If you are a giver and your giving has left yourself in need, it is time to re-prioritize.

In actuality, all the people you love, those that you have expended yourself to help and sacrificed your own well-being, will be better off after you re-focus on self help! This article by fellow SelfGrowth.com professional, Lori Snyder, covers 10 basic steps for getting back to daily care for yourself.

Lori admits that she herself was so busy with everyone else’s needs that she sidelined her own needs, only to discover that the reality was, by neglecting her own needs and not meeting them first, she was not able to give her best to those she loves. These are brief excerpts from Ms. Snyder’s article. Use the link in the footnote below to read the full article.

1. Start each day filled with gratitude for all that you are…Appreciate the beauty all around you. [I would suggest, at the beginning, to make a list of self appreciation points. If you’ve neglected yourself for a long time, it will be difficult at the beginning to really focus on your own value.]

2. Count your blessings for the people who you love and who love you…They all come, and some go, for a reason.

3. Take a moment of silence for yourself to meditate, and think about what your needs of the day are, and what you would like to accomplish.

4. Be mindful of your health, and incorporate a wellness schedule into your week. Exercise, eat healthy, get enough rest.

5. Look at your goals sheet quickly each week, and evaluate how you are doing with them.

6. Learn new things, research something you have always been interested in. Talk about them with your loved ones.

7. Take the time to give loved ones and friends, a squeezing hug.

8. Come from a positive mindset. This will help you to create a happier state of being.

9. Take time to play. This can be any hobby or activity that you truly enjoy.

10. Do not be afraid to say no to someone…Tell them you still care about their needs, it is just that you cannot do what they ask of you at this time. You can choose to state your reasons for your decision or not.

This ending quote by Lori is both a good summary and challenge:

If your needs are met, you will be in much better spiritual, mental and physical shape to be there for all the people in your life who are important to you. And you will be in a much happier frame of mind to want to support them with their needs.

Please use this link to read Lori Snyder’s full article, Looking Out for Number One. 

Each of us desires a long, abundant life with our loved ones. Yet, do your daily decisions work for or against that desire?

These past 2 months have been one of those seasons of life that come to all of us. Tomorrow is a funeral for a friend that died suddenly and unexpectedly. Another friend has been in ICU for weeks. The first person had lived a life that was very abusive to his physical health for years, having just made a change in the recent past. The other friend has lived the more typical unhealthy life of too many sodas and mostly processed foods. She has had many health issues that have drastically affected her family and friends for the whole past year and has now been in ICU for a good part of 2 months. She almost died a couple of weeks ago and still has life-threatening issues going on. Both should have had a good 20 to 30 more years of living an abundant life, loving life and loving family, but the choice of poor daily health habits stole the precious gift of long abundant life not only from them, but from their friends and families.

We need to be reminded of how essential the little daily choices regarding health-food, sleep, exercise-are truly the ultimate decision for a long life.

Every day that you get up, you make seemingly insignificant choices regarding what you eat, whether or not you skip exercise, how you deal with stress, if you get enough sleep. These decisions come so frequently that one usually makes them almost without thinking. Each little decision not to do what is beneficial to your physical health is, in actuality, a decision of whether or not to embrace a long abundant life, with time to live life, enjoying and loving your family and friends, and giving them the gift of that time to love you and enjoy your presence on this earth. Isn’t that what each of us want? Yet it seems so easy to choose otherwise. There is a quote worth remembering,

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Ps. 90:12

Being aware of your daily health choices is an aspect of wisdom. This quote is a prayer to God asking for the ability to be wise in making choices that affect the number of one’s days on this earth, to value each day with its gift of life enough to be wise in how those days are used and how not to unnecessarily shorten them.

Life events such as funerals are moments that cause one to re-evaluate how wisely he or she is living life.

I, myself, this week was again brought to a point of evaluating how fleeting and how fragile the precious gift of life is, and which daily choices I and my family need to change to so that valuable time together living an abundant life is not lost. What does it take to remind you that your little daily health choices are, in effect, the overriding decision of whether or not you want to live a long abundant life with family and friends? Do you really want to deprive yourself of long life with those daily, thoughtless choices? Do you really want to deprive your loved ones of long life with you-your spouse, children, and grandchildren?

After decades of being a great, effective leader of millions of people, knowing he was about to die, Moses spoke to the Jewish nation about the things that were most important to their lives, guidelines for daily living so that they would live long, prosperous lives with their loved ones. The events in my own life brought these words back to mind. I want to share them as a challenge with you:

See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. Deut. 30:15,19

Everyone desires to be in better control of achieving the life they desire.

I recently read a post by one of my favorite bloggers, Susan Hanshaw of Sanctuary for Change. Susan just turned 50 and did some re-evaluation which resulted in the realization that she wanted a different level of control in her life now than what she had experienced during her first 50 years.

Here is an excerpt from her post on “How to Take Control of Your Life” with 5 points to make you more effective in that area.

Use the link below to read Susan’s full post:

I pretty much let the energy of life pull me along for my first 50 years…Now I am feeling a lot more motivated to step in and take control. 

How do you take control of your life?

1. Acknowledge that your life needs the same kind of planning that you give your weekends. We all have a lot more power to create awesome lives than we recognize. It starts with direction.
2. Set aside time to focus on what you want to create with your life. Let dreams be born and believed in.
3. Begin every day focused on your vision. Recognize that your attention fuels whatever you focus on.
4. Uphold the vision throughout the day. Continue to visit your vision in your mind as your reality.
5. Work on believing that your vision will manifest. Get in touch with whatever is holding you back from your vision and work on breaking through limiting thoughts.

Please use this link to Read Susan’s Full Post.

Table of contents for Conquering Day to Day Fears

1. Is Fear the Center of Your Attention?
2. The Link Between Fear and Expectation

Reading Level: Gratifying

Expectation plays a large part in what takes place in your life.

Your expectations are important. Expectation affects your emotions as well as your responses to both people and circumstances. (This is Part 2 on Fear. If you missed the first post, “Is Fear the Center of Your Attention?,” please use this link to read it first.) It is easy to understand that if you are “expecting” a situation to go badly or “expecting” a person to respond to you negatively, you yourself will not speak or behave in the same positive manner as when you are anticipating good. This is how a person, by living according to fears, actually triggers situations to turn out poorly or people to respond to him negatively without even realizing his influence.

Mark Twain said,

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Most of our fearful expectations never take place; however, the consequences of those fearful expectations in one’s physical health, relationships, and reactions to situations still produce negative effects that would not have been there if one was not expecting bad to happen.

When feeling the tendency to fear and expect negative outcomes, choose instead to focus your attention on good possibilities.

If your fearful expectations cause you to interact in a negative way with people and circumstances, then creating less than favorable results, the opposite is also true. Choosing to anticipate good resolutions to situations and positive interactions with people will cause you to speak and act in healthy, constructive ways; your positive, healthy words and actions then bring about more favorably responses in both people and circumstances.

Let’s take a look at 2 practical examples of how a person’s positive expectations, rather than fearful ones, affect his or her interactions with people and situations.

Look first at this illustration about a blind beggar:

As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city of Jericho, a blind man, Bartimaeus, was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth walking by, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” Mk. 10:46-48

Here is a man whom likely had many fearful expectations. Blindness had taken from him his career and livelihood, as well as many other enjoyments of life we take for granted. People would have treated him differently all his life due to being a blind beggar. Yet, having heard of God’s power working through Jesus to heal, his expectations of (1) good, positive personal interaction with Jesus and (2) the possibility of being healed caused him to yell to get Jesus’ attention. He continued to cry out even though the crowd yelled at him to stop. Jesus did hear him, stop, and heal him. The blind man’s life was restored to all the good for which he had hoped. Realize that the key to this man’s new life was his expectation. If he had given in to fearful expectations, of Jesus’ rejection or of not being healed, he would never have yelled out to attract Jesus’ attention, especially after being harassed by the crowd.

Here is a similar illustration with the friends of a paralytic:

Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus. Luke 5:18-19

These four friends (Mk. 2:3) of the paralytic had positive expectations. They would not have carried their friend on a mat through a mob-size crowd unless they had first been motivated by good expectations, both relationship-wise with Jesus and in the paralytic’s circumstance. Once they were unable to even get their paralytic friend into the house where Jesus was, people with fearful expectations, who really did not believe in a good outcome, would have given up and gone home. Instead, by anticipating good, they had healthy emotions and constructive actions which overcame the obstacles in an innovative manner. What was the result? They received the anticipated outcome – a good personal response from Jesus and a change in the paralytic’s circumstances; he could now walk!

Make a decision to daily have positive expectations instead of fearful ones!

Even during unexpected difficulties, you will still respond better in your emotions and decision-making. Your anticipation of good resolutions and positive people interactions will bring far more favorable results in life than by living in fear.

Table of contents for Conquering Day to Day Fears

1. Is Fear the Center of Your Attention?
2. The Link Between Fear and Expectation

Reading Level: Leisurely

As the ideas of economic upheaval, threats and dangers of war, disease, or other factors beyond one’s ability vie for control of your thoughts, where is your attention?

Fear is a major factor of everyday life in the times in which we live. It is a force that one must come to terms with. Fear can control one’s life, altering your every decision. It can change your health due to the stress it creates. It can steal creativity and rational thought. It hinders spiritual receptivity. It is a force that cannot be ignored or it will grow in control and dominate your life.

Make the decision to be in control of your thoughts.

It is vital to control your thoughts, rather than allowing them to have free, random access to your mind – the center of all your decision making. Scripture refers to this as “taking captive” every thought (2 Cor. 10:5).   A simpler way to express it may be to say whatever controls your thought life controls you. Is fear the center of your attention?

You may feel that it is necessary to fear. With all the uncertainty with the economy, with the instability of the political world, it may give you a false sense of doing something constructive by worrying about all of it. However, worrying about what is beyond your control is destructive in far more ways than just those mentioned in the first paragraph of this post. No one else can do this for you. Neither will it be easy at first, especially if it is a long engrained habit, but you must make the decision to “take captive” your thoughts, removing the fear that runs rampant in your mind.

Here is an illustration to help you grasp how vital it is to the well-being of the various aspects of your life to remove fear from the center of your attention.

I want you to imagine the fears in your thought life as raging waves of the ocean. You are in the center of all these raging waves. As you keep the center of your focus on all the raging waves, the fear is overwhelming. You may say, “But I have to focus on the raging waves! They are a danger to me. It would be irresponsible not to focus my attention on their threat.” All the while, someone has come up behind you in a ship and thrown out a life preserver to you. The life preserver is there bobbing in the water, but you are completely missing the life-giving, life-preserving opportunities because you are focused on what is causing you fear.

Many things in life will bring fear and those fears will take control if you do not decide to take fearful thoughts captive. Freedom from fear only comes as you first start with the decision to remove fear from the center of your attention.

An important principle of success is staying more focused on the goal than the present obstacles or even the steps to reaching it.

I was reminded of this principle while working toward the completion of all the necessary seasonal responsibilities in my garden. I have quite extensive gardens with a large variety of plants, including over 30 antique rose bushes. Though I have always enjoyed gardening, this time of year’s seasonal requirements get very overwhelming as it takes about 3 months to complete due to other life responsibilities. The care and upkeep is probably too extensive for this time in life, but, when we designed and planted it 15 years ago, it was not possible to foresee the changes in career, family responsibilities, and physical energy in the future. It is a temptation to cause myself continual displeasure by solely viewing all the tasks yet undone rather than staying focused on the forthcoming end result and enjoying the present pleasures my garden during the process of the oiling, fertilizing, pruning, and mulching to reach the goal; it will become a healthy, lush garden that is a delight to the eyes and a joy to share with friends and family.

Here are some results of staying more focused on the end goal than the present obstacles or process:

1. You will maintain a level emotional state of joy and fulfillment, knowing the end of the process will come; you will live the fulfillment of that goal.

2. A clearer focus of your future goals/objectives allows you to be more effective in your present decisions with regard to the future goal.

3. You will maintain a higher energy level when focused daily on the final goal rather than the overall process to achieve it.

Many realms of practical life prove the benefit of staying focused on the goal or end result.

Life coaches, motivational speakers, and business instructors all tell us to “write out” the goals we want to achieve, write out the plan we envision, even the restoration that we need. Writing develops a clear mental picture of the desired end. In turn, this process enables one to notice relevant, beneficial opportunities related to the goal and make wiser decisions to reach the goal all due to staying daily focused on the end picture. It is the Law of Attraction in action.

The benefits of this principle of focusing on the goal flow into more aspects of one’s life than we are usually aware of–personal goals, financial goals, career changes, restoration–but even in the little things. Remember drivers’ education class? When teaching Interstate driving, they instruct you to focus on where the road meets the horizon; if, instead, you only look at the few cars in front of you or a short distance of the open road in front of you, your driving will be unsteady and erratic. You will weave back and forth unknowingly and overcompensate in decisions. It is the same in every aspect of one’s life. Staying focused on the goal will keep you from being unsteady and erratic, wavering from the desired goal, and overcompensating in decisions.

Instruction on one’s spiritual journey also involves a clear, constant focus on the goals.

This principle should be added to your daily spiritual life. Do not settle for where you are. There are greater, unknown aspects waiting to be discovered with your spiritual life and communication levels with God. Grow and benefit by setting goals and keeping them in focus. Here are quotes from Scripture instructing you to approach spiritual life and growth like a runner in a race, free from distractions and hindrances, focused on the clear goal:

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. Phil 3:13-15

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training…Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly…so that I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Cor. 9:24-27

Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Heb. 12:1

Famous literary authors have encouraged people through generations to “focus on the goal.”

Though Ralph Waldo Emerson is well-known for his quote, “Life is a journey, not a destination,” encouraging people to enjoy each day of life as opposed to only allowing oneself to enjoy achievements, he also promoted keeping one’s destination in view.

To finish the moment, to find the journey’s end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours, is wisdom.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Orison Swett Marden, known for his philosophies on one’s thoughts influencing his life and circumstances, pointed out the determining factor in the success of focusing on the goal:

We advance on our journey only when we face our goal, when we are confident and believe we are going to win out.  Orison Swett Marden

Believe that you will reach your goals, spiritually, financially, relationally, or otherwise. Then keep daily focus on those goals. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by the trip or any apparent lack of progress, you can live effectively and experience greater joy knowing that each day is a day closer to your heart’s desires.

Your level of confidence is usually directly proportionate to the intensity of drive or motivation to reach your dreams.

We each have probably seen movies in which a main character discovers that he or she has a terminal illness and suddenly chooses to overcome any intimidation or other hindrance that has kept him from fulfilling all those dreams he had of things he wanted to experience in this life. 

Think of all the dreams you would like to achieve between this moment and the conclusion of your life on this earth.  What has held you back?  Sometimes there are financial considerations in play, but many times the hindrance is something as simple as a lack of self esteem; either you fear what other people would think if you did those things or you have fears regarding your abilities.

There is a good historical illustration how major life dreams can be accomplished in spite of one’s self esteem not being at its best.

Most of us are familiar with the account of the Jewish people’s exodus from Egypt during the time of the Pharaohs.  Moses was a Jew that had been raised in Pharaoh’s household as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter.  When he reached adulthood, the suffering of his nation, who was serving as the Egyptians slaves, greatly distressed him.  He desired to deliver his people from slavery.  However, Moses took the matter into his own hands during a moment of anger, murdered an Egyptian who was mistreating a Jew, and had to flee for his life.  For the next 40 years, this man who had been raised in royalty with the best education and all the wealth of Egypt was living a nomadic life herding sheep in the desert.  At that point, Moses evidently never believed that his life would amount to anything spectacular, much less that he would be the deliverer for his people as he had once dreamed.  Then he had a message from God,

“I will send you to Pharaoh, that you may bring forth My people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.”  And Moses said to God, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”  God said, “I will surely be with you.”  Ex.3:10-11

Notice that Moses self esteem was not up to the challenge, “Who am I that I should go?”  There is a record in the books of Exodus of the lengthy discussion in which Moses talked about the fear of his lack of abilities.

Moses said to the Lord, “O, Lord, I am not eloquent or a man of words, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and have a heavy and awkward tongue.”  And the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth?…Is it not I, the Lord?  Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and will teach you what you shall say.”  Ex.4:10-12

As we all know from history, Moses left his sheep-herding days behind him and became the deliverer he had once dreamed of even though Moses’ self esteem was not what it needed to be to achieve that dream.  What made the difference?  How did Moses accomplish such an outstanding dream in spite of a lack of self confidence?  The difference came when Moses realized that God was with him (Ex.3:11;4:12,15) in accomplishing his destiny, the dream of his life. 

A positive change in the levels of your dreams being fulfilled comes once you realize that your dreams are God-given desires related to your destiny.

Your destiny, your purpose for existence on this earth, is God-given. Your personality with its dreams and desires, if you are staying focused on your destiny, are also God-given.  When this realization takes hold in your spirit, you self esteem gains a new unlimited level of confidence due to the knowledge that God is with you to enable you to accomplish those dreams.

Leave behind whatever has hindered you from going after your life dreams.  Any lack of self esteem will be overcome as you stay focused on that fact that nothing can stop the fulfillment of the dreams that are a part of your destiny because God Himself says, “I will be with you.”

Concept inspired from an article in Faith to Faith, April 28^th post, c.1992, by Gloria Copeland.

Table of contents for Discerning People’s Character

1. Safety in Discernment
2. Benefiting From Discernment
3. Adding Discernment with Personality Profiles

You can increase your discernment in business relationships and personal interactions through an understanding of the basic personality types.

(This is Part 3 in this Post. Please use the above links if you have not yet read Parts 1 and 2.) There are a couple of well-known charts or profiles that explain personality types. Becoming aware of the tendencies in other people’s personalities can help you discern more clearly, for example, which people tend to be manipulative or strong-willed, which would greatly affect your business dealings. Or, these profiles can also help you be more aware of your own tendencies so you know which personalities are more difficult for you to deal with in long-term relationships. I trust these 2 lists will increase your ability to have wisdom and discernment in your business and other interpersonal relationships.

This is a great definition from Emotional Competency.com explaining how the categorization of personality traits is beneficial to discernment.

Personality traits are intrinsic differences that remain stable throughout most of our life. They are the constant aspects of our individuality. Each individual behaves according to certain distinctive patterns throughout a variety of situations…Also, you have probably observed that these various behaviors stay with the person consistently over time and throughout a variety of circumstances. These persistent behavior patterns, called personality traits, are stable over time, consistent in a variety of situations, and differ from one individual to the next.(1)

This first list of 4 Personality Types is one of the most well-known and is commonly used for career planning or staff relations/management.

I found a great, simplified summary in a excerpt from a book by Tim Bryce for helping young adults adapt to the workplace. It sounds like a great book. See the footnote below for more info on Tim and his book. Here is Mr. Bryce’s summary of the 4 personality types using the letter system:

Type “A” Personality - Is a highly independent and driven personality, typically representing the leaders in business. They are blunt, competitive, no-nonsense types who like to get to the point. They are also strong entrepreneurial spirits (risk takers). As such, they embrace change and are always looking for practical solutions for solving problems.

Type “B” Personality - Represents highly extroverted people who love the spotlight. Because of this, they are very entertaining and possess strong charisma (everyone likes to be around them). Small wonder these people are sales and marketing types. They thrive on entertaining people and are easily hurt if they cannot sway someone.

Type “C” Personality - The antithesis of Type “B”; they are introverted detailists as represented by such people as accountants, programmers, and engineers. They may have trouble communicating to other people, but are a whirlwind when it comes to crunching numbers or writing program code. They tend to be very cautious and reserved, and will not venture into something until after all the facts have been checked out.

Type “D” Personality - Is best characterized as those people who resist any form of change and prefer the tedium of routine, such as in clerical assignments. They are not adventurous, resist responsibility and prefer to be told what to do.(2)

When discerning personality types, keep in mind that while it may be obvious which personality type you yourself are or the people with whom you interact, each person can have some characteristics of the other personality types.

As for using these basic categories to discern people’s character, realize, for example, that the Type B charismatic personality which is good in sales, is a very persuasive person; it is easy to fall for his or her charm and make decisions based on the person’s charisma rather than what is actually best for you. Similarly, in doing business with a Type A personality, you need to be up to the challenge of their bluntness and forcefulness. They tend to bulldoze over people to accomplish the goals they visualize. If entering into business or other interaction with Type A personality, is it a person who can temper those tendencies enough to seriously consider your goals and proposals?

Mr. Bryce makes a helpful work-related observation in his book that you may want to consider when choosing business or other long-term relationships:

It is not uncommon to find people with a blend of personalities, particularly A-B and C-D. But these basic personality types explain why some people work well together and others do not. For example Type-A clashes with Type-D simply because one is more adventurous than the other, and Type-B clashes with Type-C as one exhibits an extroverted personality and the other is introverted. Conversely Type-A works well with Type-B, and Type-C works well with Type-D. The leveling factor between these different personality types is Common Courtesy… (2)

Here is a second Personality Trait list. Between the two, you should have a good basis for discerning your own tendencies and those of the people around you.

Extraversion encompasses such more specific traits as talkative, energetic, and assertive.
Agreeableness includes traits like sympathetic, kind, and affectionate.
Conscientiousness includes traits like organized, thorough, and a planner.
Neuroticism includes traits like tense, moody, and anxious.
Openness to Experience includes traits like having wide interests, and being imaginative and insightful.(3)

This web article by the University of Oregon also provided a link to the following personality quizzes if you are interested.

You can fill out a free questionnaire and get instant, personalized feedback at www.outofservice.com.(3)

(1) Personality Traits by EmotionalCompetency.com

(2) Excerpts from the book, “MORPHING INTO THE REAL WORLD – A Handbook for Entering the Work Force: a survival guide for young people as they transition into adult life. Tim Bryce, Web Author as well as Director of a management consulting firm specializing in Information Resource Management (IRM). He is available for lecturing, training and consulting on an international basis.

(3) Measuring the Big Five Personality Factors by Sanjay Srivastava .

Table of contents for Discerning People’s Character

1. Safety in Discernment
2. Benefiting From Discernment
3. Adding Discernment with Personality Profiles

The ability to discern the character of the people with whom you do business or interact is essential for a clear path to success. 

In Part 1 of this series, we discussed how discernment is important to your life.  (If you missed Part 1, click here for Safety in Discernment or use the above Series link.)

Love Yourself Enough to Choose Discernment

How much do you love yourself?  The level of your desire for discernment may be proof.  There is a proverb that says,

He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding (discernment) prospers. Pr. 19:8

Wisdom and discernment are connected, as we will see in a moment.  Your desire for wisdom proves how much you value yourself. When you desire discernment, you show that you value yourself enough to choose to bring prosperity to your life.  Most people have a natural love for themselves; their self-esteems might have room for improvement, but the innate desire for self preservation and a “life worth living” is there.  As scripture says, “No one hates his own body. On the contrary he nourishes and cherishes it (Eph 5:29).”  Evaluate your present life perspective to see if you are choosing a path that demonstrates love for yourself and your destiny.

Discernment is also a part of emotional/spiritual maturity.

We can observe in the natural realm how discernment is an aspect of emotional growth and maturity.  We admire those who have attained it, along with the stability and success it has brought their lives. God says that discernment is also a part of spiritual maturity:

But solid principles are for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil [Or in another translation] who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern (distinguish, discriminate) both good and evil.  Heb 5:14

We all desire to have a mature perspective regarding relationships with people and the circumstances of our lives.  The ability to be discriminating between what is best and prosperous or what is not helpful, to distinguish between what is healing or what is harmful, is a part of maturity that we all need to attain.

How should we define discernment?

Before looking further at the connection between wisdom and discernment, and the benefits of this path, let’s take a moment to define it.

In the quotes below, there are 2 Hebrew words used for discernment.  One is usually translated as discernment and the other as understanding, but both include similar concepts.

Hebrew “biyn” means to separate mentally or distinguish, understand, consider, discern.  It includes in a diligent manner. To perceive, be prudent, skillful. To view and deal wisely. (1)

Hebrew “tabuwm”  is defined as discretion, reason, skillfulness, understanding, wisdom.

“Wisdom” in the quotes below is translated from the Hebrew term “chakam” meaning

To be wise in mind, word or act, including the aspect of being exceedingly so.  To make yourself and show yourself wise. To deal wisely.

Discernment is connected to wisdom.

Here are a few proverbs that reveal the connection between wisdom and discernment, another valid reason for choosing to become a person of discernment. 

Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning. Pr. 10:13

The discerning heart seeks knowledge (learning). Pr. 15:14

The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction. Pr. 16:21

A discerning man keeps wisdom in view. Pr. 17:24

The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge (learning). Pr. 18:15

Let’s look at examples of the benefits you can derive from discernment.

There are some very revealing proverbs as to the vast benefits of discernment.  Remember, both words translated “discerning” and “understanding” come from root words referring to discernment.  My comments are in brackets.

A scoffer seeks wisdom, and doesn’t find it, but knowledge comes easily to a discerning person. Pr. 14:6 [The facts you need to succeed will be obvious and easily accessible to you.]

Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance. Pr. 1:5  [You receive more wisdom by choosing to learn from other wise people, but the chosen path of discernment also causes you to receive the direction you need by having a perspective that is looking for it.  This is basically, again, the Law of Attraction. By making a choice to be discerning, you will become aware of the right choices because you are looking for them and expecting them.]

Folly delights a man who lacks judgment, but a man of understanding keeps a straight course. Pr. 15:21 [Discernment, here translated as understanding, helps you avoid destructive choices, making for an easier life.  The "straight course" or level path is a common concept in scripture, referring to a godly path that keeps you from stumbling through life.]

When a country is rebellious, it has many rulers, but a man of understanding and knowledge maintains order. (Another translation) Because of the sin of the land, its troubles are increased; but by a man of wisdom and knowledge they will be put out like a fire. Pr. 28:2 [Discernment in leadership can bring peace or order to a troubled nation.]

By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding (discernment) it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures. Pr. 24:3,4 [A perspective of discernment enables you to make choices which will result in a prosperous household--acquiring the best that there is in life, relationally, career-wise, spiritually, and financially.]

How do you choose a path of discernment?

Making a life-change to become a wise and discerning person comes the same as with other new directions in life-by a decisive choice.  It starts with a mental and spiritual change.  You must decide that you love yourself and your God-given destiny enough to give yourself the benefits of discernment.  We mentioned in Part 1 that discernment can be gleaned from other wise people, from the mind of God, and by being aware of typical personality patterns (which we will discuss in Part 3 of this Post). 

God has said, “Ask and you will receive (Lk.11:9.10);”  He will give wisdom generously when you ask for it in faith (Jms. 1:5,6).  The decision and desire to live in a discerning state causes you to be more attentive to (a) the direction God is giving you, (b) good opportunities for your well-being and goal achievements, (c) people who are helpful and healing to your life, (d) opportunities that will take more energy than any resulting benefits, and (e) people who are being manipulative with potential negative results.  Ask God today for a mindset and spirit of discernment.  He can give you discernment beyond that of any of your peers.  Look at this statement Pharaoh made to Joseph.

Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one so discerning and wise as you. (Gen. 41:39)

Joseph received such outstanding wisdom and discernment from God that he impressed Pharaoh-no small achievement since Pharaoh was considered like a god in that culture.  Jesus was also known for a life of wisdom and discernment.  He was able to act wisely in his dealings with people and discern those who were trying to manipulate him.  The quote below is a good way to end Part 2. Receiving wisdom and discernment from God brings us endless benefits, including a level of maturity that provides a sense of completeness.  Discernment becomes illustrated by a life that is conducted in the way that Jesus Himself lived.

But he who treasures God’s Word, who keeps His precepts in mind, who observes His message in its entirety, has been perfected, completed, and reached maturity. By this we may recognize and be sure that we are in Him: Whoever says he lives in Jesus ought to, as a personal debt, walk and conduct himself in the same way in which He walked and conducted Himself. 1 Jn.2:5,6

(1) Hebrew definitions are from Strong’s Dictionary of Old Testament Words

Table of contents for Discerning People’s Character

1. Safety in Discernment
2. Benefiting From Discernment
3. Adding Discernment with Personality Profiles

Reading Level: Gratifying

An important part of your success in life is the ability to discern the character of the people with whom you do business or interact in other ways on a regular basis.

In spite of all your education, giftings, and hardwork to reach the goals and level of success in life that you desire, not discerning the character of the people with whom you do business or otherwise interact can quickly undermine the majority of your efforts and greatly hinder your path to success. 

My spouse and I have usually worked together in our careers and are visionaries, tending to be workaholics and overachievers.  We always want to see progress.  Some years back, at a crossroads in our lives, a person wisely pointed out to us a main source of the setbacks we had been experiencing at that time in our careers.  Being visionaries, we sought after working with other people of vision, people who were “going places” and achieving things.  However, we were repeatedly accepting jobs with people who were the type that achieved their goals by being controlling and abusive to those that worked with them.  As a result, not only did we have to work harder to accomplish our goals, but it would eventually lead to the need to change from that environment due to the physical and emotional drains it created.  The fact was that their lack of character in their modes of operation made the accomplishing of our goals more difficult than was necessary.  We were advised to be discerning as to the personality and character of people before choosing to do business with them.

It is both a practical as well as a spiritual concept to be discerning.

Discerning the character of the people with whom you need to interact is practical; it can keep you from investing money with a con artist who is planning on stealing it.  It can keep you from getting into an abusive marriage.  It can prevent you from committing to projects that are either headed for failure or will create more trouble for you than it is worth. 

God also instructs us to be discerning.  Philippians 1:10 says,

That your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best. (NIV)

The ability to discern what is right and best before getting involved in relationships, projects, or business ventures is invaluable.  The Amplified translation of 1:10 says it this way,

That you may surely learn to sense what is vital, what is excellent and of real value, recognizing the highest and the best, and distinguishing the moral differences…so that you may not stumble or cause others to stumble.

When you can discern what is excellent and of real value, you won’t commit to projects that waste your time and efforts.  When you recognize what is highest and best, you are able to see which opportunities will help you achieve a good life sooner.  When you are able to distinguish the moral differences in people’s character, you are less likely to get scammed financially, or commit to an abusive workplace or relationship.

There are 3 main sources in which you can glean discernment.

First, you can gain discernment from God.   There is what scripture refers to as a gift of discernment, a special impartation from God to be able to tell the difference between good and bad, safety and harm.  Ask God for this.  He has said, “Ask and you will receive (Lk.11:9.10).”  God has also promised to generously provide His divine wisdom when you ask for it.  Wisdom is the ability to know what is good and best for your life and how to properly implement it. Here is God’s promise regarding wisdom:

If anyone is lacking in wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to everyone  liberally and ungrudgingly, without faultfinding, and it will be given to him.  But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt…for that person should not imagine that he will receive anything from God.  Jms. 1:5,6

The latter part of that quote may sound harsh, but it is not.  It is just re-stating what we already know, that everything spiritually comes by faith – believing in who God says He is and what He said He would do.

Second, we can gain discernment from wise and discerning people.  They may take a little work to find, but you need to find at least 1 or 2 people who you can tell are wise and discerning by the peace and success of their lives.  Learn from them.  Run ideas and opportunities by them.  The decision still needs to be yours and be based on your spirit and destiny, but you can learn from how they handled similar decisions or people.

Third, you can gain discernment from an understanding of personality types.  There are a couple of different well-known charts or profiles that explain personality types.  Becoming aware of the tendencies in personalities will help you notice when people are trying to manipulate you, even in subtle ways.

This is the first in a series of three posts on Discernment.  In Part 2, we’ll cover some examples in scripture of how God says His wisdom and discernment will benefit you.  In Part 3, we’ll look at the personality profiles in more detail.