You can choose to respond to fearful situations in ways other than panic, being withdrawn, or some other solely, defensive protective mode. You have the option of choosing not to react to your fear, letting it manipulate you, but to think creatively, outside of the box, and discover responses that will actually enhance your life.

A recent study of the economy illustrates that most people react to fear instead of being creatively proactive.

The present economic situation in the US has affected all kinds of businesses, large and small. One of the categories of institutions largely affected is charitable organizations. Statistician George Barna of the Barna Group recently posted 3 articles with the results of his year long study of how the economy affected churches and other non-profit organizations, as well as how the churches responded to the fearful economic situation.

What stood out to me was Barna’s comments that most churches responded, in my terminology, by reacting to the economy, rather than seeing opportunities to respond creatively and actually enhance their situation and the lives of the people in their communities. Many churches adjusted budgets, cut spending, and cut staff. While it is the right thing to do to re-evaluate the budget and eliminate unnecessary spending, Barna notes, “For the most part, church leaders seem to have been in a hunker-down mode, attempting to get through the tough economy…”, a protective fear response. Similar to most people in fearful situations, few organizations set fear aside enough to think proactively and see where the current economic situation was actually providing new opportunities to interact with the community in helpful ways. Regarding this Barna says,

When pastors were asked to identify the changes they had made as a result of the economic downturn only about one out of every eight church leaders (13%) identified what might be described as activities that proactively position the church as a valuable resource to churchgoers and to those in the community.

This included hosting support groups and classes for those with have lost jobs, classes for those experiencing money problems, increasing the amount of prayer, provide financial counseling, and offering special talks on how to handle money problems. This next quote is not to speak negatively of the church organizations in any way, but to notice how often each of us respond the exact same way to crises situations in our lives.

Yet, the surprise is how few churches seem to have clearly and intentionally developed a proactive response to the downturn. Perhaps they have been so busy keeping the programs running that they have failed to see the significant opportunities as well as unique challenges represented in the new economic reality… Like so many others, church leaders have been focused on surviving; now is the time, though, to calibrate ministries and strategies to the opportunities brought by the new economy.

Similarly, whatever your fear situation, you do not want to just survive but thrive by seeing and implementing new opportunities.

Make a new effort to step back emotionally from your present fearful situation. Sometimes it helps to think about it as if it were someone else’s problem and what you would advise them to do, viewing it from the outside. If you cannot do this on your own, you may need to get help from a counselor, pastor, or a trusted, wise friend. Open your mind to the option of thinking creatively; take the offensive and look for ways to be creatively proactive, taking life-enhancing measures that will put you on the road to conquering your fearful situation, or at least living life a level above it.

Quotes are from “The Economies Impact on Churches (Part 2 of 3): How Churches Have Adapted” by Barna Group, Barna.org

I’m going to approach the subject of fear in different way here than I normally would. We’re going to look at a circumstance described in history and outline points that you can apply to the fearful circumstance you are presently facing or may face in the future. The reference is out of Mt.14:26-32, and whether or not you are a believer in the historical accuracy of this account, its principles are still applicable.

Here is the description in the Amplified translation. [I prefer the Amplified for study because it gives more detail as to the meaning of the original Greek words; most translations limit the text to a “word for word” translation when many languages -- such as Greek, Hebrew, Arabic -- have much broader concepts included in their individual words.]

And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified and said, “It is a ghost!” And they screamed out with fright. But instantly He spoke to them, saying, Take courage! I AM! Stop being afraid! And Peter answered Him, Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water. He said, Come! So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water, and he came toward Jesus. But when he perceived and felt the strong wind, he was frightened, and as he began to sink, he cried out, Lord, save me from death! Instantly Jesus reached out His hand and caught and held him, saying to him, O you of little faith, why did you doubt? And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.

Let’s apply this situation point for point to our own fearful situations, learning from both the positive and negative responses in the story.

1. Notice Jesus’ response to the men’s fear — He “instantly spoke” when they cried out in terror, vv.26,27. Jesus, Father God’s revelation of Himself and His character to us, shows an immediate, interactive response to a cry of fear to Him.

2. Jesus told them (a) not to be afraid and (b) to be courageous, but He follows these directives with specific reason for responding fearlessly and courageously to a fearful situation.

3. The reason for having a fearless response is “I AM” was with them. This term does not hold meaning for most people now but it held clear meaning to those Jewish men. It was the name Father God spoke to Moses when He told Moses to go to Pharaoh and demand the Jews be released from slavery. Moses said, “Who shall I say is sending me?” God responded, “I AM.” This phrase in the Hebrew, as well as the Greek refers to the self-existent One, the One who exists in and of Himself, is all sufficient, in need of nothing, will always be what He will be and what He is, and hence, is faithful and true to His character and nature, and unchangeable and true to His Word. (1-footnote below)

4. Even though in a boat in the midst of a storm, fearing for their lives, Peter’s immediate response to I AM being with him was (a) immediate courage and fearlessness, v.28, and (b) his success at participating in a miraculous act, v.29. Ponder the full extent of the change in (a) Peter’s emotions and (b) his reactions when Peter focused on the presence of I AM being with him instead of on his fearful situation.

5. Now notice what took place at the end of the story when Peter changed his focus to (a) the surrounding fearful situation and (b) his personal fears; Peter moved back out of the supernatural as soon as his focus was off of I AM and on his fearful surroundings and his feelings, v.30.

6. Jesus again reveals the heart of Father God to us, even in our failures. I point this out because so many people live with the erroneous feelings that God is constantly condemning them for each failure. Jesus did (a) identify Peter’s failure, reminding him that he should not have doubted the power/results of I AM with him, v.31, but (b) Jesus also picked Peter back up after his failure and restored him to safety, vv.31,32. Jesus did not abandon Peter in his failure or illustrate any loss of love.

Where is your focus in your present fearful situation?

If your focus is on your feelings of fear or the cause of those feelings, the feelings will control your responses in a negative way. If you change your focus to a source of true help, such as I AM, the self-sufficient and all sufficient One who is present with you and true to His character and Word, you can respond with courage and productive action, even in an overwhelmingly fearful situation.

1. John Wesley’s Notes on the Old and New Testaments for Exodus 3:14

A major help in overcoming fear is knowing that God is attentive to you.

A friend put together this selection of quotes below (using a couple of different translations) to clearly illustrate God’s commitment to be attentive to our communication with Him, especially in times of fear and need. These will be a great encouragement to anyone who is now seeking God during a time of fear or any other overwhelming need.

As with any relationship, your ability to receive affects the good that comes into your life.

Keep in mind as you read through these quotes that your own receptiveness affects what you receive in any relationship, including your relationship with God. People who teach on the Law of Attraction encourage us to first love and value ourselves and then believe that the people we meet will actually like us. This attracts the desired response from other people because of a change in our own receptiveness. Using this principle, if you realize your value and believe that people will like you, then, when you go to a meeting or begin a relationship, instead of acting out of fear, you act with confidence. Why? Because you know that you are a person of such value that any other person will benefit from the meeting or relationship and definitely like you. The confident, self-acceptance creates a warmth and attractiveness which literally draws people to you. Other people did not change; the adjustment in your own viewpoint changed your receptivity.

In the same way, by believing that God is attentive to you and your needs, you open up your receptivity.

Just as a fear that people won’t like you causes you to act in a way that drives others away, keeping you from receiving good, a fear that God is not attentive to your call for help causes you to respond in such a way that hinders you from receiving good from Him into your life. Choosing to believe that you are of so much value to God that He “likes” you, or rather is attentive to you, enables you to receive more help than if you continued living in fear.

Allow these quotes to alleviate your fears. Take hold of the attentiveness of God!

Jeremiah 29:12 (Amplified) Then you will call upon Me, and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear and heed you.

Psalm 31:22 (NIV) In my alarm I said, “I am cut off from your sight!” Yet You heard my cry for mercy when I called to You for help.
Psalm 31:22 (Amplified) As for me, I said in my haste and alarm, I am cut off from before Your eyes. But You heard the voice of my supplications when I cried to You for aid.

Psalm 18:6 (Amplified) In my distress [when seemingly closed in] I called upon the Lord and cried to my God; He heard my voice out of His temple (heavenly dwelling place), and my cry came before Him, into His very ears.

2 Chron 7:14 (Amplified) If My people, who are called by My name, shall humble themselves, pray, seek, crave, and require of necessity My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear…
It is a humbling thing to ask for help. He will hear! When He hears, that means He answers!

Psalm 69:33 (The Message) For GOD listens to the poor; He doesn’t walk out on the wretched.
vv. 29-33 (NLT) I am suffering and in pain. Rescue me, O God, by your saving power. Then I will praise God’s name with singing, and I will honor him with thanksgiving. The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God’s help be encouraged. For the LORD hears the cries of the needy; He does not despise his imprisoned people.

Joh 16:24 (NIV) Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
Our joy comes from seeing God work.

Psalm 116:1-7 (Excerpts from Amplified) I love the Lord, because He has heard [and now hears] my voice…Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore will I call upon Him as long as I live. The cords and sorrows of death were around me, and the terrors of Sheol (the place of the dead) had laid hold of me; I suffered anguish and grief (trouble and sorrow). Then I called upon the name of the Lord…deliver me! Gracious is the Lord… yes, our God is merciful. I was brought low, and He helped and saved me. Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.
Psalm 116:1-7 (Excerpts from NLT) I love the LORD because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! Death wrapped its ropes around me; the terrors of the grave overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the LORD: “Please, LORD, save me!” How kind the LORD is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! The LORD protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the LORD has been good to me.
The Lord shows us His love by listening!

Psalm 145:19 (Amplified) He will fulfill the desires of those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him; He also will hear their cry and will save them.

Prov. 11:23 (BBE) The desire of the upright man is only for good.
Mk. 11:24 Therefore I say unto you, Whatever things you desire, when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you shall have them.

Romans 10:11-13 (The Message) Scripture reassures us, “No one who trusts God like this-heart and soul-will ever regret it.” It’s exactly the same no matter what a person’s religious background may be: the same God for all of us, acting the same incredibly generous way to everyone who calls out for help. “Everyone who calls, ‘Help, God!’ gets help.”

1 John 5:15 (The Message) And if we’re confident that he’s listening, we know that what we’ve asked for is as good as ours.

People often question to whether or not their prayers are “the will of God.” What is the will of God? Jesus’ life was a portrayal of the will of God. Luke 4:18-21 (The Message ) Jesus said, “God’s Spirit is on me; he’s chosen me to preach the Message of good news to the poor, Sent me to announce pardon to prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, To set the burdened and battered free, to announce, ‘This is God’s year to act!‘ He rolled up the scroll, handed it back to the assistant, and sat down. Every eye in the place was on him, intent. Then he started in, “You’ve just heard Scripture make history. It came true just now.”
Luke 4:18,19 (Amplified) The Spirit of the Lord [is] upon Me, because He has anointed Me [the Anointed One, the Messiah] to preach the good news (the Gospel) to the poor; He has sent Me to announce release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to send forth as delivered those who are oppressed [who are downtrodden, bruised, crushed, and broken down by calamity], to proclaim the accepted and acceptable year of the Lord, the day when salvation and the free favors of God profusely abound.
Acts 10:38 (Amplified) How God anointed and consecrated Jesus of Nazareth with the [Holy] Spirit and with strength and ability and power; how He went about doing good and, in particular, curing all who were harassed and oppressed by [the power of] the devil, for God was with Him.

In my life experience of working with people who are seeking after God, there has been a noticeable characteristic of people’s responses to God being affected by past parental relationships.

I have seen children from abusive family situations that felt great apprehension at the thought of even talking to God, fearful of His rejection or of some sort of mistreatment by Him. I have known women who were making an effort to seek after God, but because of past abusive relationships with fathers and ex-husbands, could not emotionally handle the intended positive analogy in Scripture of paternal characteristics in God. Though Scripture makes clear that spiritual beings are neither male or female, since God often uses the analogy of a Father to illustrate to us certain positive characteristics that can be seen in earthly fathers, people can, without being aware of it, project bad attributes particularly from fathers (but also mothers and any other person seen as an authority figure) onto God. Throughout my career, I have made it a point to remind people that God’s fatherly characteristics are those of, not just a good father but, a perfect one, since God is perfect and that concept has been helpful to them.

There is a term in psychology when dealing with boundary violations that is called a withdrawal of love. An example of this emotional violation is when a parent who is displeased with the child, whether for poor behavior or even just behavior against the parent’s personal preferences, responds with anger.

Even if the child’s behavior was ethically unacceptable and needed some form of discipline, the discipline included more than just corrective action; it was carried out with types angry behaviors which portrayed that the parent no longer loved the child due to his behavior. Parents like this, often unintentionally, also display behavior that conveys to the child that his actions were a personal insult to the parent. This results in a performance-based relationship. “If you do what I like, I’ll love you. If you actions/choices displease me, I’ll withdraw my love from you.”

I have been eternally grateful that I did not have the extreme negative experiences with parents as did many of my peers. It appears from the stories of my peers, my parents were, though no one but God is perfect, above average in their positive treatment of myself and my brother. A friend who returned with me to my home several times to visit my parents joked about how unbelievable it was that my family actually liked each other; he insisted that I was raised in “the Cleaver” household, a reference to the 1960’s program, “Leave it to Beaver.” However, it has been amazing to me the more I study psychology, how much, even in a situation with fairly positive family history, past parental interactions affect my present relationships, even my relationship with God.

Thankfully, in spite of negative parental relationships like what is described above or those that have been physically and/or emotionally abusive, God makes it clear that His relationship with us is love-based, not performance-based.

Romans 8:35,37-39 describes it this way, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This passage illustrates that no negative circumstances can separate us from God’s love. Since it is so adamant that no circumstance in all creation can separate us from His love, I believe it stands to reason that this level of security is still the case whether the circumstances are caused by those who do not love us properly or even by our own failures. For those who still fear that their own imperfection will bring about a loss or withholding of God’s love, especially when it has proved to be the case with parental love, these next two verses bring great comfort and relief. Psalm 27:10 says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” And in Isaiah 49:15,16, “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”

Being a perfectionist by nature, it is difficult for me to overcome anything that I view as a personal failure.

Yes, Scripture does exhort us to “Aim for perfection (2 Cor. 13:11),” for moral and spiritual excellence. However, after talking to my brother some years ago about a situation in which I was emotionally “beating myself up,” he said to me, “Who are you trying so hard to be perfect for?” He rather shocked me, and, realizing the grace of God didn’t give license to my feelings, I stumbled out, “Myself, I guess.”

In addition, I became aware of the “withdrawal of love” boundary violation from my own childhood during some study this past year.

During a recent series of crises, I sincerely felt that some of the issues were either caused or enhanced by my own mistakes. While seeking God’s wisdom and assistance to work through these situations, it was apparent that there was an emotional struggle which was affecting my faith in His responsiveness. A passing remark in a sermon about performance-based relationships caused me to realize that I was indeed, rather subconsciously, applying the “withdrawal of love” boundary violation experienced in childhood to God’s response to me in my time of need. I was feeling that any mistakes of my own in this situation would cause God either to respond unenthusiastically to my need or not at all. It is almost beyond belief how these emotional situations from the past hold on, to the point that one can rationally know something is not the case, (i.e. know that I am under the grace of God and that He responds to me with mercy) yet the past emotional baggage still keep him or her from a state of actively believing/having faith in God for help. While contemplating this issue, God reminded me of a passage that I had come across in the Amplified translation of Hebrews 4:15,16.

“For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and have a fellow feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace–the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners; that we may receive mercy for our failures and find grace to help in good time for every need—appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it.”

Now let me abbreviate the above verse, and slightly paraphrase for the purpose of sentence structure, so the main points beneficial to us are easier to focus on.

“We have a High Priest [referring to Jesus’ in His work of salvation] who sympathizes with our weakness and the assaults of temptation. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us [unearned, not performance-based] that we may receive mercy for our failures and find help for every need—appropriate help, coming just when we need it.”

As mentioned in some prior articles, it takes repeated, conscious effort to replace the recurring thoughts that are less than truth (from deep-seated, past emotional experiences) with rational, actual truth.

This passage was a starting point for me. I have been repeating it, pondering it, and quoting it out loud to eventually override my incorrect emotionally driven thoughts—thoughts that God won’t help me out of problems due to my own failures–with the truth with which He describes Himself in Scripture.

Using Hebrews 4 and the other 2 aforementioned verses, these are the truths I am working to establish in my mind and spirit.

1. No circumstance separates me from God’s love.

2. He has promised to never forsake or abandon me.

3. He does feel sympathetic toward my struggles.

4. Because the relationship is love-based, not performance based, I can let go of the false fears.

5. I can confidently seek and expect His favor and perfectly timed supernatural help even during times of failure.

Breaking free from projecting the relational difficulties between our parents and ourselves onto God is a major step for anyone in experiencing either physical or emotional healing.

Many physical ailments are caused by emotional hurts. Even if the physical ailment has solely physical origins, overcoming the habit of projecting onto God the image of a performance-based relationship between yourself and Him frees you to accept His unfailing love for you and be receptive to His help. You can believe yourself “worthy” of receiving because God’s loving responses to you will always be based on His unfailing love, not your perfection.