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Reading Level: Leisurely

As the ideas of economic upheaval, threats and dangers of war, disease, or other factors beyond one’s ability vie for control of your thoughts, where is your attention?

Fear is a major factor of everyday life in the times in which we live. It is a force that one must come to terms with. Fear can control one’s life, altering your every decision. It can change your health due to the stress it creates. It can steal creativity and rational thought. It hinders spiritual receptivity. It is a force that cannot be ignored or it will grow in control and dominate your life.

Make the decision to be in control of your thoughts.

It is vital to control your thoughts, rather than allowing them to have free, random access to your mind – the center of all your decision making. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

Do you consider yourself a “perpetual worrier?”

Is there always something in your life about which you are worrying? Do family pressures, financial pressures, and hectic schedules that are part of normal everyday life overload you with stress and anxiety to the point of negatively affecting your physical health, emotional health, and spiritual well-being? If so, you certainly are not alone. You can learn to have a worry-free life, but it takes some changes in your thought patterns.

First, remember that worrying does not accomplish anything positive for you.

Along this thought, Jesus said, “Who of you by worrying and being anxious can add a single unit of measure to the span of his life (Mt.6:27 Amp)?” Imagine that! All the volumes of time and energy you put into worrying will not even accomplish something as small as adding a single second to the length of your life! And, as many doctors and studies show, it is proven to do just the opposite and remove time from the length of your life as well as from its quality.

Second, realize that you cannot put trust for your well being in physical objects.

There is a very famous discourse by Jesus on worry in Matthew 6. Most people think it begins in verse 25, but I think verses 19-24 are actually a significant part of the instructions, particularly verse 24 which says,

No one can serve two masters for he will stand by and be devoted to one and despise and be against the other. You cannot serve God and deceitful riches, money, possessions as what is trusted in.

This quote is not condemning money, but rather the concept of being deceived into putting your trust in money and possessions. If your trust is there, you will still worry about the safety and stability of your life. I had a friend who had been very wealthy in her younger days, before her husband died. She loved to talk about the house she had and how she used to wear a different pair of shoes to work every day of the year! However, in spite of all her wealth, she said they went to bed every night worrying about whether or not they had put their money in the right investments. Admit to yourself that money, possessions, and investments will not keep you worry free. Neither can they be counted on for life-long stability. The world is full of stories of people of great wealth who lost everything overnight. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

This is Part 2 of 3 of the post regarding emotional ties that often keep a person from leaving an abusive relationship. It will cover the 4 main situations creating Stockholm Syndrome in controlling relationships and the resulting symptoms. If you missed Part 1, please click the above link to read it first. Part 3 will give guidelines for friends and family who wish to help.

As mentioned in Part 1 of this post, the feelings of love for the abuser are actually part of an emotional defense mechanism, as opposed to real love that exists in a healthy relationship. This emotional bonding is a survival strategy for victims of abuse and intimidation, though they are not fully aware of it happening.

To give thorough explanation of this topic of Stockholm Syndrome in controlling and/or abusive relationships, I’m going to refer to several quotes from an incredible article by Dr. Joseph Carver, Psychologist. The full article is many pages long, and very detailed. For those of you who desire to study this in more detail, a link to his full article is provided at the end of this post. Dr. Carver has a very beneficial website, and I’m sure we’ll be referring to it again in the future.

There are several symptoms to Stockholm Syndrome which will vary some with the individual. However, here are 5 Common Symptoms that Dr. Carver provided:

1. Positive feelings by the victim toward the abuser/controller

2. Negative feelings by the victim toward family, friends, or authorities trying to rescue/support them or win their release

3. Support of the abuser’s reasons and behaviors

4. Positive feelings by the abuser toward the victim

5. Supportive behaviors by the victim, at times helping the abuser

Besides a hostage situation, the following 4 Types of Situations also occur in severely controlling, abusive relationships, creating the Stockholm Syndrome responses: Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

A reader asked what to do about harmful friends?

The question itself is almost an oxymoron-opposite terms. You usually do not think of calling someone a “friend” who is harmful to you. However, depending on one’s personality, some people tend to repeatedly choose relationships with people who are harmful to them — emotionally or physically. Other times, it may simply be an idiosyncrasy in the friend’s personality that needs to be discussed.
Let’s take a look at how to determine if the relationship is harmful, why you chose the relationship, and when to change friends.

A few simple questions can help you determine if the friendship is healthy for you or not.

Answer each of the following questions either (1) most of the time, (2) about half the time, or (3) rarely.

1. Does the relationship with your friend lessen your self-esteem?

2. Does the relationship hinder you from achieving short and/or long term goals?

3. Does the relationship create various stress-related physical health problems, such as headaches, stomachaches, nervousness, or lack of sleep?

4. Does the relationship cause emotional health issues, such as fear, worry, or intimidation?

If your answers were in the 1 or 2 range, the friendship is showing signs of harmful behavior which is negatively affecting the well-being of your life in significant amounts.

If the friendship is affecting your life mainly in negative ways, ask yourself why you became involved in that relationship.

If you repeatedly choose to be in relationships with people who are not good for you and your life, you need to ask yourself why? Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

You can identify the typical stress patterns you experience when facing life’s struggles and follow a clear plan to leave them behind.

Fellow SelfGrowth.com expert, Jeanie Marshall, Personal Development expert, has written a helpful article to teach you to release the various stress reactions that occur in your body when facing life’s struggles. It begins with helping you identify the reactions that take place in your body so you can train yourself to be aware of when you are beginning to struggle with something. She then gives a couple of creative ideas for permanently releasing old hurts that are adding to your current struggles.

Here is an excerpt from Jeanie Marshalls’ article with a link to the full article below:

Struggle is a common expectation in our society. We tend to plan for it, anticipate it, and invite it into our lives. It has become so familiar that we often push away joy or peace or harmony, declaring such experiences to be unreal or temporary or frivolous.

Select something real in your life that you struggle against, just to give yourself a laboratory. Practicing on something real but not overwhelming will give you courage to explore something you consider a major struggle. Bring this idea or subject into your mind and feel the feelings. You may find it helpful to close your eyes to stay focused on the task. What does the struggle feel like? What sensations do you feel in your body and where do you feel them? What emotions do you feel and how do you feel them? Hear what you say about this subject to yourself. What does the resistance/struggle sound like? What color is the struggle? How big or small is the struggle?

Identify all the reactions, signals, sensations, feelings, and emotions that you can. Try not to ignore anything that comes into your awareness as you read this. How does your neck feel? Your shoulders? Your stomach? Do you feel agitated or impatient? Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

A major help in overcoming fear is knowing that God is attentive to you.

A friend put together this selection of quotes below (using a couple of different translations) to clearly illustrate God’s commitment to be attentive to our communication with Him, especially in times of fear and need. These will be a great encouragement to anyone who is now seeking God during a time of fear or any other overwhelming need.

As with any relationship, your ability to receive affects the good that comes into your life.

Keep in mind as you read through these quotes that your own receptiveness affects what you receive in any relationship, including your relationship with God. People who teach on the Law of Attraction encourage us to first love and value ourselves and then believe that the people we meet will actually like us. This attracts the desired response from other people because of a change in our own receptiveness. Using this principle, if you realize your value and believe that people will like you, then, when you go to a meeting or begin a relationship, instead of acting out of fear, you act with confidence. Why? Because you know that you are a person of such value that any other person will benefit from the meeting or relationship and definitely like you. The confident, self-acceptance creates a warmth and attractiveness which literally draws people to you. Other people did not change; the adjustment in your own viewpoint changed your receptivity.

In the same way, by believing that God is attentive to you and your needs, you open up your receptivity.

Just as a fear that people won’t like you causes you to act in a way that drives others away, keeping you from receiving good, a fear that God is not attentive to your call for help causes you to respond in such a way that hinders you from receiving good from Him into your life. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

You can do a quick self-test for your level of anxiety, fear, or stress.

Performing this test will help you determine how much anxiety, fear, and stress are affecting your life, as well as some of the possible root causes. The official name of the test is the Rhomberg neurologic test and it will immediately show if you suffer from low level anxiety syndrome.

Stand with your feet put together. Then stand on your tips toes. Now close your eyes. If you cannot keep your balance once you close your eyes, you have low level anxiety syndrome. People who pass the test and can keep their balance while their eyes are closed will have an anxiety level of 10 during an immediate fearful situation, but the next day be back to level 1. Those with low level anxiety syndrome stay at an anxiety level or 4 or 5 all the time.

You may recognize these other common physical symptoms associated with low level anxiety syndrome.

People with low level anxiety often have numerous allergies. They are also sensitive to scents such as perfumes or newsprint. Caffeine may keep them up all night. In addition, they are usually very sensitive to even small doses of prescription and over-the-counter drugs.

The source of low level anxiety syndrome is not freeing yourself from these undesirable emotions.

If you didn’t pass the test Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Impassioned

In the physical health world, the phrase “No pain, no gain,” is quite familiar. When it comes to emotional health in relationships and boundary setting, “No pain, no gain” is also an applicable phrase.

People who repeatedly allow themselves to be hurt or harmed by others, physically or emotionally, have difficulty setting boundaries. They bring a continual flow of destruction into their lives due to not setting boundaries, or not making clear what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behavior mainly due to a fear of the other person’s response. They fear the other person’s anger or they even fear hurting the other person’s feelings. Often, the boundaryless person fears hurting the other person because of an “over-identification with loss.” He hasn’t dealt with his own personal losses, especially those caused by the harmful relationship, so he has an unrealistic, over-emotional response to the thought of hurting the other person. It is a tragic thing to see destruction rule throughout a person’s whole life when restoration and abundance is attainable-all because he or she fears boundary setting will hurt the other person’s feelings. In such cases, pain is a good thing!

First, realize that it is possible to hurt someone’s feelings by “doing what needs to be done” and being responsible with your gift of life.

Those who follow this blog know that I frequently refer to the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend when discussing relationship issues of this type. You do what you need to do though it may hurt the other person’s feelings. This is not a matter of being inconsiderate. You think through and evaluate how the boundary will likely hurt the other person’s feelings; that’s being empathetic and “taking into account” the other person’s feelings. But you still set the boundaries to stop the harm to your life; otherwise, you are being irresponsible to the gift of your own life. The other person will likely insult you, saying that you are cruel or unforgiving. To purposely hurt someone’s feelings without giving any consideration to the fact that the person will hurt would be wrong (Keep in mind this is exactly what the other person is doing to you when violating your boundaries.), but so is not setting the boundaries necessary so that you can fulfill your God-given destiny with the precious gift of your own life!

In boundary setting, we must recognize the clear difference between hurt and harm.

Here is the most wonderfully wise example provided by Cloud and Townsend, pp. 93-94, of the difference between hurt and harm. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

There were several questions submitted by readers which have helpful replies and discussion already made available in previous posts. Today we’re going to go through 7 Reader Submitted Questions and give you the links to the articles provided to help bring healing to those emotional or spiritual life issues.

1. How to Forgive Yourself
   Healing by Forgiving Yourself
   Hold on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure
   
2. How to Deal with Emotional Pain from Betrayal
   Hope for the Betrayed Heart
   Not Allowing Hurt to Stay Central Focus
   
3. Recognizing Love or When a Person Truly Loves You
   Recognizing Real Love Part 1
   Recognizing Real Love Part 2
   Defining Harmful Behavior
   A Love that Isn’t Earned
   Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

A reader asked, “Define harmful behavior.” There are many ways one can define or recognize the harmful behavior of others in your life, or even behavior of your own that is harmful to others or yourself, but the easiest way is to evaluate the results.

God says that real love does not do harm to another person, so living according to real love causes a person to completely obey all the laws of God due to living a loving lifestyle (Rom. 10:13). Thus, a person who truly loves you will not consistently live a lifestyle that brings harmful results in your life. Granted, we all lose our tempers at time and say or do things that later we have to apologize for, but the key difference is whether or not a person brings more harm than good.

Let’s take a look at how to evaluate behavior by the results. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

In my recent post called, “Break Out of the Rut,” we discussed how rarely we implement the great ideas or input that we come across and how to break out of the rut of life and make real progress. I came across a great article by Caroline Jalango on how to make room for all the positive changes we want to achieve by identifying and removing what hinders constructive changes.

Here is an excerpt from Caroline’s article along with a link to the full post on her website.

“You want to be loved, to be at peace, have wonderful relationships, look and feel good, find a better job, be respected and recognized for your work, make more money, grow your business, advance your career and so forth — but have you ‘emptied out’ the unproductive aspects in your life to make room for your new desires?

If you haven’t, what’s currently taking up the much needed space in your life? Emotional clutter, baggage, tolerations, hang-ups, fixed perspectives, belief systems, attitudes, excuses, fears, or debilitating habits can occupy a large part of your life and prevent you from Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

The first matter to overcome regarding a fear of God’s rejection is a concrete decision to replace feelings with truth.

Negative feelings about God most often stem from harmful relationships with authority figures in one’s past, such as parents, or from improper religious education during childhood. Authority figures may have misused their authority or shown a harsh form of discipline that was lacking in love and security. Or, some religious leaders present God has a harsh, unforgiving, unreachable person due to, not only some distortions regarding the character of God, but a failure to teach the full scope of God’s character. Contrary to such a presentation of God, His love and sense of justice are perfectly balanced. He does discipline us at times, but in ways that lovingly bring about our healing and restoration!

Negative feelings from childhood can be overcome, but accept the fact that it will take consistent effort since usually you are trying to correct decades of negative thought patterns.

When faced with certain situations that spur your desire to seek God, your mind will automatically follow the negative pattern of thoughts, fearing God’s rejection, as it has always done. You will need to be consistent in interrupting those automatic negative thought processes by repeatedly speaking truth to yourself and refusing to allow the emotions that are associated with those old thoughts until your present feelings line up with truth. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

We have all heard stories of people who displayed incredible strength and courage in the midst of dangerous or hopeless situations. Heroes, whether mythical or in real life, are examples of strength and courage. However, we rarely picture ourselves as being one of those people.

Yet the events of our lives necessitate the qualities of strength and courage. It is terrible for a person to live in a state of fear, without peace. Fear disables one’s ability to make effective decisions, hinders personal relationships, and creates harmful chemicals in the body that promote illness and disease. In fact, God repeatedly expresses to His people the need to be strong and courageous. God said through Moses, one of His most famous spokespersons, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified … for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deut. 31:6).” Later God advised Joshua as he began his new career, “Be strong and courageous. Be strong and very courageous. (Jos. 1:6,7).” The need for strength and courage is so important that God not only repeated it, but repeated it with the added emphasis of “very” strong and courageous! Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

When facing extended trying circumstances, it is necessary to belligerently believe that hope still exists even when no visible signs of hope are evident. “Hope that is seen is not hope at all (Rom. 8:24).” If you did not yet read the explanation of this principle in Part 1 of The Best Hope is Not Seen, please read it first as that is the full discussion. This section, Part 2, is taking apart one of the main quotes in that post, giving the definitions from the original Greek language.

We are going to dissect the following quote from its original language as it is very beautiful, “Let us hold fast to the confession of our faith without wavering, for He who promised is faithful Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

A lack of change in trying circumstances over an extended length of time often creates a feeling of hopelessness.

I have recently talked to a couple of different loved ones who are going through situations that are creating severe emotional struggles and feelings of hopelessness. Various difficult situations in each person’s life have gone on unchanged for so long that there is no visible sign of hope, no discernable way out of their trying circumstances. We have talked in previous posts about the necessity of positive thinking and speaking in an attitude of faith over one’s life; this is especially beneficial when one speaks the promises of God over one’s life. Scripture speaks of holding fast to what you confess in faith “without wavering (Heb. 10:23).” (The meaning in the Greek of this verse is wonderful. I’ll do a follow-up post on it.) The popular philosophy of Law of Attraction also promotes speaking out the positive changes in your life in an unwavering manner until you see them come to reality.

It takes a level of belligerence to hold on to hope.

I recall hearing a study on the news some years ago on people who lived to be over 100 years old. The sole factor they had in common was not any particular health habits but a decision to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »