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Unless dealt with, struggles with guilt can hold you back from your goals, dreams, daily positive social interaction, and even physical and spiritual health.

Facing your guilt issues will bring about new avenues of freedom in your life that have long back lacking.  What guilt are you holding on to now?  Guilt does not fill any positive purpose. 

–Holding on to guilt will keep you from pursuing open opportunities to reach your goals and dreams.

Usually you will either fear more failure or feel that you do not deserve the good opportunities.

–Guilt over the past keeps you from positive social interaction. 

It is the same principle as the Law of Attraction.  If you feel that people like you, that you deserve good, and that good will come to you, it subconsciously causes you to interact with people in positive ways; then, due to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Thomas Merton is well known for journaling spiritual meditations that have challenged countless people in bettering their daily lives and relationships with God and man. I enjoyed going through many of his quotes this week and wanted to share with you the ones related to:

• Self Esteem
• Forgiving Yourself
• Balance in Self Sacrifice and
• Rest

Merton on Self Esteem:

We cannot achieve greatness unless we lose all interest in being great. If we pay too much attention to [our idea of greatness], we will be lured out of the peace and stability…God gave us, and seek to live in a myth we have created for ourselves. We are truly ourselves when we lose the futile self consciousness that keep us constantly comparing ourselves with others in order to see how big we are.

We all seek to imitate one another’s imagined greatness….If I do not know who I am, it is because I think I am the sort of person everyone around me wants me to be. Perhaps I have never asked myself whether I wanted to become what everybody else seems to want to become. Perhaps if I only realized Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, recently appeared as a guest speaker in “The 2010 Family.”series by Bill Hybel. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.”

This is a continuation of a 2 part post. If you missed Part 1, use the above series link.

These are paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio. The insights will greatly benefit yourself, your friends, and family.

5. With regard to blended families and step families, how can a parent continue a close relationship with a child who is living with the other re-married parent and both parental roles are already being fulfilled in the child’s life?

This is a painful scenario and there is no way to go through this without feeling some loss. However, the first important step is to remove from your thoughts the concept of “either/or” because you are both in the child’s life. You don’t have control of when you are not there, but you do have 100% control of the relationship you have when you are together with your child. First, if you are nurturing, warm, and positive and do great stuff together, yet have requirements and expectations that he live by your rules, even if the other parent is a non-structure type, kids deep down eventually gravitate toward structure. You will face fights and some “prodigal son” moments, but continue to be the best person you can be in regards to loving and discipline. The child will develop an attachment to you based on that.

The second important point is don’t poison the other relationship with the step parent or the one with your ex. You want the child to have as many Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Bill Hybels is running a series called, “The 2010 Family.”

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors and one frequently quoted on this site, appeared as a guest speaker in “The 2010 Family” series. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.”

Here are some paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. We’ll do this in a 2 part post.  Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio.

1. Where do you draw the line between tough love and unconditional love?

There is a problem with this term of “drawing the line.” When we look at God’s personality, His expectations are done in ways that are perfectly loving and honest so He never has to “draw the line” due to having gone too far down an enabling, co-dependent road. With parents, too often we have let the child go too long down a path without consequences until it is at a point where harm will come to them if he (or she does) not get control of himself. It should never get to this point, but if it does, it should be done in a loving way.

As for child discipline, in this culture people often say, “Don’t say ‘No’ to your child; give them choices.” As an adult, one runs into ‘No’s,’ with speed limits, job requirements, etc. Our job as parents is to arrange situations in a way that when they make good decisions then good things happen and when they make bad decisions bad things happen. The goal is to transfer self control to the child. They should grow to the point of being in charge of themselves and feeling, “Oh, I better do it this way so something uncomfortable does not happen.” …we must take a stance that requires them to step into maturity so they are in control and we can finally delegate that job to them.

2. How do you address character issues in marriage? How do you let a spouse know you want more from a relationship without making them feel like a bad spouse?

In response to the first part of the question, most problems are the same in every marriage whether or not it is a good marriage, unless something strange is going on. It is how it is handled that makes the difference. Research shows that you can predict divorce in couples by 90% accuracy if couples (1) are judgmental, critical in giving feedback to each other instead of problem solving and (2) if they have a lot of contempt for the spouse. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Impassioned

How much does guilt and self rejection hold you back from what is most important to you in life?

Do guilty feelings keep you from confidence, happiness, and success? Feelings of guilt or self rejection will usually hold you back from most of what you desire out of life unless you choose to change those mindsets, restoring your confidence and self esteem.

I have been enjoying a book by Brennan Manning called, Abba’s Child; it was a recent gift from a friend. In the beginning of the book, he discusses his own path to overcoming shame and self rejection. He is aware that his own past experiences are so common in the human experience that many people will benefit from the results of his journey to self acceptance and value.

One of the main behaviors that cause a person to live with guilt and self rejection is the habit of projecting his or her feelings of self onto God.

The emotional weight is great when one feels shame or self disapproval of past choices, decisions, or just the person that you are. How much greater is that weight when one convinces himself that his Heavenly Father, his Creator, the most phenomenal being in the universe thinks all the same negative, condemning thoughts about him? Yet, this is a typical thought pattern in the human experience, though we are usually unaware that this is what we are doing.

Usually included in these projected thoughts is the idea that life’s good and bad times signal God’s approval or rejection.

As Manning says, it is easy to feel loved by God when life is going well, all your support systems are in place Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Impassioned

Feelings of guilt hinder the quality of our relationships, both in the natural and spiritual realms. God desires that you live your life in confidence, free from guilt.

Guilt is a hindrance in any relationship. A person does not act according to the giftings of his personality, the best that he is capable of, when suffering from guilt, because it is a form of fear. It makes the person fear another conflict with that person or fear failure when facing a similar type situation as in the past. Guilt also often causes one to give in to manipulation from controlling people’s selfish desires, even when the decision is against his better judgment.

In one’s relationship with God, guilt also keeps a person from interacting in a healthy manner and, thus, relating to God with the confidence in which He desires us to interact with Him. If you feel that you have not already received forgiveness from God for past failures, or are struggling with the feeling that God is holding the past against you, please read the post, Hold on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure, before finishing this article. This post will deal with God’s descriptions of interacting with Him through a perspective of guilt-free confidence.

God clearly expresses His desire that each of us enjoy a favorable relationship with Him.

In the following quote from Romans 5:1,2,5, God states that He desires us to grasp the fact that we can “hold [on to] and enjoy” a relationship of peaceful reconciliation with Him.

Rom. 5:1,2,5 Since we are acquitted and given a right standing with God through faith, let us grasp the fact that we have the peace of reconciliation to hold and to enjoy through Jesus. Through Him we have by faith into this state of God’s favor in which we firmly and safely stand. Let us rejoice in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God…..Such hope never disappoints us…

The easiest way to cover the wealth contained in this quote is to list the various points based on the meaning of the key words in the original Greek with which they were written. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

A new year brings most of us the hope of starting over. We desire to see life be better in various areas of our lives during the new year. To start over, to experience a better life, make the decision to allow your year to be new.

First, forgive yourself of past mistakes.

Self-condemnation has no benefit. Even God desires us to live without the weight of condemnation. Romans 8:1,2 says that there is no condemnation for those who live in Jesus because God’s Spirit has freed them from the laws (the control, the results) of sin and death.

Second, forgive others.

Remember, if you’ve followed the posts this past year, forgiveness does not involve allowing people to mistreat you. There is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. For reconciliation to take place, it involves both people being willing to have resolution; in many situations, this is impossible. However, forgiveness takes place in your own heart and frees you from being emotionally tied to that person and bad experience for the rest of your life. For a full discussion on this topic, read the post, Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference.

Third, forget what God forgets.

That may sound strange to someone who, at first thought, believes that God does not forget. Unlike people, God’s forgetfulness is not due to insufficient memory capability; He chooses to forget certain things. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Rarely do we contemplate that the key to one’s success in life is a matter of re-constructing our personalities or character to reflect the nature of the Creator.

How are all great works of art recognized? They bear the distinct, unique characteristics of the artist, of the creator. It is also these characteristics of the artist that give the work of art its value. Similarly, we were created to live bearing the unique characteristics of our Creator, of His divine nature. It is these same characteristics that increase the value of our person and enhance our ability to succeed in life.

Consider this daily life example. It is a common principle that the more admirable qualities which exist in a person, the more they are esteemed by society. For example, people desire to enter into business contracts with someone they know is trustworthy. People want to shop at stores with efficient and helpful customer service. We were created to live embodying the very character of God in our own natures, our own personalities-characteristics which are highly regarded and therefore, increase our “value” in the eyes of society. Just as a piece of art carries out the purpose it was created, as we live life emanating the character of God, we will see greater success because we are living according to our divine purpose; we are like a piece of fine art, bearing the characteristics of the artist!

What type of characteristics should one focus on to incorporate the divine nature into his own nature and increase his success rate? Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Knowledge alone is not enough to break you out of the rut of ineffective daily structure or of harmful habits.

Though I wrote on this a while back, so many people have been asking for info on this topic that I decided to do a brief follow-up. Many people fill themselves with knowledge from a wide variety of self-help guides, but still fail in implementing the majority of the good knowledge that they’ve learned. It is true that old habits are hard to break. If the habits are rooted in spiritual or emotional issues or addictions, obviously there is rarely an instant route to change; you will need outside support and input.

However, especially for breaking out of the rut of the typically daily habits that create an ineffective life, consistency is the key.

In both the religious and secular realms, people often quote Jesus words, “The truth will set you free.” Yes, it can, but the all important element to truth setting you free which Jesus revealed in the same conversation is rarely mentioned. In that conversation, Jesus said, “If you remain constant to my Message, you are truly my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (TCNT),” or another translation, “If you continue in my Word…(RSV).” Constancy, consistency is the key to effectively implementing any truth and breaking out of the ruts in your life! Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

We all want to achieve the purpose(s) for our existence, but how do we overcome the apparent roadblocks?

It is important to have a sense of destiny, of purpose for your life. For this post, we are assuming you already have your destiny in view. If you were to rate yourself between 1 and 10, how effective do you feel that you are in accomplishing the actions and goals necessary for fulfilling your destiny? Even when we have a clear destiny in mind, most of us feel that there are numerous roadblocks to either fulfilling your destiny at all or fulfilling it as effectively as you envision.

My spouse and I have been listening to a series for the past month on the blood covenant God made with Abraham in Genesis 15 and the significance of it in that culture and point in history. The man teaching the series has put out a new book on achieving your destiny, called, “8 Steps to Create the Life You Want.” In describing his book, he explains an 8 step process to achieving your destiny and how you can evaluate the roadblocks to your destiny by seeing where you are at in this 8 step process.

Here are the 8 Steps: Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Impassioned

In continuation of our series, this is another reader provided question. I wasn’t sure if the person was asking about God’s love or human love, so I thought we’d cover both aspects.

First, let’s focus on a general principle of love. Love, whether given freely or earned, can be damaged or destroyed depending on our responses to it.

Someone can choose to love you completely unearned or unmerited, such as with new emotional love, which is based on the person they hope you to be, since they haven’t been acquainted with you long enough to actually know what you are like so as to commit to the relationship rationally. If your actions are unloving, selfish, and/or inconsiderate, obviously that will damage that relationship and eventually destroy the unmerited love as you demonstrate more and more that you are unworthy of it. Emotionally or physically harmful behavior will destroy it even more quickly.

Love that is earned in human relationship is actually, per say, more stable.

It may begin as emotional love or acquaintance or friendship and develop into a stable, lasting love as your attitudes and behavior show over time that you can be trusted to be a loving person through the variety of life’s circumstances. This is what I term rational love, a love in which the person has a sound basis of long-term experience with you which has developed a high level of trust. This trust based on experience then provides Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

On a scale of 1 to 10, implementing being 10, how often do you act on new, valuable knowledge that you hear compared to the number of times you let that knowledge merely slip away?

We all come across good input from time to time of things that would greatly improve our lives, quality input on one’s finances, relationships, or physical-emotional-spiritual health. Usually, we feel great excitement at the thought of the possible benefits from that new knowledge yet, all too often, the knowledge that comes our way is allowed to slip away because it is easier for life to stay in a rut.

Just as it is always easier to swim with the current than against it, just as it is definitely easier to go downhill than to a higher plain, it is undeniably easier to stay in a rut than drive over the bumps in the road to get out of the path you’ve been in. We can even be good listeners, eager learners, and have willing spirits with a desire to succeed, but all the right attitudes will still not cause one’s life to prosper if all we ever do is listen, and we never act on that knowledge. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Are you your own worst enemy? Are you sure? What do you believe that your life is destined for?

When you envision your present situation and then the rest of your life, what do you see? Do you see a life of continual lack, illness, struggle, and disappointments? Or instead, do you envision that you are destined for a good life, an effective, satisfying life? There is an old saying, “Be careful what you wish for.” Why do people say that? Because there is great power to your thoughts just as there is in your words. People who believe that they are destined for a satisfying, effective life are more aware of the right opportunities when they present themselves. Such people Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Ever been in training for a particular job? Or maybe you were the one training the other person. In either case, the whole concept of training is that the person does not already understand all that there is to know about the job. The training is a process to provide further education and increase various skills so that one can competently do the job. Even after one develops a level of skill and competence, rarely is he perfect.

There is nothing wrong with aiming for perfection. In fact, scripture specifically challenges us to do so (2 Cor. 13:11). However, when our failures are creating guilt or self-condemnation and hindering our life’s progress, we can encourage ourselves and release condemnation by reminding ourselves of two simple points. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Perfectionist that I am, I tend to be very hard on myself for any situation that I, in retrospect, feel I could have handled better for some reason.

Due to the weariness that comes from extended trying circumstances, everyone has an occasional bad day emotionally when they feel discouraged, hopeless, unable to be strong for other people, lose their temper, etc. We make a difficult situation even harder if we then listen to negatives voices in our spirits which bring self-condemnation for not staying perfectly hopeful and strong every day of the trying circumstance, especially when we know we are doing our best to succeed.

I heard a great word of encouragement the other day Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »