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There is a simple principle to increase the ability to hear with your spirit. First, however, let’s look at God’s promises to speak both wisdom and direction to us.

(This is an unusual post, but I think you’ll enjoy it.) People often ask me how to hear from God. They want help and direction for their decisions. They desire wisdom and success for their lives. God has promised both:

If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of ]the giving God, Who gives to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given you. Jm. 1:5 Amp

God will give us wisdom liberally regardless of our faults. He obviously wants us to have the benefit of His wisdom.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Is. 30:21 Amp

This is a straight forward promise of clear direction for our decisions.

Since God desires us to have the benefit both of His wisdom and clear direction, any lack of receiving it is a matter of our ability to hear it.

Just as with a pet learning the voice of its new master, we learn to hear God’s voice to our spirits through a simple process of repetition.

In helping people understand how to hear the voice of God in their spirits, I have used the illustration of a lost pet recognizing its owner. The organization which has the lost pet can easily tell if a person is the owner of that pet because the pet will instantly Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Whether a criticism is intended to be harmful or helpful, you can still choose to be in control of how it affects you.

Criticism is similar to many other events in our lives in that we can choose both the extent to which it affects us, as well as the type of outcome it has upon us.

Most of us remember the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Yet, many people carry hurt their entire lives as a result of critical words spoken to them during childhood. While there is some truth to the old saying, the error in it is that words can “never” hurt; yes, they can hurt if we are unaware of the fact that we can choose not to allow them to harm us. This is especially the case during childhood when we are supposed to be in a loving, nurturing environment in which we shouldn’t need to protect ourselves and, hence, haven’t learned how to do so. Once we begin growing and stepping out of our protected environment, we must learn to evaluate critical statements as to whether they have any value and use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth.

A reader asked specifically about dealing with unfounded criticism, so we will also cover that in the process of this post.

First of all, consider the source of the criticism and what you perceive the person’s intent to be.

Did the criticism come from someone that is usually a harmful person by nature? If that is the case, it is most likely Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Negative words from other people may not be as harmful as the negative words you speak to yourself.

I read a great post the other day by fellow SelfGrowth.com expert, Jaqui Duvall, on moving from self-criticism to positive self talk, along with the benefits of it and the how-to’s.  I’m going to give you a few highlights of her article here.  Please use this link or the link below to read Jaqui’s full article, “Proactively Start Your Day with Positive Self Talk.”

Though the old saying about sticks and stones says, “Words will never hurt me,” words do hurt; often, our own words hurt the most.

This is the premise for Jaqui’s article.  The words we speak to ourselves in our minds are often even more harsh and more harmful than the words of other people.  Interestingly enough, she has found that many of her clients admit that they are their own worst critic instead of their own best friend.

There is a common source for this type of inner, self criticism.  Psychologists say that it is directly linked to how we were talked to as children, that we “imitate the parenting we received inside our own heads, continuing the practice of praising, disciplining, etc.”  Any nurturing voice in one’s mind is usually drowned out by the critical ones.  If fear is involved Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

There were several questions submitted by readers which have helpful replies and discussion already made to you in previous posts.

Today we’re going to go through 7 Reader Submitted Questions and give you the links to the articles provided to  bring healing to those life issues.

1. How to Forgive Yourself
   Healing by Forgiving Yourself
   Hold on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure
   
2. How to Deal with Emotional Pain from Betrayal
   Hope for the Betrayed Heart
   Not Allowing Hurt to Stay Central Focus
   
3. Recognizing Love or When a Person Truly Loves You
   Recognizing Real Love Part 1
   Recognizing Real Love Part 2
   Defining Harmful Behavior
   A Love that Isn’t Earned
   
4. How to Follow Through on Goals
   Break Out of the Rut
   Make Room for Restoration
   
5. How to Overcoming Fear and Negative Thoughts
   Practical Ideas for Overcoming Fear
   Relinquishing Fear Video
   Take Charge of Your Thoughts, Take Charge of Your Life
   Better Thoughts for a Better Life
   Making Real Change to Thought, Feelings, or Behavior
   The Necessity of Strength and Courage
   Enforcing Hope in Your Thought Life
   
6. How to Deal with Emotionally Destructive Relationships
   Healing through Overcoming Family Past
   Defining Harmful Behavior
   Responding to Abusive Relationships
   
7. How do You Release Guilt
   Forgetting What God Forgets
   Why Guilt is Unnecessary
   2 Simple Steps to Releasing Guilt
   Healing by Forgiving Yourself Video

Please note that since these are past posts, the Listen Now feature that appears for you to listen on your laptop/desktop or download these archived articles to your iPod or MP3 will not be available as the company only offers it for 1 month after posting.

Reading Level: Leisurely

A couple of readers asked about health problems stemming from past hurts and how positive thinking brings healing, so let’s touch on both today!

There is an endless stream of little things happening everyday which can irritate you if you allow them to, but they are not even worth the negative thoughts and resulting physical consequences.

The first main point here is “little!” For most of us, it is allowing little situations to consistently irritate or worry us that ruin our health. Medical studies have shown that up to 80% of physical illnesses are caused by emotional issues. Some of us may be experiencing health problems due to living in an emotionally and/or physically abusive environment; if that is the case, health cannot come without a change “in” the environment or “of” environments. (If this is your case, please go to the Cloud Tag in the side column and click on “boundary violations” for posts to help you with that type of situation.) The majority of us, however, allow our health to be ruined by instances that actually come down to a matter of our own choice of thoughts. We can be the cause of our own poor health by allowing a multitude of small instances throughout the day to create irritation or anger or worry. Because we allow these negative responses so often, harmful chemicals such as cortisol are continually being released into our bodies. Studies show that cortisol, a chemical released by stress, increases irritability, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and is associated with numerous diseases (1).

The little things that set you off will vary with your personality. For example, what negative thoughts come to mind when:

• someone cuts you off in traffic?
• cuts you off to take the closest parking space?
• a family member spills something on the carpet or furniture?
• the kids start fighting?
• the dog had an accident in the house?
• a co-worker makes a cutting remark about you in front of other staff? Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

We are covering today 6 more Fatherly Characteristics of God. 

Our knowledge of God’s Fatherly Characteristics removes harmful perceptions that we may have carried over from childhood experiences with our own parents and greatly enhances our ability to interact and receive good from Father God.

This is Part 2 of this post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the above link.

Perfect for Us and to Us

God says,

As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. Ps. 18:30

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Mt 5:48

God is a perfect Father. He is not capable of the failings of earthly fathers. The Greek word for perfect, teleios, means, complete in mental and moral character (Strong’s Dictionary of NT Words). Not only are His thoughts and character perfect, but as Ps. 18 says, His ways are also perfect. In other words, God says that His interactions with us are unflawed. This is vital for us to keep in mind. People blame God for so many bad things that happen to them. Does a good parent purposely harm his child? Of course not. Any parent that does is considered to be mentally and morally corrupt. God informs us that He is perfect; there is no flaw in His character or dealings with us.

Giving

God says,

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Impassioned

The characteristics of Father God are deeply moving once one begins to explore them in their full scope.

This post today is in answer to readers’ questions regarding the characteristics or fatherly traits of God. Some of God’s fatherly traits are like those of a good earthly father; others, though similar, go far beyond an earthly father’s abilities. This lengthy list of God’s fatherly attributes as He describes Himself is in no way complete, for the list would probably be endless. Whether you have had mainly negative experiences with your earthly father, which in turn made it difficult for you to interact with God as your Father, or if you had positive paternal experiences as a child, these traits of Father God will be very healing and fulfilling to your mind and spirit.

We are going to explore 10 Fatherly Characteristics of God, 4 in this post (Part 1) and 6 in Part 2.  I trust they will be enlightening and bring healing to your interactions with your Father.

Loving Continually, Abundantly

God says,

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 Jn. 3:1

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. Jer. 31:3.

Just as a good earthly father, God delights in lavishing His love on us, pouring His love into our lives in generous, plentiful, and even extravagant ways.

As your Heavenly Father, God’s love goes far beyond the capabilities of a human father in that His love is everlasting, never-ending.

Compassionate, Comforting, and Loyal

God says,

As a father Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

The results are in on a world-wide study examining the relationship between money and happiness. 

It is the biggest study of its kind, questioning 136,839 people, ages 15 and older in both cities and remote villages from 132 countries.  The study was designed to represent 96% of the world’s population. 

 See the footnotes at the end of the post for links to the full articles with these stats and excerpts.

Can You Discern Happiness Apart from Money?

Researchers say that a main difficulty in past studies on “money and happiness” was that people generally are unable to differentiate between money and happiness.  When asked if they are happy, people evaluate their lives by comparing their income and possessions with other peoples.’  The new study discovered that there is a crucial difference between money’s affect on overall life satisfaction versus one’s day-to-day emotional state.

The key elements to “happiness” or day-to-day positive emotions such as enjoyment, smiling, laughing, were universally shown to result from:

-feeling respected
-being in control of your life (freedom to choose daily activities) Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, recently appeared as a guest speaker in “The 2010 Family.”series by Bill Hybel. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.”

This is a continuation of a 2 part post. If you missed Part 1, use the above series link.

These are paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio. The insights will greatly benefit yourself, your friends, and family.

5. With regard to blended families and step families, how can a parent continue a close relationship with a child who is living with the other re-married parent and both parental roles are already being fulfilled in the child’s life?

This is a painful scenario and there is no way to go through this without feeling some loss. However, the first important step is to remove from your thoughts the concept of “either/or” because you are both in the child’s life. You don’t have control of when you are not there, but you do have 100% control of the relationship you have when you are together with your child. First, if you are nurturing, warm, and positive and do great stuff together, yet have requirements and expectations that he live by your rules, even if the other parent is a non-structure type, kids deep down eventually gravitate toward structure. You will face fights and some “prodigal son” moments, but continue to be the best person you can be in regards to loving and discipline. The child will develop an attachment to you based on that.

The second important point is don’t poison the other relationship with the step parent or the one with your ex. You want the child to have as many Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Bill Hybels is running a series called, “The 2010 Family.”

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors and one frequently quoted on this site, appeared as a guest speaker in “The 2010 Family” series. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.”

Here are some paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. We’ll do this in a 2 part post.  Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio.

1. Where do you draw the line between tough love and unconditional love?

There is a problem with this term of “drawing the line.” When we look at God’s personality, His expectations are done in ways that are perfectly loving and honest so He never has to “draw the line” due to having gone too far down an enabling, co-dependent road. With parents, too often we have let the child go too long down a path without consequences until it is at a point where harm will come to them if he (or she does) not get control of himself. It should never get to this point, but if it does, it should be done in a loving way.

As for child discipline, in this culture people often say, “Don’t say ‘No’ to your child; give them choices.” As an adult, one runs into ‘No’s,’ with speed limits, job requirements, etc. Our job as parents is to arrange situations in a way that when they make good decisions then good things happen and when they make bad decisions bad things happen. The goal is to transfer self control to the child. They should grow to the point of being in charge of themselves and feeling, “Oh, I better do it this way so something uncomfortable does not happen.” …we must take a stance that requires them to step into maturity so they are in control and we can finally delegate that job to them.

2. How do you address character issues in marriage? How do you let a spouse know you want more from a relationship without making them feel like a bad spouse?

In response to the first part of the question, most problems are the same in every marriage whether or not it is a good marriage, unless something strange is going on. It is how it is handled that makes the difference. Research shows that you can predict divorce in couples by 90% accuracy if couples (1) are judgmental, critical in giving feedback to each other instead of problem solving and (2) if they have a lot of contempt for the spouse. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Do you appear to choose compatible dating and marriage relationships only to see them fall apart? Some basic points can ensure your compatibility in your long-term relationships.

I came across a link to a video feed (audio only also) of Bill’s Hybel’s talk on “5 Key Compatiblities to look for to guide you through the tricky process of finding a lifetime partner.” I’ve already shared it with a friend and he benefited immensely. Bill covers such incredibly practical yet easy-to-follow principles for determining your compatibility in a relationship that I wanted to share the basic points and link with you, our readership.

This is a brief summary of the 5 Key Compatibilities but I encourage you to watch/listen to the full talk (link below). You will not be disappointed!

1. Spiritual Intensity and Purpose – Do you seek after God with a similar level of passion? Are your spiritual life — purposes similar? Faith permeates a person’s being and has massive implications in their inner world, changes how they think, behave, love, how they spend spare time, etc. It is a person’s core identity and defines them.

2. Character – You must match equally with your commitment to the same level of character or you set yourself up to face a lifetime of trust-shattering incidents.

3. Emotional Health – There is a long complicated story to each person’s past which must be uncovered thoroughly before you can have any idea of who the other person is. Have each of your you’re your past pains been processed enough to be able to make forward progress in a relationship? If not, it is not the time to feel sorry for someone and try to rescue them. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Impassioned

How much does guilt and self rejection hold you back from what is most important to you in life?

Do guilty feelings keep you from confidence, happiness, and success? Feelings of guilt or self rejection will usually hold you back from most of what you desire out of life unless you choose to change those mindsets, restoring your confidence and self esteem.

I have been enjoying a book by Brennan Manning called, Abba’s Child; it was a recent gift from a friend. In the beginning of the book, he discusses his own path to overcoming shame and self rejection. He is aware that his own past experiences are so common in the human experience that many people will benefit from the results of his journey to self acceptance and value.

One of the main behaviors that cause a person to live with guilt and self rejection is the habit of projecting his or her feelings of self onto God.

The emotional weight is great when one feels shame or self disapproval of past choices, decisions, or just the person that you are. How much greater is that weight when one convinces himself that his Heavenly Father, his Creator, the most phenomenal being in the universe thinks all the same negative, condemning thoughts about him? Yet, this is a typical thought pattern in the human experience, though we are usually unaware that this is what we are doing.

Usually included in these projected thoughts is the idea that life’s good and bad times signal God’s approval or rejection.

As Manning says, it is easy to feel loved by God when life is going well, all your support systems are in place Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

Those in abusive relationships frequently live in a state of confusion and hopelessness or blaming God for not helping them because they are unable to identify why continual destruction takes place in their lives.

Unfortunately, one is usually unaware of how his daily choices, lack of boundaries, and violating of spiritual and natural laws open the doors for harm to repeatedly come to him. Today I want to help you identify areas of your life that may be “opening the door” to harm in your circumstances and relationships. If you can begin seeing where you are violating spiritual boundaries or guidelines that God set up for your own protection, you can avoid the pitfalls, protect your life, and fulfill your destiny.

A person who continually faces destruction in his life often feels that he is being loving “like God” by giving in to controlling people and not having boundaries to protect his life and destiny.

This person often becomes bitter and blames God for the hardships he or she is suffering, but it is not God that has caused these things. God is not just “loving,” He IS Iove itself. There is a difference. He is perfect love and His perfect love includes boundaries, natural and spiritual laws, correction, and justice for the sake of our protection and well-being. To have real love and beneficial results in one’s daily life and relationships, you must implement God’s type of love, a real love that has boundaries and protection built into it.

A person would not blame God for self-imposed harm that came to someone who chose to violate the laws of nature. Yet, whether or not you implement spiritual laws for daily relationships is also a decision to avoid or cause self-imposed harm.

Here is an illustration. If someone chooses to violate the natural law of gravity by jumping off a skyscraper and bringing destruction to his or her physical body, you would not blame God for the result of their choice. God did not do it to them. The person chose to violate a natural law and it resulted in personal harm. God lists in Scripture many practical, daily guidelines (I’m going to call them spiritual laws as compared to laws of nature), which are given to help us be wise in our relationships with people, particularly those who are controlling or potentially harmful to us. People often violate these laws for one of three reasons:

–A lack of knowledge. They have never received instruction on the subject.

–They know about them but mistakenly feel that compromise is a loving choice because it is what the controlling person wants them to do.

–The person is so worn out by surrounding themselves with “leech” type people instead of giving people that they do not have the strength to fight for their personal rights, well-being, and fulfillment of destiny.

By stating the following spiritual guidelines as what should be avoided, it will be easier for you to identify if you already have violations of these spiritual guidelines affecting your relationships with people, and make changes necessary to bring restoration to your life. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

Have you ever wished for a plan of action to get out of the abusive relationships in your life?

There is a step by step plan in an exceptional article written by Dr. Joseph Carver, Psychologist, explaining how to free yourself from controlling people and/or abusive people. Dr. Carver says that most people fail trying to get out of abusive relationships because “they leave suddenly and impulsively, without proper planning, and without resources.” Dr. Carver is a reputable psychologist whose articles on Love and the Stockholm Syndrome and the article we will discuss in this post are used by counseling groups across the globe.

Dr. Carver says that there are 3 necessary stages in freeing yourself from abusive and controlling people: The Detachment, Ending the Relationship, and the Follow-up Protection. These are only brief, paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Carver’s article. Please use the link here or below to read his article in full so that you have all the practical steps, information, and confidence you need to free yourself and start over on a new healthy path to a life that fulfills the God-given destiny for your existence!

Stage 1: The Detachment

-The abuser will have caused you isolation by methods such as controlling the finances, modes of transportation, etc. Pay attention to methods the controller is using to isolate you from freedom and help.

- Gradually become more boring, talk less, and share less feelings. The goal is to lessen the abuser’s emotional attachment to you.

- Quietly contact your family and friends to determine who can provide a place to stay, protection, financial help, etc. [An added note, only contact those who will keep your plans absolutely confidential.]

- If you fear violence or abuse, check local legal or law enforcement options.

- Slowly remove your valuables from the home. You may lose some personal items.

- Stop arguing. Stop defending and explaining yourself. Express that you are too stressed or confused to know why you are doing anything anymore. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

In each of us is the innate desire to live a life that we truly love.

I recently read a very valuable article which covered many essential aspects of rebuilding your life to be the healthy, effective life that you desire to live. Kim Child’s article featured quotes from 3 life coach experts, footnoted below, to explain how to make lasting changes for a life that you will love. She discovered most effective life makeovers involve starting with (a) small steps, (b) setting boundaries, and (c) reaching out for support. Here are excerpts from the main points in Ms. Child’s article:

First, look at what is already working well in your life.

Even when a person feels like everything in his life must be changed, usually there are some things that are working well which should be noted and appreciated. Life coach Victoria Moran suggests to list 10 things for which you are grateful about in your life each morning before getting out of bed.(1)

Second, take time for prayer, meditation, and/or journaling before the day’s agenda begins.

This is essential to craft a health lifestyle and stay centered [on what is healthful, best, and important] in the midst of change.(1)

Third, it is importance to focus on a daily plan of nutrition and exercise.

Moran refers to this as “taking care of the vehicle,” saying, “Regardless of what you want in life, you have to get it in this physical body…You’re not going to have a very good shot at changing your attitude and thinking positive thoughts if those thoughts have to be filtered through a brain that is living on junk food and doesn’t have enough oxygen because you don’t exercise.(1)

Fourth, once one has begun to make positive changes, he needs to clean up the environment in which the old, self-destructive habits flourished. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »