From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

August 27th, 2013

Table of contents for From Rejection to Self Esteem

  1. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1
  2. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

In rejection recovery, realize that negative thoughts cannot be changed without replacing them with positive ones.

This is Part 2 of a 2 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read it first as Part 1 covers the two initial steps for recovering from rejection.

To overcome the negativity that is overrunning your thought life as a result of the rejection, you must actively make yourself think on thoughts that will move you forward to the productive life you should be living. There are 3 main ways to replace thoughts of rejection.

1. Base your value on God’s value of you. With all the beauty that exists in creation, with all the billions of people, God still loves you and considers you precious and honored in His sight (Is. 43:4). Scripture describes that God saw your unformed body before you were born, already knew all the days of your life before it began, and that His thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand–because He thinks so often about you. (Ps. 139:15-18) Throughout the up’s and down’s of life, it is essential that you base your value of yourself on the value God sees in you. This is the only way your value of yourself can remain constant. It cannot be based on people because people come and go in our lives, even if it is by death. Your value cannot be based on your career or other abilities because, one day, you will no longer be able to do those things.

2. Be your own cheerleader. This is a self-help tip that I’ve heard Joel Osteen say many times and it is worth repeating. Every day, get up in the morning and be your own cheerleader. Say good things about yourself to yourself! Speak to yourself about God’s value of you. Throughout the day, remind yourself of your value and your abilities. And, it doesn’t hurt to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Cultivating an Environment of Self Esteem

November 17th, 2011

Do your efforts to maintain your self esteem cultivate an environment of self worth or defeat for those around you?

Some of the most difficult people with whom to maintain healthy long-term relationships are those who feel that every conflict of opinion is an opportunity to prove that they are “right,” rather than come to a mutual understanding of other people’s points of views. Every disagreement instantly puts them into a “challenge to win” mode, which, unfortunately for the people in the relationships around them, means someone else must first lose. Another person is never allowed to have a different way of doing something because this person’s way is always better, as far as he or she is concerned. We cannot always avoid this type of person, as they may be a required part of the environment at work, home, or other frequented social settings. Today, however, let’s look at this in a more personal way.

Ask yourself, “Am I the type of person whose determination to always win produces an environment of defeat for other people?”

Joel Osteen is well-known worldwide for his gifting of encouragement.  This is a quote from a story I came across on his blog about a counseling session with a person who was creating an environment of defeat. This comment was very insightful:

She didn’t recognize that her desire to be right all the time was driving home the point that everyone around her was wrong. She was creating a losing environment for Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Cultivating an Environment of Self Esteem

August 25th, 2009

Reading Level: Leisurely

Do your efforts to maintain your self esteem cultivate an environment of self worth or defeat for those around you?

Some of the most difficult people with whom to maintain healthy long-term relationships are those who feel that every conflict of opinion is an opportunity to prove that they are “right,” rather than come to a mutual understanding of other people’s points of views. Every disagreement instantly puts them into a “challenge to win” mode, which, unfortunately for the people in the relationships around them, means someone else must first lose. Another person is never allowed to have a different way of doing something because this person’s way is always better, as far as he or she is concerned. We cannot always avoid this type of person, as they may be a required part of the environment at work, home, or other frequented social settings. Today, however, let’s look at this in a more personal way.

Ask yourself, “Am I the type of person whose determination to always win produces an environment of defeat for other people?” Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Rejection to Self Esteem Building

September 3rd, 2008

Reading Level: Gratifying

Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why would someone feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection–and you already know you need to work on that aspect–quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such as way as to allow for healing and reconciliation in the relationship, the offender is not presently, and may never be, in a mental/emotional state to have a long-term, healthy relationship. As it is, it is much more likely, since they were unwilling to communicate in a way as to provide for reconciliation, that the major emotional issues are on their part.

Second, quit being too hard on yourself.

If you are aware of certain mistakes you made that contributed to the rejection, you can always work on changing those behaviors, even getting profession help if needed. However, you must be realistic in accessing your failures. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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2 Simple Steps to Release Guilt

May 5th, 2008

Table of contents for Free From Self-Condemnation

  1. Why Guilt is Unnecessary
  2. 2 Simple Steps to Release Guilt

Reading Level: Leisurely

Ever been in training for a particular job? Or maybe you were the one training the other person. In either case, the whole concept of training is that the person does not already understand all that there is to know about the job. The training is a process to provide further education and increase various skills so that one can competently do the job. Even after one develops a level of skill and competence, rarely is he perfect.

There is nothing wrong with aiming for perfection. In fact, scripture specifically challenges us to do so (2 Cor. 13:11). However, when our failures are creating guilt or self-condemnation and hindering our life’s progress, we can encourage ourselves and release condemnation by reminding ourselves of two simple points. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Why Guilt is Unnecessary

April 30th, 2008

Table of contents for Free From Self-Condemnation

  1. Why Guilt is Unnecessary
  2. 2 Simple Steps to Release Guilt

Reading Level: Leisurely

Perfectionist that I am, I tend to be very hard on myself for any situation that I, in retrospect, feel I could have handled better for some reason.

Due to the weariness that comes from extended trying circumstances, everyone has an occasional bad day emotionally when they feel discouraged, hopeless, unable to be strong for other people, lose their temper, etc. We make a difficult situation even harder if we then listen to negatives voices in our spirits which bring self-condemnation for not staying perfectly hopeful and strong every day of the trying circumstance, especially when we know we are doing our best to succeed.

I heard a great word of encouragement the other day Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Not Allowing Hurt to Stay Central Focus

February 16th, 2008

Reading Level: Leisurely

I have never been one for being interested in “TV preachers.” However, I have in the recent months developed a good deal of respect for Joel Osteen, pastor of the US’s largest church, with over 30,000 in attendance. Two things I appreciate. First, his preaching is atypical. Second, he is the only pastor I have ever heard that speaks every message, even ones on hardship, failure, correction, etc. in a positive manner. It is an obvious gifting. Surprisingly, or maybe not, he consistently draws a great deal of criticism for being positive. I heard part of an interview with him once where he spoke of all the criticism he had received for not being like his dad (now deceased), a former pastor and healing evangelist. Joel believes his personal calling in life is to give a message of hope and encouragement to the world; I respect that he chose to go against the grain, to be himself, and follow his bliss.

In a message called, “Don’t Allow Criticism to Steal Your Dream,” the following quote released healing for me.

“Your destiny is not tied to what other people say about you. It does not change what God has put in your heart. Let God take care of those who hurt you. Stay focused on the future. Don’t let hurt become the central focus of your life.”

Though his examples, if I recall, were of people who allowed certain hurts to totally destroy them with bitterness or defeat, I realized how much a recent hurt had become the central focus of my life. It was repeatedly coming to my mind throughout the day. The moment the thought came, I could feel it deplete energy from my body. It was diminishing my ability to focus on my work, not to mention stealing the level of joy at which I usually function. I had to take control of this hurt. Though it was not a typical life-altering crisis–there were some of those last year–it had still become the center focus of my life without my realizing it. I had to re-focus on my destiny. I have always been a dreamer, a visionary. I had to re-focus on the joy that is mine because I am a person of destiny! I know there are divine plans for my life that will not be altered just because others don’t believe in them.

You are alive! You are a person of destiny! If there is a hurt that is staying the central focus of every day, draining the energy and focus from your life, re-focus today on the dreams and visions that you know are yours! Focus on the truth you know in your heart!

(The message referred to above is video #337 at www.joelosteen.com . You can push the scroll bar about half way through to get past the music to the 30 minute sermon.)

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Approach Challenges with Joy

February 14th, 2008

Reading Level: Leisurely

I began the other week to change my thought processes with regards to the various challenges that come my way during the day. I had heard a message by Joel Osteen on not allowing criticism to steal your dreams. In it, he mentioned a verse from Is. 61:7 which says, “Instead of your former shame, you will receive a double portion.” In other words, God says His desire is that life for you will be twice as good after the hardship than before. Joel encouraged people to rejoice when facing challenges, implementing via faith a forward, blessed progress for your life. I took this idea and ran with it.

Over the course of the next week, when another person took advantage of a weakness in my personality, I caught myself from feeling the pain and rejoiced that this weakness was brought to my attention; now that I am aware of the weakness, I can overcome it, avoid similar situations in the future, and be a healthier person overall.

Another example is the delay in the construction of this site. Rather than staying frustrated by the lost time caused by the initial software not working as we’d hoped, we chose to rejoice realizing that the delay actually caused us to find the present software, which has proved to have far more beneficial website functions.

I have applied this process to various challenges by immediately focusing on how I can be better off since this “problem” was brought to my attention. Choosing this new perspective has freed my mind, body, and spirit from needless stress. The less stress in the body, mind, and spirit, the more the body is free to heal itself of various ailments. I made the following statement about this new process of mine and it was a great encouragement to my spouse so I thought I’d end with it. “The greater victory is not freedom from problems. The greater victory is when I overcome the problems!”

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