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This is Part  2 of a tw0 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read it. In Part 1, we covered types of anger, anger’s effects on family relationships and your spiritual life, and more.

6. Other Various Negative Effects

Here are some proverbs that express other negative residual effects from anger:

Leads to evil responses. Ps. 37:8 – Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret– it leads only to evil.

Produces strife and reduces the honor of your reputation. Pr. 20:3 – It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. P. 30:33 – For as churning the milk produces butter, so stirring up anger produces strife.

Keeps you from acting in wisdom and self-control. Pr. – 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Ecc. 7:9 – Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

7. God Encourages Us to Get Rid of Anger.

It is interesting, here, that the list of things to eliminate from our lives are things are usually all associated with anger, or result from anger.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice (Eph. 4:31).
But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Col. 3:8).

When one is in a state of anger, your mind races, imagining all the things you want to say or do to the person Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Anger is an area in which we all can improve. Realizing the residual effects on our spirits and relationships can be motivational.

A reader recently asked about the effects on anger on one’s spiritual life. Let me clarify that we are not referring to the type of anger one feels over injustice, but rather the type that involves fury, rage, bitterness, and malice [ill-will]. As anger effects one’s interpersonal relationships as well as your spirit, let’s take a look at both aspects in this tw0-part post.

1. First, Realize that Anger Over Injustice is not Evil Even by God’s Standards.

Some people feel guilty over any type of anger. This is not correct. We should feel anger over injustice, as it causes us to protect ourselves and those who cannot protect themselves. Jesus Himself experienced anger over injustice. “He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts (Mk. 3:5).” However, even anger over injustice needs to eventually return to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, is a frequent guest speaker for the Family Series event hosted by Bill Hybel.  There are some excerpts of one of his talks. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.” You can listen or watch the full talk by Dr. Cloud at this link (Part VI on their page).

This is a continuation of a 2 part post. If you missed Part 1, use the above series link.

These are paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio. The insights will greatly benefit yourself, your friends, and family.

5. With regard to blended families and step families, how can a parent continue a close relationship with a child who is living with the other re-married parent and both parental roles are already being fulfilled in the child’s life?

This is a painful scenario and there is no way to go through this without feeling some loss. However, the first important step is to remove from your thoughts the concept of “either/or” because you are both in the child’s life. You don’t have control of when you are not there, but you do have 100% control of the relationship you have when you are together with your child. First, if you are nurturing, warm, and positive and do great stuff together, yet have requirements and expectations that he live by your rules, even if the other parent is a non-structure type, kids deep down eventually gravitate toward structure. You will face fights and some “prodigal son” moments, but continue to be the best person you can be in regards to loving and discipline. The child will develop an attachment to you based on that.

The second important point is don’t poison the other relationship with the step parent or the one with your ex. You want the child to have as many Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, is a frequent guest speaker for the Family Series event hosted by Bill Hybel.  There are some excerpts of one of his talks. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.” You can listen or watch the full talk by Dr. Cloud at this link (Part VI on their page).

Here are some paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. We’ll do this in a 2 part post.  Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio.

1. Where do you draw the line between tough love and unconditional love?

There is a problem with this term of “drawing the line.” When we look at God’s personality, His expectations are done in ways that are perfectly loving and honest so He never has to “draw the line” due to having gone too far down an enabling, co-dependent road. With parents, too often we have let the child go too long down a path without consequences until it is at a point where harm will come to them if he (or she does) not get control of himself. It should never get to this point, but if it does, it should be done in a loving way.

As for child discipline, in this culture people often say, “Don’t say ‘No’ to your child; give them choices.” As an adult, one runs into ‘No’s,’ with speed limits, job requirements, etc. Our job as parents is to arrange situations in a way that when they make good decisions then good things happen and when they make bad decisions bad things happen. The goal is to transfer self control to the child. They should grow to the point of being in charge of themselves and feeling, “Oh, I better do it this way so something uncomfortable does not happen.” …we must take a stance that requires them to step into maturity so they are in control and we can finally delegate that job to them.

2. How do you address character issues in marriage? How do you let a spouse know you want more from a relationship without making them feel like a bad spouse?

In response to the first part of the question, most problems are the same in every marriage whether or not it is a good marriage, unless something strange is going on. It is how it is handled that makes the difference. Research shows that you can predict divorce in couples by 90% accuracy if couples (1) are judgmental, critical in giving feedback to each other instead of problem solving and (2) if they have a lot of contempt for the spouse. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Impassioned

How much does guilt and self rejection hold you back from what is most important to you in life?

Do guilty feelings keep you from confidence, happiness, and success? Feelings of guilt or self rejection will usually hold you back from most of what you desire out of life unless you choose to change those mindsets and bring restoration to your confidence and self esteem.

I have been enjoying a book by Brennan Manning called, Abba’s Child; it was a recent gift from a friend. In the beginning of the book, he discusses his own path to overcoming shame and self rejection. He is aware that his own past experiences are so common in the human experience that many people will benefit from the results of his journey to self acceptance and value.

One of the main behaviors that cause a person to live with guilt and self rejection is the habit of projecting his or her feelings of self onto God.

The emotional weight is great when one feels shame or self disapproval of past choices, decisions, or just the person that you are. How much greater is that weight when one convinces himself that his Heavenly Father, his Creator, the most phenomenal being in the universe thinks all the same negative, condemning thoughts about him? Yet, this is a typical thought pattern in the human experience, though we are usually unaware that this is what we are doing.

Usually included in these projected thoughts is the idea that life’s good and bad times signal God’s approval or rejection.

As Manning says, it is easy to feel loved by God when life is going well, all your support systems are in place Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Want to reduce stresses with relatives in your holiday family gatherings?  Here’s a collection of tips from 3 different authors to tell you how.

(This is one of the classic holiday “help” articles– a good reminder for each of us each Christmas/New Year’s season.)

These tips by Connie Ragen Green are excerpts from her holiday stress article, Dealing With The Three Types of Difficult People. Use the link in the footnotes to read her full article.

• The person who won’t stop talking -The best thing you can do for this person is to just listen. See if there are others who will share this listening with you. Try asking them about something that you are also interested in.
• The person who has to be right -The best way to handle this person is to praise them. They will beam like a young child when you compliment them.
• The person who has to be the center of attention – Ask their opinion on something. They will enjoy the chance to tell you what they think and may even have some great ideas.

These tips to minimize your stress while spending holidays with the relatives are excerpts from E.K. Tirado’s article, Three Ways to Cope with Difficult Relatives During the Holidays. Use the link in the footnotes to read the full article.

1) Change what you can, and do not fret about what you can’t change. Too many times the cause of our stress derives from our need to change people Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Do holiday family gatherings bring joy or difficult memories and painful feelings?

I came across a helpful article by fellow SelfGrowth.com author Laurie McAnaugh; here are some excerpts from it to help you overcome the negativity and enjoy your holiday experience. Use the links in the footnotes to read her full article.  (This is one of the classic holiday “help” articles– a good reminder for each of us each Christmas/New Year’s season.)

Ms. McAnaugh discusses that if holidays are emotionally draining to you rather than a time to enjoy remembrances of all you have to be thankful for, you may need to ask yourself the following questions:

-Why do I behave that way when I’m around certain members of my family?

-I don’t always like who I am when I am around that person.

-What is it about that person that they constantly say things that hurt my feelings?

-What is it about me that I allow that person to get under my skin?

If the holidays cause you to have the above thoughts, Ms. McAnaugh encourages you to ponder these questions:

-How would it feel to spend the holidays with each of your family members and still feel good about yourself, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

In each of us is the innate desire to live a life that we truly love.

I recently read a very valuable article which covered many essential aspects of rebuilding your life to be the healthy, effective life that you desire to live. Kim Child’s article featured quotes from 3 life coach experts, footnoted below, to explain how to make lasting changes for a life that you will love. She discovered most effective life makeovers involve starting with (a) small steps, (b) setting boundaries, and (c) reaching out for support. Here are excerpts from the main points in Ms. Child’s article:

First, look at what is already working well in your life.

Even when a person feels like everything in his life must be changed, usually there are some things that are working well which should be noted and appreciated. Life coach Victoria Moran suggests to list 10 things for which you are grateful about in your life each morning before getting out of bed.(1)

Second, take time for prayer, meditation, and/or journaling before the day’s agenda begins.

This is essential to craft a health lifestyle and stay centered [on what is healthful, best, and important] in the midst of change Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

In rejection recovery, realize that negative thoughts cannot be changed without replacing them with positive ones.

This is Part 2 of a 2 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read it first as Part 1 covers the two initial steps for recovering from rejection.

To overcome the negativity that is overrunning your thought life as a result of the rejection, you must actively make yourself think on thoughts that will move you forward to the productive life you should be living. There are 3 main ways to replace thoughts of rejection.

1. Base your value on God’s value of you. With all the beauty that exists in creation, with all the billions of people, God still loves you and considers you precious and honored in His sight (Is. 43:4). Scripture describes that God saw your unformed body before you were born, already knew all the days of your life before it began, and that His thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand–because He thinks so often about you. (Ps. 139:15-18) Throughout the up’s and down’s of life, it is essential that you base your value of yourself on the value God sees in you. This is the only way your value of yourself can remain constant. It cannot be based on people because people come and go in our lives, even if it is by death. Your value cannot be based on your career or other abilities because, one day, you will no longer be able to do those things.

2. Be your own cheerleader. This is a self-help tip that I’ve heard Joel Osteen say many times and it is worth repeating. Every day, get up in the morning and be your own cheerleader. Say good things about yourself to yourself! Speak to yourself about God’s value of you. Throughout the day, remind yourself of your value and your abilities. And, it doesn’t hurt to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why someone would feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke off the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection — and you already know you need to work on that aspect — quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such a way as to allow for healing and reconciliation Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Why does divine revelation appear not to happen for you or others you know?

There are enough hoaxes and error in society to make a person question as to whether or not God really speaks to mankind.  Usually, it does not appear to happen to people we know.  (This is Part 2 of a 2 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read Part 1 which covers why people not expect divine revelation and how Scripture says divine revelation comes. )  First, there is the point mentioned in Part 1 of this post, that if you did not realize that God speaks or reveals truths to mankind, you may have unintentionally “tuned out” the thoughts, not realizing that they were from God, thinking they were just random thoughts of your own.

Second, there is the aspect of expectation. In the very first quote of this post from Ps. 146:5, it says that the God of special revelation is the help of those whose hope or expectation is in God; in other words, a special revelation of help  comes to the person who is expecting it. This is in agreement with a main concept Jesus taught, that “According to your faith it will be done to you (Mt. 9:29).” As in the philosophy of the Law of Attraction, if you are not expecting something good, you will not be aware of the opportunities when they become available. In this case, if you are not expecting God to speak, you would not hear direction from God because your lack of expectation keeps you from listening for it.

How do people get off track with divine revelations?

Your mind can have many Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

The amount of error and/or hoaxes seen in society by all of us are enough to make one question whether or not God speaks to mankind.

Still, the complexity of life makes a person desire someone more powerful, more knowledgeable than himself to look to, interact with, and rely on. I came across a great quote last week regarding this:

Happy, blessed, fortunate, enviable is he who has the God of special revelation for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God. (Ps.146:5, Amp)

It is quite fitting, as a person would be truly happy, blessed, fortunate, and to be envied if he or she has God Almighty providing special revelations of wisdom, insight, and direction to help him/her through life. The Hebrew word here for “hope” means expectation. Not many of us can say that we live in that state, whose “expectation is in the Lord his God of special revelation.”

Why do most people not expect divine revelation?

Other than the apparent faux pas or hoaxes that bring discredit to the concept of divine revelation, the idea I heard most quoted while growing up in religious circles was this one Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

In Part 1 of this post, we discussed, “Does God desire anyone to be poor?”, what God says in Scripture about His view of poverty, and how poverty came into God’s creation.  If you missed Part 1, please use the above Series link to read it first.  Again, it would be impossible to cover the subejct in its entirety here, but we believe this series will give you some clear answers.

Why do so many religions associate poverty with piety?

It is easy to see where the view of poverty and piety developed because any type of crisis usually causes a person to look for help from Someone greater than him or her self. This does not make the crisis good or “from God” just because you need someone else to help you. The religious connection between poverty and piety also came from people seeing people who were wealthy living in ways that were prideful, selfish, and abusive. However, wealth is not in itself evil or make people evil as there are many wealthy people in the world who spend their lives as philanthropists, using their wealth to help the needy.

A multitude of Scriptures show that God does not desire anyone to be poor.

Before you misunderstand that statement, remember that God is our perfect Father. Just as a loving parent would never wish poverty or any other crisis or harm on his or her child, neither does a loving God desire anything harmful on the people who are the focus of His unfailing love. Due to the corruption in the world from the fall of man, poverty can come to a person from so many sources — government corruption, natural disaster, economic collapse, mishandling of money, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

An often asked question by readers is, “Does God desire people to be poor?”

Scripture does address God’s view on poverty. Though I cannot cover all possible aspects of poverty in one post, I think this article will give you some clear answers.

God specifically mentions His watchful care over the poor.

It is important to realize that this is not a matter of favoritism, because God speaks against that and promises His unfailing love to all who seek Him, but a matter of special reassurance. The poor are often neglect or forgotten by the societies in which they live. Anyone who has been in poverty understands the struggles with the feeling of abandonment, hopelessness, and that there is no one who cares. Fully understanding a person’s circumstances, God specifically speaks to remind the poor that He cares, is paying attention, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

You can do a quick self-test for your level of anxiety, fear, or stress.

Performing this test will help you determine how much anxiety, fear, and stress are affecting your life, as well as some of the possible root causes. The official name of the test is the Rhomberg neurologic test and it will immediately show if you suffer from low level anxiety syndrome.

Stand with your feet put together. Then stand on your tips toes. Now close your eyes. If you cannot keep your balance once you close your eyes, you have low level anxiety syndrome. People who pass the test and can keep their balance while their eyes are closed will have an anxiety level of 10 during an immediate fearful situation, but the next day be back to level 1. Those with low level anxiety syndrome stay at an anxiety level or 4 or 5 all the time.

You may recognize these other common physical symptoms associated with low level anxiety syndrome.

People with low level anxiety often have numerous allergies. They are also sensitive to scents such as perfumes or newsprint. Caffeine may keep them up all night. In addition, they are usually very sensitive to even small doses of prescription and over-the-counter drugs.

The source of low level anxiety syndrome is holding on to undesirable emotions.

If you didn’t pass the test and realize that you live in a constant state of low level anxiety, evaluate which of the following undesirable emotions are the source of your anxiety. People who are perfectionists often suffer from low level anxiety. Unresolved bitterness Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »