From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

August 27th, 2013

Table of contents for From Rejection to Self Esteem

  1. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1
  2. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

In rejection recovery, realize that negative thoughts cannot be changed without replacing them with positive ones.

This is Part 2 of a 2 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read it first as Part 1 covers the two initial steps for recovering from rejection.

To overcome the negativity that is overrunning your thought life as a result of the rejection, you must actively make yourself think on thoughts that will move you forward to the productive life you should be living. There are 3 main ways to replace thoughts of rejection.

1. Base your value on God’s value of you. With all the beauty that exists in creation, with all the billions of people, God still loves you and considers you precious and honored in His sight (Is. 43:4). Scripture describes that God saw your unformed body before you were born, already knew all the days of your life before it began, and that His thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand–because He thinks so often about you. (Ps. 139:15-18) Throughout the up’s and down’s of life, it is essential that you base your value of yourself on the value God sees in you. This is the only way your value of yourself can remain constant. It cannot be based on people because people come and go in our lives, even if it is by death. Your value cannot be based on your career or other abilities because, one day, you will no longer be able to do those things.

2. Be your own cheerleader. This is a self-help tip that I’ve heard Joel Osteen say many times and it is worth repeating. Every day, get up in the morning and be your own cheerleader. Say good things about yourself to yourself! Speak to yourself about God’s value of you. Throughout the day, remind yourself of your value and your abilities. And, it doesn’t hurt to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1

August 22nd, 2013

Table of contents for From Rejection to Self Esteem

  1. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1
  2. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why someone would feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke off the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection — and you already know you need to work on that aspect — quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such a way as to allow for healing and reconciliation Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Criticism – Turning it into a Tool Part 2

February 13th, 2013

Table of contents for Criticism

  1. Criticism – Turning it into a Tool Part 2

Whether a criticism is intended to be harmful or helpful, you can still choose to be in control of how it affects you.

This is Part 2 of a 2-part post. If you missed Part 1, which covered –evaluating the person’s intent, controlling your thoughts from purposely harmful words, and learning to evaluate the criticism objectively–please use the series link above to read Part 1 first.

Third, decide whether or not you have grown to the point of accepting positive criticism.

Though no one usually enjoys criticism, not all criticism is bad. Sometimes, the hurt we feel is not because the criticism is harmful, but because we have not grown to accept constructive criticism. For example, if the criticism came from a boss, yet you are feeling extremely hurt, it may be that you have not learned to accept even helpful criticism because your self-esteem is not well established. Though there are some bosses with issues, usually criticism on the job comes from people who have more experience on the job than you and are trying to catapult you to reach your potential. If you sense this is your situation, work on establishing your self-esteem or self-worth as well as taking captive the unrealistic thoughts that your Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Criticism – Turning it into a Tool Part 1

February 9th, 2013

Whether a criticism is intended to be harmful or helpful, you can still choose to be in control of how it affects you.

Criticism is similar to many other events in our lives in that we can choose both the extent to which it affects us, as well as the type of outcome it has upon us.

Most of us remember the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Yet, many people carry hurt their entire lives as a result of critical words spoken to them during childhood. While there is some truth to the old saying, the error in it is that words can “never” hurt; yes, they can hurt if we are unaware of the fact that we can choose not to allow them to harm us. This is especially the case during childhood when we are supposed to be in a loving, nurturing environment in which we shouldn’t need to protect ourselves and, hence, haven’t learned how to do so. Once we begin growing and stepping out of our protected environment, we must learn to evaluate critical statements as to whether they have any value and use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth.

A reader asked specifically about dealing with unfounded criticism, so we will also cover that in the process of this post.

First of all, consider the source of the criticism and what you perceive the person’s intent to be.

Did the criticism come from someone that is usually a harmful person by nature? If that is the case, it is most likely Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Criticism – Turning it into a Tool

February 20th, 2011

Whether a criticism is intended to be harmful or helpful, you can still choose to be in control of how it affects you.

Criticism is similar to many other events in our lives in that we can choose both the extent to which it affects us, as well as the type of outcome it has upon us.

Most of us remember the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Yet, many people carry hurt their entire lives as a result of critical words spoken to them during childhood. While there is some truth to the old saying, the error in it is that words can “never” hurt; yes, they can hurt if we are unaware of the fact that we can choose not to allow them to harm us. This is especially the case during childhood when we are supposed to be in a loving, nurturing environment in which we shouldn’t need to protect ourselves and, hence, haven’t learned how to do so. Once we begin growing and stepping out of our protected environment, we must learn to evaluate critical statements as to whether they have any value and use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth.

A reader asked specifically about dealing with unfounded criticism, so we will also cover that in the process of this post.

First of all, consider the source of the criticism and what you perceive the person’s intent to be.

Did the criticism come from someone that is usually a harmful person by nature? If that is the case, it is most likely Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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From Self Criticism to Self Empowerment

December 10th, 2010

Negative words from other people may not be as harmful as the negative words you speak to yourself.

I read a great post the other day by fellow SelfGrowth.com expert, Jaqui Duvall, on moving from self-criticism to positive self talk, along with the benefits of it and the how-to’s.  I’m going to give you a few highlights of her article here.  Please use this link or the link below to read Jaqui’s full article, “Proactively Start Your Day with Positive Self Talk.”

Though the old saying about sticks and stones says, “Words will never hurt me,” words do hurt; often, our own words hurt the most.

This is the premise for Jaqui’s article.  The words we speak to ourselves in our minds are often even more harsh and more harmful than the words of other people.  Interestingly enough, she has found that many of her clients admit that they are their own worst critic instead of their own best friend.

There is a common source for this type of inner, self criticism.  Psychologists say that it is directly linked to how we were talked to as children, that we “imitate the parenting we received inside our own heads, continuing the practice of praising, disciplining, etc.”  Any nurturing voice in one’s mind is usually drowned out by the critical ones.  If fear is involved Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Mother Teresa and Abundance

October 3rd, 2008

Reading Level: Leisurely

One’s level of abundance and wholeness in life is often determined by your own chosen responses.

One’s goal in life must be directed solely by what you know to be your God-given destiny, not by how other people respond to it. There is a incredible, thought-provoking poem said to have been on a wall in Mother Teresa’s orphanage, though the source is unknown. It aptly describes how one’s level of abundance and wholeness depend on your personal response and commitment to your goals or destiny regardless of people’s responses. These points are also key to personal growth and spiritual maturity. A brief biography of Mother Teresa follows the poem.

People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
people may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be Kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and
some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
People may cheat you;
be honest and frank anyway. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Rejection to Self Esteem Building

September 3rd, 2008

Reading Level: Gratifying

Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why would someone feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection–and you already know you need to work on that aspect–quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such as way as to allow for healing and reconciliation in the relationship, the offender is not presently, and may never be, in a mental/emotional state to have a long-term, healthy relationship. As it is, it is much more likely, since they were unwilling to communicate in a way as to provide for reconciliation, that the major emotional issues are on their part.

Second, quit being too hard on yourself.

If you are aware of certain mistakes you made that contributed to the rejection, you can always work on changing those behaviors, even getting profession help if needed. However, you must be realistic in accessing your failures. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Criticism – Turning it into a Tool

August 19th, 2008

Reading Level: Gratifying

Whether a criticism is intended to be harmful or helpful, you can still choose to be in control of how it affects you.

Criticism is similar to many other events in our lives in that we can choose both the extent to which it affects us, as well as the type of outcome it has upon us. Most of us remember the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Yet, many people carry hurt their entire lives as a result of critical words spoken to them during childhood. While there is some truth to the old saying, the error in it is that words can “never” hurt; yes, they can hurt if we are unaware of the fact that we can choose not to allow them to harm us. This is especially the case during childhood when we are supposed to be in a loving, nurturing environment in which we shouldn’t need to protect ourselves and, hence, haven’t learned how to do so. Once we begin growing and stepping out of our protected environment, we must learn to evaluate critical statements as to whether they have any value and use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth.

A reader asked specifically about dealing with unfounded criticism, so we will also cover that in the process of this post.

First of all, consider the source of the criticism and what you perceive the person’s intent to be.

Did the criticism come from someone that is usually a harmful person by nature? If that is the case, it is most likely something that needs to be discarded. Also, if the person is harmful by nature, realize that the hostility of the words they spoke also needs to be discarded from your thought life. Their words only have power over you if you continue to think on them. Whatever you think on will alter your emotions and influence your decisions. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Not Allowing Hurt to Stay Central Focus

February 16th, 2008

Reading Level: Leisurely

I have never been one for being interested in “TV preachers.” However, I have in the recent months developed a good deal of respect for Joel Osteen, pastor of the US’s largest church, with over 30,000 in attendance. Two things I appreciate. First, his preaching is atypical. Second, he is the only pastor I have ever heard that speaks every message, even ones on hardship, failure, correction, etc. in a positive manner. It is an obvious gifting. Surprisingly, or maybe not, he consistently draws a great deal of criticism for being positive. I heard part of an interview with him once where he spoke of all the criticism he had received for not being like his dad (now deceased), a former pastor and healing evangelist. Joel believes his personal calling in life is to give a message of hope and encouragement to the world; I respect that he chose to go against the grain, to be himself, and follow his bliss.

In a message called, “Don’t Allow Criticism to Steal Your Dream,” the following quote released healing for me.

“Your destiny is not tied to what other people say about you. It does not change what God has put in your heart. Let God take care of those who hurt you. Stay focused on the future. Don’t let hurt become the central focus of your life.”

Though his examples, if I recall, were of people who allowed certain hurts to totally destroy them with bitterness or defeat, I realized how much a recent hurt had become the central focus of my life. It was repeatedly coming to my mind throughout the day. The moment the thought came, I could feel it deplete energy from my body. It was diminishing my ability to focus on my work, not to mention stealing the level of joy at which I usually function. I had to take control of this hurt. Though it was not a typical life-altering crisis–there were some of those last year–it had still become the center focus of my life without my realizing it. I had to re-focus on my destiny. I have always been a dreamer, a visionary. I had to re-focus on the joy that is mine because I am a person of destiny! I know there are divine plans for my life that will not be altered just because others don’t believe in them.

You are alive! You are a person of destiny! If there is a hurt that is staying the central focus of every day, draining the energy and focus from your life, re-focus today on the dreams and visions that you know are yours! Focus on the truth you know in your heart!

(The message referred to above is video #337 at www.joelosteen.com . You can push the scroll bar about half way through to get past the music to the 30 minute sermon.)

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