In my area of work, I come across many people in emotional pain created by a wide variety of circumstances.  Each of us, at some point during life, go through periods when we feel oppressed, almost crushed by the weight of the circumstances.  In Scripture, Paul talked about his feelings in such circumstances,

We are pressed on every side, yet not crushed; perplexed, yet not to despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, yet not destroyed. (2Cor.4:8)

Since we each face “crushing” circumstances at times, it would definitely be beneficial to be able to go through them as Paul did, not denying the gravity of the situation, but not allowing the situation to destroy him emotionally. Paul’s faith, or hope, kept him from losing heart in trying times.  Faith is defined in Scripture as not only believing God exists, but that He responds positively to those who seek Him. (Heb.11:6)

It is knowledge of the nature of God that gives one hope during times of brokenness or oppression.

It is the difference between knowing without a doubt that someone cares about you and what is taking place, especially Someone with greater abilities and resources, as opposed to feeling there is no one to care at all.  Jesus purpose while on earth, other than the plan of salvation, was to illustrate in living form the nature of God to us.  Listen to this quote of how He did that:

Jesus…with the Holy Spirit and with strength and ability and power…went about doing good curing all who were harassed and oppressed. (Acts10:38 Amp)

Jesus both illustrated the nature of God to bring us out of oppressing circumstances and broken hearts, but proclaimed it to be a part of God’s nature.

This is a quote of Jesus speaking to those who are broken hearted, oppressed, and crushed by calamity:

Father God has anointed Me to send forth as delivered those who are oppressed, who are downtrodden, bruised, crushed, and broken down by calamity, to proclaim the year of the Lord, the day when salvation and the free favors of God profusely abound. (Lk.4:18,19)

Notice a couple of points from this quote:

 -It is God’s desire to help you and bring you out of that hurtful situation, ie. “send forth as delivered”

 -God wants you to not try to handle the hurt yourself, but look to Him for help, as is meant by the references to God’s intervention, “year of the Lord,” and the “day of salvation.”

 -The type of help God wants to give you is not minimal, but “profusely abounding,” or more than you would expect to receive.

Looking at this quote a little more closely brings an even greater realization of how personally involved God wants to be in your circumstance.

I decided, for my own benefit, to look up the definitions of certain words in the Greek, since this passage was originally written in Greek.  The term “year of the Lord” actually means “a whole new age (1).”  Through Jesus, God proclaimed a whole new age of His involvement in your life.  What is this involvement like? 

First, it is continuous.  The Greek word for day in this passage means, “perpetually present,” or continuously present. In this whole new age, God’s help is continuously present to deliver you, and bring you profuse salvation and free favors.

Second, the word for salvation includes deliverance, provision, rescue, aid (1).  God’s perpetually present help brings you whatever you need in your oppression and broken heartedness.

Third, though many people who seek after God still struggle with the question of whether or not God will help them or whether they can possible earn His help, the phrase “free favors” is defined as unmerited gifts (1)!  No, you do not need to struggle under condemnation feeling that you must try to earn God’s help and still fall short; God has proclaimed to you that the help in your crushing circumstance is an unearned gift!

Let’s look at a paraphrase of this quote, including the Greek definitions:

Father God has anointed Me to send forth as delivered those who are oppressed, who are downtrodden, bruised, crushed, and broken down by calamity, to proclaim to you the whole new age of the Lord, the perpetually present time when salvation – deliverance, provision, rescue, aid — and unmerited gifts from God profusely abound.

You can be free from emotional harm though dealing with life’s oppressive circumstances. 

Hope is there for you, as it was for Paul, to be hard pressed, yet not crushed, not in despair.  The realization that God, through Jesus, announced a whole new age of God’s continual offer of profuse unearned gifts, deliverance, provision, rescue, and aid for you!  Believe His offer!  Ask Him for what you need in your circumstance!  Look for the answers with expectancy!

1. Strong’s Dictionary of Greek New Testament Words

You can choose to respond to fearful situations in ways other than panic, being withdrawn, or some other solely, defensive protective mode. You have the option of choosing not to react to your fear, letting it manipulate you, but to think creatively, outside of the box, and discover responses that will actually enhance your life.

A recent study of the economy illustrates that most people react to fear instead of being creatively proactive.

The present economic situation in the US has affected all kinds of businesses, large and small. One of the categories of institutions largely affected is charitable organizations. Statistician George Barna of the Barna Group recently posted 3 articles with the results of his year long study of how the economy affected churches and other non-profit organizations, as well as how the churches responded to the fearful economic situation.

What stood out to me was Barna’s comments that most churches responded, in my terminology, by reacting to the economy, rather than seeing opportunities to respond creatively and actually enhance their situation and the lives of the people in their communities. Many churches adjusted budgets, cut spending, and cut staff. While it is the right thing to do to re-evaluate the budget and eliminate unnecessary spending, Barna notes, “For the most part, church leaders seem to have been in a hunker-down mode, attempting to get through the tough economy…”, a protective fear response. Similar to most people in fearful situations, few organizations set fear aside enough to think proactively and see where the current economic situation was actually providing new opportunities to interact with the community in helpful ways. Regarding this Barna says,

When pastors were asked to identify the changes they had made as a result of the economic downturn only about one out of every eight church leaders (13%) identified what might be described as activities that proactively position the church as a valuable resource to churchgoers and to those in the community.

This included hosting support groups and classes for those with have lost jobs, classes for those experiencing money problems, increasing the amount of prayer, provide financial counseling, and offering special talks on how to handle money problems. This next quote is not to speak negatively of the church organizations in any way, but to notice how often each of us respond the exact same way to crises situations in our lives.

Yet, the surprise is how few churches seem to have clearly and intentionally developed a proactive response to the downturn. Perhaps they have been so busy keeping the programs running that they have failed to see the significant opportunities as well as unique challenges represented in the new economic reality… Like so many others, church leaders have been focused on surviving; now is the time, though, to calibrate ministries and strategies to the opportunities brought by the new economy.

Similarly, whatever your fear situation, you do not want to just survive but thrive by seeing and implementing new opportunities.

Make a new effort to step back emotionally from your present fearful situation. Sometimes it helps to think about it as if it were someone else’s problem and what you would advise them to do, viewing it from the outside. If you cannot do this on your own, you may need to get help from a counselor, pastor, or a trusted, wise friend. Open your mind to the option of thinking creatively; take the offensive and look for ways to be creatively proactive, taking life-enhancing measures that will put you on the road to conquering your fearful situation, or at least living life a level above it.

Quotes are from “The Economies Impact on Churches (Part 2 of 3): How Churches Have Adapted” by Barna Group, Barna.org

When R.H.Schuller was growing up, drought ravaged their family farm. They prayed for rain that never came. His Dad, who normally harvested 100 wagon loads of corn, reaped only half a wagon full. Schuller says, “I’ll never forget it. His calloused hands holding ours as he looked up and prayed, ‘Thank you Lord, I’ve lost nothing. I’ve regained all the seed I planted in spring.’ While other farmers were saying, ‘We lost 90 or 100 loads,’ my father told me, ‘Never count the might-have-beens or you will be defeated. Never look at what you have lost, only look at what you have left.’ ” 1

Many of you have lost much financially this year.  I challenge you to remove your focus from what you’ve lost –so you will not be defeated– and focus on every incredible good that you still have in life, be it health, a home, family, friends, past victories, dreams for the future. Be undefeated!  Keep a grateful focus on what you still have!

1 word4U2day

As I was going through journal notes this morning from the past several months, I came across several quotes on peace that I thought I’d share with you. This is an unusual type of post for this blog. My desire is that these points will help to solidify your peace of mind when fear tries to rob it. Following most quotes, I’ll have some comments to ensure the steps for attaining peace are as clear as possible.

Peace of Mind Begins by Your Communication with God Controlling Your Thought Life.

Col. 3:15 Let the peace of Christ continually act as umpire in your hearts, settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds…and be thankful, giving praise.

God encourages us in this quote to allow His peace to umpire the fearful thoughts that battle in your mind. When faced with fear, one has a choice to let the fears in his mind run rampant, or allow God’s peace to put those questions and fears to rest with finality.

Ex. 14:13,14 Fear not; stand firm, confident, undismayed and see the salvation of the Lord which He will work for you today. For the oppression you have seen today you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest.

See in this peace quote the instruction from God to not fear or be dismayed. More importantly for this section of our discussion, He says, “You hold your peace and remain at rest.” Again, some disciplined action on your own part to control your thoughts is necessary for peace of mind.

Peace of Mind Comes from a Knowledge of God’s Character and Your Reflection of His Character:

2 Tim. 1:5,7 I am reminded of your sincere faith, the leaning of your entire personality on God in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, goodness, faith. God did not give us a spirit of timidity but He has given us a spirit of power, love, of calm and well-balanced mind, discipline, and self-control.

If you still struggle with religious misconceptions from childhood of an evil, unforgiving, condemning God, it will be difficult to obtain peace. You need to resolve those with truth. As this peace quote says, God’s desire is that your entire personality relies on His ability and goodness due to you having a state of total confidence in His character.

Knowledge of God’s Favor Brings Peace of Mind:

Ps. 97:11 Light is sown for the uncompromisingly righteous and strewn along their pathway, and joy for the upright in heart, the irrepressible joy which comes from consciousness of His favor and protection.

Consciousness of God’s favor and protection brings peace resulting in great joy; the consciousness of God’s favor precede the peace and resulting joy.

Sensing the Depth of Father God’s Love for You Brings Peace:

Jn. 17:26 [Jesus prayed...] I have… revealed Your character and Your very Self, and I will continue to make You known, that the love which You have bestowed upon Me may be felt in their hearts.

Just as in a healthy marriage, knowing the depth of your spouse’s love for you brings peace in many situations, so it is with knowing God’s love. In this quote, Jesus is praying about His revealing the character of Father God to mankind; notice the purpose-that the same amount and type of love Father God has for Jesus Himself would be felt in our hearts.

Jn. 16:24,27 Now ask and keep on asking and you will receive, so that your joy, gladness, delight may be full and complete…For the Father Himself tenderly loves you.

Knowing You have Reconciled Matters between You and God Brings Peace:

Rom. 5:1,2 Since we are acquitted and given a right standing with God through faith, let us grasp the fact that we have the peace of reconciliation to hold and to enjoy through Jesus. Through Him we have by faith into this state of God’s favor in which we firmly and safely stand.

God expects us to derive joy and peace from the knowledge that we have a right standing with God, that the relationship between us and Him has been reconciled and made right. Notice that this healing of the relationship is through faith; also take note that this state of favor with God is rock-firm and safe, not unstable like relationships are with people. Knowing we have His favor means knowing we have His attentiveness and help. The result is inner peace.

Dependence on God Brings Peace:

Col. 3:17 Do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in dependence upon His Person, giving praise…

If you continually feel that you must solve the insolvable of life on your own, peace will come and go at a moment’s notice. When suddenly hit with a situation that brings fear or dismay, one’s first response should be that you are not in this alone, you have a higher power upon which to depend, and countless promises from Him for whatever the source of your fear.

Jn. 16:33 In Me you may have perfect peace and confidence…Be of good cheer-take courage, be confident, certain, undaunted-for I have overcome the world. I have deprived it of the power to harm you.

Performing this test will help you determine how much anxiety, fear, and stress are affecting your life, as well as some of the possible root causes. The official name of the test is the Rhomberg neurologic test and it will immediately show if you suffer from low level anxiety syndrome.

Stand with your feet put together. Then stand on your tips toes. Now close your eyes. If you cannot keep your balance once you close your eyes, you have low level anxiety syndrome. People who pass the test and can keep their balance while their eyes are closed will have an anxiety level of 10 during an immediate fearful situation, but the next day be back to level 1. Those with low level anxiety syndrome stay at an anxiety level or 4 or 5 all the time.

You may recognize these other common physical symptoms associated with low level anxiety syndrome.

People with low level anxiety often have numerous allergies. They are also sensitive to scents such as perfumes or newsprint. Caffeine may keep them up all night. In addition, they are usually very sensitive to even small doses of prescription and over-the-counter drugs.

The source of low level anxiety syndrome is holding on to undesirable emotions.

If you didn’t pass the test and realize that you live in a constant state of low level anxiety, evaluate which of the following undesirable emotions are the source of your anxiety. People who are perfectionists often suffer from low level anxiety. Unresolved bitterness, unforgiveness, or jealousy create anxiety. Broken heart issues, physical abuse, poor relationships with parents or siblings, feeling that you must jump through hoops to be accepted are all possible sources of low level anxiety.

Low level anxiety reduces the body’s ability to eliminate toxins, causing a variety of illnesses.

Due to the low level anxiety, cell membranes maintain an unhealthy level of rigidity. The increased rigidity hinders the body’s ability to eliminate toxins, drugs, and xenoestrogens (Xenoestrogens are a chemical common to many dairy and meat products–ones that contain growth hormones–and pesticides. They mimic or “act like” additional estrogen in the body, creating numerous health problems including various types of cancer.).

Illnesses such as chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, ovarian cysts, and fibrocystic cyst disease have their root in the emotions mentioned above that cause low level anxiety.

Bringing resolution to your undesirable emotions is the beginning point for reducing anxiety.

If you are a perfectionist by nature, start allowing yourself to be human. Allow more reasonable time limits for achieving goals. Rather than trying to live at a level higher than the rest of the human race, be happy with the person you are, appreciating that you are a diligent person yet being loving enough to yourself to allow and forgive mistakes.

If deep seated bitterness, unforgiveness, or jealousy is the source of your anxiety, resolution needs to take place. Realize that resolution does not need to involve the other person, as resolution with the other person is often not possible; it takes place within you. For a detailed explanation of this concept, read my post, Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference.

If you have been through physical abuse, seriously consider seeing a therapist or attending a support group to work through the emotions. If finances are an issue for therapy, shelters for abused women sometimes provide free consulting with therapists.

If you feel that you must “jump through hoops” to be loved, this resolution begins within you, realizing that you are a valuable solely because you exist; your personal value must be based on what God says of you. Since His love is unfailing and unchanging, this keeps your self worth intact even when others do not value you properly. Read through the following posts:
Rejection to Self Esteem Building
Does Love Have to be Earned
A Love that Isn’t Earned
Healing One’s Self Worth

If poor relationships with family are the main source of your anxiety, you may wish to consult with a therapist or pastor for assistance. Also read through the posts:
Healing Through Overcoming Family Past
Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference.

The details on the Rhomberg Test and Low Level Anxiety Syndrome came from a brochure by Dr. Peter Eckhart, www.womhoo.com .

The question itself is almost an oxymoron  (opposite terms). You usually do not think of calling someone a “friend” who is harmful to you. However, depending on one’s personality, some people tend to repeatedly choose relationships with people who are harmful to them — emotionally or physically. Other times, it may not be that the person is harmful, but that there is an idiosyncrasy in the friend’s personality that, if discussed and dealt with, would heal the relationship .

Let’s take a look at how to determine if the relationship is harmful, why you chose the relationship, and when to change friends.

A few simple questions can help you determine if the friendship is healthy for you or not.

Answer each of the following questions either (1) most of the time, (2) about half the time, or (3) rarely.

1. Does the relationship with your friend lessen your self-esteem?

2. Does the relationship hinder you from achieving short and/or long term goals?

3. Does the relationship create various stress-related physical health problems, such as headaches, stomachaches, nervousness, or lack of sleep?

4. Does the relationship cause emotional health issues, such as fear, worry, or intimidation?

If your answers were in the 1 or 2 range, the friendship is showing signs of harmful behavior which is negatively affecting the well-being of your life in significant amounts.

If the friendship is affecting your life mainly in negative ways, ask yourself why you became involved in that relationship.

If you repeatedly choose to be in relationships with people who are not good for you and your life, you need to ask yourself why? There is most likely a harmful situation in your past, either childhood or early adulthood, which drastically reduced your self-esteem. Sometimes such an experience causes a subconscious response in which you choose people that are not good for you because you do not place enough value on yourself; you subconsciously feel that you do not deserve a wonderful friend. Identify the past situation, and then focus on changing your self worth.

If choosing poor friendships is not a common pattern in your life, why is this relationship different? Usually, it would then have begun for a reason that is not near as important as your well-being, such as status, the person’s appearance, pressure from other friends or family, etc. If the relationship was begun by such a poor quality decision, why continue it? It is doubtful that good will come from it.

Next, change the focus to your self-worth.

Your value is limitless and unending. It is based on the value God sees in you as a unique individual who was given the gift of life to live out with purpose and accomplishment. When you change your focus to that of the unending value God sees in you, people’s responses will not change your feeling of value. That does not mean that you still choose poor friendships — just the opposite. Because you realize your value, you choose friendships that affirm or acknowledge that value and your emotions are less deeply affected by the passing person who does not show proper appreciation for your value.

So when is it time to change the friendship versus just making some adjustments?

If your answers at the beginning of this post were that the relationship is harmful more than half of the time, it is unlikely that the person values you enough to make major changes to his/her behavior or personality. You can try to discuss the situation, but you should do so with a trusted third party, such as a counselor or pastor, especially if you feel there is a chance of an extremely harmful response. Realize also that, if you feel there is a chance of an extreme response, that relationship is probably very unlikely to change. Discussing the possibility of saving the relationship with the help of a third party would be more for the purpose of helping you release the relationship, knowing you gave the person an honest, final chance to change.

If you now feel that your friend’s harmful behavior is more of a personality peculiarity, discussing the needed change can bring the benifical, desired changes. It should be done in a non-confrontational way in a pleasant setting. Let the friend know that you realize the hurt was probably not intentional; then explain how the behavior brings harm to you, whether emotionally, physically, or to your goals. Realize that a good person who cares for you may feel slightly hurt or embarrassed at having to discuss the situation, but a person who values you will always be willing the make changes to behavior that is harming your life and the friendship.

I mention in various articles on this site how our view of God can either aid or hinder our healing. If we doubt God’s love for us, feel unworthy of His goodness, or struggle with poor childhood teaching which portrayed God as evil and vindictive, such ideas actually affect our ability to receive good from God. It is much like the psychological concept of projection. I’ll just briefly touch on it here; a person is hindered from good, positive progress in life with regards to jobs, relationships, etc. because he/she projects negative feelings and perceptions from past experiences into present job situations and relationships. Without realizing he/she is doing this, the person actually recreates a constant cycle of problems in the present situations similar to ones in the past. To put it in simplest form, a negative view of how others want to act toward you can cause people to “treat you poorly” and create more negative experiences; however, it is your own response and actions based on your negative perceptions from the past that make people again react negatively toward you.

In a similar way, our projection of negative feelings or actions onto God which do not exist in His person affect our receptibility to healing and other good from Him.

As I cover our own perceptions more in other articles, my purpose here is to briefly provide some comforting, health-giving passages about God’s activity in our environment that relay how much God desires that our lives be safe, well, happy, and whole.I’ll put the concepts into a paraphrase here with the verses of origin below it.

As you progress in your daily journey through life, God says that He will make the rough places in your path smooth. The crooked paths that slow your progress He will make straight. Those mountains that seem so overwhelming will be leveled; the valleys that have caused you heartache will be raised up. Even your darkest moment will be turned into light before you. God says that He will be a shield “around” you, encompassing you with protection. He will impart glory on you and lift up your head when life’s pressures have weighed you down. Not only will God go before you, making a good path for you, but He will be your rear guard; He will watch your back. His goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life. He is with you. He will never leave you or forsake you, so you do not need to be afraid o discouraged.

In spite of how others have treated you in life, regardless of past poor input that may have created negative perceptions of God’s feelings for you, allow these truths that He Himself speaks about His loving care for your life replace the negativity of the past and make you receptive to His goodness. Let the presence of God grant you a full comprehension today of the loving care He wants to actively display in your life for your whole life!

• Isa 42:16 I I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
• Lu 3:5 Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.
• Ps 3:3 But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
• Isa 52:12 The LORD will go before you; God will be your rear guard.
• Ps 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
• De 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

 Fear is a major factor of everyday life in the times in which we live.  It is a force that one must come to terms with.  Fear can control one’s life, altering your every decision. It can change your health due to the stress it creates.  It can steal creativity and rational thought. It hinders spiritual receptivity.  It is a force that cannot be ignored or it will grow in control and dominate your life.

Make the decision to be in control of your thoughts.

It is vital to control your thoughts, rather than allowing them to have free, random access to your mind – the center of all your decision making.  This positive habit is referred to as “taking captive” every thought.   A simpler way to express it may be to say that whatever controls your thought life controls you. Is fear the center of your attention?

You may feel that it is necessary to fear.  With all the uncertainty with the economy, with the instability of the political world, it may give you a false sense of doing something constructive by worrying about all of it.  However, worrying about what is beyond your control is destructive in far more ways than just those mentioned in the first paragraph of this post.  No one else can make this change for you.  Nor will it be easy at first, especially if it is a long engrained habit, but you must make the decision to “take captive” your thoughts, removing the fear that runs rampant in your mind.

Here is an illustration to help you grasp how vital it is to the well-being of the various aspects of your life to remove fear from the center of your attention.

I want you to imagine the fears in your thought life as raging waves of the ocean.  You are in the center of all these raging waves.  As you keep the center of your focus on all the raging waves, the fear is overwhelming.  You may say, “But I have to focus on the raging waves!  They are a danger to me.  It would be irresponsible not to focus my attention on their threat.”  All the while, someone has come up behind you in a ship and thrown out a life preserver to you.  The life preserver is there bobbing in the water, but you are completely missing the life-giving, life-preserving opportunities because you are focused on what is causing you fear.

Many things in life will bring fear and those fears will take control if you do not decide to take fearful thoughts captive. Freedom from fear only comes as you first start with the decision to remove fear from the center of your attention.

People who repeatedly allow themselves to be hurt or harmed by others, physically or emotionally, have difficulty setting boundaries. They bring a continual flow of harm into their lives due to not setting boundaries, or not making clear what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behavior mainly due to a fear of the other person’s response. They fear the other person’s anger or they even fear hurting the other person’s feelings. Often, the boundaryless person fears hurting the controlling person because of an “over-identification with loss.” He or she hasn’t dealt with their own personal losses, especially those caused by the harmful relationship, so there is an unrealistic, over-emotional response to the thought of hurting the other person. It is a tragic thing to see destruction rule throughout a person’s whole life when restoration and abundance is attainable — all because he or she fears boundary setting will hurt the other person’s feelings. In such cases, pain is a good thing!

First, realize that it is possible to hurt someone’s feelings by “doing what needs to be done” to be responsible with your gift of life.

I’ve referred before to the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend when discussing relationship issues of this type. You do what you need to do to be responsible with the gift of your life though it may hurt the other person’s feelings. This is not a matter of being inconsiderate. You think through and evaluate how the boundary will likely hurt the other person’s feelings; that’s being empathetic and “taking into account” the other person’s feelings. But you still set the boundaries to stop the harm to your life; otherwise, you are being irresponsible to the gift of your own life. The other person will likely insult you, saying that you are cruel or unforgiving. To purposely hurt someone’s feelings without giving any consideration to the fact that the person will hurt would be wrong (Keep in mind this is exactly what the controlling person is doing when violating your boundaries.), but it is also wrong to not set the boundaries necessary for you to fulfill your God-given destiny with the precious gift of your own life!

In boundary setting, we must recognize there is a clear difference between hurt and harm!

Here is the most wonderfully wise example provided by Cloud and Townsend, pp. 93-94, of the difference between hurt and harm:

When a dentist drilled into your tooth to remove a cavity, did it hurt you? Yes. Did he harm you? No, he improved your health and life. Hurt and harm are different. Did the sugar that gave you the cavity hurt? No, it was enjoyable. Did the sugar harm you? Yes.

Things [such as boundary setting] can hurt a person but not harm them. It is actually good and healthy for the controlling person. On the other hand, things that feel good can be very harmful. (1)

In Scripture, Jesus refers to this as the broad and narrow gate to life principle. The broad gate is the easiest one to go through but it is always the path to sure destruction. You do not avoid setting boundaries because someone responds with hurt or anger. Setting boundaries is crucial to living a purpose-filled life.

No one likes to be made aware of their faults, but a wise person, a loving person learns from it.

Proverbs of the wise refer to this, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful (Pr. 27:6).” A friend will “wound” a person he or she loves or cares about when it is necessary for healing and restoration-just like the dentist. On the opposite side, the harmful person pretending that the “pleasantness” –  the easier route of allowing him or her to violate the boundaries of your life – should continue is just like deceitful kisses of an enemy; the seemingly pleasant actions truly hide the destructive purposes and results of those actions. God also urges that we “speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15).” For you to continue to allow the harm, to not to set boundaries and restore a daily, progressive pattern of wellness to your life is to not speak the truth, to not act in love. Avoiding the truth of the situation is possibly just as deceitful to yourself as the other person’s actions — as those “kisses of an enemy” are toward you.

Like a good dentist removing a cavity or a quality surgeon removing a cancer, pain can be a positive thing when it is a temporary step to a restored life!

Yes, pain can be good when it is a step in the process of your restoration. Keep in mind the temporary pain you cause the controlling person or yourself in the process is minute in contrast to the never-ending pain of a destructive, boundaryless life. I’m going to end with this quote from p. 95:“

We need to evaluate the pain our confrontation causes other people. We need to see how this hurt is helpful to others and sometimes the best thing we can do for them and the relationship. We need to evaluate the pain in a positive light.” (1)

(1) Boundaries: When to Say, “Yes,” When to Say, “No,” to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. ISBN # is 0-310-24745-4.

Is there always something in your life about which you are worrying? Do family pressures, financial pressures, and hectic schedules that are part of normal everyday life overload you with stress and anxiety to the point of negatively affecting your physical health, emotional health, and spiritual well-being? If so, you certainly are not alone. You can learn to have a worry-free life, but it takes some changes in your thought patterns.

First, remember that worrying does not accomplish anything positive for you.

Along this thought, Jesus said, “Who of you by worrying and being anxious can add a single unit of measure to the span of his life (Mt.6:27 Amp)?” Imagine that! All the volumes of time and energy you put into worrying will not even accomplish something as small as adding a single second to the length of your life! And, as many doctors and studies show, it is proven to do just the opposite and remove time from the length of your life as well as from its quality.

Second, realize that you cannot put trust for your well being in physical objects.

There is a very famous discourse by Jesus on worry in Matthew 6. Most people think it begins in verse 25, but I think verses 19-24 are actually a significant part of the instructions, particularly verse 24 which says,

No one can serve two masters for he will stand by and be devoted to one and despise and be against the other. You cannot serve God and deceitful riches, money, possessions as what is trusted in.

This quote is not condemning money, but rather the concept of being deceived into putting your trust in money and possessions. If your trust is there, you will still worry about the safety and stability of your life. I had a friend who had been very wealthy in her younger days, before her husband died. She loved to talk about the house she had and how she used to wear a different pair of shoes to work every day of the year! However, in spite of all her wealth, she said they went to bed every night worrying about whether or not they had put their money in the right investments. Admit to yourself that money, possessions, and investments will not keep you worry free. Neither can they be counted on for life-long stability. The world is full of stories of people of great wealth who lost everything overnight.

Third, admit that God does realize you need possessions and money to live.

Immediately after Jesus said that it is a type of deception to trust in money or possessions, He states,

Stop being perpetually uneasy, anxious, and worried about your life-what you will eat or what you will drink, and about what you will put on. Is not life greater in quality than food and the body far more excellent than clothes?…Therefore, do not worry and be anxious saying, “What are we going to eat? or What are we going to drink? or What are we going to wear?”…For your Heavenly Father knows that you need them all (Mt.6:25,31).

God created mankind with the need for shelter, food, and clothing. God knows it takes money in our society to obtain these things. He has not forgotten.

Fourth, ask God for help.

There is a fairly modern translation of Scriptures called The Message Bible. It is one of the translations that Joel Osteen often quotes from. It has a great translation of Romans 10:11-13:

No one who trusts God like this-heart and soul-will ever regret it. It’s exactly the same no matter what a person’s religious background may be: the same God for all of us, acting the same incredibly generous way to everyone who calls out for help. Everyone who calls, “Help, God!” gets help!

Probably more well known are God’s instructions for us to ask,

Do not be anxious about anything. But in everything, by prayer, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind (Phil.4:6,7).

God tells us to ask for help because He wants to help us. He is not an evil dictator who tells us to ask just so that He can turn us away empty handed. However, do remember the quote, “According to your faith it will be done to you (Mt.9:29).” To put it simply, if you do not believe that God will help you, He will not. This is not due to a lack of compassion as countless Scriptures mention God’s limitless compassion, but due to the fact that it is a spiritual law. Spiritual laws, like natural laws, remain constant.

Fifth, be thankful for the smallest good.

The above quote said to pray with thanksgiving. Keep things in perspective; no matter how much help you need from God, there are good things and good people in your life. Stay appreciative for everything good, no matter how small. I heard another person comment on this quote by saying, “If you really believe God is going to answer your request, you should already be thankful.” That is a good point as well.

Last, consistently do things in your life that are of lasting value.

There is a secular saying, “What goes around comes around.” It means that a person eventually receives back the same type of words, actions, and lifestyle he has given to people. If he has lived selfishly, eventually, people will not be there for him when he needs help. A person who is giving will eventually be on the receiving end when he is in need. Jesus said it this way, “Seek for, aim at, and strive after, first of all, God’s Kingdom and His way of doing and being right, and then all these things [money, possessions, clothing, etc.] will be given to you besides (Mt.6:33 Amp).”

Do things that are of lasting value. The quality of your life will be increased, your joy and peace will be increase, and the good you have done will come back to you!