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This is Part 3 in the series. If you missed Part 1 and 2, please click the above links to read first.

Dr. Carver states that Stockholm Syndrome develops involuntarily-the victim does not purposely develop these feelings and responses. They are done to survive a threatening and controlling environment and relationship.

The victim’s self-worth and emotional health is so tied to the relationship that they believe that they would mentally collapse if the relationship ended. The more dysfunctional the situation, the more dysfunctional the victim’s adaptation to survive and make the relationship work. When the victim reaches the point of realizing that the relationship doesn’t work and can’t be fixed, they will need to loving support of family and friends to return to a healthy, positive lifestyle.

While each situation is different, Dr. Carver provides these guidelines for friends and family:

-Your contacts with your loved one may be met with anger and resentment. This is because each contact may prompt the abuser to attack them verbally or emotionally.

-It’s often best to establish predictable, scheduled contacts. Calling every Wednesday evening, just for a status report or to go over current events, is less threatening than random calls during the week. Random calls are always viewed as “checking up on us” calls. While you may encounter an answering machine, leave a polite and loving message.

-Remember that there are many channels of communication. It’s important that we keep a channel open if at all possible. Communication channels might include phone calls, letters, cards, and e-mail.

-Importantly, don’t discuss the relationship (the controller may be listening!) unless the victim brings it up.

-The goal of these scheduled calls is to maintain contact, remind your loved one that you are always there to help, and to quietly remind the controller that family and loved ones of the victim are nearby and haven’t disappeared.

-The victim needs to know and feel they are not rejected because of their behavior. They know they are being treated badly and/or controlled by their partner. Frequent reminders of this will only make them want less contact. We naturally avoid people who remind us of things or situations that are emotionally painful.

-Victims may slightly open the door and provide information about their relationship or hint they may be considering leaving. When the door opens, don’t jump through with the Marines behind you! Listen and simply offer support such as “You know your family is behind any decision you need to make and at any time you make it.”

-Try to remain calm and await an opportunity to show your love and support when your loved one needs it. As relatives or friends of a victim involved with a controller or abuser, our normal reaction is to consider dramatic action. We become angry, resentful, and aggressive at times. Any aggression toward the controller/abuser will result in additional difficulties for your loved one.

Click Here to Read the Full Article by Psychologist, Dr. Joseph Carver, Love and the Stockholm Syndrome.