Love Is…

Reading Level: Gratifying

Everyone has lived through believing they were experiencing real love only to discover, in spite of all the feelings, that it was not genuine love at all.

Too often we base the all-important decision of choosing the relationship closest to us on something so completely deceptive as our emotions, or even more foolish, solely on appearance. We then put time, effort, and our very souls into building the desired lasting relationship when there is not a real foundation for it to be built upon. The relationship is like a sandcastle at high tide, doomed to disintegrate.

Fortunately, we can gain wisdom and discernment that will enable us to find and commit to genuine love.

Dr. Dorothy Neddermeyer, Phd, a professional therapist and counselor, has posted a fantastic article called, “Love is Not a Feeling.” In this article, she explains what is happening when we experience euphoric feelings for another individual, why these feelings are not proof of genuine love, how to give genuine love and how to recognize whether the other person has genuine love toward you, being committed to your emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being.

Here are some portions from Dr. Dorothy’s article, “Love is Not a Feeling.” It is one of the most effective discussions on this topic that I’ve seen. Be sure to follow the link to the full article at the bottom of the post.

Love is Not a Feeling. What? You exclaim, of course, love is a feeling. I feel it in my chest, stomach and my body tingles sometimes. Yes, those are the physiological manifestations when one has the sensation of ‘falling in love.’ Falling in love and love are two different phenomena. Falling in love can be either a flash of emotions-the giddiness or euphoric feelings-or a first step towards genuine love.

Falling in love is a strong instinctive attraction to a person. If it is mutual and both people work at building a relationship bond; one day that euphoric experience called, ‘falling in love,’ can grow into genuine love…We usually fall in love with the person’s appearance, with the way she/he walks, the way he/she talks. Sometimes we impute to our object of love some mystic illusion, ideal qualities and, the more we get to know the person, the less we fall for him or her…

The euphoric feelings we call ‘love’ is the emotion that accompanies the experience of cathecting. Cathecting is the process by which an object becomes important to a person. Once cathected, the object, often referred to as a ‘love object’ is invested with our energy as if it were a part of oneself, and this relationship between oneself and the invested object is called a cathexis…The concern and commitment to another’s spiritual and emotional growth is the purest form of love. It is for this reason that commitment is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship-friends, significant others, husband/wife. Genuine love transcends the matter of cathexis…it is possible to love without cathexis and without loving feelings, and it is in the fulfillment of this possibility that genuine and transcendent love is distinguished…

Click here to read Dr. Dorothy’s article in its entirety!

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One Response to “Love Is…”

  1. What is Love? How Do You Know if You have Found the Right Person? Says:

    […] Love Is… […]

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