Facing your guilt issues will bring about new avenues of freedom in your life that have long back lacking.  What guilt are you holding on to now?  Guilt does not fill any positive purpose. 

–Holding on to guilt will keep you from pursuing open opportunities to reach your goals and dreams.

Usually you will either fear more failure or feel that you do not deserve the good opportunities.

–Guilt over the past keeps you from positive social interaction. 

It is the same principle as the Law of Attraction.  If you feel that people like you, that you deserve good, and that good will come to you, it subconsciously causes you to interact with people in positive ways; then, due to the way you carry yourself, as one who believes he or she is a good person worthy of knowing, people begin responding to you in positive ways.  If you are holding on to guilt, the reverse is true.  You subconsciously carry yourself in a way that portrays that you do not feel yourself worthy of being known and loved; your social interactions are then not as positive as you desire because of the negative emotions you are emanating.  When your negative emotions receive  negative reactions, it results in more withdrawal.

–Freeing yourself from guilt is also necessary for both your physical and spiritual health.  

Harmful stress chemicals are consistently released into your body when you carry guilt, as we’ve discussed in prior posts.  And, just as in your relationships with loved ones, friends, and co-workers, guilt will cause you to withdraw spiritually and not pursue the positive interaction you need.

Once a person realizes that condemnation does not come from God, the freedom from guilt in your spiritual perspective will free you from guilt in the other arenas of life.

Since God is considered a being of flawless righteousness, for many people, the root source of continued guilt is the feeling of condemnation from God.  Scripture says in Romans 8:1 that there is no condemnation for those who live life in Christ Jesus.  The purpose of Christ’s death and resurrection was to free us from the guilt and condemnation of our failures.

Look at this amazing quote that expresses God’s fullness of compassion, not condemnation, toward us:

We have a High Priest [referring to Jesus’ work of salvation] who sympathizes with our weakness and the assaults of temptation. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us [unearned, not performance-based] that we may receive mercy for our failures and find help for every need—appropriate help, coming just when we need it.  Heb.4:15,16 Amp

You can change your negative emotions and spiritual perspective when you act on the points from this quote :

1. Jesus does sympathize with us in our weaknesses, not condemn us.  This is not the negative form of the word as sympathy is sometimes used, but rather a being emotionally moved to a state of compassion.

2. Father God views His interactions with us with “unmerited favor.”  This means His favor is always a gift, never earned.  It is because His favor is an unearned gift that it is always available for you!

3.  Because of God’s continual choice to view you through the gift of His favor, He wants you to then change your feelings of guilt and condemnation, and fearlessly, confidently,  even boldly come into His presence to interact with Him.  Imagine a child who feels well loved by a parent; he or she does not fear asking for any want, much less something that is truly needed.  That is how God desires you to approach Him, as a child who knows without a doubt that he or she is loved and free from condemnation.

4. The result of approaching God in a relationship free from guilt results in you receiving both compassionate mercy when you fail, as well as good, timely help for every situation of need in your life.

 Freedom from guilt is a matter of choosing to align your emotions with truth.

This does not mean that you avoid responsibilities associated with your guilt.  If you’ve wronged someone, apologize and make reconciliation when possible.  Reconciliation with other people is not always possible.  (See prior post for detailed explanation Forgiveness or Reconciliation – Understanding the Difference ) Either way, you can choose to live free from guilt.  If Father God, the only truly righteous and holy One, does not condemn you, it is time for you to align your emotions with that truth and stop condemning yourself.  Enjoy once again the life intended for you by being free from guilt; experience the improved physical health, open spiritual communication, freedom to pursue your goals, and positive interactions with people that are waiting to bring joy and fulfillment to your life again!

• Self Esteem
• Forgiving Yourself
• Balance in Self Sacrifice and
• Rest

Merton on Self Esteem:

We cannot achieve greatness unless we lose all interest in being great. If we pay too much attention to [our idea of greatness], we will be lured out of the peace and stability…God gave us, and seek to live in a myth we have created for ourselves. We are truly ourselves when we lose the futile self consciousness that keep us constantly comparing ourselves with others in order to see how big we are.

We all seek to imitate one another’s imagined greatness….If I do not know who I am, it is because I think I am the sort of person everyone around me wants me to be. Perhaps I have never asked myself whether I wanted to become what everybody else seems to want to become. Perhaps if I only realized that I do not admire what everyone seem to admire, I would really begin to live after all.

Every man has a vocation to be someone: but he must understand clearly that, in order to fulfill his vocation, he can only be one person: himself…What does this mean? In order to be what we are meant to be, we must know Christ, and love him, and do what he did. Our destiny is in our own hands since God has placed it there, and has given us the grace to do the impossible. It remains for us to take up courageously and without hesitation the work he has given us, which is the task of living our own life as Christ would live it is us.

We can either Love God because we hope for something from Him, or we can hope in Him knowing that he loves us. Sometimes we begin with the first kind of hope and grow into the second.

Merton of Forgiving Yourself

It is true that we make many mistakes. But the biggest of them all is to be surprised at them: as if we had any hope of never making any. Mistakes are part of our life, and not the least important part. It is by making mistakes that we gain experience, not only for ourselves but for others.

My successes are not my own. The way to them was prepared by others. The fruits of my labors are not my own: for I am preparing the way for the achievements of another. Nor are my failures my own. They may spring from the failure of another, but they are also compensated for by another’s achievement. There for the meaning of my life is…only seen in the complete integration of my achievements and failures with the achievements and failures of my own generation.

Merton on Rest

We do not live merely in order to “do something” no matter what…We do not live more fully merely by doing more…On the contrary, some of us need to discover that we will not begin to live more fully until we have the courage to do and see and taste and experience much less…There are times, then, when, in order to keep ourselves in existence at all we simply have to sit back for a while and do nothing. And for a man who has let himself be drawn completely out of himself by his activity, nothing is more difficult than to sit still and rest.

Balance in Self Sacrifice

The saint, therefore, is sanctified not only by fasting when he should fast but also by eating when he should eat. He is not only sanctified by his prayers in the darkness of the night, but by the sleep he takes in obedience to God, who made us what we are. Not only his solitude contributes to his union with God, but also his supernatural love for his friends and his relatives and those with whom he lives and works.

All Quotes are Excerpts from Thomas Merton’s book, No Man Is an Island.

Table of contents for Relationship Issues Q&A

1. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1
2. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 2

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors, recently appeared as a guest speaker in “The 2010 Family.”series by Bill Hybel. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.”

This is a continuation of a 2 part post. If you missed Part 1, use the above series link.

These are paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio. The insights will greatly benefit yourself, your friends, and family.

5. With regard to blended families and step families, how can a parent continue a close relationship with a child who is living with the other re-married parent and both parental roles are already being fulfilled in the child’s life?

This is a painful scenario and there is no way to go through this without feeling some loss. However, the first important step is to remove from your thoughts the concept of “either/or” because you are both in the child’s life. You don’t have control of when you are not there, but you do have 100% control of the relationship you have when you are together with your child. First, if you are nurturing, warm, and positive and do great stuff together, yet have requirements and expectations that he live by your rules, even if the other parent is a non-structure type, kids deep down eventually gravitate toward structure. You will face fights and some “prodigal son” moments, but continue to be the best person you can be in regards to loving and discipline. The child will develop an attachment to you based on that.

The second important point is don’t poison the other relationship with the step parent or the one with your ex. You want the child to have as many positive relationships as possible.

Third, have a transcendent desire, one that transcends any wounds, and can come together to work on what is best for the kids. It is so easy to get caught up in rehashing old hurts and wants. You can still come together, agreeing that “These are our issues. We will never get along on these points, otherwise we would still be married.” Then carve out a space where you can come together solely to work on what is best for the children.

6. What is your advice for a couple whose interests are so different that they never spend any time together?

Something is wrong if you only spend time pursuing your own personal tastes/interests. There are vital things in life that we all should be interested in, unless we are living a life only to ourselves, an ego-centric life that does not transcend our own interests. You and your spouse should be involved in some universal interests, like reaching out to the poor or extended family, doing activities with your kids, community service involvement, spiritual activities at the church. So, first find universal things to be involved in that have nothing to do with person tastes.

Second, move past your own interests to the interests of others [in your mindset and lifestyle]. Cross the fence and become of student of your spouse’s heart, mind, soul, strengths, and passions. [Dr. Cloud then gave the example of a man who hated art but loved going to his wife’s art exhibits because he realized he was able to see another part of her, a part of her life’s passion and talents that he could not see otherwise; it was another part of her person that he could fall in love with as he immersed himself in watching her in her element.

7. As a clinical psychologist, what are some of the key elements to get right with our families?

If you do the most important one, most of the others will fall into place. Go back to the original design of how God designed marriage to work. The formula God gave of leaving parents, cleaving to your spouse, and becoming one [Gen.2:24] contains life-changing dynamics.

The leaving must take first before the cleaving. When a person doesn’t do the “leave” part, it is because of not wanting to stand up to the parent’s control issues–wanting [the grown child] to stay forever or wanting intrusion rights– or because [the grown child] is still in a dependency relationship with the parent emotionally, financially or desiring approval. The Hebrew word for leave is brutal; it means utterly forsake. This does not mean to abandon your parents, because we are supposed to have intergenerational ties and relationships. However, what you forsake is that child role from your family of origin; be an adult and now cleave to your spouse.

The next step in the formula is two whole people become one. The oneness is created by two whole people coming together. Here is the typical problem, though; if you are not a complete person as an adult, if you are a half person looking for another half person to make a whole, ½ x ½ = ¼! When we bring brokenness into brokenness, we get reduced to less of a person than we were to begin with and we just want out so that the pain will stop.

To make a relationship work, the key is that both spouses must be on a path to become whole, mature, complete people. It does not mean perfect people, but that you’ve worked out the stuff so [when a crisis occurs], you don’t whine like a two year old; you get up and solve the problem. Men need to be in groups of men who will give them the support they did not get from their families of origin, and the same with women, see your [counselor] or whatever you have to do so that both people are becoming whole persons and then establish a family, and pass that wholeness on. This is the best thing you can do.

Last , you’ve got to have a strategic plan for your family and do it with intention. The rule of life is that the urgent will always crowd out the vital. Carve out purposeful times that are going to be reserved for you, and for the support groups. We also have a family meeting every week where we talk about “What can we do better this week? What do we want you to do better this week? What do you want us to do better this week?” We are working on things and we’re growing together. When you do that, if you are getting good information and you are growing, you are going to succeed.

To make full use of the vital information Dr. Cloud has provided, please use this link to watch the video or audio. Click “2010 Family” on the play list. Dr. Cloud’s session is the February 6/7 session in the play list.

Table of contents for Relationship Issues Q&A

1. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 1
2. Relationship Issues Question and Answer Part 2

Bill Hybels is running a series called, “The 2010 Family.”

Dr. Henry Cloud, PhD, one of my favorite authors and one frequently quoted on this site, appeared as a guest speaker in “The 2010 Family” series. Dr. Cloud is a noted psychologist and author of “Boundaries,” “How to Get a Date Worth Keeping,” and “Safe People.”

Here are some paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s question and answer session on some of life’s toughest relationship questions. We’ll do this in a 2 part post.  Please use the link below to watch or listen to the full video or audio.

1. Where do you draw the line between tough love and unconditional love?

There is a problem with this term of “drawing the line.” When we look at God’s personality, His expectations are done in ways that are perfectly loving and honest so He never has to “draw the line” due to having gone too far down an enabling, co-dependent road. With parents, too often we have let the child go too long down a path without consequences until it is at a point where harm will come to them if he (or she does) not get control of himself. It should never get to this point, but if it does, it should be done in a loving way.

As for child discipline, in this culture people often say, “Don’t say ‘No’ to your child; give them choices.” As an adult, one runs into ‘No’s,’ with speed limits, job requirements, etc. Our job as parents is to arrange situations in a way that when they make good decisions then good things happen and when they make bad decisions bad things happen. The goal is to transfer self control to the child. They should grow to the point of being in charge of themselves and feeling, “Oh, I better do it this way so something uncomfortable does not happen.” …we must take a stance that requires them to step into maturity so they are in control and we can finally delegate that job to them.

2. How do you address character issues in marriage? How do you let a spouse know you want more from a relationship without making them feel like a bad spouse?

In response to the first part of the question, most problems are the same in every marriage whether or not it is a good marriage, unless something strange is going on. It is how it is handled that makes the difference. Research shows that you can predict divorce in couples by 90% accuracy if couples (1) are judgmental, critical in giving feedback to each other instead of problem solving and (2) if they have a lot of contempt for the spouse.

To answer the second part of the questions, the best way to talk without making the other person feel bad is to talk about what you both want in the relationship that is positive. Express how their behavior is affecting what you both want…By talking about how the behavior’s negatively affecting what you both want out of the relationship, you are not saying they are a bad person but that the situations are negatively affecting what is important to them. If you’ve been unable to make these changes on your own [as a couple], you should probably talk to a counselor or pastor, too.

3. How do I balance time between work, family, friends, hobbies, etc?

Technology has created more difficulties in this area. Before, work had walls and time boundaries. Now we bring it home. If “life” is not protected, than life will not happen. [Dr. Cloud has a book on this topic, “The One Life Solution.”] A main quote of mine is “Follow the misery and make a rule.”

It is similar to God’s rule for the Sabbath, that there should be a protected, designated time, sometime during the week, for rest. Studies show that your brain needs downtime to grow new neuro-pathways. Couples need to talk about “Where is this not working for us?” and set some boundaries, protect your relationships. Examples, no work at home or no work email at home, set weekly date night with no kids, set weekly family meeting. If you do not put the vital things of life into protective structures, something will always get in the way.

4. How can one trust again after having experienced repeated unfaithful spouses?

First, this is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. But if you have consistently had this experience, before marrying again, you may want to check your “people picker.” Bad people do “happen” to good people, but sometimes we make it easier for it to happen with our blind spots. Go through a good divorce recovery and see why you choose self-absorbed or unfaithful spouses and why you don’t recognize it earlier on in the relationship. We sometimes come into marriage lacking wholeness. We may have parts of us that are inaccessible to bring into the relationship or we do not have the skills to handle hurts that happen. Marriage needs to be a place to bring all of yourself. When you are hurt, you are able to bring that hurt and resolve it instead of take it someplace else. Or, when your needs are not being met, you also show up with your conflict resolution skills and work it out…When you get something immature from your spouse, don’t be overcome by that. Do not let them regress you..if you don’t have that in you, get a support group so that you can take health into the relationship. (Use the link below to hear Dr. Cloud input on if you want to restore a relationship broken by unfaithfulness.)

We will continue with more paraphrased excerpts from Dr. Cloud’s relationship question and answer session in Part 2 of this post. Again, please use this link to watch the video or use the audio. It is the February 6/7 session in the play list.

If you missed Bill’s Hybel’s talk on “5 Key Compatiblities” to look for to guide you through easy-to-follow principles for determining your compatibility in a relationship, be sure to read it for your own benefit and that of your friends and family. Good information for everyone! This talk is the January 9/10 session in the media player list (2nd from the bottom). Click here to go now. Click the + sign to open the 2010 Family play list.

How much does guilt and self rejection hold you back from what is most important to you in life?

Do guilty feelings keep you from confidence, happiness, and success? Feelings of guilt or self rejection will usually hold you back from most of what you desire out of life unless you choose to change those mindsets, restoring your confidence and self esteem.

I have been enjoying a book by Brennan Manning called, Abba’s Child; it was a recent gift from a friend. In the beginning of the book, he discusses his own path to overcoming shame and self rejection. He is aware that his own past experiences are so common in the human experience that many people will benefit from the results of his journey to self acceptance and value.

One of the main behaviors that cause a person to live with guilt and self rejection is the habit of projecting his or her feelings of self onto God.

The emotional weight is great when one feels shame or self disapproval of past choices, decisions, or just the person that you are. How much greater is that weight when one convinces himself that his Heavenly Father, his Creator, the most phenomenal being in the universe thinks all the same negative, condemning thoughts about him? Yet, this is a typical thought pattern in the human experience, though we are usually unaware that this is what we are doing.

Usually included in these projected thoughts is the idea that life’s good and bad times signal God’s approval or rejection.

As Manning says, it is easy to feel loved by God when life is going well, all your support systems are in place, and hence, your self acceptance is good; however, when dreams are shattered or failures take place, your guilt and self rejection are often projected onto God. In your mind, He appears “fickle and unpredictable.” When something good takes place, you feel that you have His love and approval. When a bad event happens, you think it is a sign of His disapproval and rejection of you as a person worth being loved. (1)

Manning has a beautiful, rather tongue-in-cheek statement about projecting one’s own self image onto God’s view of you:

We cannot assume that He feels about us the way we feel about ourselves unless we love ourselves compassionately, intensely, and freely…God is relentlessly tender and compassionate toward us, just as we are, not in spite of our sins and faults, but with them. Though God does not condone evil, He does not withhold His love because there is evil in us.” (2)

Choosing to come out of hiding in your spiritual relationship opens the doors to endless possibilities in spiritual intimacy.

Manning brings to the forefront 2 demonstrations of God’s own desire that failure and guilt not keep a person from a loving relationship with Him. One illustration is that of the father character in the Parable of the Prodigal Son; he ran to welcome home the son who returned after ruining his life. Jesus told the parable to illustrate God’s own view and subsequent actions toward us of redemptive love. The other example is historical. In the fall of mankind, Adam and Eve were hiding in shame and guilt from their daily time of loving relationship and conversation with Father God. God, even knowing their failures, came seeking Adam and Eve to continue a loving relationship with them. (3) Manning paraphrases the thoughts of God to end our self hatred:

Acknowledge and accept who I want to be for you: a Savior of boundless compassion, infinite patience, unbearable forgiveness, and love that keeps no score of wrongs. Quit projecting onto Me your own feelings about yourself. At this moment your life is a bruised reed and I will not crush it, a smoldering wick and I will not quench it. You are in a safe place. (3)

Releasing yourself from the need of perfectionism results in a blissful state of safety with self and God.

Like many religious people, Manning says he proclaimed God’s unconditional love for years, convicted in his head but never convinced in his heart. He only felt safe in his relationship with God when he saw himself as successful in being generous, noble, loving—perfect! Once he chose to end the negative projections onto God and release the need for perfectionism, Manning was able to internalize and finally feel God’s unrelenting love. Here is a great quote on his new sense of safety:

To feel safe is to…feel liked and accepted, not having to hide anymore and distract myself with books, television, movies, ice cream, shallow conversation…no need to impress. Unself-conscious, calm, unafraid, loved, valued. (4)

Rather than carrying guilt, one can strive to echo the apostle Paul’s feelings in 2 Cor.12:9, “I shall be very happy to make my weak nesses my special boast so thaqt the power of Christ may stay over me.”

Manning’s conclusion is that a “sense of safety with God results in a sense of safety with self,” with all your noble points and failures, strengths and weaknesses. Knowing you exist in a safe loving relationship with Father God, the most phenomenal being in the universe, realize there are now no limits to confidence, happiness, dreams, and success you can achieve!

Synopsis of concepts are from Brennan Manning’s “Abba’s Child,” ISBN-13: 978-1-57683-334-6
1. pg.21,pg.19
2. pp.19-20
3. pg.22
4. pg.27

Feelings of guilt hinder the quality of our relationships, both in the natural and spiritual realms. God desires that you live your life in confidence, free from guilt.

Guilt is a hindrance in any relationship. A person does not act according to the giftings of his personality, the best that he is capable of, when suffering from guilt, because it is a form of fear. It makes the person fear another conflict with that person or fear failure when facing a similar type situation as in the past. Guilt also often causes one to give in to manipulation from controlling people’s selfish desires, even when the decision is against his better judgment.

In one’s relationship with God, guilt also keeps a person from interacting in a healthy manner and, thus, relating to God with the confidence in which He desires us to interact with Him. If you feel that you have not already received forgiveness from God for past failures, or are struggling with the feeling that God is holding the past against you, please read the post, Hold on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure, before finishing this article. This post will deal with God’s descriptions of interacting with Him through a perspective of guilt-free confidence.

God clearly expresses His desire that each of us enjoy a favorable relationship with Him.

In the following quote from Romans 5:1,2,5, God states that He desires us to grasp the fact that we can “hold [on to] and enjoy” a relationship of peaceful reconciliation with Him.

Rom. 5:1,2,5 Since we are acquitted and given a right standing with God through faith, let us grasp the fact that we have the peace of reconciliation to hold and to enjoy through Jesus. Through Him we have by faith into this state of God’s favor in which we firmly and safely stand. Let us rejoice in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God…..Such hope never disappoints us…

The easiest way to cover the wealth contained in this quote is to list the various points based on the meaning of the key words in the original Greek with which they were written.

1. The Greek word for the phrase “peace of reconciliation” is “eirene,” containing the emotional states of quietness and rest as well as “set at one again” or reconciled.(1) Reconciliation is defined as either “restoring harmony in a friendship”(2) or “re-establishing a close relationship.”(3) God wants us to grasp the fact that, as far as He is concerned, there is rest and harmony in the close relationship between you and Him, and He wants you to live in the enjoyment of that fact.

2.You may think, “How can I feel such harmony between myself and God after all my failures?” The first phrase in the quote explains how. “Faith” in God gives you a right standing with Him. In the Greek, “faith” or “pistis” is your “moral conviction of the truthfulness of God, especially reliance upon Christ for salvation, as well as constancy in such profession.”(1) The Romans 5 quote is part of a discussion in chapter 4 on Abraham being the father of faith because he “believed God and it was credited to his account as righteousness and right standing with God (Rom.4:3,22;Gen.15:6).”

3. Your faith (reliance, continual trust) in God’s forgiveness allows you to be “acquitted” by God of your past failures, just as when a jury “acquits” an accused person, freeing him of all guilt. The discussion in Romans 4 on Abraham ends by saying, the words about Abraham’s faith giving him a right standing with God were not written for his sake alone, “but for our sakes, too. Right standing with God will be granted to us also who believe, trust in, adhere to, and rely on God who raised Jesus from the dead, who was betrayed and put to death because of our misdeeds…absolving us from all guilt before God.”

Let’s focus back on our original quote and paraphrase it, “Because of your faith or trust in God’s acquittal or removal of our guilt, He desires you to grasp the fact that you can enjoy a restored, close harmonious relationship with Him.”

4. The “state of God’s favor” in which you firmly and safely stand by faith is the word often translated as “grace.” The Greek for “grace” is “charis,” meaning “graciousness of manner or actions, especially the divine influence upon the heart and its reflection in the life; benefit, favor.”(1) To paraphrase, God desires you to realize that He is expecting you to live enjoying a favorable relationship with Him in which you benefit from His gracious attitude and actions toward you.

5. In God’s perspective, you “firmly and safely stand” in this gracious, guilt-free relationship with Him. Let your mind grasp hold of the peace involved when you realize that your standing in a relationship with someone is firm and safe. The Greek for “stand” is “histemi,” a prolonged form of the root word, meaning to abide or continue.(1) Again, God’s perspective is that the relationship between you is a gracious one that will continue to be safe and firm; it is lasting. Allow yourself to enjoy the incredible peace and satisfaction from a firm, safe relationship with God.

6. The next sentence in the Romans 5 quote says, “Let us rejoice in our hope of experiencing and enjoying the glory of God.” It is good to remind you here that the term “hope” in scripture is not like the typical concept in English. In English, the term “hope” implies wishful thinking of something that may never happen. The Greek term used in this sentence, “elpis,” means to confidently anticipate or expect; it also contains the idea that you feel pleasure because of the confidence that what you are anticipating will actually happen.(1) God wants you to rejoice because you can live each and every day confidently anticipating, expecting to enjoy a lasting relationship with God in which you experience all the glories, all the wonders that exist in His person.

7. The last part of the quote, verse 5, says “Such hope never disappoints us…” What a phenomenally wonderful thought — a relationship in which you will not be disappointed. When you by faith accept God’s forgiveness or acquittal of your failures, you enter a relationship with Him of guilt-free confidence. That is where God desires you to exist. He desires you to grasp hold of that fact, enjoy it, live in confident anticipation that a harmonious relationship with God of favor, graciousness, and benefits is also a firm, safe, and lasting relationship in which you can daily experience all the glories existing in His personality. No wonder He tells us that we will not be disappointed!

Let’s wrap up by briefly looking at 2 benefits from a guilt-free, confident relationship with God.

When you exist in a guilt-free relationship with God, it changes how you communicate with God in prayer.

Look at this beautiful quote from Heb 4:15,16 about confidence in your relationship with God.

For we do not have a High Priest [reference to Jesus] who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy for our failures and find grace to help in good time for every need, appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it.

Remember what I said about guilt in the beginning of this post? Guilt is a type of fear that keeps you from living at your best in a relationship. When you realize that God has removed your guilt and you live in a firm, safe relationship with Him, that confidence changes all your conversation with Him. You freely come to God with your needs, feeling confident in His help. The word “confidence” in the Hebrews 4 quote is the Greek term, “parrhesia,” meaning “outspokenness, bluntness, boldness of speech, freely, openly, plainly.” A clear understanding of your relationship with God will cause you to be confident enough to talk freely and plainly with God about your needs, desires, and dreams.

When you exist in a guilt-free relationship with God, it changes the level of prayers that you see answered.

Remember in Matthew 9:29 what Jesus said regarding results from our prayers, “According to your faith it will be done to you.” When you realize that you have a firm, safe relationship with God upon which you trust and rely, such confidence greatly increases your faith. You believe in God’s loving care for you. You believe that He listens to your prayers and follows through with the promises to you that you see in scripture. As a result, you freely come to God with your needs, feeling completely confident in His help or having “faith”, and thus receive the answers to your prayers. According to your faith – your trust and reliance on the relationship with Him – the answers to your prayers take place.

1. Greek definitions were taken from Strong’s Dictionary of New Testament Words.
2. Meriam-Webster Dictionary
3. thefreedictionary.com

]]> http://receivehealing.com/blog/390/guilt-free-confidence/feed/ 0 http://receivehealing.com/blog/295/allowing-the-new-year-to-be-new/ http://receivehealing.com/blog/295/allowing-the-new-year-to-be-new/#comments Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:27:16 +0000 R.H. http://receivehealing.com/blog/?p=295 Reading Level: Gratifying

A new year brings most of us the hope of starting over. We desire to see life be better in various areas of our lives during the new year. To start over, to experience a better life, make the decision to allow your year to be new.

First, forgive yourself of past mistakes.

Self-condemnation has no benefit. Even God desires us to live without the weight of condemnation. Romans 8:1,2 says that there is no condemnation for those who live in Jesus because God’s Spirit has freed them from the laws (the control, the results) of sin and death.

Second, forgive others.

Remember, if you’ve followed the posts this past year, forgiveness does not involve allowing people to mistreat you. There is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. For reconciliation to take place, it involves both people being willing to have resolution; in many situations, this is impossible. However, forgiveness takes place in your own heart and frees you from being emotionally tied to that person and bad experience for the rest of your life. For a full discussion on this topic, read the post, Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference.

Third, forget what God forgets.

That may sound strange to someone who, at first thought, believes that God does not forget. Unlike people, God’s forgetfulness is not due to insufficient memory capability; He chooses to forget certain things. God counsels us to be like Him and do the same thing with emotional baggage or bad past experiences. Yes, be reconciled with those who hurt you if possible. Yes, apologize to someone you have offended if possible. But for negative experiences that can never be resolved or undone, it is time to forget.

I heard a great illustration about forgetfulness. I heard Kenneth Copeland talk about a past experience in which he felt self-condemnation. God spoke to his heart and said, “I told you in my Word to forget that.” When Kenneth asked God about why He chooses forget our failures, God spoke to his spirit, “Do you want to remember the bad about your children?” Out of His love for us, so the relationship is reconciled between us and Him, God chooses to forget our failures. As this next quote below explains, we, too, need only to hold to anything beneficial we may have learned from the experience, but then let it go and move on.

Live with expectancy for a better future.

In this quote from Philippians 3:13,14, God tells us to forget the past and look toward a better future.

This one thing I do, forgetting what is behind me, but straining every nerve toward that which lies ahead, I am ever pressing on toward the goal, for the prize of the high purpose of God. (BBE, MNT)

I particularly like this translation of “straining with every nerve” toward to high purposes of God. For you to take advantage of living life in this new year, not only forget the past, but honestly put your energy into keeping focused on experiencing the best life possible, the “high purposes” of God for your life. The very next sentence in this discourse says, “All of us who are mature should take such a view of things (Phil. 3:15).” It is true. Maturity teaches us to forget the failures and bad experiences of the past to look with expectancy for a better future.

Keep in focus that God has in mind even better for you than you can imagine for yourself.

This is a favorite quote I speak over my life.

To Him who by His power that is at work within us, is able to carry out His purpose and do superabundantly, far over and above all that we dare ask or think-infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes or dreams. Eph. 3:20 Amp

Along the same line of thought is the Law of Attraction, a philosophy based on the scriptural concept of “according to your faith it will be done to you.” It is essential for you to expect a better year for you to experience the “new” that you desire in this year. When you live in a state of expectancy, your positive attitude will improve the way people respond to you. When you envision a better life for yourself, your mind will be more creative in possibilities to reach your goals. This type of focus then causes your spirit to become aware of right choices, paths, opportunities that you would have otherwise missed if you were not living in expectancy.

Last, make new progress in your spiritual life.

We are spiritual beings in a physical body. Our spirits were created to live in a loving relationship with our Creator, God. The health of one’s spirit affects every aspect of life. Making a decision to learn to live in a loving relationship with God if you have not already done so, or to build on the one you already have, will only prove to bring new, wonderful experiences during the gift of life in this new year. God expresses this thought in 2 Corinthians 5:17,

Therefore, if any one is in union with Christ, he is a new being! His old life has passed away; a new life has begun! (TCNT)

God has granted you the gift of a new year to live life. Know Him in increasing measure. Allow God to live this life with you as both of you relish in a new life in this new year!

Rarely do we contemplate that the key to one’s success in life is a matter of re-constructing our personalities or character to reflect the nature of the Creator.

How are all great works of art recognized? They bear the distinct, unique characteristics of the artist, of the creator. It is also these characteristics of the artist that give the work of art its value. Similarly, we were created to live bearing the unique characteristics of our Creator, of His divine nature. It is these same characteristics that increase the value of our person and enhance our ability to succeed in life.

Consider this daily life example. It is a common principle that the more admirable qualities which exist in a person, the more they are esteemed by society. For example, people desire to enter into business contracts with someone they know is trustworthy. People want to shop at stores with efficient and helpful customer service. We were created to live embodying the very character of God in our own natures, our own personalities-characteristics which are highly regarded and therefore, increase our “value” in the eyes of society. Just as a piece of art carries out the purpose it was created, as we live life emanating the character of God, we will see greater success because we are living according to our divine purpose; we are like a piece of fine art, bearing the characteristics of the artist!

What type of characteristics should one focus on to incorporate the divine nature into his own nature and increase his success rate?

There is an incredibly interesting passage on success in 2 Peter. In 1:5-8, God advises us,

For this very reason, [referring to the reason of conforming our nature to God's] make every effort to add to your faith — goodness, knowledge [of God], self-control, perseverance, godliness, kindness, and love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive.

What is the measure of success? Being effective and productive! God’s own advice to us for success in life is to continually increase in the level of the above qualities in our own natures or personalities so as to eliminate failure from our lives. God continues this quote by referring to the alternative. If a person has not incorporated these qualities from the divine nature, or, if he has them but does not work at having them in a continually increasing measure in his life, “But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind (1 Pet. 1:9).” The terms “nearsighted and blind” are not referring to physical handicaps, but rather one’s personal perception. If you are nearsighted and blind in your perceptions of people and circumstances, you will greatly decrease your ability for success.

Wouldn’t it be great to never fail?

Most of us can probably see in retrospect, if we ponder the past, that a lack of the divine qualities God referred to can, in some way, be related to our various failures. God says the conforming of our natures to His divine nature is the key to success. “For if you do these things [incorporate the above divine characteristics in increasing measure], you will never fail (1 Pet.1:10).” Let’s daily increase in value like fine art, displaying the characteristics of our Creator, fulfilling the divine purpose for which we were created, and ensuring widespread success in the various avenues of our lives.

Table of contents for Break Out of the Rut

1. Break Out of the Rut
2. Break Out of the Rut Part 2

Reading Level: Leisurely

Knowledge alone is not enough to break you out of the rut of ineffective daily structure or of harmful habits.

Though I wrote on this a while back, so many people have been asking for info on this topic that I decided to do a brief follow-up. Many people fill themselves with knowledge from a wide variety of self-help guides, but still fail in implementing the majority of the good knowledge that they’ve learned. It is true that old habits are hard to break. If the habits are rooted in spiritual or emotional issues or addictions, obviously there is rarely an instant route to change; you will need outside support and input.

However, especially for breaking out of the rut of the typically daily habits that create an ineffective life, consistency is the key.

In both the religious and secular realms, people often quote Jesus words, “The truth will set you free.” Yes, it can, but the all important element to truth setting you free which Jesus revealed in the same conversation is rarely mentioned. In that conversation, Jesus said, “If you remain constant to my Message, you are truly my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (TCNT),” or another translation, “If you continue in my Word…(RSV).” Constancy, consistency is the key to effectively implementing any truth and breaking out of the ruts in your life!

Too often, we give up too soon due to a lack of self-discipline.

We start off making changes, but quit after a few weeks or couple of months before seeing the desired results. We learned from our chiropractor that the body re-sets itself every 3 months. The results of any supplements we took, change in eating habits, or exercise would not show significant results until the body went through that 3 month cycle.

No one can change you but you. Take personal responsibility.

You have to consistently act on the truths or knowledge you have received. You must take responsibility for yourself by consistently implementing the truths-spiritually, physically, emotionally–which you have learned that can change your life to the healthy, effective one that you desire. Sometimes you can partner with a friend, family member, or co-worker who is also on a campaign to change to encourage-not nag-each other daily. Still, the other person’s help must be solely in the “pep talk” realm, not reminding, pleading, etc. You must take responsibility for your actions and not put that weight on others.

God’s advice will work! Remain constant and continue in the truths you have learned and you will break out of the ruts in your life!

Related Posts:
Break Out of the Rut Part 1
Determine Your Destiny

We all want to achieve the purpose(s) for our existence, but how do we overcome the apparent roadblocks?

It is important to have a sense of destiny, of purpose for your life. For this post, we are assuming you already have your destiny in view. If you were to rate yourself between 1 and 10, how effective do you feel that you are in accomplishing the actions and goals necessary for fulfilling your destiny? Even when we have a clear destiny in mind, most of us feel that there are numerous roadblocks to either fulfilling your destiny at all or fulfilling it as effectively as you envision.

My spouse and I have been listening to a series for the past month on the blood covenant God made with Abraham in Genesis 15 and the significance of it in that culture and point in history. The man teaching the series has put out a new book on achieving your destiny, called, “8 Steps to Create the Life You Want.” In describing his book, he explains an 8 step process to achieving your destiny and how you can evaluate the roadblocks to your destiny by seeing where you are at in this 8 step process.

Here are the 8 Steps:

1. Change your words to be positive and in line with the promises of God.
2. Your words will then change your way of thinking.
3. Your way of thinking will produce how you feel.
4. The way you feel produces the decisions you make.
5. The decisions you make produce the actions you take.
6. The actions you take produce your life habits.
7. Your life habits, if proper and healthy, produce godly character.
8. Character will bring you to your destiny.

Here are a few examples of how to use this list to evaluate the roadblocks to fulfilling your destiny:

For example, if you know that you are lacking in character, adjustment will need to be made to your life habits to enable you to be a person a character. If you know that your feelings are consistently negative and it is a constant struggle to speak positively about your future, start guarding your words; the negative words are the snag creating defeatist feelings. If your decisions are usually poor, realize that consistently negative feelings will be giving birth to those poor decisions.

Take advantage of this list as a tool to remove the roadblocks to your destiny. It’s there! It’s reachable! It’s the plan of God for your life! Be willing to change! Be willing to be creative! You can determine your destiny!

If you are interested in reading the whole book, click here for 8 Steps to Create the Life You Want by Creflo A. Dollar.