Table of contents for The Effects of Anger

1. Anger and Its Residual Effects Part 1
2. Anger and Its Residual Effects Part 2

This is Part  2 of a tw0 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read it. In Part 1, we covered types of anger, anger’s effects on family relationships and your spiritual life, and more.

6. Other Various Negative Effects

Here are some proverbs that express other negative residual effects from anger:

Leads to evil responses. Ps. 37:8 – Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret– it leads only to evil.

Produces strife and reduces the honor of your reputation. Pr. 20:3 – It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. P. 30:33 – For as churning the milk produces butter, so stirring up anger produces strife.

Keeps you from acting in wisdom and self-control. Pr. – 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Ecc. 7:9 – Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

7. God Encourages Us to Get Rid of Anger.

It is interesting, here, that the list of things to eliminate from our lives are things are usually all associated with anger, or result from anger.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice (Eph. 4:31).
But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Col. 3:8).

When one is in a state of anger, your mind races, imagining all the things you want to say or do to the person or what ill-will you wish towards them. God instructs, as part of anger management, to still your mind and spirit so you can hear direction and wisdom of God for proper response. Stilling your mind is necessary to avoid harmful responses.

In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent (Ps. 4:4).

8. Even the Emotion of Anger Over Injustice Must Eventually Subside.

Even over injustice, you must move past anger because it’s affect on your perspective. The extreme emotions of anger create a view toward revenge, malice, bitterness and unforgiveness. These are harmful to yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (Jm. 1:19,20).

Anger’s negative effect on your relationship with God causes you not to live as He desires you to live. You will be acting on wrong motivation and wrong emotional responses.

9. God’s Example With His Own Anger

God Himself sets an example of (1) being slow to become angry and (2) quick to get over it. This is even in the case of injustice, because, obviously, God’s anger is only in response to evil and injustice.

The LORD is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet He does not leave the guilty unpunished (Num. 14:18).
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime (Ps. 30:5)
He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever (Ps. 103:9)

1o. Guidelines for our Responses.

There could be a large list here, but I’ll keep it to a few short principles. First, as anger and all it entails is related to a corrupt mind, as God states in this next quote, He urges us to flee or leave behind that type of lifestyle and run to a life that is characteristic of the nature of God.

He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between men of corrupt mind. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness (1 Tim 6:4,5,11).

We should make it a personal policy to speak slowly and softly when tempted to respond in an outburst of anger.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Pr 15:1).

Again in this passage below, God urges us to be completely enveloped or “clothed” with His divine nature. (You have to visualize the clothing worn in the culture at the time this was written-covered from head to toe.) This includes forgiveness, so that your own spirit and emotions are not harmed. Forgiveness does not mean giving in to evil people. Forgiveness takes place in your own spirit. If you missed the post on Forgiveness or Reconciliation – Understanding the Difference, follow the link.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts (Col 3:12-15).

God desires peace to rule in your spirit, as well as in your relationship with Him and other people. Free your life from the residual effects of anger. Still your mind, forgive, and envelope yourself in His nature!

Table of contents for The Effects of Anger

1. Anger and Its Residual Effects Part 1
2. Anger and Its Residual Effects Part 2

Anger is an area in which we all can improve. Realizing the residual effects on our spirits and relationships can be motivational.

A reader recently asked about the effects on anger on one’s spiritual life. Let me clarify that we are not referring to the type of anger one feels over injustice, but rather the type that involves fury, rage, bitterness, and malice [ill-will]. As anger effects one’s interpersonal relationships as well as your spirit, let’s take a look at both aspects in this tw0-part post.

1. First, Realize that Anger Over Injustice is not Evil Even by God’s Standards.

Some people feel guilty over any type of anger. This is not correct. We should feel anger over injustice, as it causes us to protect ourselves and those who cannot protect themselves. Jesus Himself experienced anger over injustice. “He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts (Mk. 3:5).” However, even anger over injustice needs to eventually return to a less emotional state of reasoning, but we will discuss that later in the post.

2. The Type of Anger that has Negative Residual Effects is Associated with Rage.

The Greek words used for “anger” in Scripture contain the ideas of being provoked, enraged, exasperated, full of wrath and vengeance, and violently emotional. (Strong’s Dictionary of New Testament Words.) This is the kind of anger that is irrational and so overrun by emotion that it acts without thinking through the consequences of its actions. It includes thoughts of malice-desiring harm or other negative situations to come to the other person.

3. Holding on to Anger Corrupts Your Spirit.

Some people are prone to frequent bursts of anger that are short-lived; however, many of us hold on to anger. The irrational rage-type of anger is harmful to your spirit and relationships either way, but holding on to anger causes a great deal of internal harm, emotionally and to your spirit. Take a look at these quotes:

Be made new in the attitude of your minds…In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold (Eph 4:23,26,27).

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many (Heb 12:14,15).

Holding on to anger has negative residual effects on your spirit. According to these quotes, it “gives the devil a foothold” or keeps an open door in your spirit to evil forces. It causes bitterness which will defile your spirit and can actually harm one’s eternal destiny, as the defiling of one’s spirit or lack of holiness can cause one to not “see the Lord.”

4. Anger Harms Family Relationships that You are Spiritually Responsible For.

Your Children
Scripture says that attitudes or actions that are hard on your children or exasperate your children-depending on the translation, actually break their spirits and bring discouragement.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, or they will become discouraged. OR
Fathers, do not be hard on your children, so that their spirits may not be broken (Col. 3:21).

Your Spouse
In this passage, God is speaking to husbands, but the principle goes both directions. It specifically says that treating your partner with a lack of respect, which anger does, hinders your prayers. If it is harmful enough in God’s eyes to hinder your prayers, it is obviously a matter that is harming your partner.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect…and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Pet. 3:7).

5. Anger Negatively Affects Fasting and Prayer

In part of Jewish history, the people were complaining to God for not answering their prayers even after they had devoted themselves to fasting. God goes through a list of their behavior that caused Him not to respond to their prayers and fasting. Part of that behavior that hinders God’s responses to you is anger, referred to here specifically as “quarreling and strife.”

“Why have we fasted,” they say, “and you have not seen it?”…Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high…Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke [bondage]? (Is. 58:3,4,6)

This is Part 1 of a two-part post.  In Part 2, we will discuss other effects of anger, overcoming anger, and guidelines for our responses.

I came across a study by Dr. Harry K. Wong that has beneficial insights on how food allergies can cause intestinal diseases due to the intestinal track damage they create over time.  The article made a great deal of sense considering the people I know with these ailments have not found relief from conventional medical treatments.  If one’s intestinal disease is food allergy triggered, then the problem would continue without relief until the food allergies are dealt with.

Be aware that many people are unaware of any allergic reaction to food allergies.

In my own experience, I discovered that a person can have food allergy reactions and not notice a reaction.  Over time, especially when there has been has been an overload of stimulus from an allergen, the body stops reacting to it in a noticeable way.  My doctor explained it to me this way.  The first time you put a ring on, your mind is consciously aware of the feeling.  Eventually, because of the constant stimulation of those nerves, the body tunes it out.  Those nerves are still working, still being affected by the pressure of the ring, but you are mentally unaware of it.  Dr. Wong also discusses that your immune system can be so overwhelmed by the allergen that it’s literally giving up and not producing many antibodies.

How do food allergies cause intestinal diseases?

Dr. Wong describes:

Food allergies can be acquired because the gut becomes “leaky” and undigested foods enter the blood stream causing an antibiotic reaction.  Thus you have acquired food allergies. This is why rotation of foods (eating different types of foods consecutively) minimizes these acquired sensitivities. This is the most dangerous and insidious sensitivity because if you are allergic to Gliadin [a protein in the gluten of several bread flours], it slowly erodes and damages the intestinal tract. This process can take decades to occur leading to: Celiac disease, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Crohn’s Disease, liver toxicity, adrenal stress, and even other food allergies.(1)

According to Dr. Wong, food allergies can create a variety of symptoms such as:

-fatigue
-muscle pain
-fibromyalgia
-lack of vitality
-stomach pains
-bloating
-bowel pains
-diarrhea
-constipation (1)

Discovering Food Allergies

Though there are a variety of blood and saliva tests for allergies, Dr. Wong specifically recommends a salivary IgA, IgM test for Gliadin, Milk Proteins, Soy, Rice and Corn.  This type of test shows the quantity of antibodies in your intestinal tract.  You will show antibodies to those foods if you are allergic to them.(1)

My doctor uses a type of testing done through acupressure (not acupuncture—no needles, just hand pressure) developed by a doctor from India, Dr. Devi S. Nambudripad, who herself suffered from severe allergies.  It is quick, painless, involves no lab work, and can be done in about 15 minutes.  Once the food allergy is identified, the food must be avoided for 25 hours.  A short series of pressure points in the body are adjusted and that is it.  My aunt had immediate, severe allergic reaction to wheat products her whole life.  She was about 70 when she had this test and treatment in one doctor’s appointment and is now allergy free.  Several friends and family members have also experienced great success from this technique called NAET.  You can click here to go to the Doctor Search page on Dr. Nambudripad’s site.  It opens to the search for North America, but if you hover over the link in the left column of her site that says, “Find a Practitioner,” you will see the links for the Doctor Searches for South America, Europe, Asia, and Africa. 

You may also just want to Google your city name and NAET, as there are many doctors trained in it who are not listed on Dr. Nambudripad’s site.  We know 2 doctors locally who have took the training but developed and now use a modification of her technique so they are not listed on her site.  If these searches do not help you, you could also try calling kinesiologists or chiropractors in your area and ask if they do the NAET testing.

What is the hope for recovery from allergy triggered intestinal diseases?

Obviously, recovery time will vary with the individual depending one’s overall health and the extent of the damage.  However, Dr. Wong says that even in people with Gliadin sensitivity, a person removing the trigger foods from his or her diet will feel better within a couple of weeks and typically sees healing in the gut in 3 to 6 months.(1)  I would assume that it would be a similar recovery time for those cured of allergies through the NAET treatment, though the people I know personally who have been cured through it were experiencing other chronic symptoms, not chronic intestinal trouble.

For those of you interested in following up on possible recovery through these non-invasive methods, I want to direct you to one last part of Dr. Wong’s article.  He has a paragraph discussing treatment for those who become ill after experiencing a great recovery from Gliadin removal in their diets due to parasites in the damaged intestinal parts.  Take a look at that so you will be aware of the symptoms and treatment if you experience it after recovery.

1. Click here to read Dr. Harry K. Wong’s full article on Food Allergies Triggering Crohn’s Disease, Celiac, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), and other Intestinal Diseases.

Fellow SelfGrowth.com expert, Cassandra Lee– speaker, coach, and author– posted an article describing her personal technique of dealing with resentment and anger.  I wanted to share a few excerpts from the article with you as well as give you a link to the full article.

Ms. Lee describes the need to analyze your actions, discover the source, and confront the issue at hand for resolution.

In her article, Ms. Lee describes a situation with a friend that caused her anger and resentment.  The friend was unaware that his actions created these negatives, but in Ms. Lee’s mind, the situation grew until, when she saw him 2 days later, she treated him so coldly that they did not speak to each other for a month.  This is a quote about her technique to deal with resentment and anger:

“Squash and Release” is a technique that allows me to discover the REAL issue at hand; analyze my actions that may have caused the issue to arise; and confront the issue through discussion, apology or whatever steps necessary for me to squash my anger and release my resentment.”

In a self-evaluation, Ms. Lee asked her self these questions:

-Had I done anything to cause the issue?

-Did my attitude make the situation worse?

-Was he really being insensitive?

-Was I overreacting?

Once Ms. Lee decided that she had overacted and strained the relationship due to not feeling secure in her friend’s concern over her well-being, she explained, apologized, and healed the friendship.  The situation did not recur because her friend now knew to respond in a way that made her feel secure and she made sure not to make assumptions.

Here is a summary of the 3 steps in Ms. Lee’s Squash and Release Technique:

 • Identify the issue… behind your emotions; determine actions or situations that have caused you discomfort…

• Assess the problem: analyze your actions; make sure you have not done anything to contribute to the problem; be prepared to apologize and change your behavior,

• Confront the conflict: take the necessary actions… schedule a private moment to address the person that is frustrating you or the right time to handle the conflict head on.

Though Ms. Lee prefers face-to-face resolution, she says that you can work through methods you are comfortable with such as calls, letters, or cards, as long as you deal with the situation head on instead of being overwhelmed by negative energy.

Click here to read Ms. Lee’s full article.

Use these links to read my earlier articles on resentment and anger:

Resentment and Anger Management

Anger and Its Residual Effects

Resentment in Your Significant Other

Emotional Healing Parallels Physical Healing

In one of his newsletter articles, Dr. Joseph Mercola explained the results of these different studies. Use this link here or the footnote at the end of the post to read his full article.

The key factor resulting from the studies that Dr. Mercola brings out is that it is the lowering of insulin levels as a result of calorie restriction which helps to extend one’s life.

Calorie restriction equals lower insulin levels. On the reverse side, high insulin levels speed up the aging process. Though eating fewer calories overall does affect most people’s longevity, even more important is that the foods you are eliminating are ones that raise your insulin levels, such as sugar and grains. Dr. Mercola says that beverages with high fructose corn syrup are devastating to your insulin resistance; sodas with high fructose corn syrup are the number one source of calories in the US.

One research on people who lived to be over 100 focused on the type of food which lowered insulin levels as centenarians have lower blood glucose than those who die younger.

Fats: The diet surprisingly included unlimited amounts of these fats and oils:

•  Raw nuts and seeds
•  Avocados
•  Olives
•  Olive oil

Proteins: Centenarians participating in the research who did not exercise were limited to protein intake of 1 gram per kilo of body mass per day; those who exercised were allowed 1.25 grams/kg of body weight per day, approximately 50 to 80 grams of protein per day for most participants. Proteins allowed were:

•  Fish, sardines, and other seafood
•  Eggs
•  Tofu
•  Chicken and turkey
•  Wild game
•  More in link below

Carbs: Only non-starchy, fibrous vegetables were allowed:

•  Lettuce and other greens
•  Broccoli and cauliflower
•  Cucumbers
•  Mushrooms
•  Onions
•  Peppers
•  Sprouts
•  Asparagus
•  Seaweed

Sugars: Participants limited their beverages to six to eight 8oz glass of water and/or herbal tea daily. No sugary sodas or even fruit juices.

Dr. Mercola cautions that we’re all different in our nutritional needs. For discovering your nutritional type, he has a free optimized nutrition plan.  He also believes that some protein sources used in the study are unhealthy. However, Dr. Mercola believes the key result of the research to be that the elimination of starch carbs created major health benefits for all participants in the study.

Specific notable health results were 40% lower insulin levels and 50% reduced triglyceride/HDL ratio.

For more details on health benefits, food lists, and nutritional supplements used in the study, see Dr. Mercola’s full article here.

Table of contents for Relationship Issues Q&A

1. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1
2. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 2

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, is a frequent guest speaker for the Family Series event hosted by Bill Hybel.  There are some excerpts of one of his talks. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.” You can listen or watch the full talk by Dr. Cloud at this link (Part VI on their page).

This is a continuation of a 2 part post. If you missed Part 1, use the above series link.

These are paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio. The insights will greatly benefit yourself, your friends, and family.

5. With regard to blended families and step families, how can a parent continue a close relationship with a child who is living with the other re-married parent and both parental roles are already being fulfilled in the child’s life?

This is a painful scenario and there is no way to go through this without feeling some loss. However, the first important step is to remove from your thoughts the concept of “either/or” because you are both in the child’s life. You don’t have control of when you are not there, but you do have 100% control of the relationship you have when you are together with your child. First, if you are nurturing, warm, and positive and do great stuff together, yet have requirements and expectations that he live by your rules, even if the other parent is a non-structure type, kids deep down eventually gravitate toward structure. You will face fights and some “prodigal son” moments, but continue to be the best person you can be in regards to loving and discipline. The child will develop an attachment to you based on that.

The second important point is don’t poison the other relationship with the step parent or the one with your ex. You want the child to have as many positive relationships as possible.

Third, have a transcendent desire, one that transcends any wounds, and can come together to work on what is best for the kids. It is so easy to get caught up in rehashing old hurts and wants. You can still come together, agreeing that “These are our issues. We will never get along on these points, otherwise we would still be married.” Then carve out a space where you can come together solely to work on what is best for the children.

6. What is your advice for a couple whose interests are so different that they never spend any time together?

Something is wrong if you only spend time pursuing your own personal tastes/interests. There are vital things in life that we all should be interested in, unless we are living a life only to ourselves, an ego-centric life that does not transcend our own interests. You and your spouse should be involved in some universal interests, like reaching out to the poor or extended family, doing activities with your kids, community service involvement, spiritual activities at the church. So, first find universal things to be involved in that have nothing to do with person tastes.

Second, move past your own interests to the interests of others [in your mindset and lifestyle]. Cross the fence and become of student of your spouse’s heart, mind, soul, strengths, and passions. [Dr. Cloud then gave the example of a man who hated art but loved going to his wife’s art exhibits because he realized he was able to see another part of her, a part of her life’s passion and talents that he could not see otherwise; it was another part of her person that he could fall in love with as he immersed himself in watching her in her element.

7. As a clinical psychologist, what are some of the key elements to get right with our families?

If you do the most important one, most of the others will fall into place. Go back to the original design of how God designed marriage to work. The formula God gave of leaving parents, cleaving to your spouse, and becoming one [Gen.2:24] contains life-changing dynamics.

The leaving must take first before the cleaving. When a person doesn’t do the “leave” part, it is because of not wanting to stand up to the parent’s control issues–wanting [the grown child] to stay forever or wanting intrusion rights– or because [the grown child] is still in a dependency relationship with the parent emotionally, financially or desiring approval. The Hebrew word for leave is brutal; it means utterly forsake. This does not mean to abandon your parents, because we are supposed to have intergenerational ties and relationships. However, what you forsake is that child role from your family of origin; be an adult and now cleave to your spouse.

The next step in the formula is two whole people become one. The oneness is created by two whole people coming together. Here is the typical problem, though; if you are not a complete person as an adult, if you are a half person looking for another half person to make a whole, ½ x ½ = ¼! When we bring brokenness into brokenness, we get reduced to less of a person than we were to begin with and we just want out so that the pain will stop.

To make a relationship work, the key is that both spouses must be on a path to become whole, mature, complete people. It does not mean perfect people, but that you’ve worked out the stuff so [when a crisis occurs], you don’t whine like a two year old; you get up and solve the problem. Men need to be in groups of men who will give them the support they did not get from their families of origin, and the same with women, see your [counselor] or whatever you have to do so that both people are becoming whole persons and then establish a family, and pass that wholeness on. This is the best thing you can do.

Last , you’ve got to have a strategic plan for your family and do it with intention. The rule of life is that the urgent will always crowd out the vital. Carve out purposeful times that are going to be reserved for you, and for the support groups. We also have a family meeting every week where we talk about “What can we do better this week? What do we want you to do better this week? What do you want us to do better this week?” We are working on things and we’re growing together. When you do that, if you are getting good information and you are growing, you are going to succeed.

To make full use of the vital information Dr. Cloud has provided, please use this link to watch the video or audio. Click Part VI on their play list.

Table of contents for Relationship Issues Q&A

1. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1
2. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 2

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, is a frequent guest speaker for the Family Series event hosted by Bill Hybel.  There are some excerpts of one of his talks. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.” You can listen or watch the full talk by Dr. Cloud at this link (Part VI on their page).

Here are some paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. We’ll do this in a 2 part post.  Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio.

1. Where do you draw the line between tough love and unconditional love?

There is a problem with this term of “drawing the line.” When we look at God’s personality, His expectations are done in ways that are perfectly loving and honest so He never has to “draw the line” due to having gone too far down an enabling, co-dependent road. With parents, too often we have let the child go too long down a path without consequences until it is at a point where harm will come to them if he (or she does) not get control of himself. It should never get to this point, but if it does, it should be done in a loving way.

As for child discipline, in this culture people often say, “Don’t say ‘No’ to your child; give them choices.” As an adult, one runs into ‘No’s,’ with speed limits, job requirements, etc. Our job as parents is to arrange situations in a way that when they make good decisions then good things happen and when they make bad decisions bad things happen. The goal is to transfer self control to the child. They should grow to the point of being in charge of themselves and feeling, “Oh, I better do it this way so something uncomfortable does not happen.” …we must take a stance that requires them to step into maturity so they are in control and we can finally delegate that job to them.

2. How do you address character issues in marriage? How do you let a spouse know you want more from a relationship without making them feel like a bad spouse?

In response to the first part of the question, most problems are the same in every marriage whether or not it is a good marriage, unless something strange is going on. It is how it is handled that makes the difference. Research shows that you can predict divorce in couples by 90% accuracy if couples (1) are judgmental, critical in giving feedback to each other instead of problem solving and (2) if they have a lot of contempt for the spouse.

To answer the second part of the questions, the best way to talk without making the other person feel bad is to talk about what you both want in the relationship that is positive. Express how their behavior is affecting what you both want…By talking about how the behavior’s negatively affecting what you both want out of the relationship, you are not saying they are a bad person but that the situations are negatively affecting what is important to them. If you’ve been unable to make these changes on your own [as a couple], you should probably talk to a counselor or pastor, too.

3. How do I balance time between work, family, friends, hobbies, etc?

Technology has created more difficulties in this area. Before, work had walls and time boundaries. Now we bring it home. If “life” is not protected, than life will not happen. [Dr. Cloud has a book on this topic, “The One Life Solution.”] A main quote of mine is “Follow the misery and make a rule.”

It is similar to God’s rule for the Sabbath, that there should be a protected, designated time, sometime during the week, for rest. Studies show that your brain needs downtime to grow new neuro-pathways. Couples need to talk about “Where is this not working for us?” and set some boundaries, protect your relationships. Examples, no work at home or no work email at home, set weekly date night with no kids, set weekly family meeting. If you do not put the vital things of life into protective structures, something will always get in the way.

4. How can one trust again after having experienced repeated unfaithful spouses?

First, this is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. But if you have consistently had this experience, before marrying again, you may want to check your “people picker.” Bad people do “happen” to good people, but sometimes we make it easier for it to happen with our blind spots. Go through a good divorce recovery and see why you choose self-absorbed or unfaithful spouses and why you don’t recognize it earlier on in the relationship. We sometimes come into marriage lacking wholeness. We may have parts of us that are inaccessible to bring into the relationship or we do not have the skills to handle hurts that happen. Marriage needs to be a place to bring all of yourself. When you are hurt, you are able to bring that hurt and resolve it instead of take it someplace else. Or, when your needs are not being met, you also show up with your conflict resolution skills and work it out…When you get something immature from your spouse, don’t be overcome by that. Do not let them regress you..if you don’t have that in you, get a support group so that you can take health into the relationship. (Use the link below to hear Dr. Cloud input on if you want to restore a relationship broken by unfaithfulness.)

We will continue with more paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s relationship question and answer session in Part 2 of this post. To make full use of the vital information Dr. Cloud has provided, please use this link to watch the video or audio. Click Part VI on their play list.

If you missed Bill’s Hybel’s talk on “5 Key Compatiblities” to look for to guide you through easy-to-follow principles for determining your compatibility in a relationship, be sure to read it for your own benefit and that of your friends and family. Good information for everyone! This talk is Part II in their media player list.

In my area of work, I come across many people in emotional pain created by a wide variety of circumstances.  Each of us, at some point during life, go through periods when we feel oppressed, almost crushed by the weight of the circumstances.  In Scripture, Paul talked about his feelings in such circumstances,

We are pressed on every side, yet not crushed; perplexed, yet not to despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, yet not destroyed. (2Cor.4:8)

Since we each face “crushing” circumstances at times, it would definitely be beneficial to be able to go through them as Paul did, not denying the gravity of the situation, but not allowing the situation to destroy him emotionally. Paul’s faith, or hope, kept him from losing heart in trying times.  Faith is defined in Scripture as not only believing God exists, but that He responds positively to those who seek Him. (Heb.11:6)

It is knowledge of the nature of God that gives one hope during times of brokenness or oppression.

It is the difference between knowing without a doubt that someone cares about you and what is taking place, especially Someone with greater abilities and resources, as opposed to feeling there is no one to care at all.  Jesus purpose while on earth, other than the plan of salvation, was to illustrate in living form the nature of God to us.  Listen to this quote of how He did that:

Jesus…with the Holy Spirit and with strength and ability and power…went about doing good curing all who were harassed and oppressed. (Acts10:38 Amp)

Jesus both illustrated the nature of God to bring us out of oppressing circumstances and broken hearts, but proclaimed it to be a part of God’s nature.

This is a quote of Jesus speaking to those who are broken hearted, oppressed, and crushed by calamity:

Father God has anointed Me to send forth as delivered those who are oppressed, who are downtrodden, bruised, crushed, and broken down by calamity, to proclaim the year of the Lord, the day when salvation and the free favors of God profusely abound. (Lk.4:18,19)

Notice a couple of points from this quote:

 -It is God’s desire to help you and bring you out of that hurtful situation, ie. “send forth as delivered”

 -God wants you to not try to handle the hurt yourself, but look to Him for help, as is meant by the references to God’s intervention, “year of the Lord,” and the “day of salvation.”

 -The type of help God wants to give you is not minimal, but “profusely abounding,” or more than you would expect to receive.

Looking at this quote a little more closely brings an even greater realization of how personally involved God wants to be in your circumstance.

I decided, for my own benefit, to look up the definitions of certain words in the Greek, since this passage was originally written in Greek.  The term “year of the Lord” actually means “a whole new age (1).”  Through Jesus, God proclaimed a whole new age of His involvement in your life.  What is this involvement like? 

First, it is continuous.  The Greek word for day in this passage means, “perpetually present,” or continuously present. In this whole new age, God’s help is continuously present to deliver you, and bring you profuse salvation and free favors.

Second, the word for salvation includes deliverance, provision, rescue, aid (1).  God’s perpetually present help brings you whatever you need in your oppression and broken heartedness.

Third, though many people who seek after God still struggle with the question of whether or not God will help them or whether they can possible earn His help, the phrase “free favors” is defined as unmerited gifts (1)!  No, you do not need to struggle under condemnation feeling that you must try to earn God’s help and still fall short; God has proclaimed to you that the help in your crushing circumstance is an unearned gift!

Let’s look at a paraphrase of this quote, including the Greek definitions:

Father God has anointed Me to send forth as delivered those who are oppressed, who are downtrodden, bruised, crushed, and broken down by calamity, to proclaim to you the whole new age of the Lord, the perpetually present time when salvation – deliverance, provision, rescue, aid — and unmerited gifts from God profusely abound.

You can be free from emotional harm though dealing with life’s oppressive circumstances. 

Hope is there for you, as it was for Paul, to be hard pressed, yet not crushed, not in despair.  The realization that God, through Jesus, announced a whole new age of God’s continual offer of profuse unearned gifts, deliverance, provision, rescue, and aid for you!  Believe His offer!  Ask Him for what you need in your circumstance!  Look for the answers with expectancy!

1. Strong’s Dictionary of Greek New Testament Words

 Most of us have probably used acidophilus supplements, or more specifically, lactobacillus acidophilus.  However, now there are more choices of probiotics on the market than ever, in a wide variety of price ranges, and in an even greater variation of bacteria amounts.  Does it really matter which you take?

 You will want to make an informed decision based on your personal need, such as are you wanting to just supplement a basically healthy digestive tract, or are you wanting a supplement to relieve and heal digestive issues.  I have used plain L acidophilus as well as some inexpensive probiotic combinations from Walmart.  If you have tried them, you, too, probably noticed an overall good experience of just feeling that your stomach is more settled, digesting easier, and less bloated after eating.  These simple inexpensive types are fine for those who feel that their digestion is healthy.

 Why would someone with good digestion want to take any probiotics at all? 

 As the digestive enzymes that occur naturally in foods are mostly destroyed by cooking, and many cultures eat too high a percentage of cooked food to maintain a good level of natural probiotic intake solely from food, a simple supplement is helpful.  However, if you or a family member have consistent bloating, constipation, inconsistently formed bowel movements, yeast buildup, ulcers, or consistent gut pain after eating, you will want to implement the information I recently came across.

 Though 1 million bacteria per pill sounds like a huge amount, these typical doses are not sufficient if you are having digestive issues.

Experts in probiotics say that you need a 10 billion bacteria per day probiotic intake to achieve any health benefits in a fairly healthy person.  On the other hand, those with yeast infections or candida, ulcers, or other more troublesome digestive issues actually need 50 billion bacteria per day or more. (1)

 Here’s the history on how the necessity of these amounts came to be discovered.

Harry Bronozian was a chemist and a chemical engineer who suffered from ulcers for about a year and candida for 10 years.  Both health issues were under control within five months of regular use of his ultra-high potency probiotics.  After taking 500 billion probiotic bacteria per day, a biopsy showed the ulcer-causing were completely eliminated from his stomach and intestine.(1) 

Why is such a large amount necessary?  Look at this quote from a web article on custom probiotics:

Think about this for a minute. If you have roughly 100 trillion bacteria in your intestines, and different acidophilus species make up about 30 to 35% of that, you have lost 30 to 35 trillion good bacteria. If your test comes back showing no bifidobacteria then you have lost 65 to 70 trillion bacteria. That is 35,000 and 65,000 billion. Now do you think taking a probiotic with 1 billion live bacteria is going to do you any good? Do you think 10 billion will work? (1)

According to the same article, some patients with chronic yeast issues had stool tests reveal that there were no acidophilus or bifidobacteria in their digestive systems at all!  So you can see that if you are trying to restore a level of 100 trillion bacteria, the typical 1 million bacteria hardly makes an impact.

Let’s look at suggest instructions for those trying to restore a healthy digestive system.  These instructions are from the footnoted site below:

-Take 1 custom probiotic 2 times a day for 2 days with clean water, morning and night on an empty stomach.

-After the 2 days, take 2 capsules 2 times a day.

-After 4 days, take 4 capsules 2 times a day.

-There may be slight cramping due to cleaning out the digestive system.

-Raise the doses until you have 2 bowel movements a day, showing you’ve reached the optimum level for you. This usually occurs between 2 to 10 capsules.

-Continue this dose until the yeast infections no longer occur. Or, you can slowly back down to where you maintain one or more healthy bowel movement a day.

A probiotic blend is preferable as you want to use probiotics that fit the digestive needs of your stomach.

Though many people are only familiar with L. acidophilus, here is a list of probiotics to look for in a good blend.

Lactobacillus acidophilus makes up 20% of the intestinal bacteria.

Lactobacillus Rhamnosus is found primarily in the small intestine and stomach with smaller amounts in the large intestine.

Bifidobacteria is the most prevalant species of bacteria in the large intestine with sub-strains such as Bifidobacteria and Bifidobacteria Bifidum.

Lactobacillus Plantarum  is in human saliva and has been found to clear up to 95% of the symptoms associated with IBS in high doses.

I recommend using the link below on Custom Probiotics to read in more detail.

Click Here to go to Custom Probiotics

When you look at your life, is your lifestyle one of true enjoyment, solely maintenance, or survivable chaos?

I recently mentioned about the need to “plan for life,” especially when life’s responsibilities appear to be squeezing your dreams out of the picture and life becomes solely a process of maintenance.  However, I have been reminded how easy it is for people to believe their lifestyles are intended to be chaotic to be fulfilling.

My spouse has done business in the past with a couple whose lives are in a constant state of chaos — by choice. The one person’s personality lends to feeling that this state of chaos is necessary for a fulfilling life. Both of them, being in a religious environment, either consciously or subconsciously believe that this state of “chaos” is a matter of religious sacrifice or higher calling. Working in religious fields, I’ve seen this concept too often in religious people, and unknowingly lived by that philosophy myself in my 20’s and 30’s. The effects of this barely tolerable lifestyle are already becoming visible in their kids and in poor business decisions, as time for restful meditation is lacking.

If your lifestyle is not one of true enjoyment, the mental perspective needs to be engrained that a healthy, restful way of life is intended by design and necessary for fulfillment.

Jesus expressed God’s design for your life in Matthew 11:28-30, Message translation.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

Several points are interesting in this translation. First, the religious concept of living in a chaotic state of overwork as being somehow spiritual is a false religious concept that will burn you out. Second, living the way God intends for you, a healthy lifestyle with rest and freedom, will enable you to “recover your life,” true life.

Similar thoughts are expressed effectively in the Amplified translation.

Come to Me all you who are…overburdened and I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls…Learn of Me…and you will find rest, relief, ease, refreshment, recreation and blessed quiet…For My yoke is wholesome, useful, good — not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant.

Notice God’s plan of lifestyle is not one that is overburdened. We must remove such religious misconceptions from our minds. His way of healthy lifestyles includes refreshment, recreation, and is not pressing, but wholesome, comfortable, and pleasant.

If your life is one of solely maintenance or what you believed to be “constructive chaos,” it is time to restructure and reorganize. Go back and re-read the Planning for Life post if you have not and make a healthy lifestyle plan. Or, if you made a life plan and you now realize that you created one that is chaotic, take some time this week to re-evaluate and restructure it with refreshment, recreation, wholesomeness, comfort so that you can “recover your life.”