Table of contents for From Rejection to Self Esteem

1. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1
2. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

In rejection recovery, realize that negative thoughts cannot be changed without replacing them with positive ones.

This is Part 2 of a 2 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read it first as Part 1 covers the two initial steps for recovering from rejection.

To overcome the negativity that is overrunning your thought life as a result of the rejection, you must actively make yourself think on thoughts that will move you forward to the productive life you should be living. There are 3 main ways to replace thoughts of rejection.

1. Base your value on God’s value of you. With all the beauty that exists in creation, with all the billions of people, God still loves you and considers you precious and honored in His sight (Is. 43:4). Scripture describes that God saw your unformed body before you were born, already knew all the days of your life before it began, and that His thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand–because He thinks so often about you. (Ps. 139:15-18) Throughout the up’s and down’s of life, it is essential that you base your value of yourself on the value God sees in you. This is the only way your value of yourself can remain constant. It cannot be based on people because people come and go in our lives, even if it is by death. Your value cannot be based on your career or other abilities because, one day, you will no longer be able to do those things.

2. Be your own cheerleader. This is a self-help tip that I’ve heard Joel Osteen say many times and it is worth repeating. Every day, get up in the morning and be your own cheerleader. Say good things about yourself to yourself! Speak to yourself about God’s value of you. Throughout the day, remind yourself of your value and your abilities. And, it doesn’t hurt to aim high. It is like the Law of Attraction. You speak those positive things to yourself even if you are not there yet so that you will eventually develop those qualities. Here is a sample list that I compiled from a couple of Joel’s broadcasts:

-I have unprecedented favor today.
-I have new opportunities for my career and personal life.
-God is in love with me.
-People like me.
-I am talented.
-I am creative.
-I am strong.
-I have excellence and determination.
-Whatever I do prospers and succeeds.

You can add to that list accomplishments which you desire that have not taken place yet, speaking them in present tense. Such as, “I have many loving people in my life. I am free from debt. I’m taking my dream vacation, etc.” As in the Law of Attraction, speaking positively to yourself about things that you desire to accomplish will make you more creative and more aware of opportunities to help you fulfill those goals.

3. Think repeatedly throughout day about those who do love you. Most of us have several people in our lives whom we value and who value us, even though it may be at varying levels of love. Even if you are temporarily in a stage where you think the only person who values you is your pet, think throughout the day about those who do love you or care about your well-being.

Move forward.

The past is never worth staying in. It is time to move forward. In addition to ways we’ve already mentioned, move forward by taking time in your schedule for people who do love or care about you. Maybe the person who rejected you was a former friend in whom you had invested a great deal of time. Move forward by spending time with those positive relationships that may have been neglected while you were focused on that other person, such as relatives, other friends, or even co-workers. Also move forward by accomplishing a project around the house or online course you put off doing due to time constraints from the past relationship. Or, do something for yourself you have always wanted to do, such as a certain vacation.

Finally, always encourage yourself with God’s unfailing, unchanging love for you.

People’s love may change, people may move in and out of your life, or they may reject you and never even give themselves the opportunity to get to know you. God, however, will never reject you. He says in John 6:37, “The person who comes to me I will never reject.” In James 4:8, He promises, “Come near to Me and I will come near to you.” In other words, God will be responsive to your desire to know Him and have a close relationship with Him. You can trust Him! His love for you will not fail you! “I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever (Ps. 52:8).”

(1) Click here to read the article on Determining Your Destiny which lists Creflo’s 8 steps to direct the course of your life to your goals and restoration.

Other Related Posts:
Handling the Fear of God’s Rejection

Hope for the Betrayed Heart

Table of contents for From Rejection to Self Esteem

1. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1
2. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why someone would feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke off the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection — and you already know you need to work on that aspect — quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such a way as to allow for healing and reconciliation in the relationship, the rejector is not presently, and may never be, in a mental/emotional state to have a long-term, healthy relationship. As it is, it is much more likely, since they were unwilling to communicate in a way as to provide for reconciliation, that the major emotional issues are on their part.

Second, quit being too hard on yourself.

If you are aware of certain mistakes you made that contributed to the rejection, you can always work on changing those behaviors, even getting profession help if needed. However, you must be realistic in accessing your failures. Usually a person who is suffering from rejection is too hard on him or herself, taking more than their share of the blame. Full blame in a relationship failure is never solely due to one person, even if it is something such as the lack of the other person being willing to communicate in such a way that adjustments in the relationship could have been made.

Similar to overcoming depression, you must replace incorrect, harmful thoughts with positive ones.  

Why? Because your thoughts will influence the direction of your life.  A book by Creflo Dollar describes the pattern of our lives very effectively. He describes it this way:

-Your thoughts, whether positive or negative, will create your emotions.
-Those emotions will then influence your decisions.
-Your decisions cause you to take action.
-Actions form habits or your lifestyle.
-Those habits determine your destiny — the final destination of your life.

You can follow the reference to read more about Creflo’s book. Realize now the absolute necessity of not allowing your thoughts of the rejection to continue. If you do, those thoughts  of rejection will produce self-defeating emotions and decisions, leading to destructive lifestyle habits. You will cause your destiny to be directed by a harmful person! Instead, you must choose to change your thoughts to beneficial ones that will direct you to the destiny you desire! (1)

This is Part 1 of a 2 part post.  In Part 2, we will cover several ways to replace thoughts of rejection as well as how to move forward with your life.

(1) Click here to read the article on Determining Your Destiny which lists Creflo’s 8 steps to direct the course of your life to your goals and restoration.

Performing this test will help you determine how much anxiety, fear, and stress are affecting your life, as well as some of the possible root causes. The official name of the test is the Rhomberg neurologic test and it will immediately show if you suffer from low level anxiety syndrome.

Stand with your feet put together. Then stand on your tips toes. Now close your eyes. If you cannot keep your balance once you close your eyes, you have low level anxiety syndrome. People who pass the test and can keep their balance while their eyes are closed will have an anxiety level of 10 during an immediate fearful situation, but the next day be back to level 1. Those with low level anxiety syndrome stay at an anxiety level or 4 or 5 all the time.

You may recognize these other common physical symptoms associated with low level anxiety syndrome.

People with low level anxiety often have numerous allergies. They are also sensitive to scents such as perfumes or newsprint. Caffeine may keep them up all night. In addition, they are usually very sensitive to even small doses of prescription and over-the-counter drugs.

The source of low level anxiety syndrome is holding on to undesirable emotions.

If you didn’t pass the test and realize that you live in a constant state of low level anxiety, evaluate which of the following undesirable emotions are the source of your anxiety. People who are perfectionists often suffer from low level anxiety. Unresolved bitterness, unforgiveness, or jealousy create anxiety. Broken heart issues, physical abuse, poor relationships with parents or siblings, feeling that you must jump through hoops to be accepted are all possible sources of low level anxiety.

Low level anxiety reduces the body’s ability to eliminate toxins, causing a variety of illnesses.

Due to the low level anxiety, cell membranes maintain an unhealthy level of rigidity. The increased rigidity hinders the body’s ability to eliminate toxins, drugs, and xenoestrogens (Xenoestrogens are a chemical common to many dairy and meat products–ones that contain growth hormones–and pesticides. They mimic or “act like” additional estrogen in the body, creating numerous health problems including various types of cancer.).

Illnesses such as chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, ovarian cysts, and fibrocystic cyst disease have their root in the emotions mentioned above that cause low level anxiety.

Bringing resolution to your undesirable emotions is the beginning point for reducing anxiety.

If you are a perfectionist by nature, start allowing yourself to be human. Allow more reasonable time limits for achieving goals. Rather than trying to live at a level higher than the rest of the human race, be happy with the person you are, appreciating that you are a diligent person yet being loving enough to yourself to allow and forgive mistakes.

If deep seated bitterness, unforgiveness, or jealousy is the source of your anxiety, resolution needs to take place. Realize that resolution does not need to involve the other person, as resolution with the other person is often not possible; it takes place within you. For a detailed explanation of this concept, read my post, Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference.

If you have been through physical abuse, seriously consider seeing a therapist or attending a support group to work through the emotions. If finances are an issue for therapy, shelters for abused women sometimes provide free consulting with therapists.

If you feel that you must “jump through hoops” to be loved, this resolution begins within you, realizing that you are a valuable solely because you exist; your personal value must be based on what God says of you. Since His love is unfailing and unchanging, this keeps your self worth intact even when others do not value you properly. Read through the following posts:
Rejection to Self Esteem Building
Does Love Have to be Earned
A Love that Isn’t Earned
Healing One’s Self Worth

If poor relationships with family are the main source of your anxiety, you may wish to consult with a therapist or pastor for assistance. Also read through the posts:
Healing Through Overcoming Family Past
Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference.

The details on the Rhomberg Test and Low Level Anxiety Syndrome came from a brochure by Dr. Peter Eckhart, www.womhoo.com .

The link at the end of this post is to the full article, as well as to a video clip of his interview with Dr. Gordon, a rare physician who encourages people with depression to take control of their health by incorporating key natural therapies into a treatment program.

Here are excerpts of the 3 natural treatments for depression from Dr. Mercola’s article. Again, the link to read the full article on his site is below.

1. Optimize Your Diet

One of the best ways to beat depression is with nutritional approaches. This includes taking high-quality, animal-based omega-3 fats daily. Omega-3 fats such as those in krill oil have been found to work just as well as antidepressants in preventing the signs of depression, but without any of the side effects. In fact, throughout my years of medical practice I’ve had large numbers of patients be able to stop their antidepressants once they started taking omega-3 fats…Next, you’ll want to eliminate most sugar and grain from your diet, as these will increase your risk of insulin resistance, which is linked to depression (and diabetes)…

2. Get Moving

A regular exercise program is one of the best things you can do for your mood and mental health. Physical movement works so well because it helps to normalize insulin resistance while boosting “feel good” hormones in your brain. Dr. Gordon says, “What we’re finding in the research on physical exercise is, the physical exercise is at least as good as antidepressants for helping people who are depressed … physical exercise changes the level of serotonin in your brain…”

3. Take Advantage of Mind-Body Approaches to Relieve Stress

Stress is one of the main causes of depression, so you must learn how to manage yours in order to feel better. My favorite method of stress relief is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), a form of psychological acupressure that you can learn how to do yourself…EFT is far from the only stress-management method out there, though. Many people experience benefits from meditation, journaling, breathing exercises, yoga, or simply sharing their feelings with a close friend. Ideally, pick the method that feels best for you, or combine several methods and rotate them…

Click Here to Read Dr. Mercola’s Full Article. Once on his page, scrolling UP from his article will take you to the video interview with Dr. Gordon.

For more articles on freeing yourself from Depression, click the text link “Depression” in the TAG list just below this article OR in the Tag Cloud of topics in the right column.

People who repeatedly allow themselves to be hurt or harmed by others, physically or emotionally, have difficulty setting boundaries. They bring a continual flow of harm into their lives due to not setting boundaries, or not making clear what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behavior mainly due to a fear of the other person’s response. They fear the other person’s anger or they even fear hurting the other person’s feelings. Often, the boundaryless person fears hurting the controlling person because of an “over-identification with loss.” He or she hasn’t dealt with their own personal losses, especially those caused by the harmful relationship, so there is an unrealistic, over-emotional response to the thought of hurting the other person. It is a tragic thing to see destruction rule throughout a person’s whole life when restoration and abundance is attainable — all because he or she fears boundary setting will hurt the other person’s feelings. In such cases, pain is a good thing!

First, realize that it is possible to hurt someone’s feelings by “doing what needs to be done” to be responsible with your gift of life.

I’ve referred before to the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend when discussing relationship issues of this type. You do what you need to do to be responsible with the gift of your life though it may hurt the other person’s feelings. This is not a matter of being inconsiderate. You think through and evaluate how the boundary will likely hurt the other person’s feelings; that’s being empathetic and “taking into account” the other person’s feelings. But you still set the boundaries to stop the harm to your life; otherwise, you are being irresponsible to the gift of your own life. The other person will likely insult you, saying that you are cruel or unforgiving. To purposely hurt someone’s feelings without giving any consideration to the fact that the person will hurt would be wrong (Keep in mind this is exactly what the controlling person is doing when violating your boundaries.), but it is also wrong to not set the boundaries necessary for you to fulfill your God-given destiny with the precious gift of your own life!

In boundary setting, we must recognize there is a clear difference between hurt and harm!

Here is the most wonderfully wise example provided by Cloud and Townsend, pp. 93-94, of the difference between hurt and harm:

When a dentist drilled into your tooth to remove a cavity, did it hurt you? Yes. Did he harm you? No, he improved your health and life. Hurt and harm are different. Did the sugar that gave you the cavity hurt? No, it was enjoyable. Did the sugar harm you? Yes.

Things [such as boundary setting] can hurt a person but not harm them. It is actually good and healthy for the controlling person. On the other hand, things that feel good can be very harmful. (1)

In Scripture, Jesus refers to this as the broad and narrow gate to life principle. The broad gate is the easiest one to go through but it is always the path to sure destruction. You do not avoid setting boundaries because someone responds with hurt or anger. Setting boundaries is crucial to living a purpose-filled life.

No one likes to be made aware of their faults, but a wise person, a loving person learns from it.

Proverbs of the wise refer to this, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful (Pr. 27:6).” A friend will “wound” a person he or she loves or cares about when it is necessary for healing and restoration-just like the dentist. On the opposite side, the harmful person pretending that the “pleasantness” –  the easier route of allowing him or her to violate the boundaries of your life – should continue is just like deceitful kisses of an enemy; the seemingly pleasant actions truly hide the destructive purposes and results of those actions. God also urges that we “speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15).” For you to continue to allow the harm, to not to set boundaries and restore a daily, progressive pattern of wellness to your life is to not speak the truth, to not act in love. Avoiding the truth of the situation is possibly just as deceitful to yourself as the other person’s actions — as those “kisses of an enemy” are toward you.

Like a good dentist removing a cavity or a quality surgeon removing a cancer, pain can be a positive thing when it is a temporary step to a restored life!

Yes, pain can be good when it is a step in the process of your restoration. Keep in mind the temporary pain you cause the controlling person or yourself in the process is minute in contrast to the never-ending pain of a destructive, boundaryless life. I’m going to end with this quote from p. 95:“

We need to evaluate the pain our confrontation causes other people. We need to see how this hurt is helpful to others and sometimes the best thing we can do for them and the relationship. We need to evaluate the pain in a positive light.” (1)

(1) Boundaries: When to Say, “Yes,” When to Say, “No,” to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. ISBN # is 0-310-24745-4.

Criticism is similar to many other events in our lives in that we can choose both the extent to which it affects us, as well as the type of outcome it has upon us.

Most of us remember the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Yet, many people carry hurt their entire lives as a result of critical words spoken to them during childhood. While there is some truth to the old saying, the error in it is that words can “never” hurt; yes, they can hurt if we are unaware of the fact that we can choose not to allow them to harm us. This is especially the case during childhood when we are supposed to be in a loving, nurturing environment in which we shouldn’t need to protect ourselves and, hence, haven’t learned how to do so. Once we begin growing and stepping out of our protected environment, we must learn to evaluate critical statements as to whether they have any value and use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth.

A reader asked specifically about dealing with unfounded criticism, so we will also cover that in the process of this post.

First of all, consider the source of the criticism and what you perceive the person’s intent to be.

Did the criticism come from someone that is usually a harmful person by nature? If that is the case, it is most likely something that needs to be discarded. Also, if the person is harmful by nature, realize that the hostility of the words they spoke also needs to be discarded from your thought life. Their words only have power over you if you continue to think on them. Whatever you think on will alter your emotions and influence your decisions. God describes it this way, “For as the thoughts of a person’s heart are, so is he (Prov. 23:7)” or so is the direction of his life. That is why God gives us 2 clear steps for dealing with harmful thoughts.

1. We bind, or stop immediately, harmful thoughts and put them out of our minds. “We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5).” People who are harmful by nature are counting on you continuing to think on their destructive words so that they can hurt you; it gives them a sense of power which, to their corrupted mind, brings pleasure. You, however, have authority and power over your thoughts, and thus the resulting emotions and decisions, so take captive those thoughts and put them out of your mind, freeing yourself from the harmful person’s influence.

2. When harmful thoughts are trying to re-surface in your mind, you cannot solely ignore them; you conquer them by replacing them. God’s second step to dealing harmful thoughts is “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable– if anything is excellent or praiseworthy– think about such things (Phil. 4:8).” You take control of your own thoughts. Do not give another person authority that is not theirs!

It is worth noting here that our perceptions of people and the purpose of their words are not always accurate. For example, if the hurtful criticism came from a friend or family member who is not usually a hurtful person, the remark may need to be dismissed due to the fact that they are speaking out of stress or illness; we all have bad days in which we speak more harshly than intended. If that is the case, forgive and forget just as you would want the person to do for you on a bad day. Or, if the criticism came from a person not normally hurtful, is it due to a prior hurt that you caused him or her and have not resolved? If so, take the needed hint and bring resolution to your valued relationship.

Second, look at the situation objectively, as if it were with someone else, and evaluate if there could be a slight element of truth in the criticism.

Whether or not the person is a harmful person by nature, for the sake of your own personal growth, it does not hurt to step back and evaluate if there is any bit of truth to the criticism. As people are rarely as effective communicators as they desire to be, many times overly critical words are spoken because frustration has built up in the individual due to a personality flaw of your own. If you have read the posts on controller and compliant personalities, this illustration will be clearer to you. For example, you may have repeatedly violated the other person’s boundaries by consistently being late for appointments or leaving responsibilities that are yours for them to do. If so, overly critical words may have resulted from frustration that you are causing, even if their words were not completely true.

I will speak a word of caution with this self-evaluation, however.  Remember, a compliant person is easily made to feel guilty by controlling people in regard to things the compliant person should not feel guilty for.  For example, a compliant person’s spouse may pound him or her with criticism for losing their temper, saying the relationship troubles are mainly the compliant’s fault.  First, no one is perfect.  No reason to beat one’s self up for a lack of perfection. Second, it is wrong for the compliant spouse to beat his or her self up for losing their temper when the actual source of the conflict was the controlling spouse  committing gross violations of the relationship with repeatedly destructive behavior. Anyone would, and actually should, become angry over consistent destructive behavior to the relationship.

Third, decide whether or not you have grown to the point of accepting positive criticism.

Though no one usually enjoys criticism, not all criticism is bad. Sometimes, the hurt we feel is not because the criticism is harmful, but because we have not grown to accept constructive criticism. For example, if the criticism came from a boss, yet you are feeling extremely hurt, it may be that you have not learned to accept even helpful criticism because your self-esteem is not well established. Though there are some bosses with issues, usually criticism on the job comes from people who have more experience on the job than you and are trying to catapult you to reach your potential. If you sense this is your situation, work on establishing your self-esteem or self-worth as well as taking captive the unrealistic thoughts that your boss doesn’t like you; make yourself focus on advancement. Click on Self Worth in the Tag Cloud in the right column for articles to help you with your self-esteem.

Last, whether or not the criticism was intentionally harmful, you can use it as an opportunity for personal growth.

The best way to explain this is to illustrate it with various examples.

• If you “wear you feelings on your shoulders” and are too easily hurt by people’s words, choose to use the situation to learn to take captive those thoughts and think on good thoughts; your emotions stay steady and your decisions be more effective.
• If you are in the habit of allowing people’s words to control you, such as with a person who is intentionally trying to harm you, again, use this opportunity to take captive those thoughts and think on good thoughts; then you will develop the habit of having authority over your own thoughts and not being manipulated by people’s words.
• If you take the opportunity to see if there are elements of truth in the criticism that are resulting from your personality flaws and adjust them, you will be a better person who is continually growing and has healthier relationships all around.
• If the criticism came from a person who is purposely harmful, using God’s 2 steps of dealing with harmful thoughts will bring you a great deal closer to living in a state of forgiveness, as your mind is not being manipulated by the negativity of their words.

You have authority over how people’s words affect your life.

Do not allow those who desire to harm you to manipulate your thoughts. Yet, do yourself a favor and take advantage of the opportunity to grow from criticism in areas of your life that you may have otherwise neglected.

Each of us have ideas of how other people will respond to us based on past experiences. There may be certain personality types which do not mesh well with our own, so we immediately assume anyone with one of those personality types will not like us and will not bring good into our lives. Or, some have a more extreme view, going through life assuming that it is most likely that any person will not like them. Obviously, past negative experiences tend to leave a deeper mark than positive ones. It is beneficial to clear the path for abundance by evaluating and altering negative views from past experiences that we project onto people because projection repels, rather than attracts, whatever good people may bring into our lives.

Projection is the opposite of the Law of Attraction.

For those who have not read about projection before, it is a term from psychology which basically is the opposite of the Law of Attraction, repelling good instead of attracting it. In the Law of Attraction, no matter how bad your life has been up to that point, you choose to change and believe that your life is destined for good purposes and good results; you choose to believe that abundance will come to you. This causes you to be looking for, and eventually see, the right openings and beneficial connections which you otherwise would have missed if you had a negative, defeatist attitude.

With projection, a person projects negative feelings and perceptions from past experiences into present job situations and relationships. He or she expects the same past bad scenarios to repeat themselves, or is afraid that they will. The person may frequently change jobs or change relationships due to this unrecognized habit of projection. Completely unaware, the person now interprets people’s responses on the new job or in the new personal life in light of those past experiences; it is like there is a negative filter on all input, hindering good, positive progress in life with regards to jobs, relationships, and other opportunities.

The other people are usually unaware the person is wrongfully interpreting all their info. He/she then responds in a negative defensive, angry, or hurt attitude toward the new people, actually recreating a constant cycle of the same old problems in the present situations. To put it in simplest form, your negative view of how others will act toward you cause peoples to “treat you poorly” and create more negative experiences; however, it is your own response and actions based on your negative perceptions from the past that make people again react negatively toward you.

When you evaluate your job and personal life situations, do you change jobs and relationships frequently due to past problems recurring no matter what the job or who you are involved with?  Or, do you experience the same type of problems, regardless of the job or relationship.  If so, realize the people and situations are different. It is most likely your projection, or negative info filter, which is recreating the same problems regardless of where you are or who you are with.

A decision to forgive yourself and others is necessary to free yourself from the past. It does not mean that you are foolish and go into situations or relationships blindly, not protecting yourself from fraud or physical abuse, etc. However, you need to evaluate situations and responses in light of the present. Do not assume people are treating you badly. Expect people to like you. Expect good opportunities to come to you. Think and act in ways that are positive and attract abundance. And, if you think someone is treating you the same as in the past, possibly recreating a bad scenario, be sure to ask for clarification in a non-hostile way.

If you need to forgive yourself and others, take a look at these posts:

Healing by Forgiving Yourself
Holding on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure
Resentment and Anger Management
Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference

In addition to opening the path of abundance by removing projection from your relationships with people, you can also benefit by evaluating to see if similar projection is taking place in your relationship with God.

The causes of projection in one’s relationship with God are usually much more obvious:

1. Past abusive relationships with fathers or ex-husbands cause one to project those characteristics onto God  due to the analogy in Scripture of God as a “father.” 

2. Because of God as an authority figure, one may project bad past experiences with any authority figure, parental or otherwise, onto God.

3. Some religious leaders or other professed religious people have presented God has a harsh, unforgiving, unreachable person.

Though Scripture makes clear that spiritual beings are neither male or female, God often uses the analogy of a father to illustrate to us certain positive characteristics seen in good earthly fathers which also exist in Himself. The analogy is intended to help us understand His undying love and compassion.

Throughout my career, I have made it a point to remind people that God’s fatherly characteristics are those of, not just a good father but, a perfect one, since God is perfect; that concept has been helpful to people in overcoming projection of the past onto God. However, the main way to overcome such negative thoughts about God is by replacing them with the truth about Himself that He has provided in Scripture. If you realize that you are projecting past negative experiences onto God and you need to change them, clearing the path of abundance between you and Him, take a look at these past posts. Just like any good father, Father God desires a clear path to pour all kinds of loving abundance into your life. Choose to make yourself receptive to His abundance!

God Wants Our Lives to be Well
Handling the Fear of God’s Rejection

Table of contents for Characteristics of Father God

1. Characteristics of Father God Part 1
2. Characteristics of Father God Part 2

We are covering today 6 more Fatherly Characteristics of God. 

Our knowledge of God’s Fatherly Characteristics removes harmful perceptions that we may have carried over from childhood experiences with our own parents and greatly enhances our ability to interact and receive good from Father God.

This is Part 2 of this post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the above link.

Perfect for Us and to Us

God says,

As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. Ps. 18:30

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Mt 5:48

God is a perfect Father. He is not capable of the failings of earthly fathers. The Greek word for perfect, teleios, means, complete in mental and moral character (Strong’s Dictionary of NT Words). Not only are His thoughts and character perfect, but as Ps. 18 says, His ways are also perfect. In other words, God says that His interactions with us are unflawed. This is vital for us to keep in mind. People blame God for so many bad things that happen to them. Does a good parent purposely harm his child? Of course not. Any parent that does is considered to be mentally and morally corrupt. God informs us that He is perfect; there is no flaw in His character or dealings with us.

Giving

God says,

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father, who does not change like shifting shadows. Jms. 1:17

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Mt. 7:11

As with any good father, God delights in giving to His children, doing things for them that bring joy and excitement to their hearts. God says that only “good and perfect” gifts come from Him. This tells us 2 things: (1) God gives or does things that are considered as gifts from Him to us. (2) He only gives good gifts, again rejecting the theory that evil comes from Father God. In the second quote, God compares Himself to earthly parents to again illustrate His superiority as a parent. We as good, earthly parents love to give good gifts to our children. Even so, we each know that our character, even at its best, is flawed. Since God’s character is flawless, how much more does His heart delight in doing good to us and giving good things to us!

Protector

God says,

Ps 68:5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.

There are countless passages that describe Father God as our protector, such as the ones that refer to Him as our Rock, Shelter, a shield around us, etc. But this quote is especially beautiful because God remarks that He is particularly concerned and protective of those who are normally neglected by society. As this was written approximately 2500 years ago, it was obviously during a period in earth’s history where the job market was male dominated; neither were there the infrastructures for welfare assistance that are available in financially stable countries now. For the most part, orphans and widows back then were without a source of income and without hope. God describes Himself as the Father/Protector of each person who looks to Him, those without hope, and particularly those whom society has let fall through the cracks.

Ever Available

God says,

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Is. 9:6

This quote is part of a prophecy of the birth of Jesus, put to writing about 700 years before Jesus’ birth. Though it speaks of several fatherly traits, such as a counselor (advice-giver) and Prince of Peace (bringing peace to those He is ruling over), I wanted to focus on the term, Everlasting Father. This name of Father God describes His availability. Good earthly fathers try to be involved in their children’s lives, though their continual presence is not possible due to full-time jobs, other responsibilities, and a limited physical life of usually, at the most, 60-80 years. God is our Everlasting Father. He is always with us, always available for us, and will never die.

Disciplines Us for our Good

God says,

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good. Heb. 12:7,10

God does disciplines us to develop our spirits and character but He is careful to contrast His discipline of us with that of an earthly father. Notice God says that an earthly father disciplines us the best that he knows how, “but” He disciplines us for our good. His knowledge of the situation and wisdom of how to deal with it are never lacking, so His discipline does always bring about good in us, whereas an earthly father’s discipline may be overbearing, not strict enough, or lacking in wisdom or effectiveness in some other way.

Forgiving

God says,

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 Jn. 1:9

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Col. 3:13

Unlike what many of us were taught as children, God describes Himself as faithful to forgive. When we come to Him and confess our failings, He faithfully forgives us. Notice in the second quote, it tells us to be patient with each other and forgive whatever grievances we have against each other because that is the same way God responds with His forgiveness towards us. The Greek for forgive, aphete, means to let go, leave behind, dismiss, or cancel the debt (pg. 1430 FLSB). God is not unforgiving. He does not hold on to bad attitudes toward us when we fail. Just as He tells us to do with each other, when we ask for forgiveness, He “lets it go,” leaving the past in the past.

Conclusion

A Prayer for You-

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. Eph. 1:17

I appreciate so much the ReceiveHealing readers bringing this area of interest to my attention. I do pray that as you read this, Father God will continue to give you wisdom and revelation of the incredible beauty, intensity, and faithfulness of His fatherly traits. May the greater knowledge of the characteristics of Father God bring a level of healing, fullness, and completeness to your relationship with Him that you never had before, enhancing your life in ways beyond what you’ve imagined!

Table of contents for Characteristics of Father God

1. Characteristics of Father God Part 1
2. Characteristics of Father God Part 2

Reading Level: Impassioned

The characteristics of Father God are deeply moving once one begins to explore them in their full scope.

This post today is in answer to readers’ questions regarding the characteristics or fatherly traits of God. Some of God’s fatherly traits are like those of a good earthly father; others, though similar, go far beyond an earthly father’s abilities. This lengthy list of God’s fatherly attributes as He describes Himself is in no way complete, for the list would probably be endless. Whether you have had mainly negative experiences with your earthly father, which in turn made it difficult for you to interact with God as your Father, or if you had positive paternal experiences as a child, these traits of Father God will be very healing and fulfilling to your mind and spirit.

We are going to explore 10 Fatherly Characteristics of God, 4 in this post (Part 1) and 6 in Part 2.  I trust they will be enlightening and bring healing to your interactions with your Father.

Loving Continually, Abundantly

God says,

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 Jn. 3:1

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. Jer. 31:3.

Just as a good earthly father, God delights in lavishing His love on us, pouring His love into our lives in generous, plentiful, and even extravagant ways.

As your Heavenly Father, God’s love goes far beyond the capabilities of a human father in that His love is everlasting, never-ending.

Compassionate, Comforting, and Loyal

God says,

As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him. Ps. 103:13

The Father of compassion and the God of all comfort…2 Cor. 1:3

For the LORD comforts His people and will have compassion on those who are afflicted. But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me.” “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget or forsake you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” Is. 49:13-16

Just as a good earthly father feels compassionate toward his children –  even the more challenging ones –  and responds to their needs in compassionate, comforting manners, God says that He will be comforting and compassionate in His responses to His children. God purposely makes a distinction between Himself and earthly parents, admitting that some parents are not good and lack in the normal paternal devotion, and, as a result, abandon their children. God says, referring to a mother as an example (as mothers are typically considered by society to be even more devoted than fathers), that even if our own earthly mother (or likewise, a father) would abandon us, God will never abandon us. His loyalty and devotion cannot end, as sometimes happens with earthly parents.

Nurturing

God says,

The LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place. Deut. 1:31

This is a beautiful visual illustration that God gives us, describing Himself as a father who is literally carrying his son, caring for the son’s every need when he is unable to care for himself. Historically, it refers to God caring for the Israelites every need as He brought them out of 400 years of slavery to a land of their own. But as Scripture tells us that God is no respecter of persons –  doesn’t show favoritism (Acts 10:34) –  and that all the promises of God are “yes” for those who are in Him (in Christ, 2 Cor. 1:20), He cannot show less care for us than what He has shown to someone else. We can rely on His intimate nurturing of us, especially at times when we are unable to care for ourselves.

Warm, Affectionate, Familial

God says,

God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father. Gal. 4:6

In this quote, God is describing how He causes His Spirit that lives within us to enable us to cry out to Him as a father, with the sense of intimate closeness, warmth, affection, and complete trust with which a very small child calls out to his parent. “Abba,” is Aramaic and Arabic for “Daddy.” While researching the term, I discovered that “Abba” is impossible to concisely describe in the English language. Easton’s Bible Dictionary says of the term, “It is a term expressing warm affection and filial confidence. It has no perfect equivalent in our language.” ATS Dictionary describes the term this way, “It expressed the peculiar tenderness, familiarity, and confidence of the love between parent and child.” So we see that God’s Spirit works within us to create, between Father God and us, the same natural bond of affection, trust, warmth, and closeness as exists with small child and its parent. Once we become of aware of this fact, it should enable us to let down our guard and allow God’s Spirit within us to further develop the intimate feelings that are intended to exist between us and Father God.

We’ll cover 6 more Fatherly Characteristics of God in Part 2.

Facing your guilt issues will bring about new avenues of freedom in your life that have long back lacking.  What guilt are you holding on to now?  Guilt does not fill any positive purpose. 

–Holding on to guilt will keep you from pursuing open opportunities to reach your goals and dreams.

Usually you will either fear more failure or feel that you do not deserve the good opportunities.

–Guilt over the past keeps you from positive social interaction. 

It is the same principle as the Law of Attraction.  If you feel that people like you, that you deserve good, and that good will come to you, it subconsciously causes you to interact with people in positive ways; then, due to the way you carry yourself, as one who believes he or she is a good person worthy of knowing, people begin responding to you in positive ways.  If you are holding on to guilt, the reverse is true.  You subconsciously carry yourself in a way that portrays that you do not feel yourself worthy of being known and loved; your social interactions are then not as positive as you desire because of the negative emotions you are emanating.  When your negative emotions receive  negative reactions, it results in more withdrawal.

–Freeing yourself from guilt is also necessary for both your physical and spiritual health.  

Harmful stress chemicals are consistently released into your body when you carry guilt, as we’ve discussed in prior posts.  And, just as in your relationships with loved ones, friends, and co-workers, guilt will cause you to withdraw spiritually and not pursue the positive interaction you need.

Once a person realizes that condemnation does not come from God, the freedom from guilt in your spiritual perspective will free you from guilt in the other arenas of life.

Since God is considered a being of flawless righteousness, for many people, the root source of continued guilt is the feeling of condemnation from God.  Scripture says in Romans 8:1 that there is no condemnation for those who live life in Christ Jesus.  The purpose of Christ’s death and resurrection was to free us from the guilt and condemnation of our failures.

Look at this amazing quote that expresses God’s fullness of compassion, not condemnation, toward us:

We have a High Priest [referring to Jesus’ work of salvation] who sympathizes with our weakness and the assaults of temptation. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us [unearned, not performance-based] that we may receive mercy for our failures and find help for every need—appropriate help, coming just when we need it.  Heb.4:15,16 Amp

You can change your negative emotions and spiritual perspective when you act on the points from this quote :

1. Jesus does sympathize with us in our weaknesses, not condemn us.  This is not the negative form of the word as sympathy is sometimes used, but rather a being emotionally moved to a state of compassion.

2. Father God views His interactions with us with “unmerited favor.”  This means His favor is always a gift, never earned.  It is because His favor is an unearned gift that it is always available for you!

3.  Because of God’s continual choice to view you through the gift of His favor, He wants you to then change your feelings of guilt and condemnation, and fearlessly, confidently,  even boldly come into His presence to interact with Him.  Imagine a child who feels well loved by a parent; he or she does not fear asking for any want, much less something that is truly needed.  That is how God desires you to approach Him, as a child who knows without a doubt that he or she is loved and free from condemnation.

4. The result of approaching God in a relationship free from guilt results in you receiving both compassionate mercy when you fail, as well as good, timely help for every situation of need in your life.

 Freedom from guilt is a matter of choosing to align your emotions with truth.

This does not mean that you avoid responsibilities associated with your guilt.  If you’ve wronged someone, apologize and make reconciliation when possible.  Reconciliation with other people is not always possible.  (See prior post for detailed explanation Forgiveness or Reconciliation – Understanding the Difference ) Either way, you can choose to live free from guilt.  If Father God, the only truly righteous and holy One, does not condemn you, it is time for you to align your emotions with that truth and stop condemning yourself.  Enjoy once again the life intended for you by being free from guilt; experience the improved physical health, open spiritual communication, freedom to pursue your goals, and positive interactions with people that are waiting to bring joy and fulfillment to your life again!