Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1
February 19th, 2010Table of contents for Relationship Issues Q&A
- Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1
Bill Hybels is running a series called, “The 2010 Family.”
Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors and one frequently quoted on this site, appeared as a guest speaker in “The 2010 Family” series. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.”
Here are some paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. We’ll do this in a 2 part post. Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio.
1. Where do you draw the line between tough love and unconditional love?
There is a problem with this term of “drawing the line.” When we look at God’s personality, His expectations are done in ways that are perfectly loving and honest so He never has to “draw the line” due to having gone too far down an enabling, co-dependent road. With parents, too often we have let the child go too long down a path without consequences until it is at a point where harm will come to them if he (or she does) not get control of himself. It should never get to this point, but if it does, it should be done in a loving way.
As for child discipline, in this culture people often say, “Don’t say ‘No’ to your child; give them choices.” As an adult, one runs into ‘No’s,’ with speed limits, job requirements, etc. Our job as parents is to arrange situations in a way that when they make good decisions then good things happen and when they make bad decisions bad things happen. The goal is to transfer self control to the child. They should grow to the point of being in charge of themselves and feeling, “Oh, I better do it this way so something uncomfortable does not happen.” …we must take a stance that requires them to step into maturity so they are in control and we can finally delegate that job to them.
2. How do you address character issues in marriage? How do you let a spouse know you want more from a relationship without making them feel like a bad spouse?
In response to the first part of the question, most problems are the same in every marriage whether or not it is a good marriage, unless something strange is going on. It is how it is handled that makes the difference. Research shows that you can predict divorce in couples by 90% accuracy if couples (1) are judgmental, critical in giving feedback to each other instead of problem solving and (2) if they have a lot of contempt for the spouse. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »
Print This
Tags: boundaries, discouragement, emotional baggage, emotional healing, emotional health, failure, family, guilt, personal growth, relationships, resentment
![[Bloglines]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/bloglines.png)
![[del.icio.us]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/delicious.png)
![[Digg]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/digg.png)
![[Facebook]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/facebook.png)
![[Faves]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/faves.png)
![[Furl]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/furl.png)
![[Google]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/google.png)
![[MySpace]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/myspace.png)
![[Reddit]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/reddit.png)
![[Shoutwire]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/shoutwire.png)
![[Sphere]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/sphere.png)
![[Technorati]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/technorati.png)
![[Windows Live]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/windowslive.png)
![[Yahoo!]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/yahoo.png)
![[Email]](http://receivehealing.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/email.png)

