationship when you still feel love for that person.

This is actually a common feeling from people in abusive, or even just very controlling relationships. A prominent pastor’s wife in Atlanta filed for divorce when a relationship involving much emotional abuse evolved into a physical attack. She said that she still felt love toward him but decided to “take her love with her and leave” for her own welfare. A loved one of ours, after having decided some time ago to leave an abusive relationship is now feeling that he loves the other person in spite of the fact that his health, career, and family life have all been destroyed by the other person.

An initial step is to realize the difference between love and concern.

A friend in a bad relationship once had another friend tell him, “You care about her well-being, but it doesn’t sound like you really love her.” There is a major difference between love and concern. It is unlikely that you will feel completely devoid of concern over the person’s well being if you have shared a major part of your life or major events in your life with him or her. However, concern over his or her well being is not proof of the existence of a loving relationship.

People in emotionally or physically abusive situations often suffer from Stockholm syndrome, not just people in hostage situations.

In Stockholm Syndrome, the person in an abusive or controlling situation begins to experience a psychological response of defending the “captor” and showing loyalty to the abuser. (1) Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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When to Change Your Friends

November 19th, 2008

Reading Level: Leisurely

A reader asked what to do about harmful friends?

The question itself is almost an oxymoron-opposite terms. You usually do not think of calling someone a “friend” who is harmful to you. However, depending on one’s personality, some people tend to repeatedly choose relationships with people who are harmful to them-emotionally or physically. Other times, it may simply be an idiosyncrasy in the friend’s personality that needs to be discussed.
Let’s take a look at how to determine if the relationship is harmful, why you chose the relationship, and when to change friends.

A few simple questions can help you determine if the friendship is healthy for you or not.

Answer each of the following questions either (1) most of the time, (2) about half the time, or (3) rarely.

1. Does the relationship with your friend lessen your self-esteem?

2. Does the relationship hinder you from achieving short and/or long term goals?

3. Does the relationship create various stress-related physical health problems, such as headaches, stomachaches, nervousness, or lack of sleep?

4. Does the relationship cause emotional health issues, such as fear, worry, or intimidation?

If your answers were in the 1 or 2 range, the friendship is showing signs of harmful behavior which is negatively affecting the well-being of your life in significant amounts.

If the friendship is affecting your life mainly in negative ways, ask yourself why you became involved in that relationship.

If you repeatedly choose to be in relationships with people who are not good for you and your life, you need to ask yourself why? Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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A Perfect Father’s Love

November 13th, 2008

Reading Level: Leisurely

Whether you need encouragement or want some ideas upon which to meditate, this poem is worth reading.

A website out of Amarillo, TX, took this collection of verses, wrote out the main points in simple English, and arranged them into this moving poem. Receive from it whatever you need today. A link to their site is at the end of the post.

You may not know Me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in My image. Genesis 1:27
In Me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are My offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in My book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know Me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is My desire to lavish My love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are My child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from My hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Better Self Esteem: A 12 Day Plan

November 12th, 2008

Reading Level: Leisurely

A specific plan of action can help energize your thinking to better self-esteem.

I came across this article a few years back. I’ll post the link below to the website it was supposed to be from, though I couldn’t find the article or an author for it on their site this week. If someone knows the author, please feel free to leave a comment and I’ll gladly give credit where it is due.

Twelve Days to a Higher Self-Esteem:

Day 1 - Get a journal and write about you in it every night. Write at least 10 things that you did that makes you smile.

Day 2 - Live your life today like you want to live it. Do not base your decisions on other’s wants and desires.

Day 3 - Take care of your needs first. Find what gives you lasting pleasure, not just instant quick fixes. To respect your needs is a great way to lift your self-worth.

Day 4 - Share more of you with others! You may feel vulnerable, but making others feel good creates a feeling of value. A feeling of value will send your self-esteem soaring.

Day 5 - Spend time with positive people! Positive people send positive vibes.

Day 6 - Stay away from the “I want” syndrome, such as, “I want to look like that, I want to be thin, I want to be perfect. These negative thoughts work against your positive self-esteem.

Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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