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We each desire good to come to us in our relationships with other people and with God. Sometimes it is necessary to clear the path for abundance by evaluating the views we automatically project onto others and God.

Each of us have ideas of how other people will respond to us based on past experiences. There may be certain personality types which don’t mesh well with our own, so we immediately assume anyone with one of those personality types will not like us and will not bring good into our lives. Or, some have a more extreme view, going through life assuming that it is most likely that any person will not like them. Obviously, past negative experiences tend to leave a deeper mark than positive ones. It is beneficial to clear the path for abundance by evaluating and altering negative views from past experiences that we project onto people as projection repels, rather than attracts, whatever good they may bring into our lives.

Projection is the opposite of the Law of Attraction.

For those who haven’t read about projection before, it is a term from psychology which basically is the opposite of the Law of Attraction, repelling good instead of attracting it. In the Law of Attraction, no matter how bad your life has been up to that point, you choose to change and believe that your life is destined for good purposes and good results; you choose to believe that abundance will come to you. This causes you to be looking for, and eventually see, the right openings and beneficial connections which you otherwise would have missed if you had a defeatist attitude.

With projection, a person projects negative feelings and perceptions from past experiences into present job situations and relationships. He or she expects the same past bad scenarios to repeat themselves, or is afraid that they will. The person may frequently change jobs or change relationships due to this unrecognized habit of projection. Completely unaware, the person now interprets people’s responses on the new job or in the new personal life in light of those past experiences; Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

3 natural ways to treat depression were discussed by Dr. Mercola in one of his recent newsletter articles.

The link at the end of this post is to the full article as well as to a video clip of his interview with Dr. Gordon, a rare physician who encourages people with depression to take control of their health by incorporating key natural therapies into a treatment program.

Here are excerpts of the 3 natural treatments for depression from Dr. Mercola’s article. Again, the link to read the full article on his site is below.

1. Optimize Your Diet

One of the best ways to beat depression is with nutritional approaches. This includes taking high-quality, animal-based omega-3 fats daily. Omega-3 fats such as those in krill oil have been found to work just as well as antidepressants in preventing the signs of depression, but without any of the side effects. In fact, throughout my years of medical practice I’ve had large numbers of patients be able to stop their antidepressants once they started taking omega-3 fats…Next, you’ll want to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

A major help in overcoming fear is knowing that God is attentive to you.

A friend put together this selection of quotes below (using a couple of different translations) to clearly illustrate God’s commitment to be attentive to our communication with Him, especially in times of fear and need. These will be a great encouragement to anyone who is now seeking God during a time of fear or any other overwhelming need.

As with any relationship, your ability to receive affects the good that comes into your life.

Keep in mind as you read through these quotes that your own receptiveness affects what you receive in any relationship, including your relationship with God. People who teach on the Law of Attraction encourage us to first love and value ourselves and then believe that the people we meet will actually like us. This attracts the desired response from other people because of a change in our own receptiveness. Using this principle, if you realize your value and believe that people will like you, then, when you go to a meeting or begin a relationship, instead of acting out of fear, you act with confidence. Why? Because you know that you are a person of such value that any other person will benefit from the meeting or relationship and definitely like you. The confident, self-acceptance creates a warmth and attractiveness which literally draws people to you. Other people did not change; the adjustment in your own viewpoint changed your receptivity.

In the same way, by believing that God is attentive to you and your needs, you open up your receptivity.

Just as a fear that people won’t like you causes you to act in a way that drives others away, keeping you from receiving good, a fear that God is not attentive to your call for help causes you to respond in such a way that hinders you from receiving good from Him into your life. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

You can do a quick self-test for your level of anxiety, fear, or stress.

Performing this test will help you determine how much anxiety, fear, and stress are affecting your life, as well as some of the possible root causes. The official name of the test is the Rhomberg neurologic test and it will immediately show if you suffer from low level anxiety syndrome.

Stand with your feet put together. Then stand on your tips toes. Now close your eyes. If you cannot keep your balance once you close your eyes, you have low level anxiety syndrome. People who pass the test and can keep their balance while their eyes are closed will have an anxiety level of 10 during an immediate fearful situation, but the next day be back to level 1. Those with low level anxiety syndrome stay at an anxiety level or 4 or 5 all the time.

You may recognize these other common physical symptoms associated with low level anxiety syndrome.

People with low level anxiety often have numerous allergies. They are also sensitive to scents such as perfumes or newsprint. Caffeine may keep them up all night. In addition, they are usually very sensitive to even small doses of prescription and over-the-counter drugs.

The source of low level anxiety syndrome is not freeing yourself from these undesirable emotions.

If you didn’t pass the test Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Some simple daily exercises for health and restoration are beneficial in the realization of your goals.

After talking with a loved one who was going through a breakdown of the family structure, finances, and emotional state, I began to visualize seeing him as he desires his life to be–happy, healthy, trim, and successful. When one’s dreams for his or her life have come crashing down around them, it is rather difficult, and seemingly absurd to visualize one’s self and life in a state of near perfection. However, in recent years I have been studying people in both the secular world and religious world who have used the principle of faith to bring restoration after every aspect of their lives had been completely destroyed, and all of them say, “You must see where you want to be in your mind; you must visualize it for it to come to pass.” As a main key to being successful is learning how others achieved it, the concepts of visualizing and speaking restoration into existence should be taken hold of by anyone in need of life restoration.

Let’s look at two daily exercises to evoke health and life restoration. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Impassioned

In the physical health world, the phrase “No pain, no gain,” is quite familiar. When it comes to emotional health in relationships and boundary setting, “No pain, no gain” is also an applicable phrase.

People who repeatedly allow themselves to be hurt or harmed by others, physically or emotionally, have difficulty setting boundaries. They bring a continual flow of destruction into their lives due to not setting boundaries, or not making clear what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behavior mainly due to a fear of the other person’s response. They fear the other person’s anger or they even fear hurting the other person’s feelings. Often, the boundaryless person fears hurting the other person because of an “over-identification with loss.” He hasn’t dealt with his own personal losses, especially those caused by the harmful relationship, so he has an unrealistic, over-emotional response to the thought of hurting the other person. It is a tragic thing to see destruction rule throughout a person’s whole life when restoration and abundance is attainable-all because he or she fears boundary setting will hurt the other person’s feelings. In such cases, pain is a good thing!

First, realize that it is possible to hurt someone’s feelings by “doing what needs to be done” and being responsible with your gift of life.

Those who follow this blog know that I frequently refer to the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend when discussing relationship issues of this type. You do what you need to do though it may hurt the other person’s feelings. This is not a matter of being inconsiderate. You think through and evaluate how the boundary will likely hurt the other person’s feelings; that’s being empathetic and “taking into account” the other person’s feelings. But you still set the boundaries to stop the harm to your life; otherwise, you are being irresponsible to the gift of your own life. The other person will likely insult you, saying that you are cruel or unforgiving. To purposely hurt someone’s feelings without giving any consideration to the fact that the person will hurt would be wrong (Keep in mind this is exactly what the other person is doing to you when violating your boundaries.), but so is not setting the boundaries necessary so that you can fulfill your God-given destiny with the precious gift of your own life!

In boundary setting, we must recognize the clear difference between hurt and harm.

Here is the most wonderfully wise example provided by Cloud and Townsend, pp. 93-94, of the difference between hurt and harm. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Recent events in the US Open were a good illustration of the harm that quickly comes to people on both ends of a conversation through a careless moment with one’s words.

It made headlines the last few days of the US Open (tennis) when a few careless words in an attempt to joke brought great offense to another athlete, visibly hindering his play in the quarters and semifinals. We began following the sport a few years ago when we watched Wimbledon with a visiting friend. Commentators mentioned that medical staff for the players avoid giving many details on injuries; this seems logical as it would give an advantage to the opponent. When Andy Roddick was asked in an interview about his strategy for an upcoming match with Novak Djokovic’, he made a careless remark implying that Djokokvic’ had so many injuries that he would be easy to beat. We, ourselves, were startled at the words, as one of the things we’ve appreciated about the sport is an apparent higher level of conduct than in most sports; in pre and post games interviews that we’ve seen, it is standard that the athletes always compliment their opponents. Though Roddick later stated that the remark was only a joke, the offense soon made international headline news.

Most of us are fortunate enough that are words are not publicized by the press, but the results of such a remark paint a clear portrait for us. It was an opportunity in which immense character could have been displayed by the offender.

Djokovic’ and his family were deeply offended by the remark and his normal, fighting spirit was no where to be found in his last match of the Open; one could see a visible oppression on his spirit. We all fail, at times, with our words. Scripture says that, otherwise, we would be perfect people–meaning if we were so disciplined as to perfectly control our words, we would be perfect in all other areas of our lives as well. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why would someone feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection–and you already know you need to work on that aspect–quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such as way as to allow for healing and reconciliation in the relationship, the offender is not presently, and may never be, in a mental/emotional state to have a long-term, healthy relationship. As it is, it is much more likely, since they were unwilling to communicate in a way as to provide for reconciliation, that the major emotional issues are on their part.

Second, quit being too hard on yourself.

If you are aware of certain mistakes you made that contributed to the rejection, you can always work on changing those behaviors, even getting profession help if needed. However, you must be realistic in accessing your failures. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Very Impassioned

A misunderstanding of forgiveness can keep you from receiving the desired resolution to the hurts you have suffered.

Some people continue to allow others to harm them because they wrongly believe that, to be loving and forgiving, they must keep giving in to the other person’s demands or lifestyle. Other people avoid forgiveness due to the fear that it requires a lowering their boundaries and allowing the person to hurt them again.

Such misconceptions takes place due to not understanding the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. God is clear that we always need to forgive, but He is also clear that you cannot always reconcile with the person who hurt you. You may recall my mentioning in another post God’s instructions in Matthew 18 on dealing with someone who harms you. In verse 15, He says that we are to confront those who harm us, clearly letting them know how they wronged us so that they will have a definite opportunity to change and make things right. However, in verse 17, God describes that, after a process of varying attempts to allow the harmful person to make a life change, it is spiritually and morally correct to distance yourself from a person who continues to harm you. When you have a clear understanding of this resolution process, and of the definitions of forgiveness and reconciliation, it (1) frees you from the past to move forward and (2) releases you from the guilt one usually feels from breaking off a relationship.

Learning to have a voice and speak of how you were wronged to those you trust as well as to the person who harmed you is an important part of personal growth and establishing boundaries.

Let’s take a slight detour and focus on why you need to be able to express your personal boundaries as well as violations to them. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

As mentioned in a recent post, resentment or bitterness results from you not dealing with past hurts. But what can be done about resentment toward you in the person or persons closest to you?

First of all, remember you can only change yourself.

You cannot make the other person forgive you or reconcile; neither can you make him or her discuss the sources of the resentment, if they are not willing. By being wise and non-confrontational in your approach, hopefully you can create a non-threatening atmosphere that will allow your significant other to be willing to discuss the hurts which bred the resentment. If you are willing to listen to the criticism and accept it in a constructive way, even if the communication toward you is not necessarily in the most pleasant of form, you will have examples to work with to make needed changes on your end. If the person is absolutely unwilling to talk at this time, you have to begin with expressing your sorrow for causing him hurt, and make changes in any areas in which you are already aware that have caused resentment. In other words, begin by not adding to the resentment that already exists, making changes to your habits or personality which you already know are offensive to your loved one.

To more easily identify problem areas, let’s take a look again at what causes resentment.

Not Confronting Boundary Violations – Due to childhood environment, some people have a very difficult time saying, “No,” for a variety of reasons:

-Especially in religious circles, people are often made to feel that they can never say “No;” they are told that a “No” response is always unloving and selfish instead of self-sacrificing. However, in Matthew 18:15 and following, God very specifically says that if someone wrongs you, you are to clearly let the person know so that he can change. Verse 17 also makes it clear that if the person is unwilling to stop the inappropriate behavior or abuse, you should distance yourself from that person. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

Whether a criticism is intended to be harmful or helpful, you can still choose to be in control of how it affects you.

Criticism is similar to many other events in our lives in that we can choose both the extent to which it affects us, as well as the type of outcome it has upon us. Most of us remember the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Yet, many people carry hurt their entire lives as a result of critical words spoken to them during childhood. While there is some truth to the old saying, the error in it is that words can “never” hurt; yes, they can hurt if we are unaware of the fact that we can choose not to allow them to harm us. This is especially the case during childhood when we are supposed to be in a loving, nurturing environment in which we shouldn’t need to protect ourselves and, hence, haven’t learned how to do so. Once we begin growing and stepping out of our protected environment, we must learn to evaluate critical statements as to whether they have any value and use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth.

A reader asked specifically about dealing with unfounded criticism, so we will also cover that in the process of this post.

First of all, consider the source of the criticism and what you perceive the person’s intent to be.

Did the criticism come from someone that is usually a harmful person by nature? If that is the case, it is most likely something that needs to be discarded. Also, if the person is harmful by nature, realize that the hostility of the words they spoke also needs to be discarded from your thought life. Their words only have power over you if you continue to think on them. Whatever you think on will alter your emotions and influence your decisions. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Time spent with God creates in you the healing qualities that exist in God Himself.

In my last post, I used a quote contrasting human love and Divine love, showing the differing effects on our relationships. The more time one spends seeking God, the more His character becomes evident in your relationships with others, just the same as spending time in the presence of evil people adversely affects your character. With life’s busyness, it is easy to miss otherwise clear opportunities to bring healing to people’s broken hearts via the aspects of God’s nature that He has poured into us through our time spent with Him. I wanted to share with you a personal experience for the purpose of encouraging you to be aware of those opportunities.

During a particular year, there was a great deal of additional stress due to my parents having been in a severe auto accident. A couple of weeks into that accident, while they were still hospitalized, God spoke this verse to me while in prayer one morning, “You will be called, ‘Repairer of Broken Walls.’ (Is.58:12)” I didn’t even remember where the quote was located at the time. It was only vaguely familiar, so I looked it up in a software search so I could meditate on the meaning. I didn’t even have much time to meditate as we were about to leave again for the hospital. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

Depression is the result of external pressure getting inside and weighing down your thoughts/emotions.

There is a depression that has its root in physical causes, such as a deficiency of certain naturally occurring chemicals in the brain, the 3 main ones being serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. Sometimes, in mild cases, these chemicals can be replaced by protein drinks with tyrosine and phenalylanine. I read that the late Dr. Atkins has such a diet available. If you suspect you’re your depression is physically related rather than from circumstancial pressures, you may want to see your doctor for a blood test to determine a proper course of treatment. Probably the most common form of depression, however, is due to allowing the pressure of circumstances to conform one’s thoughts. I’ve mentioned this quote before, “Above all else, guard your heart [mind and will], for it is the wellspring of life (Prov. 4:23).” We must admit to the absolute necessity of controlling our thoughts for the wellbeing of our lives. Another passage says, “For as the thoughts of man’s heart are, so is he (Prov. 23:7).”

Thoughts form our emotions.

The other week I referred you to a new book out, called “Eight Steps to Create the Life You Want.” I quoted the premise for the chapters in this book of how the whole course of one’s life starts with the positive or negative words we speak; those words form our thoughts; our thoughts create emotions, etc. I’ll reference the post below if you still need to read it. The eight steps in this book illustrate how the whole direction of one’s life is altered by words, thoughts, and emotions. I listened to a talk today on depression by the author of that book, Creflo Dollar. He used to be a professional therapist in a ward for suicidal teens before becoming a pastor.

Here are the 4 steps Dr. Dollar mentioned for recovery from depression due to external circumstances: Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

Resentment not dealt with is a roadblock to emotional and physical healing.

Resentment usually results from a lack of dealing with conflicts. This doesn’t necessarily mean you must resolve the conflict with the other person; sometimes, that isn’t possible, especially if the person is volatile or hostile. However, you must deal with your feelings toward the past conflict in your own mind. As will be mentioned later in this post, emotional and physical ailments result from not coming to terms with past events and dealing with your resentment.

The first step in ridding yourself of resentment is to own up to your own choices.

As the old saying goes, “It takes two to tangle.” By admitting to the mistakes you made in the situation, it enables you to stop the blame game-to stop your focus of solely blaming the other person for your problems. This does not condone the other person’s harmful behavior toward you. This does not mean that you pretend that such behavior is wrong. However, instead of being focused on solely blaming the other person, you take responsibility for your own poor choices. For example, maybe you chose to get into an abusive relationship by ignoring the warning signs. Or, maybe the conflict arose because you insisted on discussing a difficult topic when you knew the other person was too tired or ill. Or, if you are a compliant dealing with a controlling person, you need to admit that you “allowed” the other person to control you and did something that you later resented when, instead, you should have set boundaries by refusing to do what you knew was not in your best interest. If your resentment stems from being over-giving to loved ones or over-involved in a good cause, again you need to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Very Impassioned

By the most basic definition, a compliant person melts into the demands and needs of other people to avoid the conflicts that would arise if he stood up for his own needs and desires.

We had a post a few weeks ago in answer to readers’ questions called, “Recognizing a Controlling Person.” Since then, readers have asked for clarification on the opposite personality type/boundary problem called compliant personality/compliance. There are obviously more than 2 personality types in the world, but among family, friends, and acquaintances, these 2 types seem to be very apparent, especially since opposites attract.

A compliant personality often leaves a person feeling defenseless against the demands of others and frustrated by the lack of fulfilling his own desires. A compliant person is unable to say “No” when a controlling person’s demands are unreasonable, against his own conscience, or hindering the progress of his own goals and the fulfillment of his own needs. Controlling people recognize a compliant person and easily manipulate him to conform to whatever the controller’s demands are by the use of guilt, manipulating circumstances, or even verbal or physical abuse.

When a compliant needs to say “No” to someone, a large number of fears typically make him incapable of doing so. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »