Fellow SelfGrowth.com expert, Cassandra Lee– speaker, coach, and author– posted an article describing her personal technique of dealing with resentment and anger.  I wanted to share a few excerpts from the article with you as well as give you a link to the full article.

Ms. Lee describes the need to analyze your actions, discover the source, and confront the issue at hand for resolution.

In her article, Ms. Lee describes a situation with a friend that caused her anger and resentment.  The friend was unaware that his actions created these negatives, but in Ms. Lee’s mind, the situation grew until, when she saw him 2 days later, she treated him so coldly that they did not speak to each other for a month.  This is a quote about her technique to deal with resentment and anger:

“Squash and Release” is a technique that allows me to discover the REAL issue at hand; analyze my actions that may have caused the issue to arise; and confront the issue through discussion, apology or whatever steps necessary for me to squash my anger and release my resentment.”

In a self-evaluation, Ms. Lee asked her self these questions:

-Had I done anything to cause the issue?

-Did my attitude make the situation worse?

-Was he really being insensitive?

-Was I overreacting?

Once Ms. Lee decided that she had overacted and strained the relationship due to not feeling secure in her friend’s concern over her well-being, she explained, apologized, and healed the friendship.  The situation did not recur because her friend now knew to respond in a way that made her feel secure and she made sure not to make assumptions.

Here is a summary of the 3 steps in Ms. Lee’s Squash and Release Technique:

 • Identify the issue… behind your emotions; determine actions or situations that have caused you discomfort…

• Assess the problem: analyze your actions; make sure you have not done anything to contribute to the problem; be prepared to apologize and change your behavior,

• Confront the conflict: take the necessary actions… schedule a private moment to address the person that is frustrating you or the right time to handle the conflict head on.

Though Ms. Lee prefers face-to-face resolution, she says that you can work through methods you are comfortable with such as calls, letters, or cards, as long as you deal with the situation head on instead of being overwhelmed by negative energy.

Click here to read Ms. Lee’s full article.

Use these links to read my earlier articles on resentment and anger:

Resentment and Anger Management

Anger and Its Residual Effects

Resentment in Your Significant Other

Emotional Healing Parallels Physical Healing

Table of contents for Relationship Issues Q&A

1. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1
2. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 2

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, is a frequent guest speaker for the Family Series event hosted by Bill Hybel.  There are some excerpts of one of his talks. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.” You can listen or watch the full talk by Dr. Cloud at this link (Part VI on their page).

This is a continuation of a 2 part post. If you missed Part 1, use the above series link.

These are paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio. The insights will greatly benefit yourself, your friends, and family.

5. With regard to blended families and step families, how can a parent continue a close relationship with a child who is living with the other re-married parent and both parental roles are already being fulfilled in the child’s life?

This is a painful scenario and there is no way to go through this without feeling some loss. However, the first important step is to remove from your thoughts the concept of “either/or” because you are both in the child’s life. You don’t have control of when you are not there, but you do have 100% control of the relationship you have when you are together with your child. First, if you are nurturing, warm, and positive and do great stuff together, yet have requirements and expectations that he live by your rules, even if the other parent is a non-structure type, kids deep down eventually gravitate toward structure. You will face fights and some “prodigal son” moments, but continue to be the best person you can be in regards to loving and discipline. The child will develop an attachment to you based on that.

The second important point is don’t poison the other relationship with the step parent or the one with your ex. You want the child to have as many positive relationships as possible.

Third, have a transcendent desire, one that transcends any wounds, and can come together to work on what is best for the kids. It is so easy to get caught up in rehashing old hurts and wants. You can still come together, agreeing that “These are our issues. We will never get along on these points, otherwise we would still be married.” Then carve out a space where you can come together solely to work on what is best for the children.

6. What is your advice for a couple whose interests are so different that they never spend any time together?

Something is wrong if you only spend time pursuing your own personal tastes/interests. There are vital things in life that we all should be interested in, unless we are living a life only to ourselves, an ego-centric life that does not transcend our own interests. You and your spouse should be involved in some universal interests, like reaching out to the poor or extended family, doing activities with your kids, community service involvement, spiritual activities at the church. So, first find universal things to be involved in that have nothing to do with person tastes.

Second, move past your own interests to the interests of others [in your mindset and lifestyle]. Cross the fence and become of student of your spouse’s heart, mind, soul, strengths, and passions. [Dr. Cloud then gave the example of a man who hated art but loved going to his wife’s art exhibits because he realized he was able to see another part of her, a part of her life’s passion and talents that he could not see otherwise; it was another part of her person that he could fall in love with as he immersed himself in watching her in her element.

7. As a clinical psychologist, what are some of the key elements to get right with our families?

If you do the most important one, most of the others will fall into place. Go back to the original design of how God designed marriage to work. The formula God gave of leaving parents, cleaving to your spouse, and becoming one [Gen.2:24] contains life-changing dynamics.

The leaving must take first before the cleaving. When a person doesn’t do the “leave” part, it is because of not wanting to stand up to the parent’s control issues–wanting [the grown child] to stay forever or wanting intrusion rights– or because [the grown child] is still in a dependency relationship with the parent emotionally, financially or desiring approval. The Hebrew word for leave is brutal; it means utterly forsake. This does not mean to abandon your parents, because we are supposed to have intergenerational ties and relationships. However, what you forsake is that child role from your family of origin; be an adult and now cleave to your spouse.

The next step in the formula is two whole people become one. The oneness is created by two whole people coming together. Here is the typical problem, though; if you are not a complete person as an adult, if you are a half person looking for another half person to make a whole, ½ x ½ = ¼! When we bring brokenness into brokenness, we get reduced to less of a person than we were to begin with and we just want out so that the pain will stop.

To make a relationship work, the key is that both spouses must be on a path to become whole, mature, complete people. It does not mean perfect people, but that you’ve worked out the stuff so [when a crisis occurs], you don’t whine like a two year old; you get up and solve the problem. Men need to be in groups of men who will give them the support they did not get from their families of origin, and the same with women, see your [counselor] or whatever you have to do so that both people are becoming whole persons and then establish a family, and pass that wholeness on. This is the best thing you can do.

Last , you’ve got to have a strategic plan for your family and do it with intention. The rule of life is that the urgent will always crowd out the vital. Carve out purposeful times that are going to be reserved for you, and for the support groups. We also have a family meeting every week where we talk about “What can we do better this week? What do we want you to do better this week? What do you want us to do better this week?” We are working on things and we’re growing together. When you do that, if you are getting good information and you are growing, you are going to succeed.

To make full use of the vital information Dr. Cloud has provided, please use this link to watch the video or audio. Click Part VI on their play list.

Table of contents for Relationship Issues Q&A

1. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1
2. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 2

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, is a frequent guest speaker for the Family Series event hosted by Bill Hybel.  There are some excerpts of one of his talks. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.” You can listen or watch the full talk by Dr. Cloud at this link (Part VI on their page).

Here are some paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. We’ll do this in a 2 part post.  Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio.

1. Where do you draw the line between tough love and unconditional love?

There is a problem with this term of “drawing the line.” When we look at God’s personality, His expectations are done in ways that are perfectly loving and honest so He never has to “draw the line” due to having gone too far down an enabling, co-dependent road. With parents, too often we have let the child go too long down a path without consequences until it is at a point where harm will come to them if he (or she does) not get control of himself. It should never get to this point, but if it does, it should be done in a loving way.

As for child discipline, in this culture people often say, “Don’t say ‘No’ to your child; give them choices.” As an adult, one runs into ‘No’s,’ with speed limits, job requirements, etc. Our job as parents is to arrange situations in a way that when they make good decisions then good things happen and when they make bad decisions bad things happen. The goal is to transfer self control to the child. They should grow to the point of being in charge of themselves and feeling, “Oh, I better do it this way so something uncomfortable does not happen.” …we must take a stance that requires them to step into maturity so they are in control and we can finally delegate that job to them.

2. How do you address character issues in marriage? How do you let a spouse know you want more from a relationship without making them feel like a bad spouse?

In response to the first part of the question, most problems are the same in every marriage whether or not it is a good marriage, unless something strange is going on. It is how it is handled that makes the difference. Research shows that you can predict divorce in couples by 90% accuracy if couples (1) are judgmental, critical in giving feedback to each other instead of problem solving and (2) if they have a lot of contempt for the spouse.

To answer the second part of the questions, the best way to talk without making the other person feel bad is to talk about what you both want in the relationship that is positive. Express how their behavior is affecting what you both want…By talking about how the behavior’s negatively affecting what you both want out of the relationship, you are not saying they are a bad person but that the situations are negatively affecting what is important to them. If you’ve been unable to make these changes on your own [as a couple], you should probably talk to a counselor or pastor, too.

3. How do I balance time between work, family, friends, hobbies, etc?

Technology has created more difficulties in this area. Before, work had walls and time boundaries. Now we bring it home. If “life” is not protected, than life will not happen. [Dr. Cloud has a book on this topic, “The One Life Solution.”] A main quote of mine is “Follow the misery and make a rule.”

It is similar to God’s rule for the Sabbath, that there should be a protected, designated time, sometime during the week, for rest. Studies show that your brain needs downtime to grow new neuro-pathways. Couples need to talk about “Where is this not working for us?” and set some boundaries, protect your relationships. Examples, no work at home or no work email at home, set weekly date night with no kids, set weekly family meeting. If you do not put the vital things of life into protective structures, something will always get in the way.

4. How can one trust again after having experienced repeated unfaithful spouses?

First, this is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. But if you have consistently had this experience, before marrying again, you may want to check your “people picker.” Bad people do “happen” to good people, but sometimes we make it easier for it to happen with our blind spots. Go through a good divorce recovery and see why you choose self-absorbed or unfaithful spouses and why you don’t recognize it earlier on in the relationship. We sometimes come into marriage lacking wholeness. We may have parts of us that are inaccessible to bring into the relationship or we do not have the skills to handle hurts that happen. Marriage needs to be a place to bring all of yourself. When you are hurt, you are able to bring that hurt and resolve it instead of take it someplace else. Or, when your needs are not being met, you also show up with your conflict resolution skills and work it out…When you get something immature from your spouse, don’t be overcome by that. Do not let them regress you..if you don’t have that in you, get a support group so that you can take health into the relationship. (Use the link below to hear Dr. Cloud input on if you want to restore a relationship broken by unfaithfulness.)

We will continue with more paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s relationship question and answer session in Part 2 of this post. To make full use of the vital information Dr. Cloud has provided, please use this link to watch the video or audio. Click Part VI on their play list.

If you missed Bill’s Hybel’s talk on “5 Key Compatiblities” to look for to guide you through easy-to-follow principles for determining your compatibility in a relationship, be sure to read it for your own benefit and that of your friends and family. Good information for everyone! This talk is Part II in their media player list.

How much does guilt and self rejection hold you back from what is most important to you in life?

Do guilty feelings keep you from confidence, happiness, and success? Feelings of guilt or self rejection will usually hold you back from most of what you desire out of life unless you choose to change those mindsets and bring restoration to your confidence and self esteem.

I have been enjoying a book by Brennan Manning called, Abba’s Child; it was a recent gift from a friend. In the beginning of the book, he discusses his own path to overcoming shame and self rejection. He is aware that his own past experiences are so common in the human experience that many people will benefit from the results of his journey to self acceptance and value.

One of the main behaviors that cause a person to live with guilt and self rejection is the habit of projecting his or her feelings of self onto God.

The emotional weight is great when one feels shame or self disapproval of past choices, decisions, or just the person that you are. How much greater is that weight when one convinces himself that his Heavenly Father, his Creator, the most phenomenal being in the universe thinks all the same negative, condemning thoughts about him? Yet, this is a typical thought pattern in the human experience, though we are usually unaware that this is what we are doing.

Usually included in these projected thoughts is the idea that life’s good and bad times signal God’s approval or rejection.

As Manning says, it is easy to feel loved by God when life is going well, all your support systems are in place, and hence, your self acceptance is good; however, when dreams are shattered or failures take place, your guilt and self rejection are often projected onto God. In your mind, He appears “fickle and unpredictable.” When something good takes place, you feel that you have His love and approval. When a bad event happens, you think it is a sign of His disapproval and rejection of you as a person worth being loved. (1)

Manning has a beautiful, rather tongue-in-cheek statement about projecting one’s own self image onto God’s view of you:

We cannot assume that He feels about us the way we feel about ourselves unless we love ourselves compassionately, intensely, and freely…God is relentlessly tender and compassionate toward us, just as we are, not in spite of our sins and faults, but with them. Though God does not condone evil, He does not withhold His love because there is evil in us.” (2)

Choosing to come out of hiding in your spiritual relationship opens the doors to endless possibilities in spiritual intimacy.

Manning brings to the forefront 2 demonstrations of God’s own desire that failure and guilt not keep a person from a loving relationship with Him. One illustration is that of the father character in the Parable of the Prodigal Son; he ran to welcome home the son who returned after ruining his life. Jesus told the parable to illustrate God’s own view and subsequent actions toward us of redemptive love. The other example is historical. In the fall of mankind, Adam and Eve were hiding in shame and guilt from their daily time of loving relationship and conversation with Father God. God, even knowing their failures, came seeking Adam and Eve to continue a loving relationship with them. (3) Manning paraphrases the thoughts of God to end our self hatred:

Acknowledge and accept who I want to be for you: a Savior of boundless compassion, infinite patience, unbearable forgiveness, and love that keeps no score of wrongs. Quit projecting onto Me your own feelings about yourself. At this moment your life is a bruised reed and I will not crush it, a smoldering wick and I will not quench it. You are in a safe place. (3)

Releasing yourself from the need of perfectionism results in a blissful state of safety with self and God.

Like many religious people, Manning says he proclaimed God’s unconditional love for years, convicted in his head but never convinced in his heart. He only felt safe in his relationship with God when he saw himself as successful in being generous, noble, loving—perfect! Once he chose to end the negative projections onto God and release the need for perfectionism, Manning was able to internalize and finally feel God’s unrelenting love. Here is a great quote on his new sense of safety:

To feel safe is to…feel liked and accepted, not having to hide anymore and distract myself with books, television, movies, ice cream, shallow conversation…no need to impress. Unself-conscious, calm, unafraid, loved, valued. (4)

Rather than carrying guilt, one can strive to echo the apostle Paul’s feelings in 2 Cor.12:9, “I shall be very happy to make my weak nesses my special boast so thaqt the power of Christ may stay over me.”

Manning’s conclusion is that a “sense of safety with God results in a sense of safety with self,” with all your noble points and failures, strengths and weaknesses. Knowing you exist in a safe loving relationship with Father God, the most phenomenal being in the universe, realize there are now no limits to confidence, happiness, dreams, and success you can achieve!

Synopsis of concepts are from Brennan Manning’s “Abba’s Child,” ISBN-13: 978-1-57683-334-6
1. pg.21,pg.19
2. pp.19-20
3. pg.22
4. pg.27

Table of contents for Allowing the New Year to be New

1. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 1
2. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 2

Do you desire life to be better in the New Year?  Most of us do!  To experience a better life this year, you play a major part by making 6 vital decisions that will allow your New Year to be new.  This is Part 2 of this post.  If you missed the 3 decisions in Part 1, please use the series link above to read Part 1 first.

Now let’s cover the last 3 vital decisions to allow your New Year to be new!

Live with expectancy for a better future.

In this quote from Philippians 3:13,14, God tells us to forget the past and look toward a better future.

This one thing I do, forgetting what is behind me, but straining every nerve toward that which lies ahead, I am ever pressing on toward the goal, for the prize of the high purpose of God. (BBE, MNT)

I particularly like this translation of “straining with every nerve” toward to high purposes of God. For you to take advantage of living life in this new year, not only forget the past, but honestly put your energy into keeping focused on experiencing the best life possible, the “high purposes” of God for your life. The very next sentence in this discourse says, “All of us who are mature should take such a view of things (Phil. 3:15).” It is true. Maturity teaches us to forget the failures and bad experiences of the past and to look with expectancy for a better future.

Keep in focus that God has in mind even better for you than you can imagine for yourself.

This is a favorite quote I speak over my life.

To Him who by His power that is at work within us, is able to carry out His purpose and do superabundantly, far over and above all that we dare ask or think-infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes or dreams. Eph. 3:20 Amp

Along the same line of thought is the Law of Attraction, a philosophy based on the scriptural concept of “according to your faith it will be done to you.” It is essential for you to expect a better year for you to experience the “new” that you desire in this year. When you live in a state of expectancy, your positive attitude will improve the way people respond to you. When you envision a better life for yourself, your mind will be more creative in possibilities to reach your goals. This type of focus then causes your spirit to become aware of right choices, paths, opportunities that you would have otherwise missed if you were not living in expectancy.

Last, make new progress in your spiritual life.

We are spiritual beings in a physical body. Our spirits were created to live in a loving relationship with our Creator, God. The health of one’s spirit affects every aspect of life. Making a decision to learn to live in a loving relationship with God if you have not already done so, or to build on the one you already have, will only prove to bring new, wonderful experiences during the gift of life in this new year. God expresses this thought in 2 Corinthians 5:17,

Therefore, if any one is in union with Christ, he is a new being! His old life has passed away; a new life has begun! (TCNT)

God has granted you the gift of a new year to live life. Know Him in increasing measure. Allow God to live this life with you as both of you relish in a new life in this new year!

Table of contents for Allowing the New Year to be New

1. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 1
2. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 2

A new year brings most of us the hope of starting over. We desire to see life be better in various areas of our lives during the new year. To start over, to experience a better life, make the decision to allow your year to be new.  Let’s cover 6 vital decisions to allow your year to be new!  (3 decisions in this post, 3 decisions in Part 2)

First, forgive yourself of past mistakes.

Self-condemnation has no benefit. Even God desires us to live without the weight of condemnation. Romans 8:1,2 says that there is no condemnation for those who live in Jesus because God’s Spirit has freed them from the laws (the control, the results) of sin and death.

Second, forgive others.

Remember, if you’ve followed the posts this past year, forgiveness does not involve allowing people to mistreat you. There is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. For reconciliation to take place, it involves both people being willing to have resolution; in many situations, this is impossible. However, forgiveness takes place in your own heart and frees you from being emotionally tied to that person and bad experience for the rest of your life. For a full discussion on this topic, read the post, Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference.

Third, forget what God forgets.

That may sound strange to someone who, at first thought, believes that God does not forget. Unlike people, God’s forgetfulness is not due to insufficient memory capability; He chooses to forget certain things. God counsels us to be like Him and do the same thing with emotional baggage or bad past experiences. Yes, be reconciled with those who hurt you if possible. Yes, apologize to someone you have offended if possible. But for negative experiences that can never be resolved or undone, it is time to forget.

I heard a great illustration about forgetfulness. I heard Kenneth Copeland talk about a past experience in which he felt self-condemnation. God spoke to his heart and said, “I told you in my Word to forget that.” When Kenneth asked God about why He chooses forget our failures, God spoke to his spirit, “Do you want to remember the bad about your children?” Out of His love for us, so the relationship is reconciled between us and Him, God chooses to forget our failures. As this next quote below explains, we, too, need only to hold to anything beneficial we may have learned from the experience, but then let it go and move on.

(The last 3 vital decisions for making your New Year new are in Part 2 of this post.)

Below is only an abbreviated list from Dr. Mercola’s “11 Simple Steps to Do Now” to virtually eliminate your cancer risk.  Please use this link to read Dr. Mercola’s full article.   The is the 2nd post on cancer prevention.  If you missed the first post, please click to go there now.

1. Normalize your vitamin D levels with safe amounts of sun exposure…It would be best to monitor your vitamin D levels.

2. Control your insulin levels … limit your intake of processed foods and sugars as much as possible.

3. Get appropriate amounts of animal-based omega-3 fats.

4. Get appropriate exercise… it drives your insulin levels down.

5. Eat according to your nutritional type. [For an explanation, follow the link off of number 5 on Dr. Mercola's full newsletter.]

6. Have a tool to resolve emotional hurts permanently erase the neurological short-circuiting that can activate cancer genes. Even the CDC states that 85 percent of disease is caused by emotions. My particular favorite tool … is the Emotional Freedom Technique.

7. Only 25 percent of people eat enough vegetables, so by all means eat as many vegetables as you are comfortable with. Ideally, they should be fresh and organic. However, fresh conventionally grown vegetables are healthier than organic wilted ones…

8. Maintain an ideal body weight.

10. Reduce your exposure to environmental toxins.

11. Boil, poach or steam your foods, rather than frying or charbroiling them.

Please click here to read Dr. Joseph Mercola’s full article, 11 Simple Steps to Do Now.

There are 4 Preventative Measures for Cancer that have come more into the spotlight in the medical field.

Dr. Mercola recently sent out a couple of newsletters with good articles on cancer prevention. The first is on the 4 new focuses for prevention. The second contains his list of 11 simple steps to cancer prevention. I want to share the excerpts with you from those articles in these 2 posts with links to the full articles so that you can read in more detail.

Here are 4 Cancer Preventions that Dr. Mercola believes to be of major focus in the medical realm. Please use this link to read his full article.

Vitamin D

If people around the world optimized their vitamin D levels, about 30 percent of cancer deaths — which amounts to 2 million worldwide and 200,000 in the United States — could be prevented each year.

On a personal level, you can decrease your risk of cancer by more than half simply by optimizing your vitamin D levels with sun exposure.

The risk of skin cancer from the sun comes only from excessive exposure. Meanwhile, countless people around the world have an increased risk of cancer because their vitamin D levels are low or deficient. In the U.S., the late winter average vitamin D is only about 15-18 ng/ml, which is considered a very serious deficiency state. Meanwhile, it’s thought that over 95 percent of U.S. senior citizens may be deficient, along with 85 percent of the American public. If you are treating cancer it is likely that higher blood levels would be even more beneficial, probably on the order of 80-90 ng/ml.

Vitamin D has a protective effect against cancer in several ways, including:
• Increasing the self-destruction of mutated cells (which, if allowed to replicate, could lead to cancer)
• Reducing the spread and reproduction of cancer cells
• Causing cells to become differentiated (cancer cells often lack differentiation)
• Reducing the growth of new blood vessels from pre-existing ones, which is a step in the transition of dormant tumors turning cancerous

For those interested, Dr. Mercola has a 1 hr. lecture on the importance of vitamin D through safe sun exposure.

Optimizing Your Insulin Levels

Otto Warburg actually received a Nobel Prize for his observation of cancer cell physiology in 1934 that clearly demonstrated cancer cells require more sugar to thrive.

Unfortunately, many of us have insulin levels that are too high, a condition that can cause major damage to your body. The good news is that controlling your insulin levels is relatively straightforward. First, limit your intake of processed foods, grains and sugars as much as possible to prevent your insulin levels from becoming elevated in the first place. Next, exercise regularly, as this will drive your insulin levels down.

Thermography

This is a safer, more effective alternatives to mammograms. Thermographic screening is brilliantly simple. It measures the radiation of infrared heat from your body and translates this information into anatomical images.

Thermography uses no mechanical pressure or ionizing radiation, and can detect signs of breast cancer as much as 10 years earlier than either mammography or a physical exam! It can even detect the potential for cancer before any tumors have formed because it can image the early stages of angiogenesis.

Heal Your Emotions

When you open your mind to the world of treatment and prevention strategies available outside the bounds of conventional medicine, you find that many options exist right now to help you prevent and treat this “incurable” disease.

The conservative Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) states that 85 percent of all diseases have an emotional element. Treatments from doctors like Ryke Geerd Hamer have achieved a 95 percent success rate in overcoming cancer — all by helping people to heal their emotional traumas.

One of my other favorite strategies is to focus on W. Clement Stone’s strategy. He was the most financially successful student of Napoleon Hill and was a billionaire in Chicago. He died at 100 years old a few years ago. He was fond of taking the position of an “inverse paranoid”. He firmly believed that most of the negative events that occur in your life can be viewed from the perspective of life trying to teach you something that will ultimately improve you. [The quote on Stone's strategy is from a related newsletter. Click this link to read it in full.]

[Lastly} Even the conservative American Cancer Society states that one-third of cancer deaths are linked to poor diet, physical inactivity, and carrying excess weight. So making healthy lifestyle changes is one of the most important ways to protect yourself from cancer.

Excerpts from 4 Cancer Preventions by Dr. Joseph Mercola. Please read his full article.

Table of contents for Believe You Deserve to Be Well

1. Believe You Deserve to be Well- Part 1
2. Believe You Deserve to be Well- Part 2

What can practically be done about the past failures and guilt?

There are some simple steps you can daily implement to help you move past guilt.  (If you missed Part 1 of this 2-part post, please use the above series link. Part 1 explains what God Himself says about His compassionate, forgiving, uncomdemning nature to help you remove emotional hindrances in receiving the good He desires to bring into your life. This is heavier reading than most posts on this site but should help those of you struggling with guilt, condemnation, and other negative thought patterns that hinder healing. )

First, a reminder– as mentioned in Part 1, to receive healing it is only logical that all habits of a destructive lifestyle need to be left in the past.   Scripture refers to this as repentance, a 180 degree turn around. Otherwise, it is like the continually unsuccessful dieter who starves herself or himself for a couple of days, only to binge for several days thereafter. Next, as also mentioned in Part 1 of this post, just as God’s mercies toward us are new every morning we need to have mercy on ourselves and release the guilt of past failures. If God deems us worthy of such mercy, we can honestly show such mercy to ourselves.

But what about those who are plagued by guilt, not as much self-imposed, but from inaccurate childhood teachings about God that have left them with images of an angry, harmful, unforgiving God? If you suffer from harmful, inaccurate childhood teachings about God, it will take some discipline of focusing on truth to eradicate that input.

On the practical side, many people print out a list of verses such as covered in this article and spend sometimes even months of daily repeating out loud the truth God says about Himself, i.e., God’s continually renewing compassion, graciousness, desire for our wholeness and superabundant life in quality. Another beneficial verse along this line is Psalm 103:10, “He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” If people have put into your mind as a child the image of God standing over you eagerly desiring to punish you for the slightest mistake, it is a fallacy to be eradicated. ( For those who would like to read an extended passage of Scripture that discusses numerous groups of people who suffered from their own failures yet God, in His compassion, restored their lives, Psalm 107 is posted below this article.)

On a similar vein, Psalm 103 speaks of numerous good that God eagerly bestows on us, but verse 5 specifically says that He is the God “who satisfies your desires with good things.” A person ridden with guilt, self-imposed or from inaccurate religious teaching, needs to admit to himself that such feelings result in anything but feeling of an overwhelmingly satisfied life. God, on the other hand, satisfies our lives with good things. There does need to be a level of cooperation here, and some self-evaluation is necessary to determine if we are cooperating in receiving the good.

You can begin anew in your view of yourself and of God.

Cooperate with God in letting go of the guilt from false images of Him—replacing them with truth—and in the forgiving of yourself. Taking the verses discussed in this article, these truths about God, and focusing on them will go a long way in aiding your healing. As you come to terms with how much good God desires for you, how much healing He desires for you, (Scripture calls this renewing your mind), it will bring relief from the self-abasement. The realization that God values you so highly that He continually exists in a state of desiring your healing and well-being can increase one’s self worth and cause you to grasp hold of wanting the same healing, wholeness, and well-being for you that God wants for you.

Psalm 107

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
Let the redeemed of the LORD say this– those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south.
Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle.
They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains,
for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. So he subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.

Some became fools through their rebellious ways and suffered affliction because of their iniquities. They loathed all food and drew near the gates of death. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men. Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy.

Others went out on the sea in ships; they were merchants on the mighty waters.
They saw the works of the LORD, his wonderful deeds in the deep. For he spoke and stirred up a tempest that lifted high the waves. They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths; in their peril their courage melted away. They reeled and staggered like drunken men; they were at their wits’ end. Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men. Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people and praise him in the council of the elders.

He turned rivers into a desert, flowing springs into thirsty ground, and fruitful land into a salt waste, because of the wickedness of those who lived there. He turned the desert into pools of water and the parched ground into flowing springs; there he brought the hungry to live, and they founded a city where they could settle. They sowed fields and planted vineyards that yielded a fruitful harvest; he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased, and he did not let their herds diminish. Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled by oppression, calamity and sorrow; he who pours contempt on nobles made them wander in a trackless waste. But he lifted the needy out of their affliction and increased their families like flocks. The upright see and rejoice, but all the wicked shut their mouths.

Whoever is wise, let him heed these things and consider the great love of the LORD.

Table of contents for Believe You Deserve to Be Well

1. Believe You Deserve to be Well- Part 1
2. Believe You Deserve to be Well- Part 2

Whether or Not You Believe You Deserve to be Well Greatly Affects All Aspects of Your Health!

Though it sounds like an absurd question, but medical science has proven that your mental perspective, what you think about yourself and God, has a great effect on physical, emotional, and spiritual health. (This is Part 1 of a 2-part post. It is heavier reading than most posts on this site but should help those of you struggling with guilt, condemnation, and other negative thought patterns that hinder healing. )

For the purpose of example, there is a particular area in the medical field in which the procedure actually brings back to one’s mind past emotional hurts that are causing current physical health problems. Brief, physical treatments are then done which actually remove the pent up emotion from that bad emotional experience which has been stored in the body. During the physical treatment, you are asked to state out loud phrases along the lines of, “I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to be free from allergies” etc. People are then cured of various recurring physical ailments once that stored negative emotion from a past experience was removed from the body.

Believing that you deserve to be well is just as necessary a perspective in the area of faith and the spiritual realm.

In Matthew 9:29, while bringing healing to people, Jesus said, “According to your faith will it be done to you.” The Amplified Version (expanded from the Greek) says, “According to your faith and trust and reliance on the power invested in Me be it done to you.” Most anyone you talk to, regardless of their religious beliefs or the lack of them, believes that Jesus healed people. Yet even Jesus said that people’s healing was dependent on whether or not people believed that they would be healed or, one may say, whether or not they believed that God desired to heal them. (1. Click on the text link for “faith” to open a window with the Greek definition. 2.Click on “to be done” for the Greek definition. 3. Click the text link here to read why I use Greek definitions.)

Whether you are a believer in God, or if you are just interested in knowing what Scripture says about God’s desire to heal our lives, it will be beneficial to focus on a few brief examples which show God’s heart and character with regard to healing. This insight will help one develop a perspective that believes he or she deserves to be well.

Regardless of our past failures, we can believe that we “deserve to be healed” or that God desires for us to be healed. Scripture says, “Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. (Lam. 3:22,23)” The phrase “great love” is, at times, translated into English as “mercy.” Hence, you may hear people say that God’s mercy towards us is new every morning. When this verse is studied in the original Hebrew, it does speak that, first, God’s loving-kindness and compassions toward us start over new and fresh every morning, as if we had a clean slate.

Second, these feelings toward us from God are far superior to what we experience in the fluctuating human emotions of the people around us. Not only are God’s feelings of loving-kindness and multiple compassions toward us secure and steady, i.e. faithful, but they are exceedingly, abundantly, plenteously secure and steady. Where on earth can one find such a relationship as that? Meditating on that reality alone of God’s true feelings toward us can bring a flood of healing to one’s spirit.

Third, once we realize that God’s mercies toward us are new every morning, it is time to have mercy on ourselves, to forgive ourselves of our failures and stop allowing the guilt of the past to keep us from physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual healing! (In a future article, we will discuss in more detail how to deal with recurring guilt.) (4. Click links for full definitions in Hebrew of the main words in the above verses: great love, compassions, great, faithfulness. 5. Click here to read why I use Hebrew definitions.)

When we feel undeserving of being healed, or feel that there is some reason that God does not desire us to be well, we need to change our focus from guilt and self-abasement to the truth of what God says about His perspective in this matter.

At one point in my life, when I was going through deep grief from the loss of a dear friend to cancer, God spoke a specific word of encouragement to my spirit. Knowing that the untimely death of my friend was humanly inexplainable, God said to me, “When you face things in life which you are not capable of understanding, which seem to make absolutely no sense in the human realm, focus on what you know to be true.” Throughout Scripture, God says of Himself, “I am compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” It was holding on to the truths regarding the nature and character of God that brought healing in that time of grief. This principle has come back to mind many times through the years and has brought healing in a variety of situations.

There are countless names that God uses to describe Himself throughout Scripture; they address His nature or character. In Exodus 15:16, God says, “…for I am the LORD, who heals you.” The name God uses in the Hebrew is Y@hovah Rapha’, meaning the eternal, self-existent one who heals and makes thoroughly whole. (6. Click here for Hebrew definition of “Lord who heals you.”) It would be negligent not to mention that this statement is prefaced by a condition of obedience to righteous standards. However, I think most people would agree that it goes without saying that if one lives a life that is destructive in nature to yourself or others, it would be absurd to expect healing when you are repeatedly causing the damage yourself. God chose this name to express to us that it is His nature to heal, to make our lives thoroughly whole. This means God desires healing for us in every aspect of our lives—physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.

This desire of God to exist in a healing relationship with us, that it is His very nature to do so, is again expressed through Jesus’ life and words.

In John 10:10, Jesus says, “The thief [referring to satan or forces of evil] does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (7. Click here for the Greek definition of “abundance.”) The translation into the English word, “abundantly,” does not do justice to what Jesus was saying here. The Greek word refers to exceedingly, superabundantly, above and beyond measure in quantity and quality, even vehemently so. God’s expression of Himself through Jesus and the work that He completed while here in human form, was to bring to each person the type of well-being physically, emotionally, etc. that usually we only dream of. Yet Jesus said His purpose in coming was to bring exactly that to us. Yes, God desires all aspects of your life to be healed!

(In Part 2 of this post, we will more specifically discuss dealing with feelings of guilt and past failures.)