From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

August 27th, 2013

Table of contents for From Rejection to Self Esteem

  1. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1
  2. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

In rejection recovery, realize that negative thoughts cannot be changed without replacing them with positive ones.

This is Part 2 of a 2 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read it first as Part 1 covers the two initial steps for recovering from rejection.

To overcome the negativity that is overrunning your thought life as a result of the rejection, you must actively make yourself think on thoughts that will move you forward to the productive life you should be living. There are 3 main ways to replace thoughts of rejection.

1. Base your value on God’s value of you. With all the beauty that exists in creation, with all the billions of people, God still loves you and considers you precious and honored in His sight (Is. 43:4). Scripture describes that God saw your unformed body before you were born, already knew all the days of your life before it began, and that His thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand–because He thinks so often about you. (Ps. 139:15-18) Throughout the up’s and down’s of life, it is essential that you base your value of yourself on the value God sees in you. This is the only way your value of yourself can remain constant. It cannot be based on people because people come and go in our lives, even if it is by death. Your value cannot be based on your career or other abilities because, one day, you will no longer be able to do those things.

2. Be your own cheerleader. This is a self-help tip that I’ve heard Joel Osteen say many times and it is worth repeating. Every day, get up in the morning and be your own cheerleader. Say good things about yourself to yourself! Speak to yourself about God’s value of you. Throughout the day, remind yourself of your value and your abilities. And, it doesn’t hurt to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1

August 22nd, 2013

Table of contents for From Rejection to Self Esteem

  1. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1
  2. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why someone would feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke off the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection — and you already know you need to work on that aspect — quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such a way as to allow for healing and reconciliation Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Depression Help – 4 Steps to Recovery

June 25th, 2013

Reading Level: Gratifying

Depression is the result of external pressure getting inside and weighing down your thoughts/emotions.

There is a depression that has its root in physical causes, such as a deficiency of certain naturally occurring chemicals in the brain, the 3 main ones being serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. Sometimes, in mild cases, these chemicals can be replaced by protein drinks with tyrosine and phenalylanine. I read that the late Dr. Atkins has such a diet available. If you suspect you’re your depression is physically related rather than from circumstancial pressures, you may want to see your doctor for a blood test to determine a proper course of treatment. Probably the most common form of depression, however, is due to allowing the pressure of circumstances to conform one’s thoughts. I’ve mentioned this quote before, “Above all else, guard your heart [mind and will], for it is the wellspring of life (Prov. 4:23).” We must admit to the absolute necessity of controlling our thoughts for the wellbeing of our lives. Another passage says, “For as the thoughts of man’s heart are, so is he (Prov. 23:7).”

Thoughts form our emotions.

The other week I referred you to a new book out, called “Eight Steps to Create the Life You Want.” I quoted the premise for the chapters in this book of how the whole course of one’s life starts with the positive or negative words we speak; those words form our thoughts; our thoughts create emotions, etc. I’ll reference the post below if you still need to read it. The eight steps in this book illustrate how the whole direction of one’s life is altered by words, thoughts, and Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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3 Natural Depression Treatments

June 22nd, 2013

3 natural ways to treat depression were discussed by Dr. Mercola in one of his newsletter articles.

The link at the end of this post is to the full article, as well as to a video clip of his interview with Dr. Gordon, a rare physician who encourages people with depression to take control of their health by incorporating key natural therapies into a treatment program.

Here are excerpts of the 3 natural treatments for depression from Dr. Mercola’s article. Again, the link to read the full article on his site is below.

1. Optimize Your Diet

One of the best ways to beat depression is with nutritional approaches. This includes taking high-quality, animal-based omega-3 fats daily. Omega-3 fats such as those in krill oil have been found to work just as well as antidepressants in preventing the signs of depression, but without any of the side effects. In fact, throughout my years of medical practice I’ve had large numbers of patients be able to stop their antidepressants once they started taking omega-3 fats…Next, you’ll want to eliminate most sugar and grain from your diet, as these will increase your risk of insulin resistance, which is linked to depression (and diabetes)…

2. Get Moving

A regular exercise program is one of the best things you can do for your mood and mental health. Physical movement works so well because it helps to normalize insulin resistance while boosting “feel good” hormones in your brain Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Anxiety – Quick Self Test

June 7th, 2013

You can do a quick self-test for your level of anxiety, fear, or stress.

Performing this test will help you determine how much anxiety, fear, and stress are affecting your life, as well as some of the possible root causes. The official name of the test is the Rhomberg neurologic test and it will immediately show if you suffer from low level anxiety syndrome.

Stand with your feet put together. Then stand on your tips toes. Now close your eyes. If you cannot keep your balance once you close your eyes, you have low level anxiety syndrome. People who pass the test and can keep their balance while their eyes are closed will have an anxiety level of 10 during an immediate fearful situation, but the next day be back to level 1. Those with low level anxiety syndrome stay at an anxiety level or 4 or 5 all the time.

You may recognize these other common physical symptoms associated with low level anxiety syndrome.

People with low level anxiety often have numerous allergies. They are also sensitive to scents such as perfumes or newsprint. Caffeine may keep them up all night. In addition, they are usually very sensitive to even small doses of prescription and over-the-counter drugs.

The source of low level anxiety syndrome is holding on to undesirable emotions.

If you didn’t pass the test and realize that you live in a constant state of low level anxiety, evaluate which of the following undesirable emotions are the source of your anxiety. People who are perfectionists often suffer from low level anxiety. Unresolved bitterness Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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When is Pain Good?

April 5th, 2013

In the physical fitness arena, the phrase “No pain, no gain,” is quite common. For your emotional “fitness” in relationships and boundary setting, “No pain, no gain” is also a necessary practice.

People who repeatedly allow themselves to be hurt or harmed by others, physically or emotionally, have difficulty setting boundaries. They bring a continual flow of harm into their lives due to not setting boundaries, or not making clear what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behavior mainly due to a fear of the other person’s response. They fear the other person’s anger or they even fear hurting the other person’s feelings. Often, the boundaryless person fears hurting the controlling person because of an “over-identification with loss.” He or she hasn’t dealt with their own personal losses, especially those caused by the harmful relationship, so there is an unrealistic, over-emotional response to the thought of hurting the other person. It is a tragic thing to see destruction rule throughout a person’s whole life when restoration and abundance is attainable — all because he or she fears boundary setting will hurt the other person’s feelings. In such cases, pain is a good thing!

First, realize that it is possible to hurt someone’s feelings by “doing what needs to be done” to be responsible with your gift of life.

I’ve referred before to the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend when discussing relationship issues of this type. You do what you need to do to be responsible with the gift of your life though it may hurt the other person’s feelings. This is not a matter of being inconsiderate. You think through and evaluate how the boundary will likely hurt the other person’s feelings; that’s being empathetic and “taking into account” the other person’s feelings. But you still set the boundaries to stop the harm to your life; otherwise, you are being irresponsible to the gift of your own life. The other person will likely Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Criticism – Turning it into a Tool Part 2

February 13th, 2013

Table of contents for Criticism

  1. Criticism – Turning it into a Tool Part 2

Whether a criticism is intended to be harmful or helpful, you can still choose to be in control of how it affects you.

This is Part 2 of a 2-part post. If you missed Part 1, which covered –evaluating the person’s intent, controlling your thoughts from purposely harmful words, and learning to evaluate the criticism objectively–please use the series link above to read Part 1 first.

Third, decide whether or not you have grown to the point of accepting positive criticism.

Though no one usually enjoys criticism, not all criticism is bad. Sometimes, the hurt we feel is not because the criticism is harmful, but because we have not grown to accept constructive criticism. For example, if the criticism came from a boss, yet you are feeling extremely hurt, it may be that you have not learned to accept even helpful criticism because your self-esteem is not well established. Though there are some bosses with issues, usually criticism on the job comes from people who have more experience on the job than you and are trying to catapult you to reach your potential. If you sense this is your situation, work on establishing your self-esteem or self-worth as well as taking captive the unrealistic thoughts that your Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Criticism – Turning it into a Tool Part 1

February 9th, 2013

Whether a criticism is intended to be harmful or helpful, you can still choose to be in control of how it affects you.

Criticism is similar to many other events in our lives in that we can choose both the extent to which it affects us, as well as the type of outcome it has upon us.

Most of us remember the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Yet, many people carry hurt their entire lives as a result of critical words spoken to them during childhood. While there is some truth to the old saying, the error in it is that words can “never” hurt; yes, they can hurt if we are unaware of the fact that we can choose not to allow them to harm us. This is especially the case during childhood when we are supposed to be in a loving, nurturing environment in which we shouldn’t need to protect ourselves and, hence, haven’t learned how to do so. Once we begin growing and stepping out of our protected environment, we must learn to evaluate critical statements as to whether they have any value and use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth.

A reader asked specifically about dealing with unfounded criticism, so we will also cover that in the process of this post.

First of all, consider the source of the criticism and what you perceive the person’s intent to be.

Did the criticism come from someone that is usually a harmful person by nature? If that is the case, it is most likely Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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From Devastation to Greatness

December 19th, 2012

Most every person goes through a season in life of devastating circumstances in which he or she cannot even visualize restoration taking place.   

I wanted to share with you a word of encouragement I heard recently. 

There is a very unusual illustration in a rarely referenced book from Scripture, the book of Ezekiel.  The nation of Israel was in a state of devastation after war.  Ezekiel had a vision of a valley full of disassembled human skeletons.  The skeleton bones represented the complete state of devastation of the people of Israel. The following are some of my own thoughts, as well as a few from a talk I recently heard, that I believe will give hope and encouragement to those of you facing devastating circumstances. 

You may be in circumstances that are so visibly bad that you feel like the chances of your life being restored are as non-existent as that of someone long dead. 

The dry bones in Ezekiel’s vision represented the present life circumstances of God’s people. Circumstances were so visibly bad, it was “beyond dead.”

-Though few people would have hope for it, if it were a valley full of dead corpses, it would have been easier to believe for life to be restored to normal, but it was not.

-Not only was it not a valley of dead corpses (with flesh and skin), but they were not even Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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What Are You “Not?”

October 20th, 2012

Sometimes who you are is more clearly defined by what you are “not” than your present existance or what people would describe you as being.

During a traumatic time in Paul’s life (author of 2 Corinthians), the most important aspects of his life were what he was not, rather than what he was.  Let’s take a look!  Paul said he was:

  • hard pressed on every side but not crushed (defeated)
  • perplexed and unable to find a way out but not in despair (hopeless)
  • persecuted but not abandoned
  • struck down and hurt but not destroyed (1)

At a time when things were extremely difficult in all areas (every side),  he was clueless as how to solve anyof his difficulties, he was being grossly mistreated by people and even physically harmed, Paul still rises above all this, displaying Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Characteristics of Father God Part 2

October 10th, 2012

Table of contents for Characteristics of Father God

  1. Characteristics of Father God Part 1
  2. Characteristics of Father God Part 2

We are covering today 6 more Fatherly Characteristics of God.  Understanding more clearly how God is your perfect Father will forever change how you relate to Him on a daily basis!

(This is Part 2 of this post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the above link.)

 Our knowledge of God’s Fatherly Characteristics removes harmful perceptions that we may have carried over from childhood experiences with our own parents and greatly enhances our ability to interact and receive good from Father God.

Perfect for Us and to Us

God says,

As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. Ps. 18:30

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Mt 5:48

God is a perfect Father. He is not capable of the failings of earthly fathers. The Greek word for perfect, teleios, means, complete in mental and moral character (Strong’s Dictionary of NT Words). Not only are His thoughts and character perfect, but as Ps. 18 says, His ways are also perfect. In other words, God says that His interactions with us are unflawed. This is vital for us to keep in mind. People blame God for so many bad things that happen to them. Does a good parent purposely harm his child? Of course not. Any parent that does is considered to be mentally and morally corrupt. God informs us that He is perfect; there is no flaw in His character or dealings with us.

Giving

God says,

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Characteristics of Father God Part 1

October 7th, 2012

Table of contents for Characteristics of Father God

  1. Characteristics of Father God Part 1
  2. Characteristics of Father God Part 2

Understanding the characteristics of God as your perfect Father is so awe-inspiring that it can forever change how you relate to God on a daily basis! 

This post today is in answer to readers’ questions regarding the characteristics or fatherly traits of God. Some of God’s fatherly traits are like those of a good earthly father; others, though similar, go far beyond an earthly father’s abilities. This lengthy list of God’s fatherly attributes as He describes Himself is in no way complete, for the list would probably be endless. Whether you have had mainly negative experiences with your earthly father, which in turn made it difficult for you to interact with God as your Father, or if you had positive paternal experiences as a child, these traits of Father God will be very healing and fulfilling to your mind and spirit.

We are going to explore 10 Fatherly Characteristics of God, 4 in this post (Part 1) and 6 in Part 2.  I trust they will be enlightening and bring healing to your interactions with your Father.

Loving Continually, Abundantly

God says,

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 Jn. 3:1

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. Jer. 31:3.

Just as a good earthly father, God delights in lavishing His love on us, pouring His love into our lives in generous, plentiful, and even extravagant ways.

As your Heavenly Father, God’s love goes far beyond the capabilities of a human father in that His love is everlasting, never-ending.

Compassionate, Comforting, and Loyal

God says,

As a father Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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No Need for Guilt

June 6th, 2012

Not dealing with guilt can hold you back from your goals, dreams, daily positive social interaction, and even physical and spiritual health.

Facing your guilt issues will bring about new avenues of freedom in your life that have long back lacking.  What guilt are you holding on to now?  Guilt does not fill any positive purpose. 

–Holding on to guilt will keep you from pursuing open opportunities to reach your goals and dreams.

Usually you will either fear more failure or feel that you do not deserve the good opportunities.

–Guilt over the past keeps you from positive social interaction. 

It is the same principle as the Law of Attraction.  If you feel that people like you, that you deserve good, and that good will come to you, it subconsciously causes you to interact with people in positive ways; then, due to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 2

April 22nd, 2012

Table of contents for Relationship Issues Q&A

  1. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1
  2. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 2

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, is a frequent guest speaker for the Family Series event hosted by Bill Hybel.  There are some excerpts of one of his talks. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.” You can listen or watch the full talk by Dr. Cloud at this link (Part VI on their page).

This is a continuation of a 2 part post. If you missed Part 1, use the above series link.

These are paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio. The insights will greatly benefit yourself, your friends, and family.

5. With regard to blended families and step families, how can a parent continue a close relationship with a child who is living with the other re-married parent and both parental roles are already being fulfilled in the child’s life?

This is a painful scenario and there is no way to go through this without feeling some loss. However, the first important step is to remove from your thoughts the concept of “either/or” because you are both in the child’s life. You don’t have control of when you are not there, but you do have 100% control of the relationship you have when you are together with your child. First, if you are nurturing, warm, and positive and do great stuff together, yet have requirements and expectations that he live by your rules, even if the other parent is a non-structure type, kids deep down eventually gravitate toward structure. You will face fights and some “prodigal son” moments, but continue to be the best person you can be in regards to loving and discipline. The child will develop an attachment to you based on that.

The second important point is don’t poison the other relationship with the step parent or the one with your ex. You want the child to have as many Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1

April 20th, 2012

Table of contents for Relationship Issues Q&A

  1. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1
  2. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 2

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, is a frequent guest speaker for the Family Series event hosted by Bill Hybel.  There are some excerpts of one of his talks. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.” You can listen or watch the full talk by Dr. Cloud at this link (Part VI on their page).

Here are some paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. We’ll do this in a 2 part post.  Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio.

1. Where do you draw the line between tough love and unconditional love?

There is a problem with this term of “drawing the line.” When we look at God’s personality, His expectations are done in ways that are perfectly loving and honest so He never has to “draw the line” due to having gone too far down an enabling, co-dependent road. With parents, too often we have let the child go too long down a path without consequences until it is at a point where harm will come to them if he (or she does) not get control of himself. It should never get to this point, but if it does, it should be done in a loving way.

As for child discipline, in this culture people often say, “Don’t say ‘No’ to your child; give them choices.” As an adult, one runs into ‘No’s,’ with speed limits, job requirements, etc. Our job as parents is to arrange situations in a way that when they make good decisions then good things happen and when they make bad decisions bad things happen. The goal is to transfer self control to the child. They should grow to the point of being in charge of themselves and feeling, “Oh, I better do it this way so something uncomfortable does not happen.” …we must take a stance that requires them to step into maturity so they are in control and we can finally delegate that job to them.

2. How do you address character issues in marriage? How do you let a spouse know you want more from a relationship without making them feel like a bad spouse?

In response to the first part of the question, most problems are the same in every marriage whether or not it is a good marriage, unless something strange is going on. It is how it is handled that makes the difference. Research shows that you can predict divorce in couples by 90% accuracy if couples (1) are judgmental, critical in giving feedback to each other instead of problem solving and (2) if they have a lot of contempt for the spouse. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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