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Everyone wants to love and be loved; making some small changes can greatly improve your relationships and the quality of your love.

Richard Carlson, PhD, has perfected the art of quick, practical tips to improve your life with his “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series of books. His books have been bestsellers for years. He and his wife co-wrote “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love.” I would recommend this book to anyone, even if you are single, as it will do wonders for your interpersonal relationships. See the ISBN in the footnotes to read his full book.

Here are a few easy-to-understand, easy to implement phrased points from Dr. Carlson’s book for improving the quality of your love:

1. Don’t Do the Same Things and Expect Different Results: That’s an old saying we are all familiar with but it is the same in love relationships. If you know you react negatively in certain situations — overreacting, lashing out, knee-jerk reactions — and then suffer disappointing and negative responses in return, you have to choose to use new responses that will bring healthy results.

2. Avoid Correcting Each Other: This point is not referring to an isolated incident but the habit of publicly correcting the person you love when it is absolutely unnecessary. It is disrespectful and damaging to the relationship. Are not the feelings of the person you love more important than technicalities? Most all people resent being corrected. Unless it is of extreme importance, keep the correction to yourself. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Everyone desires to be in better control of achieving the life they desire.

I recently read a post by one of my favorite bloggers, Susan Hanshaw of Sanctuary for Change. Susan just turned 50 and did some re-evaluation which resulted in the realization that she wanted a different level of control in her life now than what she had experienced during her first 50 years.

Here is an excerpt from her post on “How to Take Control of Your Life” with 5 points to make you more effective in that area.

Use the link below to read Susan’s full post:

I pretty much let the energy of life pull me along for my first 50 years…Now I am feeling a lot more motivated to step in and take control. 

How do you take control of your life?

1. Acknowledge that your life needs the same kind of planning that you give your weekends. We all have a lot more power to create awesome lives than we recognize. It starts with direction.
2. Set aside time to focus on what you want to create with your life. Let dreams be born and believed in.
3. Begin every day focused on your vision. Recognize that your attention fuels whatever you focus on. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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We all know that the people we love are more important than any thing or event or responsibility in life.

Though we all know this fact, more often than not we allow life’s busyness to override that knowledge, pushing aside the priorities that are the utmost in importance. I decided this week to check in on a few of my favorite blog authors. I stopped by one of the sites run by Jennifer Jones, a Psychologist and Mental Health Counselor, called The Art of Love and Intimacy. She recently lost her brother to cancer.

Jennifer put up a post very effectively reminding us all of what is important in life, “Love Your Beloved…Let go of the unimportant.”

I’m putting an excerpt here from her post, but please use the link below to read it in full. It is a valuable reminder that we do not hear enough!

It is these very difficult times in life, when we remember what is really important. What is important is not our home, our position, our possessions; it is not who wins a fight, has picked up the laundry, or taken out the trash.

What is important is our loved ones. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Do your efforts to maintain your self esteem cultivate an environment of self worth or defeat for those around you?

Some of the most difficult people with whom to maintain healthy long-term relationships are those who feel that every conflict of opinion is an opportunity to prove that they are “right,” rather than come to a mutual understanding of other people’s points of views. Every disagreement instantly puts them into a “challenge to win” mode, which, unfortunately for the people in the relationships around them, means someone else must first lose. Another person is never allowed to have a different way of doing something because this person’s way is always better, as far as he or she is concerned. We cannot always avoid this type of person, as they may be a required part of the environment at work, home, or other frequented social settings. Today, however, let’s look at this in a more personal way.

Ask yourself, “Am I the type of person whose determination to always win produces an environment of defeat for other people?” Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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There is no need to stay stuck in the misery of a bad day.

I cam across a very practical, helpful article by psychologist and life coach Melissa McCreery with tips to move on from the guilt, anger, hurt, or frustrations of a bad day and get back to the peace and productivity of a positive mindset.

Ms. McCreery says that the secret to thriving is learning how to move forward in spite of bad days.

Here are some excerpts of from Melissa’s article, “How to Recover from a Bad Day:”

1. Give yourself permission to have a bad day. Stop beating yourself up so that you can move on. Let go of blame and guilt, realizing that a bad day does not mean you failed.

2. Ask, “What will I need to let go of to do move on?” You must be willing to stop beating yourself up, feeling miserable (or hurt or angry), drowning your sorrows, or feeling victimized.

3. Decide what do you want to move on TO?   How do you want things to be? How do you want to feel? What do you want your mindset or mental attitude to be?

4. Take a look in the mirror at your posture and facial expressions; make sure you aren’t still carrying your bad day with you. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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 What emotions do you experience when you think of your future?

Take a look at this self-evaluation quote from “8 Steps to Create the Life You Want:”

Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is and what your future holds?…Picture your life twenty years from now. Does your current lifestyle predict that you will be happy and fulfilled, or disappointed and frustrated? Think about it. What does your bank account look like? How much retirement money have you set aside? How much debt do you owe? What are you doing to improve your health and well-being? How is your family really doing? The answers to these questions may be an indication that a few changes need to be made.(1)

Were the emotions you experienced from reading these questions positive or negative? Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Take a few moments to look at this example and write out the activities, people, and environment that will enable you to live your life with purpose.

This is Part 2 of this post. In Part 1, we talked about author Dawna Markova’s insight on Living with Purpose and looked at her “No Matter Whats” list which she developed as an example to help each of us write our own list of how to live lives with passion and purpose. If you did not read Part 1, please click here to read it.

Here is my “No Matter Whats” List:

What are the influences, activities, and people that cause me to live life with energy, fulfillment, and purpose?

No matter what, I need to be living and working in a spacious environment that encourages my creativity and visionary side.

No matter what, I need to be living and working in an environment with garden and ocean views that fill my body with pleasure, health, and energy.

No matter what, I need to live a lifestyle that provides times for prayer, meditation, healthy eating, exercise, relaxation, and friendship so that my mind, spirit, and body are all equally healthy.

No matter what, I need to work privately as an author, but also outwardly, impacting the world, so that all nations of the earth are blessed through me. (Gen.12:3) Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Do you feel that you are living the purpose for which your life exists and enjoying achieving it with passion?   Or do you feel that you are powerless, caught in a habitual life that you do not want?

This past week my brother mentioned to me a book by Dawna Markova. He said she is known for encouraging people to surround themselves with the environment, people, and activities that bring energy into their lives, rather than drain energy from their lives. I have read articles by other authors on that topic, but none by Dawna, so I decided to Google her and find out more. Dawna Markova, Ph.D, is an internationally known speaker and author who encourages people to” learn from our wounds, find our gifts, celebrate our values, and live our dreams to live on purpose and with passion.” One of her most popular books is, “Wide Open: On Living With Purpose and Passion.” She has many other great sounding books, as well as a blog, which you can find at DawnaMarkova.com  .

I also came across an article of Ms. Markova’s called, “Landscape of the Soul.”  She has a great illustration of how one can be trapped in an unfulfilling life of habit. She tells of a science experiment in which baby fish were raised in a small glass tank that was inside a larger glass tank of adult fish. Once the baby fish were grown, the small tank was removed, but the baby fish still would not swim beyond the place where the walls of the small tank had once been. The habit was more real than reality, even though reality provided them with more freedom.

Are you living in a way that develops that best of who you are?

Ms Markova wisely instructs to give thought to the kind of environment you need to bring out the best of the person that you are so that, when you are in a needy, demanding environment, you will not lose your sense of self or purpose. Rather than accept the environment you have been given, or the habitual lifestyle you are in, contemplate and decide what environment, people, and activities you need so that you are living your life’s purpose and, thus, able to live life passionately because your life is purposeful. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Regardless of the stresses you are facing, you have the power to choose your thoughts and, as a result, choose your well-being.

It may seem an illogical and impossible statement, but it is truth none-the-less.  Regardless of your circumstances, you choose your thoughts, and subsequently, your state of mind and personal well-being.  People throughout history have proven it true, usually in circumstances far worse than what most of us will ever experience.

One of my favorite examples is Dr. Viktor E. Frankl, whom I have mentioned before.  He is an Austrian Jew who was sent to a concentration camp with his family during World War II.

We who lived in concentration camps can remember men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.  Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl

Whatever circumstances you are presently you going through, any situations you may yet face, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

Expectation plays a large part in what takes place in your life.

Your expectations are important. Expectation affects your emotions as well as your responses to both people and circumstances. (This is Part 2 on Fear. If you missed the first post, “Is Fear the Center of Your Attention?,” please use this link to read it first.) It is easy to understand that if you are “expecting” a situation to go badly or “expecting” a person to respond to you negatively, you yourself will not speak or behave in the same positive manner as when you are anticipating good. This is how a person, by living according to fears, actually triggers situations to turn out poorly or people to respond to him negatively without even realizing his influence.

Mark Twain said,

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Most of our fearful expectations never take place; however, the consequences of those fearful expectations in one’s physical health, relationships, and reactions to situations still produce negative effects that would not have been there if one was not expecting bad to happen.

When feeling the tendency to fear and expect negative outcomes, choose instead to focus your attention on good possibilities.

If your fearful expectations cause you to interact in a negative way with people and circumstances, then creating less than favorable results, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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As the ideas of economic upheaval, threats and dangers of war, disease, or other factors beyond one’s ability vie for control of your thoughts, where is your attention?

Fear is a major factor of everyday life in the times in which we live. It is a force that one must come to terms with. Fear can control one’s life, altering your every decision. It can change your health due to the stress it creates. It can steal creativity and rational thought. It hinders spiritual receptivity. It is a force that cannot be ignored or it will grow in control and dominate your life.

Make the decision to be in control of your thoughts.

It is vital to control your thoughts, rather than allowing them to have free, random access to your mind – the center of all your decision making. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Your level of confidence is usually directly proportionate to the intensity of drive or motivation to reach your dreams.

We each have probably seen movies in which a main character discovers that he or she has a terminal illness and suddenly chooses to overcome any intimidation or other hindrance that has kept him from fulfilling all those dreams he had of things he wanted to experience in this life. 

Think of all the dreams you would like to achieve between this moment and the conclusion of your life on this earth.  What has held you back?  Sometimes there are financial considerations in play, but many times the hindrance is something as simple as a lack of self esteem; either you fear what other people would think if you did those things or you have fears regarding your abilities.

There is a good historical illustration how major life dreams can be accomplished in spite of one’s self esteem not being at its best.

Most of us are familiar with the account of Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Most people fear change; it is more advantageous to fear the lack of it.

Each of us have areas of our lives in which we need desperately change as well as those in which we greatly desire to see change. It may be in our personal relationships, career, health, spiritual life, or even projected retirement investments. Too often our frustration goes on for years due to one of the main points in the March 2, 2009 post on Reaching Success, “You have to follow through with a plan.”

Wishful thinking, as opposed to vision casting, will only lead to continued disappointment.

To put an end to the disappointment of a lack of change, one must first vision cast (Create a mental image of the changes you want as well as put them in print.) and then act. Wishful thinking will not accomplish anything. Be aware of how dangerous to your fulfilled life are thoughts such as:

I’ll work in this goal when I have more money.
I’ll make these changes when I have more time.
I’ll focus on this need when I have fewer distractions.
I’ll start exercising or eating right next week.

Though none of us would consider ourselves insane, it is beneficial to remember Eistein’s Definition of Insanity, “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

To do what you have always done each day, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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There is an innate desire in each person’s heart to succeed; the key is visualizing the plan.

Often we are hindered from successfully reaching our goals because we never bother to visualize those goals, brainstorm as to how to achieve them, and then actually follow through with the plan. We must visualize, but we must then also act!

Fellow blogger, Susan Hanshaw of Sanctuary for Change shared her comments from a lecture and book by Marc Allen, Author of “The Greatest Secret of All.” Susan summarizes the key points for reaching success:

Twenty four pages into the book, I’ve now come to my own understanding of this great secret. You’ve got to follow the process to make it work for you. Here are some valuable tips from the book for starters:

1. Write your ideal scene on paper, your dream life five years in the future.
2. Recognize that within that scene lies several goals. Write those down.
3. Create a one-page plan for achieving each of your goals.
4. Write your goals as affirmations stated in the present tense.

You may be looking at these four tips, saying to yourself, “I knew that”. You’re right; there’s nothing new here. What is new is up to you. This time, look at this exercise as being as important as your life. It is your life. It’s yours to do what you want with it. Now what will that be?

Please Click Here to Complete Reading Susan’s Full Post on “The Greatest Secret to Manifestation”

Please Click Here to go to Susan’s Blog.

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States of mind or life perspectives are developed in one’s childhood environment and passed down from generation to generation.

I came across a great article on overcoming a poverty mindset by fellow SelfGrowth.com author and business professional, Melissa Zollo. The points in this post are excerpts from a lengthy article. She is a secular author (not religious) but makes many valid points. Please use the link here or below to read Melissa’s full article.

A poverty state of mind will cause you to see, hear, think, feel, and act in alignment with lack.

The Law of Attraction states that your thoughts and feelings create a force field of energy that radiates out from you and draws back into your life people, things, and situations in tune with them. In other words, you become what you believe and feel to be true.

8 Choices You Can Make Today that Will Change Your Habits and Influence Your Life:

Since the direction of our lives is primarily determined by the choices we make each and every day, I am offering you a selection of choices you can make — choices that will assist you in walking the road … the fulfillment of your dreams.

1. Choose a new mental diet. One of the most powerful activities you will ever participate in is uplifting self-talk. Instead of talking about what you are afraid of or worried about, decide to consciously choose words that are consistent with your financial goals.

2. Choose to activate your imagination. [Imagination] assists you to reimage/refocus/rebuild/rethink/ receive!

3. Choose to focus on your dreams and empower yourself. This sounds simple but many people only wish to experience wealth and success. They rarely choose to change their money habits. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »