Unstoppable determination could be the missing key to achieving your goals.

How determined are you to reach your goals?  Are you so determined that nothing can make you quit?  Or, do seemingly unmovable obstacles cause you to lose heart and let up on your efforts?

A key factor in overcoming obstacles and reaching your goals is having the discipline and determination to not quit when you hit the wall.

A favorite illustration of mine is one I read about an athletic term called, “hitting the wall.”  In the book footnoted below, the author used the illustration to refer to one making good progress through life and then being hit by severe financial trouble, failure, or sickness.  You are stopped cold in your tracks. However,
when faced with seemingly unmovable obstacles, it is not the time
 

to quit in defeat.  Here is the author’s description of “hitting the wall:”

Ask any athlete.  He’s pushed his body to what seems to be the maximum…And just when he felt like he couldn’t go on, he’s heard some coach yell, “Come on!  Move it!”  Athletes call that “hitting the wall.”  It’s a time when the body says, “That’s it.  That’s all I can do…I quit.”  But a seasoned athlete knows that “the wall” isn’t the end.  It’s a signal that he’s on the verge of a breakthrough.  If he’ll toughen up and push himself a little more, he’ll get a second wind.  Suddenly…he’ll reach a level of excellence he couldn’t have reached any other way…It will only take one breakthrough like that to make a never-dying, never quitting champion out of you. (1)

This past week and a half, we were on a long overdue – by about 2 yrs – vacation.  I decided to swim 50 laps in the hotel pool each day.  I noticed each day, particularly noticeable the first day, that the first 20 laps were the most difficult.  My lungs didn’t seem to want to adjust to the change in humidity.  I decided to keep going anyway and then, suddenly, it became easier. 

What appears to be logic is not always the case in reaching your goals.

This thought is not to encourage carelessness or thoughtlessness.  Rather, it seemed logical that the last 30 laps would be the most difficult, the most exhausting.  If I would have gone by logic, I wouldn’t have even tried to meet that goal and go past the first 20 laps.  Yet, just like the illustration in the book, after the struggle of the first 20 laps there came a second wind and the goal became easier.  This realization brought back to mind what I had read a year ago so I wanted to share it with you.

If you feel like you have “hit the wall” in your career or family goals, health, etc., now is not the time to quit.  The wall may be the signal that a breakthrough is near; keep on in your unstoppable determination and get that second wind!

1. Faith to Faith, May 1^st post, K.Copeland

Today I am going to share with you excerpts from an article by mental health therapist, Jennifer Jones.  Jennifer is a fantastic writer and has a couple of extremely popular relationship sites on the web with practical, beneficial insight.  I encourage you to use the link below to read her full post.

Excerpts from Ten Simple Ways to Fall in Love Again by Jennifer Jones 

1. Enjoy memories together. When we reflect on good, happy memories we recreate the emotions and feelings in our body/mind that went along with the experience…

2. Plan for the future and share your dreams. Having something to look forward to is one of the keys to living a happy life…

3. Live in the present. Don’t let even one minute of joy, laughter, or pleasure be taken for granted…Look for those moments of quiet peace, or vibrant joy, or wild excitement…

4. Demonstrate appreciation. Do everything you can to make sure your beloved knows that you adore and cherish him or her…

5. Look for the good in your partner. Remember when you first met? You saw nothing wrong with your significant other…Of course in time…that impression may fade just a tad so consciously find for the great qualities…

6. Engage in new activities. Humans tend to thrive on new experiences… we often get into ruts…put some vibrancy into the relationship is to get out and do something new.

7. Have lots of fun. It is so much to laugh together. I’m thinking it is nearly impossible to not love those who make us laugh…

8. Work on projects together. …When a couple is working in unison to bring forth something beneficial to their family, their neighborhood, their community, the world, or even animals, they can create a bond that is incredibly powerful…

9. Remember what is truly important in life. Think about what is important in the long term, not what will give you a moment of pleasure…Remind yourself of your core personal values or morals…

10. Give attention and support your beloved. It sounds strange but we know that the more we give, care, or serve another the more we love them…

Please Click Here to Read Jennifer’s Full Article.

Dear Receive Healing Readers,

I just wanted to make you aware of the new Floating Social Networking Bar on the site. We removed the old social networking links. This new Social Networking Bar floats at the bottom of your screen and stays there even as you scroll down the page.

It adjusts to feature the Social Networking companies that are used most by the people in your specific country!

We hope you enjoy it!

ReceiveHealing.com

Unfortunately, good intentions are not enough for effective leadership.  We have worked with an organization during the past year that had a change in leadership.  We had known the new leadership on a social level before they took charge of the organization.  The leadership has good heart, good intentions, but the organization has suffered decline under their guidance. 

Why good intentions are not enough? 

I recently came across a brief, but well-detailed article on leadership skills by Dr. John Maxwell called, “Momentum Breakers Vs. Momentum Makers.”  Links to the full online article are below.  While reading it, I was able to glean good insight for my own life and abilities and well as see more clearly why all the good intentions in the world are not helping the new leadership in this other organization to be successful in their goals.  In discussing needed leadership skills, Maxwell categories them into 10 qualities that will either make or break your leadership momentum, momentum being what Maxwell describes as the key.  Here is a quote from his opening explanation of momentum:

It is never the size of your problem – or your opponent — that matters…Without momentum, even the puniest of opponents can seem intimidating…As a leader, your responsibility is to understand momentum, get your organization motivated, and sustain its energy over time…My goal is to coach you to recognize what mindsets add to momentum and which ones oppose it.” (1)

In the online version of the article, Maxwell gives the illustration of a train.  While a train at 55 mph can crash through the obstacle of a 5 foot thick steal and concrete wall, the same train starting from a stationary position cannot go through an inch thick block in front of the driving wheel.

Dr. Maxwell challenges us to focus on 1 or 2 of these momentum-building mindsets at a time to improve your leadership skills.  Here are some paraphrased excerpts; use the link (2) below to read the full article:

1.  Double-mindedness vs. Focus- Attempting everything drains momentum as much as aiming at nothing.  Develop a clear vision statement.

2.  The Past vs. the Future- Momentum is lost by focusing on the past; practice now what you want the future to be.

3.  Individualism vs. Teamwork- Momentum is killed by insisting on doing things yourself; momentum grows when the team takes part in victories.

4.  Critical Attitude vs. Constructive Attitude- The difference between good and great, winning and losing, is determined by mental attitude.

5. Tradition vs. Creativity- Don’t tear down elements from past until you know why they are there, then evaluate they are holding you back or not.  It could be outdated.

6.  Apathy vs. Passion- Your lack of passion/courage keeps people in a comfort zone. Passion and courage energizes your own talents and that of those around you.

7. Dishonesty vs. Character- Character is the sum total of daily choices.  A trustworthy leader more easily build momentum.

8. Conformity vs. Change- Change is necessary for momentum.

9.  Ingratitude vs. Gratitude- Gratitude toward your colleagues will encourage future help.

10.  Indecision vs. Action- Too much analysis can paralyze you. Sometimes you must just inspire others by believing in your idea and going for it.

 John C. Maxwell is an internationally respected leadership expert, speaker, and author and founder of EQUIP.  His blog can be read at JohnMaxwellOnLeadership.com. 

 1.  Quote from Momentum Breakers Vs. Momentum Makers, pg. 6, Enjoying Everyday Life, February 2010.

2.  Online sources for Momentum article:

 http://www.giantimpact.com/articles/read/article_momentum_breakers_vs_momentum_makers/

 http://www.gsuccess.org/?p=121

 http://business.inquirer.net/money/columns/view/20090801-218299/Momentum-breakers-vs-momentum-makers

Fellow SelfGrowth.com expert, Cassandra Lee– speaker, coach, and author– posted an article describing her personal technique of dealing with resentment and anger.  I wanted to share a few excerpts from the article with you as well as give you a link to the full article.

Ms. Lee describes the need to analyze your actions, discover the source, and confront the issue at hand for resolution.

In her article, Ms. Lee describes a situation with a friend that caused her anger and resentment.  The friend was unaware that his actions created these negatives, but in Ms. Lee’s mind, the situation grew until, when she saw him 2 days later, she treated him so coldly that they did not speak to each other for a month.  This is a quote about her technique to deal with resentment and anger:

“Squash and Release” is a technique that allows me to discover the REAL issue at hand; analyze my actions that may have caused the issue to arise; and confront the issue through discussion, apology or whatever steps necessary for me to squash my anger and release my resentment.”

In a self-evaluation, Ms. Lee asked her self these questions:

-Had I done anything to cause the issue?

-Did my attitude make the situation worse?

-Was he really being insensitive?

-Was I overreacting?

Once Ms. Lee decided that she had overacted and strained the relationship due to not feeling secure in her friend’s concern over her well-being, she explained, apologized, and healed the friendship.  The situation did not recur because her friend now knew to respond in a way that made her feel secure and she made sure not to make assumptions.

Here is a summary of the 3 steps in Ms. Lee’s Squash and Release Technique:

 • Identify the issue… behind your emotions; determine actions or situations that have caused you discomfort…

• Assess the problem: analyze your actions; make sure you have not done anything to contribute to the problem; be prepared to apologize and change your behavior,

• Confront the conflict: take the necessary actions… schedule a private moment to address the person that is frustrating you or the right time to handle the conflict head on.

Though Ms. Lee prefers face-to-face resolution, she says that you can work through methods you are comfortable with such as calls, letters, or cards, as long as you deal with the situation head on instead of being overwhelmed by negative energy.

Click here to read Ms. Lee’s full article.

Use these links to read my earlier articles on resentment and anger:

Resentment and Anger Management

Anger and Its Residual Effects

Resentment in Your Significant Other

Emotional Healing Parallels Physical Healing

• Self Esteem
• Forgiving Yourself
• Balance in Self Sacrifice and
• Rest

Merton on Self Esteem:

We cannot achieve greatness unless we lose all interest in being great. If we pay too much attention to [our idea of greatness], we will be lured out of the peace and stability…God gave us, and seek to live in a myth we have created for ourselves. We are truly ourselves when we lose the futile self consciousness that keep us constantly comparing ourselves with others in order to see how big we are.

We all seek to imitate one another’s imagined greatness….If I do not know who I am, it is because I think I am the sort of person everyone around me wants me to be. Perhaps I have never asked myself whether I wanted to become what everybody else seems to want to become. Perhaps if I only realized that I do not admire what everyone seem to admire, I would really begin to live after all.

Every man has a vocation to be someone: but he must understand clearly that, in order to fulfill his vocation, he can only be one person: himself…What does this mean? In order to be what we are meant to be, we must know Christ, and love him, and do what he did. Our destiny is in our own hands since God has placed it there, and has given us the grace to do the impossible. It remains for us to take up courageously and without hesitation the work he has given us, which is the task of living our own life as Christ would live it is us.

We can either Love God because we hope for something from Him, or we can hope in Him knowing that he loves us. Sometimes we begin with the first kind of hope and grow into the second.

Merton of Forgiving Yourself

It is true that we make many mistakes. But the biggest of them all is to be surprised at them: as if we had any hope of never making any. Mistakes are part of our life, and not the least important part. It is by making mistakes that we gain experience, not only for ourselves but for others.

My successes are not my own. The way to them was prepared by others. The fruits of my labors are not my own: for I am preparing the way for the achievements of another. Nor are my failures my own. They may spring from the failure of another, but they are also compensated for by another’s achievement. There for the meaning of my life is…only seen in the complete integration of my achievements and failures with the achievements and failures of my own generation.

Merton on Rest

We do not live merely in order to “do something” no matter what…We do not live more fully merely by doing more…On the contrary, some of us need to discover that we will not begin to live more fully until we have the courage to do and see and taste and experience much less…There are times, then, when, in order to keep ourselves in existence at all we simply have to sit back for a while and do nothing. And for a man who has let himself be drawn completely out of himself by his activity, nothing is more difficult than to sit still and rest.

Balance in Self Sacrifice

The saint, therefore, is sanctified not only by fasting when he should fast but also by eating when he should eat. He is not only sanctified by his prayers in the darkness of the night, but by the sleep he takes in obedience to God, who made us what we are. Not only his solitude contributes to his union with God, but also his supernatural love for his friends and his relatives and those with whom he lives and works.

All Quotes are Excerpts from Thomas Merton’s book, No Man Is an Island.

When you look at your life, is your lifestyle one of true enjoyment, solely maintenance, or survivable chaos?

I mentioned recently about the need to “plan for life,” especially when life’s responsibilities appear to be squeezing your dreams out of the picture and life becomes a process solely of maintenance. However, I have been reminded how easy it is for people to believe their lifestyles are intended to be chaotic to be fulfilling.

My spouse has been doing business for the past year with a couple whose lives are in a constant state of chaos — by choice. The one person’s personality lends to feeling that this state of chaos is necessary for a fulfilling life. Both of them, being in a religious environment, either consciously or subconsciously believe that this state of “chaos” is a matter of religious sacrifice or higher calling. Working in religious fields, I’ve seen this concept too often in religious people, and unknowingly lived by that philosophy myself in my 20’s and 30’s. The effects of this barely tolerable lifestyle are already becoming visible in their business decisions, as time for restful meditation is lacking, and in their kids.

If your lifestyle is not one of true enjoyment, the mental perspective needs to be engrained that a healthy, restful way of life is intended by design and necessary for fulfillment.

Jesus expressed God’s design for your life in Matthew 11:28-30, Message translation.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

Several points are interesting in this translation. First, the religious concept of living in a chaotic state of overwork as being somehow spiritual is a false religious concept that will burn you out. Second, living the way God intends for you, a healthy lifestyle with rest and freedom, will enable you to “recover your life,” true life.

Similar thoughts are expressed effectively in the Amplified translation.

Come to Me all you who are…overburdened and I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls…Learn of Me…and you will find rest, relief, ease, refreshment, recreation and blessed quiet…For My yoke is wholesome, useful, good — not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant.

Notice God’s plan of lifestyle is not one that is overburdened. We must remove such religious misconceptions from our minds. His way of healthy lifestyles includes refreshment, recreation, and is not pressing, but wholesome, comfortable, and pleasant.

If your life is one of solely maintenance or what you believed to be “constructive chaos,” it is time to restructure and reorganize. Go back and re-read the Planning for Life post if you have not and make a healthy lifestyle plan. Or, if you made a life plan and you now realize that you created one that is chaotic, take some time this week to re-evaluate and restructure it with refreshment, recreation, wholesomeness, comfort so that you can “recover your life.”

If you are a giver and your giving has left yourself in need, it is time to re-prioritize.

In actuality, all the people you love, those that you have expended yourself to help and sacrificed your own well-being, will be better off after you re-focus on self help! This article by fellow SelfGrowth.com professional, Lori Snyder, covers 10 basic steps for getting back to daily care for yourself.

Lori admits that she herself was so busy with everyone else’s needs that she sidelined her own needs, only to discover that the reality was, by neglecting her own needs and not meeting them first, she was not able to give her best to those she loves. These are brief excerpts from Ms. Snyder’s article. Use the link in the footnote below to read the full article.

1. Start each day filled with gratitude for all that you are…Appreciate the beauty all around you. [I would suggest, at the beginning, to make a list of self appreciation points. If you’ve neglected yourself for a long time, it will be difficult at the beginning to really focus on your own value.]

2. Count your blessings for the people who you love and who love you…They all come, and some go, for a reason.

3. Take a moment of silence for yourself to meditate, and think about what your needs of the day are, and what you would like to accomplish.

4. Be mindful of your health, and incorporate a wellness schedule into your week. Exercise, eat healthy, get enough rest.

5. Look at your goals sheet quickly each week, and evaluate how you are doing with them.

6. Learn new things, research something you have always been interested in. Talk about them with your loved ones.

7. Take the time to give loved ones and friends, a squeezing hug.

8. Come from a positive mindset. This will help you to create a happier state of being.

9. Take time to play. This can be any hobby or activity that you truly enjoy.

10. Do not be afraid to say no to someone…Tell them you still care about their needs, it is just that you cannot do what they ask of you at this time. You can choose to state your reasons for your decision or not.

This ending quote by Lori is both a good summary and challenge:

If your needs are met, you will be in much better spiritual, mental and physical shape to be there for all the people in your life who are important to you. And you will be in a much happier frame of mind to want to support them with their needs.

Please use this link to read Lori Snyder’s full article, Looking Out for Number One. 

Everyone wants to love and be loved; making some small changes can greatly improve your relationships and the quality of your love.

Richard Carlson, PhD, has perfected the art of quick, practical tips to improve your life with his “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series of books. His books have been bestsellers for years. He and his wife co-wrote “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love.” I would recommend this book to anyone, even if you are single, as it will do wonders for your interpersonal relationships. See the ISBN in the footnotes to read his full book.

Here are a few easy-to-understand, easy to implement phrased points from Dr. Carlson’s book for improving the quality of your love:

1. Don’t Do the Same Things and Expect Different Results: That’s an old saying we are all familiar with but it is the same in love relationships. If you know you react negatively in certain situations — overreacting, lashing out, knee-jerk reactions — and then suffer disappointing and negative responses in return, you have to choose to use new responses that will bring healthy results.

2. Avoid Correcting Each Other: This point is not referring to an isolated incident but the habit of publicly correcting the person you love when it is absolutely unnecessary. It is disrespectful and damaging to the relationship. Are not the feelings of the person you love more important than technicalities? Most all people resent being corrected. Unless it is of extreme importance, keep the correction to yourself.

3. Stop Rehearsing Unhappiness: This tip has the power to improve your relationships almost instantly! “Rehearsing unhappiness” is when a thought comes to mind of a past argument and you start replaying it in your mind; before long, all those feelings swarm back. You can also “rehearse unhappiness” by allowing your thoughts to multiply while dwelling on a suspicion or weaknesses in your relationship. It happens so fast that one usually does not realize it is happening. The self-created frustration then gets taken out on your partner. The solution is simple – catch yourself and drop those thoughts.

4. Be Consistently Grateful: Dr. Carlson says that few things nourish a relationship like gratitude and few things doom it like the lack of it. Gratitude keeps your heart receptive to the gifts of life, keeps you feeling satisfied, keeps problems in perspective, and immunizes you from your partner’s little quirks. Develop your attitude of gratitude by taking your focus off what is wrong and replacing it with a focus on what is right.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love , Richard Carlson PhD ISBN#0-7868-8420-7
Points 1-4 were paraphrased from:
1. p. 156
2. pp. 129-131
3. pp. 121-122
4. pp. 146-147