Table of contents for The Effects of Anger

1. Anger and Its Residual Effects Part 1
2. Anger and Its Residual Effects Part 2

This is Part  2 of a tw0 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read it. In Part 1, we covered types of anger, anger’s effects on family relationships and your spiritual life, and more.

6. Other Various Negative Effects

Here are some proverbs that express other negative residual effects from anger:

Leads to evil responses. Ps. 37:8 – Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret– it leads only to evil.

Produces strife and reduces the honor of your reputation. Pr. 20:3 – It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. P. 30:33 – For as churning the milk produces butter, so stirring up anger produces strife.

Keeps you from acting in wisdom and self-control. Pr. – 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Ecc. 7:9 – Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

7. God Encourages Us to Get Rid of Anger.

It is interesting, here, that the list of things to eliminate from our lives are things are usually all associated with anger, or result from anger.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice (Eph. 4:31).
But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Col. 3:8).

When one is in a state of anger, your mind races, imagining all the things you want to say or do to the person or what ill-will you wish towards them. God instructs, as part of anger management, to still your mind and spirit so you can hear direction and wisdom of God for proper response. Stilling your mind is necessary to avoid harmful responses.

In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent (Ps. 4:4).

8. Even the Emotion of Anger Over Injustice Must Eventually Subside.

Even over injustice, you must move past anger because it’s affect on your perspective. The extreme emotions of anger create a view toward revenge, malice, bitterness and unforgiveness. These are harmful to yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (Jm. 1:19,20).

Anger’s negative effect on your relationship with God causes you not to live as He desires you to live. You will be acting on wrong motivation and wrong emotional responses.

9. God’s Example With His Own Anger

God Himself sets an example of (1) being slow to become angry and (2) quick to get over it. This is even in the case of injustice, because, obviously, God’s anger is only in response to evil and injustice.

The LORD is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet He does not leave the guilty unpunished (Num. 14:18).
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime (Ps. 30:5)
He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever (Ps. 103:9)

1o. Guidelines for our Responses.

There could be a large list here, but I’ll keep it to a few short principles. First, as anger and all it entails is related to a corrupt mind, as God states in this next quote, He urges us to flee or leave behind that type of lifestyle and run to a life that is characteristic of the nature of God.

He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between men of corrupt mind. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness (1 Tim 6:4,5,11).

We should make it a personal policy to speak slowly and softly when tempted to respond in an outburst of anger.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Pr 15:1).

Again in this passage below, God urges us to be completely enveloped or “clothed” with His divine nature. (You have to visualize the clothing worn in the culture at the time this was written-covered from head to toe.) This includes forgiveness, so that your own spirit and emotions are not harmed. Forgiveness does not mean giving in to evil people. Forgiveness takes place in your own spirit. If you missed the post on Forgiveness or Reconciliation – Understanding the Difference, follow the link.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts (Col 3:12-15).

God desires peace to rule in your spirit, as well as in your relationship with Him and other people. Free your life from the residual effects of anger. Still your mind, forgive, and envelope yourself in His nature!

Table of contents for The Effects of Anger

1. Anger and Its Residual Effects Part 1
2. Anger and Its Residual Effects Part 2

Anger is an area in which we all can improve. Realizing the residual effects on our spirits and relationships can be motivational.

A reader recently asked about the effects on anger on one’s spiritual life. Let me clarify that we are not referring to the type of anger one feels over injustice, but rather the type that involves fury, rage, bitterness, and malice [ill-will]. As anger effects one’s interpersonal relationships as well as your spirit, let’s take a look at both aspects in this tw0-part post.

1. First, Realize that Anger Over Injustice is not Evil Even by God’s Standards.

Some people feel guilty over any type of anger. This is not correct. We should feel anger over injustice, as it causes us to protect ourselves and those who cannot protect themselves. Jesus Himself experienced anger over injustice. “He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts (Mk. 3:5).” However, even anger over injustice needs to eventually return to a less emotional state of reasoning, but we will discuss that later in the post.

2. The Type of Anger that has Negative Residual Effects is Associated with Rage.

The Greek words used for “anger” in Scripture contain the ideas of being provoked, enraged, exasperated, full of wrath and vengeance, and violently emotional. (Strong’s Dictionary of New Testament Words.) This is the kind of anger that is irrational and so overrun by emotion that it acts without thinking through the consequences of its actions. It includes thoughts of malice-desiring harm or other negative situations to come to the other person.

3. Holding on to Anger Corrupts Your Spirit.

Some people are prone to frequent bursts of anger that are short-lived; however, many of us hold on to anger. The irrational rage-type of anger is harmful to your spirit and relationships either way, but holding on to anger causes a great deal of internal harm, emotionally and to your spirit. Take a look at these quotes:

Be made new in the attitude of your minds…In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold (Eph 4:23,26,27).

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many (Heb 12:14,15).

Holding on to anger has negative residual effects on your spirit. According to these quotes, it “gives the devil a foothold” or keeps an open door in your spirit to evil forces. It causes bitterness which will defile your spirit and can actually harm one’s eternal destiny, as the defiling of one’s spirit or lack of holiness can cause one to not “see the Lord.”

4. Anger Harms Family Relationships that You are Spiritually Responsible For.

Your Children
Scripture says that attitudes or actions that are hard on your children or exasperate your children-depending on the translation, actually break their spirits and bring discouragement.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, or they will become discouraged. OR
Fathers, do not be hard on your children, so that their spirits may not be broken (Col. 3:21).

Your Spouse
In this passage, God is speaking to husbands, but the principle goes both directions. It specifically says that treating your partner with a lack of respect, which anger does, hinders your prayers. If it is harmful enough in God’s eyes to hinder your prayers, it is obviously a matter that is harming your partner.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect…and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Pet. 3:7).

5. Anger Negatively Affects Fasting and Prayer

In part of Jewish history, the people were complaining to God for not answering their prayers even after they had devoted themselves to fasting. God goes through a list of their behavior that caused Him not to respond to their prayers and fasting. Part of that behavior that hinders God’s responses to you is anger, referred to here specifically as “quarreling and strife.”

“Why have we fasted,” they say, “and you have not seen it?”…Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high…Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke [bondage]? (Is. 58:3,4,6)

This is Part 1 of a two-part post.  In Part 2, we will discuss other effects of anger, overcoming anger, and guidelines for our responses.

I’ve mentioned before in some other posts the power of your words; even scientific studies show how words affect one’s body. Your words are produced by your thoughts. Those words/thoughts tell your body how to respond, in addition to directing your mental and emotional focus for the day.

Use this quote as a quick check to see whether your words are producing positive or negative power in your life:

Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil words, nor unwholesome or worthless talk ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good and beneficial to the progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace — God’s favor — to those who hear it. Eph. 4:29

How consistently are your words worthless or beneficial, fitting to people’s needs, enabling your life progress, enabling others’ life progress, imparting God’s blessing and favor into your life as you hear them and others’ lives as they hear them?

Check your Word Power! You determine the outcome!

When R.H.Schuller was growing up, drought ravaged their family farm. They prayed for rain that never came. His Dad, who normally harvested 100 wagon loads of corn, reaped only half a wagon full. Schuller says, “I’ll never forget it. His calloused hands holding ours as he looked up and prayed, ‘Thank you Lord, I’ve lost nothing. I’ve regained all the seed I planted in spring.’ While other farmers were saying, ‘We lost 90 or 100 loads,’ my father told me, ‘Never count the might-have-beens or you will be defeated. Never look at what you have lost, only look at what you have left.’ ” 1

Many of you have lost much financially this year.  I challenge you to remove your focus from what you’ve lost –so you will not be defeated– and focus on every incredible good that you still have in life, be it health, a home, family, friends, past victories, dreams for the future. Be undefeated!  Keep a grateful focus on what you still have!

1 word4U2day

Take a look at this self-evaluation quote:

Picture your life twenty years from now. Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is and what your future holds?… Does your current lifestyle predict that you will be happy and fulfilled, or disappointed and frustrated? Think about it. What does your bank account look like? How much retirement money have you set aside? How much debt do you owe? What are you doing to improve your health and well-being? How is your family really doing? The answers to these questions may be an indication that a few changes need to be made.(1- see below “8 Steps to Create the Life You Want”)

Were the emotions you experienced from reading these questions positive or negative? Emotions result from the thoughts you’ve been thinking. As a result, those emotions dramatically impact your decisions.

If you are going to improve the quality of your decisions, you must first improve the quality of the words you speak/think about your life.

Controlling the words that you speak and think about your life is a foundational point for improving your life. Much like the Law of Attraction, if you are speaking and thinking negative words about your life, you will attract negative circumstances as well as negative responses from other people because that is what you are resonating from your own person about your life.

How can you expect to have positive, life-changing ideas to accomplish your goals if your words and thoughts are focused on the negative? How will positive, successful people offer you productive opportunities if you are emanating defeat? It is essential to realize here that, even if your present circumstances are actually negative, speaking and thinking about the negative will only keep you there.

You alone are responsible for making changes to your words, thoughts, emotions, and ultimately-your decisions.

Since getting past the negative emotions that presently form your decisions is overcome by speaking and thinking positively about your needs and goals, it is a change that only you can make. Quit blaming others for holding you back. Start taking in positive input from articles or talks given by life coaches or successful business people that you admire. Reading the “8 Steps to Create…” by Creflo Dollar about his approach of taking control of your life by speaking and thinking positively has already greatly influenced myself and my spouse.

Here are some past posts on Controlling Your Thoughts/Words that will be helpful to you in the move to positive words and thoughts:

Take Charge of Your Thoughts, Take Charge of Your Life
Better Thoughts for a Better Life
Making Real Change to Thoughts, Feelings, or Behavior
Practical Ideas for Overcoming Fear

I challenge you to take responsibility now for improving your decisions until there are no negative emotions forming the decisions you make.

There is a famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt regarding taking responsibility for your own decisions. It says,

One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.(2)

1. Creflo Dollar, 8 Steps to Create the Life You Want, p. 28
2. Eleanor Roosevelt Quote, QuotationsBook.com http://quotationsbook.com/quote/6544/

I read a great post the other day by fellow SelfGrowth.com expert, Jaqui Duvall, on moving from self-criticism to positive self talk, along with the benefits of it and the how-to’s.  I’m going to give you a few highlights of her article here.  Please use this link or the link below to read Jaqui’s full article, “Proactively Start Your Day with Positive Self Talk.”

Though the old saying about sticks and stones says, “Words will never hurt me,” words do hurt; often, our own words hurt the most.

This is the premise for Jaqui’s article.  The words we speak to ourselves in our minds are often even more harsh and more harmful than the words of other people.  Interestingly enough, she has found that many of her clients admit that they are their own worst critic instead of their own best friend.

There is a common source for this type of inner, self criticism.  Psychologists say that it is directly linked to how we were talked to as children, that we “imitate the parenting we received inside our own heads, continuing the practice of praising, disciplining, etc.”  Any nurturing voice in one’s mind is usually drowned out by the critical ones.  If fear is involved, such as about finances and the economy, self criticism can quickly spiral out of control with negative inner monologues.

Deliberate, intentional action can change the inner critic to a nurturing, supportive role, leading one to positive outcomes. 

Jaqui says,

The good news is we can actually change our inner self-talk and we can change what comes out of our mouths. Catching the inner critic before it starts beating us up and shifting our words to nurturing, supportive direction, like a coach would give, can lead to more positive outcomes in our lives. Being conscious, deliberate and intentional about what we say and what we think takes raising awareness, making a choice and acting differently.

There are several specific suggestions Jaqui makes to break the self critic pattern:

1.  Observe Yourself – Pay attention to your inner talk, how you interpret situations, and what you are saying when no one is around to hear you.

2.  Journal Your Inner Talk – Re-reading the inner talk you’ve journaled helps you see more easily when thinking becomes distorted.

3.  Get an Unbiased Opinion – We cannot always be objective about ourselves; get input.  For example, when Jaqui had a lull in class attendance, an outside source essentially told her, “You can view this personally which will bring discouragement and be disempowering, or admit that people are being more cautious in this economy and use the extra time wisely.”

4.  Act Differently – You must go beyond noticing the inner criticism and follow through with new affirmations — out loud.  Speaking positively out loud is essential to establishing new patterns.

5.  Be Proactive, Not Reactive – If you allow self-critical thoughts to start, it is more difficult to change to a positive direction. Choose to be self-supportive first.

6.  Start the Morning with Positive Self Talk – Speak empowering affirmations first thing in the morning, which is a negative time for most people.

Following Jaqui’s advice can take you from the self-defeating habit of being a self-critic to developing a new positive pattern of self talk, creating better self-esteem and positive, empowering outcomes!

Jaqui Duvall is an author, life coach, and counselor.  Read her full article online here, Proactively Start Your Day with Positive Self Talk 

 What emotions do you experience when you think of your future?

Take a look at this self-evaluation quote from “8 Steps to Create the Life You Want:”

Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is and what your future holds?…Picture your life twenty years from now. Does your current lifestyle predict that you will be happy and fulfilled, or disappointed and frustrated? Think about it. What does your bank account look like? How much retirement money have you set aside? How much debt do you owe? What are you doing to improve your health and well-being? How is your family really doing? The answers to these questions may be an indication that a few changes need to be made.(1)

Were the emotions you experienced from reading these questions positive or negative? Emotions result from the thoughts you’ve been thinking. As a result, those emotions dramatically impact your decisions.

If you are going to improve the quality of your decisions, you must first improve the quality of the words you speak/think about your life.

Controlling the words that you speak and think about your life is a foundational point for improving your life. Much like the Law of Attraction, if you are speaking and thinking negative words about your life, you will attract negative circumstances as well as negative responses from other people because that is what you are putting forth from your own person about your life.

How can you expect to have positive, life-changing ideas to accomplish your goals if your words and thoughts are focused on the negative? How will positive, successful people offer you productive opportunities if you are emanating defeat? It is essential to realize here that, even if your present circumstances are actually negative, speaking and thinking about the negative will only keep you there.

You alone are responsible for making changes to your words, thoughts, emotions, and ultimately-your decisions.

Since getting past the negative emotions that presently form your decisions is overcome by speaking and thinking positively about your needs and goals, it is a change that only you can make. Quit blaming others for holding you back. Start taking in positive input from articles or talks given by life coaches or successful business people that you admire. I’m now reading through the “8 Steps to Create…” by Creflo Dollar as his approach to life of taking control of your life by speaking and thinking positively has already greatly influenced myself and my spouse.

Here are some past posts on Controlling Your Thoughts/Words that will be helpful to you in the move to positive words and thoughts:

Take Charge of Your Thoughts, Take Charge of Your Life
Better Thoughts for a Better Life
Making Real Change to Thoughts, Feelings, or Behavior
Practical Ideas for Overcoming Fear

I challenge you to take responsibility now for improving your decisions until there are no negative emotions forming the decisions you make.

There is a famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt regarding taking responsibility for your own decisions. It says,

One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.(2)

1. Creflo Dollar, 8 Steps to Create the Life You Want, p. 28
2. Eleanor Roosevelt Quote, QuotationsBook.com http://quotationsbook.com/quote/6544/

Table of contents for Healing Words

1. Healing Words
2. Healing Words Part 2

Reading Level: Leisurely

Recent events in the US Open were a good illustration of the harm that quickly comes to people on both ends of a conversation through a careless moment with one’s words.

It made headlines the last few days of the US Open (tennis) when a few careless words in an attempt to joke brought great offense to another athlete, visibly hindering his play in the quarters and semifinals. We began following the sport a few years ago when we watched Wimbledon with a visiting friend. Commentators mentioned that medical staff for the players avoid giving many details on injuries; this seems logical as it would give an advantage to the opponent. When Andy Roddick was asked in an interview about his strategy for an upcoming match with Novak Djokovic’, he made a careless remark implying that Djokokvic’ had so many injuries that he would be easy to beat. We, ourselves, were startled at the words, as one of the things we’ve appreciated about the sport is an apparent higher level of conduct than in most sports; in pre and post games interviews that we’ve seen, it is standard that the athletes always compliment their opponents. Though Roddick later stated that the remark was only a joke, the offense soon made international headline news.

Most of us are fortunate enough that are words are not publicized by the press, but the results of such a remark paint a clear portrait for us. It was an opportunity in which immense character could have been displayed by the offender.

Djokovic’ and his family were deeply offended by the remark and his normal, fighting spirit was no where to be found in his last match of the Open; one could see a visible oppression on his spirit. We all fail, at times, with our words. Scripture says that, otherwise, we would be perfect people–meaning if we were so disciplined as to perfectly control our words, we would be perfect in all other areas of our lives as well. Unfortunately, Americans are known for frequently causing insult while attempting humor. Personally, I would rather that Roddick have gone a step further than just saying the careless, insulting words were a joke and have brought quick resolution to the whole situation by a simple apology. It leaves a memorable impression on people’s lives when you display such character as to apologize for words that were unintentionally offensive; it shows that you have enough value for other people to bring resolution, as well as a high commitment to personal responsibility by correcting mistakes from a moment of carelessly chosen words.

Unknown to most people, careless words create a permanent legacy, even in the spiritual realm.

Though most of us have the tendency to laugh off or excuse the mistake of our careless words, Jesus gave an unusually harsh warning as to the eternal effect of careless words.

But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned (Mt. 12:36,37)

Few people ever realize that their eternal position before God will largely be based on their careless words.

The guideline for our every word is to be based on its benefit.

I’ve always appreciated this quote for the clear standard it gives us for our words.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God…( Eph 4:29,30).

Your relationships, your reputation, and your eternal position before God are greatly enhanced by a commitment to avoid careless words and only speak what it helpful. Notice a couple of main points:

1. Make it a personal standard to gear your conversation around what is helpful to the needs of the people you are talking to or about.

2. Make a personal commitment that what you say is beneficial to anyone who may overhear your comment. (We should have all learned that one from the video clips of politicians who didn’t realize their mics were still on.)

3. By keeping in mind that careless words actually grieve the Spirit of God, our motivation will be boosted to be disciplined with our words.

Lastly, people’s opinion of you is greatly elevated when you are known for gracious words.

One last illustration from the sports world. The world’s two top tennis players in recent years, Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer, have not only the typical fan following, but have won widespread notice and respect worldwide due to the consistency to be gracious in their words. Their discipline to be gracious in their words and attitudes is so outstanding that reports on their athletic abilities almost always include mention their exceptional level of graciousness as well. It is a trait that is rarely seen in our world, and when someone is disciplined enough to be consistently gracious in their words, the world takes notice.

Be a person people want to respect and remember because you are known for consistency in the graciousness of your words.