I cam across a very practical, helpful article by psychologist and life coach Melissa McCreery with tips to move on from the guilt, anger, hurt, or frustrations of a bad day and get back to the peace and productivity of a positive mindset.

Ms. McCreery says that the secret to thriving is learning how to move forward in spite of bad days.

Here are some excerpts of from Melissa’s article, “How to Recover from a Bad Day:”

1. Give yourself permission to have a bad day. Stop beating yourself up so that you can move on. Let go of blame and guilt, realizing that a bad day does not mean you failed.

2. Ask, “What will I need to let go of to do move on?” You must be willing to stop beating yourself up, feeling miserable (or hurt or angry), drowning your sorrows, or feeling victimized.

3. Decide what do you want to move on TO?   How do you want things to be? How do you want to feel? What do you want your mindset or mental attitude to be?

4. Take a look in the mirror at your posture and facial expressions; make sure you aren’t still carrying your bad day with you.

5. What helps you to feel present in this moment? People accomplish this in different ways: deep breathing, physical activity, writing in a journal, or spending quiet time alone. Set your intention for how you want to BE in the present moment and into the future.

6. What special thing can you do for yourself? Call a friend, rent a movie, pick flowers, get a massage, take a long bath, etc. Bad day recovery plans need some self-care time.

7. What’s one thing small positive action you can commit to take just to know you are making progress? Do a good deed, workout, clean out one drawer. This goal is the first step toward to a positive track; when that’s done, take the next one.

Melissa is a fellow SelfGrowth.com expert. You can read more on Melissa McCreery, PhD, ACC, Psychologist and Life Coach on her SelfGrowth page or  her full website.

Gifting someone else’s life with an unexpected, and even undeserved, kindness is living at the peak of human character, achieving one of the most perfect elements of the human spirit. While most anyone believes that random acts of kindness are a part of the ultimate lifestyle and a thing a beauty in life, stress and busyness can prevent you from consistently thinking creatively enough to live out such acts in your own life.

People of great admiration throughout history have spurred us on to live a lifestyle of random acts of kindness.

I’m pasting a few quotes here from both secular and religious authors challenging us to commit random acts of kindness, with links to 2 sites of quotes which you will probably enjoy reading as well.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless. Mother Teresa

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profundity. Kindness in giving creates love. Lao-Tse

Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. Scott Adams(1)

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.
Mother Teresa

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstandings, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. Albert Schweitzer(2)

Rather than missing out on one of the highest joys of life by allowing busyness to steal from you those opportunities for random acts of kindness, decide to daily envision yourself as “clothed” with kindness.

When God encourages us to reach for the pinnacle of what is happiest, healthiest, and best in the human spirit, he describes it as being “clothed” or totally covered with kindness.

As God’s people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Col 3:12

Though clothing may vary from culture to culture, to correctly envision this statement, you must envision it as in the Middle Eastern culture of 2000 years ago when it was written. Clothing was from head to toe. God says to envision yourself as being completely enveloped in kindness, along with other similar traits. If you follow this advice and envision yourself that way each day, it will be easier to flow into the creative mindset of committing random acts of kindness.

What does kindness entail?

You can think of a million ways to express kindness through the day as you envision yourself as clothed with it, but let’s take just a moment to define the mental concept.

In Scripture, the Hebrew for kindness, checed, includes the concepts of piety, beauty, favor, good deeds, loving kindness, and mercy.(3)

In the Greek part of Scripture, 2 words are used. Philanthropia, from which we get our term philanthropy, includes benevolence, fondness, and love of mankind.(4) The other Greek term, chrestotes, includes usefulness morally, excellence in character, gentleness, and goodness.(4)

Don’t deprive yourself of the joy.

In reality, this is probably one of the easiest things you can do in life to be in tune with one of the most excellent parts of the human spirit as God created it, as well as bring to yourself (not just the other person) a level of joy that rarely can be matched by any other deed in life. Don’t wait. Go out and commit some random acts of kindness.

1. The first 3 quotes and many others on the topic of kindness may be read at: Suite101.com Personal Development – Acts of Kindness
2. The last 2 quotes and many others on the topic of kindness may be read at: this site by the Prince Edward School District in Canada on Random Acts of Kindness
3. Strong’s Dictionary of Old Testament Words (Hebrew)
4. Strong’s Dictionary of Old Testament Words (Greek)

Take a look at this self-evaluation quote:

Picture your life twenty years from now. Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is and what your future holds?… Does your current lifestyle predict that you will be happy and fulfilled, or disappointed and frustrated? Think about it. What does your bank account look like? How much retirement money have you set aside? How much debt do you owe? What are you doing to improve your health and well-being? How is your family really doing? The answers to these questions may be an indication that a few changes need to be made.(1- see below “8 Steps to Create the Life You Want”)

Were the emotions you experienced from reading these questions positive or negative? Emotions result from the thoughts you’ve been thinking. As a result, those emotions dramatically impact your decisions.

If you are going to improve the quality of your decisions, you must first improve the quality of the words you speak/think about your life.

Controlling the words that you speak and think about your life is a foundational point for improving your life. Much like the Law of Attraction, if you are speaking and thinking negative words about your life, you will attract negative circumstances as well as negative responses from other people because that is what you are resonating from your own person about your life.

How can you expect to have positive, life-changing ideas to accomplish your goals if your words and thoughts are focused on the negative? How will positive, successful people offer you productive opportunities if you are emanating defeat? It is essential to realize here that, even if your present circumstances are actually negative, speaking and thinking about the negative will only keep you there.

You alone are responsible for making changes to your words, thoughts, emotions, and ultimately-your decisions.

Since getting past the negative emotions that presently form your decisions is overcome by speaking and thinking positively about your needs and goals, it is a change that only you can make. Quit blaming others for holding you back. Start taking in positive input from articles or talks given by life coaches or successful business people that you admire. Reading the “8 Steps to Create…” by Creflo Dollar about his approach of taking control of your life by speaking and thinking positively has already greatly influenced myself and my spouse.

Here are some past posts on Controlling Your Thoughts/Words that will be helpful to you in the move to positive words and thoughts:

Take Charge of Your Thoughts, Take Charge of Your Life
Better Thoughts for a Better Life
Making Real Change to Thoughts, Feelings, or Behavior
Practical Ideas for Overcoming Fear

I challenge you to take responsibility now for improving your decisions until there are no negative emotions forming the decisions you make.

There is a famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt regarding taking responsibility for your own decisions. It says,

One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.(2)

1. Creflo Dollar, 8 Steps to Create the Life You Want, p. 28
2. Eleanor Roosevelt Quote, QuotationsBook.com http://quotationsbook.com/quote/6544/

It may seem an illogical and impossible statement, but it is truth none-the-less.  Regardless of your circumstances, you choose your thoughts, and subsequently, your state of mind and personal well-being.  People throughout history have proven it true, usually in circumstances far worse than what most of us will ever experience.

One of my favorite examples is Dr. Viktor E. Frankl, whom I have mentioned before.  He is an Austrian Jew who was sent to a concentration camp with his family during World War II.

We who lived in concentration camps can remember men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.  Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl

Whatever circumstances you are presently you going through, any situations you may yet face, even if they are horrifically unthinkable as those experienced by Frankl, inside you is still the power to choose the state of your personal well-being by choosing your thoughts and perspectives.

Scripture reinforces this truth that your well-being is determined by your choice of thoughts.

All the days of the despondent are made evil by anxious and foreboding thoughts, but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast regardless of the circumstances.

Notice the days of the despondent are made bad by their thoughts; in contrast, the person who takes authority over his thoughts, uses his personal power to control his perspective and have a glad heart, will experience continual good regardless of his or her circumstances. 

You alone have the power to choose your thoughts.  Choose ones that will ensure your well-being!

We each want a clear path to our destinies; do you succumb to discouragement and doubt when you are unable to see the full path, or when people and situations keep saying, “It won’t happen!”?

First, it is necessary to be clear about your destiny.

Know your life’s purpose. Along life’s journey to fulfill that destiny, you have a wide variety of needs or goals you desire to reach, such as better health, more successful relationships or communication, freedom from debt, or career changes. These goals are important steps in fulfilling your destiny and the person you are meant to be. To avoid being swayed by doubts or opposition, you must first “know that you know” in your heart what your purpose for being is.

Second, you must determine to believe in your destiny.

No one else can believe it for you – a spouse or a parent – if you are going to withstand disappointments or setbacks. If you believe that this certain path or accomplishment truly is your destiny, then keep in mind during setbacks or opposition that you will get there! It was meant to be; it was destined or planned before you were born.

In the spiritual realm, the truth is similar. In Psalm 139, God says that all of your days (and those of every other person) were planned out and written about before you lived a single day. You have a destiny. And, it is a matter of believing or of “faith” in God’s promises and His power to overcome obstacles or opposition to your destiny, as well as to provide wisdom and opportunities to fulfill the goals along the way. Because you know your destiny is His plan, because you have faith that He keeps His promise to help you, you are unwavering and unmovable in your journey to your destiny. Now back to our opening title.

Here are two illustrations on why you do not let what you see destroy what you believe with regard to your destiny.

Oxygen is necessary for your every breath, but you do not see it at all. You do not go around in a panic every moment of the day, fearing that you are going to suffocate, just because you do not have scientific proof in front of you that there is enough oxygen in the air to sustain your life. You go about your day in “faith” that all the oxygen you need and more is there to sustain you.

In the same way, though you may not see the full path to your destiny or see the results of the promises of God in your life yet, it does not mean that the path to your dreams is a product of your imagination; nor does it mean that the power of God is not working behind the scenes in your behalf just because you do not yet see the proof. Continue to go about your day in “faith,” listening for wisdom and looking for opportunities.

The next illustration is not my own. I read it in the book footnoted below, but it is such an incredible illustration that I wanted to share it with you. He says to picture watching a magician saw his assistant in half. You see the person’s head out one end of the box and her feet out of the other. You see the magician cut her in half and separate the boxes, yet her head and feet are still moving. You did not believe for a moment that she was really cut it half, even though you saw it with your own eyes. It appeared to be reality but you knew it was not. You could not explain it, but you still refused to believe what you saw with your own eyes. (1)

When it appears that you will not reach your destiny, that God has failed you, that He is not keeping His promises to help you — when you are tempted to put your faith in what you see – do not do it! You know your purpose! Be determined to believe in your destiny and refuse to believe your eyes if necessary.

1. Faith to Faith, April 29 post.

I came across a great article on overcoming a poverty mindset by fellow SelfGrowth.com author and business professional, Melissa Zollo. The points in this post are excerpts from a lengthy article. She is a secular author (not religious) but makes many valid points. Please use the link here or below to read Melissa’s full article.

A poverty state of mind will cause you to see, hear, think, feel, and act in alignment with lack.

The Law of Attraction states that your thoughts and feelings create a force field of energy that radiates out from you and draws back into your life people, things, and situations in tune with them. In other words, you become what you believe and feel to be true.

8 Choices You Can Make Today that Will Change Your Habits and Influence Your Life:

Since the direction of our lives is primarily determined by the choices we make each and every day, I am offering you a selection of choices you can make — choices that will assist you in walking the road … the fulfillment of your dreams.

1. Choose a new mental diet. One of the most powerful activities you will ever participate in is uplifting self-talk. Instead of talking about what you are afraid of or worried about, decide to consciously choose words that are consistent with your financial goals.

2. Choose to activate your imagination. [Imagination] assists you to reimage/refocus/rebuild/rethink/ receive!

3. Choose to focus on your dreams and empower yourself. This sounds simple but many people only wish to experience wealth and success. They rarely choose to change their money habits.

4. Choose to plant seeds of hope, happiness, and harmony. You can opt to treat yourself as a valued, accepted, appreciated person. Decide to plant seeds of high self-esteem no matter how others have treated you in the past or try to mistreat you now.

5. Choose to break one financial bad habit. Decide to tackle your debt, spending habits, or something associated with money and give yourself the right to succeed.

6. Choose to become balanced spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and socially. Our lives work best when we feel balanced. Invest quality time re-training…

7. Choose to make time for fun and self-renewal.

8. Choose to spend quality time with those important people in your life. Heal those relationships that need mending — be they with your parents, siblings, significant other, beloved spouse, friends, or children. Choose to forgive and watch your energy, self-motivation, and enthusiasm soar.

The most powerful antidote to self-doubt is self-confidence.

Successful people have high levels of self-confidence. They have an attitude that they are unstoppable and will achieve their goals…Remind yourself daily that externals showing up in your life are effects; they are not causes. Decide to change your thought-seeds (causes) and you will change your harvest (effects).

Excerpts are from Are You a Prisoner of Poverty or a Producer of Wealth? by Melissa Zollo, imagination and self motivation author

When you fail to recognize your value as a unique person with a divine destiny that affects this world in ways that no one else ever can or will, it is easy to fall into the comparison game. I came across a great article by Norma Schmidt on this topic.  The points below are excerpts from her article.

Norma is an accomplished Ezine article author; her articles can be viewed on many Ezine sites across the Internet. Norma provides 5 guidelines to overcoming the temptation to compare your personal value to that of others and avoid the resulting envy, intimidation, and other negative feelings it produces. A link to her full article is footnoted below.

Whether comparing yourself is an extreme habit of yours, or an occasional one, we can all benefit from Norma’s points on Breaking Free from Comparisons:

1. Give Yourself More Credit.

This strategy is preventive. Look inside, and give yourself credit for your accomplishments and positive character traits… recognize the heart, intelligence, imagination and integrity you bring to living life your way.

2. Count Your Blessings

This is another preventive tactic to build your comparison “immunity.” Cultivating an awareness of all the blessings of your life can take the sting out of seeing how others are blessed

3. Exhale

When you notice that you’re comparing yourself to someone else, bring your attention to your breathing. Then, on an exhale, let the comparison leave … create space for serenity and perspective.

4. Recognize Losses

Maybe you’ve deferred or even given up hopes and dreams from earlier, simpler times in your life…take time to acknowledge these losses. Create a ritual… to give voice to your grief so that you can move forward.

5. Shift into a Perspective of Gratitude.

Practice this strategy by bringing to mind a “comparison trigger” from the past [Think of a specific person who frequently evoked negative comparison emotions. In contrast, now] Notice how relaxing and healing the perspective of gratitude feels.

Click this link to read Norma Schmidt’s full article, If Only I Could Stop Comparing Myself to Other People. Norma Schmidt is a parent of two and a former Lutheran minister. She offers workshops on parenting and on living with serious illness.

 Fear is a major factor of everyday life in the times in which we live.  It is a force that one must come to terms with.  Fear can control one’s life, altering your every decision. It can change your health due to the stress it creates.  It can steal creativity and rational thought. It hinders spiritual receptivity.  It is a force that cannot be ignored or it will grow in control and dominate your life.

Make the decision to be in control of your thoughts.

It is vital to control your thoughts, rather than allowing them to have free, random access to your mind – the center of all your decision making.  This positive habit is referred to as “taking captive” every thought.   A simpler way to express it may be to say that whatever controls your thought life controls you. Is fear the center of your attention?

You may feel that it is necessary to fear.  With all the uncertainty with the economy, with the instability of the political world, it may give you a false sense of doing something constructive by worrying about all of it.  However, worrying about what is beyond your control is destructive in far more ways than just those mentioned in the first paragraph of this post.  No one else can make this change for you.  Nor will it be easy at first, especially if it is a long engrained habit, but you must make the decision to “take captive” your thoughts, removing the fear that runs rampant in your mind.

Here is an illustration to help you grasp how vital it is to the well-being of the various aspects of your life to remove fear from the center of your attention.

I want you to imagine the fears in your thought life as raging waves of the ocean.  You are in the center of all these raging waves.  As you keep the center of your focus on all the raging waves, the fear is overwhelming.  You may say, “But I have to focus on the raging waves!  They are a danger to me.  It would be irresponsible not to focus my attention on their threat.”  All the while, someone has come up behind you in a ship and thrown out a life preserver to you.  The life preserver is there bobbing in the water, but you are completely missing the life-giving, life-preserving opportunities because you are focused on what is causing you fear.

Many things in life will bring fear and those fears will take control if you do not decide to take fearful thoughts captive. Freedom from fear only comes as you first start with the decision to remove fear from the center of your attention.

Table of contents for Living Life with Purpose in 2011

1. Living Life with Purpose in 2011
2. Creating Your Purposeful Life Environment

Take a few moments to look at this example and write out the activities, people, and environment that will enable you to live your life with purpose.

[This is the second post in a series I ran a few years back, but the information is so vital to the essential mindset for beginning a new year that I wanted to bless your lives by bringing it back to your attention. 

If you missed Part 1 in which we discussed the list Ms. Markova's developed as an example on how to live life with passion and purpose, please click here .]

Here is my “No Matter Whats” List:

What are the influences, activities, and people that cause me to live life with energy, fulfillment, and purpose?

No matter what, I need to be living and working in a spacious environment that encourages my creativity and visionary side.

No matter what, I need to be living and working in an environment with garden and ocean views that fill my body with pleasure, health, and energy.

No matter what, I need to live a lifestyle that provides times for prayer, meditation, healthy eating, exercise, relaxation, and friendship so that my mind, spirit, and body are all equally healthy.

No matter what, I need to work privately as an author, but also outwardly, impacting the world, so that all nations of the earth are blessed through me. (Gen.12:3)

No matter what, I need healthy relationship time with extended family members.

No matter what, I need interaction with people who enjoy nature, music, architecture, and find pleasure in the simple joys of life.

No matter what, I need a human atmosphere that is consistently pleasant, supportive in actions, and positive and constructive in attitudes.

No matter what, I need human atmosphere with people who enjoy thinking deep thoughts about life and spiritual matters and challenge the depth of my thinking.

No matter what, I, too, need to live and work in a climate that is interdependent, where the norm is people who feel equal responsibility for our environment, and are purpose driven to be live in the same loving, giving manner that I focus on living toward them.

And lastly, no matter what, I need to live and work in an environment that does not squelch creativity, but believes that even greater than what we dream of can be accomplished.

If you want to participate online, feel free to use the “Leave a Reply” or “Submit Your Comment” button to post the “No Matter Whats” list for your life. If your list is too personal, still make a working list that will help you break out of a habitual life to live a passionate, fulfilling, purposeful one!

Table of contents for Living Life with Purpose in 2011

1. Living Life with Purpose in 2011
2. Creating Your Purposeful Life Environment

Living with Purpose and Living Your Purpose

Do you feel that you are living the purpose for which your life exists and enjoying achieving it with passion?   Or do you feel that you are powerless, caught in a habitual life that you do not want?

[I ran this series of posts a few years back, but it is such an essential mindset for beginning a new year that I wanted to bless your lives by bringing it back to your attention.]

This past week my brother mentioned to me a book by Dawna Markova. He said she is known for encouraging people to surround themselves with the environment, people, and activities that bring energy into their lives, rather than drain energy from their lives. I have read articles by other authors on that topic, but none by Dawna, so I decided to Google her and find out more. Dawna Markova, Ph.D, is an internationally known speaker and author who encourages people to” learn from our wounds, find our gifts, celebrate our values, and live our dreams to live on purpose and with passion.” One of her most popular books is, “Wide Open: On Living With Purpose and Passion.” She has many other great sounding books, as well as a blog, which you can find at DawnaMarkova.com  .

I also came across an article of Ms. Markova’s called, “Landscape of the Soul.”  She has a great illustration of how one can be trapped in an unfulfilling life of habit. She tells of a science experiment in which baby fish were raised in a small glass tank that was inside a larger glass tank of adult fish. Once the baby fish were grown, the small tank was removed, but the baby fish still would not swim beyond the place where the walls of the small tank had once been. The habit was more real than reality, even though reality provided them with more freedom.

Are you living in a way that develops that best of who you are?

Ms Markova wisely instructs to give thought to the kind of environment you need to bring out the best of the person that you are so that, when you are in a needy, demanding environment, you will not lose your sense of self or purpose. Rather than accept the environment you have been given, or the habitual lifestyle you are in, contemplate and decide what environment, people, and activities you need so that you are living your life’s purpose and, thus, able to live life passionately because your life is purposeful.

Develop a standard for your life by asking yourself what conditions bring out the best in you and free you to be you.

Ms. Markova developed this list that she describes as her “No Matter Whats” for her life as an example for you to write your own and start living your life with purpose. Again, this is just an excerpt from the article footnoted below. Please read the full article as well as take a look at Dawna’s site and books. Her challenges are beneficial to everyone.

It is my hope that reading my “no matter whats” will help you tap into your own:

No matter what, I need to be living and working in a spacious natural environment that encourages me to expand.
No matter what, I need to be living and working in an environment that stimulates, pleases, and enlivens my physical being.
No matter what, I need to be moving at a rhythm that allows my body, soul, and heart to be in alignment.
No matter what, I need to work both as a part of and apart from the larger community. I need to work with my family. Work has meant dividing me from them for so many years.
No matter what, I need a human atmosphere that constantly challenges me to be sane, thoughtful, wholesome, and present in the moment.
No matter what, I need to work in a climate that is interdependent, where the norm encourages us to use each other’s strengths so no one of us has to carry more than our part.
And lastly, no matter what, I need to work in a creative atmosphere that encourages us to let die what is finished and foster new life that is trying to emerge.

Now it’s your turn, dear reader. What are the influences, activities, and people that cause you to shine?
Describe the environment that fosters your wisdom, and helps you to bring the best that is in you out to the rest of us who are waiting.(1)

In Part 2 of this post, I’m going to use Dawna’s list as a springboard for my own list of “No Matter Whats” for living my life with purpose. I trust both these examples will encourage you to write your own list and change your environment to one that enables a fulfilling life.

1. Excerpts from Landscape of the Soul, Dawna Markova. http://www.soulfulliving.com/landscapesofsoul.htm
2. See Dawna Markova’s books and blog at DawnaMarkova.com http://www.dawnamarkova.com/