Rejection to Self Esteem Building

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Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why would someone feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection–and you already know you need to work on that aspect–quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such as way as to allow for healing and reconciliation in the relationship, the offender is not presently, and may never be, in a mental/emotional state to have a long-term, healthy relationship. As it is, it is much more likely, since they were unwilling to communicate in a way as to provide for reconciliation, that the major emotional issues are on their part.

Second, quit being too hard on yourself.

If you are aware of certain mistakes you made that contributed to the rejection, you can always work on changing those behaviors, even getting profession help if needed. However, you must be realistic in accessing your failures. Usually a person who is suffering from rejection is too hard on him or herself, taking more than their share of the blame. Full blame in a relationship failure is never solely due to one person, even if it is something such as the lack of the other person being willing to communicate in such a way that adjustments in the relationship could have been made.


Similar to overcoming depression, you must replace incorrect, harmful thoughts with positive ones.

Why? Because your thoughts will influence the direction of your life. I referred to a book before by Creflo Dollar which describes the pattern of our lives very effectively. He describes it this way.

-Your thoughts, whether positive or negative, will create your emotions.
-Those emotions will then influence your decisions.
-Your decisions cause you to take action.
-Actions form habits or your lifestyle.
-Those habits determine your destiny-the final destination of your life.

You can follow the reference to read more about Creflo’s book. Realize now the absolute necessity of not allowing your thoughts of the rejection to continue. If you do, those thoughts will produce self-defeating emotions and decisions, leading to destructive lifestyle habits. You will cause your destiny to be directed by a harmful person! Instead, you must choose to change your thoughts to beneficial ones that will direct you to the destiny you desire! (1)

Fourth, realize that negative thoughts cannot be changed without replacing them with positive ones.

To overcome the negativity that is overrunning your thought life as a result of the rejection, you must actively make yourself think on thoughts that will move you forward to the productive life you should be living. There are 3 main ways to replace thoughts of rejection.

1. Base your value on God’s value of you. With all the beauty that exists in creation, with all the billions of people, God still loves you and considers you precious and honored in His sight (Is. 43:4). Scripture describes that God saw your unformed body before you were born, already knew all the days of your life before it began, and that His thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand-because He thinks so often about you. (Ps. 139:15-18) Throughout the up’s and down’s of life, it is essential that you base your value of yourself on the value God sees in you. This is the only way your value of yourself can remain constant. It cannot be based on people because people come and go in our lives, even if it is by death. Your value cannot be based on your career or other abilities because, one day, you will no longer be able to do those things.

2. Be your own cheerleader. This is a self-help tip that I’ve heard Joel Osteen say many times and it is worth repeating. Every day, get up in the morning and be your own cheerleader. Say good things about yourself to yourself! Speak to yourself about God’s value of you. Throughout the day, remind yourself of your value and your abilities. And, it doesn’t hurt to aim high. It is like the Law of Attraction. You speak those positive things to yourself even if you are not there yet so that you will eventually develop those qualities. Here is a sample list that I compiled from a couple of Joel’s broadcasts:

-I have unprecedented favor today.
-I have new opportunities for my career and personal life.
-God is in love with me.
-People like me.
-I am talented.
-I am creative.
-I am strong.
-I have excellence and determination.
-Whatever I do prospers and succeeds.

You can add to that list accomplishments which you desire that have not taken place yet, speaking them in present tense. Such as, “I have many loving people in my life. I am free from debt. I’m taking my dream vacation, etc.” As in the Law of Attraction, speaking positively to yourself about things that you desire to accomplish will make you more creative and more aware of opportunities to help you fulfill those goals.

3. Think repeatedly throughout day about those who do love you. Most of us have several people in our lives whom we value and who value us, even though it may be at varying levels of love. Even if you are temporarily in a stage where you think the only person who values you is your pet, think throughout the day about those who do love you or who care about your well-being.

Move forward.

The past is never worth staying in. It is time to move forward. In addition to ways we’ve already mentioned, move forward by taking time in your schedule for people who do love or care about you. Maybe the person who rejected you was a former friend in whom you had invested a great deal of time. Move forward by spending time with those positive relationships that may have been neglected while you were focused on that other person, such as relatives, other friends, or even co-workers. Also move forward by accomplishing a project around the house or online course you have put off doing due to time constraints from the past relationship. Or, do something for yourself you have always wanted to do, such as a certain vacation.

Finally, always encourage yourself with God’s unfailing, unchanging love for you.

People’s love may change, people may move in and out of your life, or they may reject you and never even give themselves the opportunity to get to know you. God, however, will never reject you. He says in John 6:37, “The person who comes to me I will never reject.” In James 4:8, He promises, “Come near to Me and I will come near to you.” In other words, God will be responsive to your desire to know Him and have a close relationship with Him. You can trust Him! His love for you will not fail you! “I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever (Ps. 52:8).”

(1) Click here to read the article on Determining Your Destiny which lists Creflo’s 8 steps to direct the course of your life to your goals and restoration.

Other Related Posts:
Handling the Fear of God’s Rejection

Hope for the Betrayed Heart

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2 Responses to “Rejection to Self Esteem Building”

  1. Nena Says:

    Quisiera mirar la predicacion de Joel de esta dia domingo, pero no se como encontrarlo.

    me pueden decir como obtenerlo?

    Muchas Gracias Nena

  2. R.H. Says:

    Joel’s website de está en Usted puede mirar la predicación o encontrar un canal de televisión.

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