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Everyone wants to love and be loved; making some small changes can greatly improve your relationships and the quality of your love.

Richard Carlson, PhD, has perfected the art of quick, practical tips to improve your life with his “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series of books. His books have been bestsellers for years. He and his wife co-wrote “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love.” I would recommend this book to anyone, even if you are single, as it will do wonders for your interpersonal relationships. See the ISBN in the footnotes to read his full book.

Here are a few easy-to-understand, easy to implement phrased points from Dr. Carlson’s book for improving the quality of your love:

1. Don’t Do the Same Things and Expect Different Results: That’s an old saying we are all familiar with but it is the same in love relationships. If you know you react negatively in certain situations — overreacting, lashing out, knee-jerk reactions — and then suffer disappointing and negative responses in return, you have to choose to use new responses that will bring healthy results.

2. Avoid Correcting Each Other: This point is not referring to an isolated incident but the habit of publicly correcting the person you love when it is absolutely unnecessary. It is Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

I was reminded today of a quote that clearly describes the Fatherly comfort God desires to bring us.

Visualize the level of comfort that a fearful child receives from being held in the arms of a loving father. Visualize the comfort a grieving person receives in the arms of a loving friend or spouse. Now visualize the comfort that a newborn baby receives when placed in the arms of its mother so that he can hear her heartbeat and know that safety and loving nurturing is still there.

This is the same visual picture God gives of Himself in His relationship with us.

Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him. The one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders. (Deut.33:12)

Where is your source of comfort and what is its depth?

God desires that we receive whatever comfort possible from our human relationships, but whether that is available to you or not, nothing can compare to the comfort you can receive from resting in the arms of your loving Father God, resting between His shoulders — a level of closeness in which you can Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

The course of people’s lives are forever changed by both the heritage we receive and impart.

A few years back, the focus of several weeks of my life was split between normal life responsibilities and the planning of a reception for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. The final week was particularly full with the finalization of all the food, decorations, and communications. The event was a great success in many ways. There were the initial, typical visible ways, such as the food and decorations which everyone enjoyed. However, the aspect of lasting impression from the event on my brother, spouse, and myself were the responses of people, expressing their love for the impact my parents had on their lives.

Some people, though elderly and feeble, traveled long distances to be there. Others were involved in leadership of major community events, yet slipped away for a little while because they, too, did not feel it was an option to miss the opportunity to say, “Thank You,” and honor my parents for the way their lives have been forever changed by knowing them. My parents have expended the energy of their lives befriending, comforting, encouraging and carrying others through the good and bad events of life and it showed through people’s amazing responses.

This event is a good example for us of the importance of being aware of the people in our lives who pour into us a lasting, positive impact .  It is a heritage that changes us and then allows us to impart that change to others.

Our lives are changed forever by the small kindnesses that a few, key people stop to impart to our lives.  Similarly, it is often the Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

There were several questions submitted by readers which have helpful replies and discussion already made to you in previous posts.

Today we’re going to go through 7 Reader Submitted Questions and give you the links to the articles provided to  bring healing to those life issues.

1. How to Forgive Yourself
   Healing by Forgiving Yourself
   Hold on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure
   
2. How to Deal with Emotional Pain from Betrayal
   Hope for the Betrayed Heart
   Not Allowing Hurt to Stay Central Focus
   
3. Recognizing Love or When a Person Truly Loves You
   Recognizing Real Love Part 1
   Recognizing Real Love Part 2
   Defining Harmful Behavior
   A Love that Isn’t Earned
   
4. How to Follow Through on Goals
   Break Out of the Rut
   Make Room for Restoration
   
5. How to Overcoming Fear and Negative Thoughts
   Practical Ideas for Overcoming Fear
   Relinquishing Fear Video
   Take Charge of Your Thoughts, Take Charge of Your Life
   Better Thoughts for a Better Life
   Making Real Change to Thought, Feelings, or Behavior
   The Necessity of Strength and Courage
   Enforcing Hope in Your Thought Life
   
6. How to Deal with Emotionally Destructive Relationships
   Healing through Overcoming Family Past
   Defining Harmful Behavior
   Responding to Abusive Relationships
   
7. How do You Release Guilt
   Forgetting What God Forgets
   Why Guilt is Unnecessary
   2 Simple Steps to Releasing Guilt
   Healing by Forgiving Yourself Video

Please note that since these are past posts, the Listen Now feature that appears for you to listen on your laptop/desktop or download these archived articles to your iPod or MP3 will not be available as the company only offers it for 1 month after posting.

Ten practical points on improving the love relationship can restore a portion of joy in your life that may have been recently lacking.

Today I am going to share with you excerpts from an article by mental health therapist, Jennifer Jones.  Jennifer is a fantastic writer and has a couple of extremely popular relationship sites on the web with practical, beneficial insight.  I encourage you to use the link below to read her full post.

Excerpts from Ten Simple Ways to Fall in Love Again by Jennifer Jones 

1. Enjoy memories together. When we reflect on good, happy memories we recreate the emotions and feelings in our body/mind that went along with the experience…

2. Plan for the future and share your dreams. Having something to look forward to is one of the keys to living a happy life…

3. Live in the present. Don’t let even one minute of joy, laughter, or pleasure be taken for granted…Look for those moments of quiet peace, or vibrant joy, or wild excitement…

4. Demonstrate appreciation. Do everything you can to make sure your beloved knows that you adore and cherish him or her…

5. Look for the good in your partner. Remember when you first met? You saw nothing wrong with your significant other…Of course in time…that impression may fade just a tad so consciously find for the great qualities… Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Do you appear to choose compatible dating and marriage relationships only to see them fall apart? Some basic points can ensure your compatibility in your long-term relationships.

I came across a link to a video feed (audio only also) of Bill’s Hybel’s talk on “5 Key Compatiblities to look for to guide you through the tricky process of finding a lifetime partner.” I’ve already shared it with a friend and he benefited immensely. Bill covers such incredibly practical yet easy-to-follow principles for determining your compatibility in a relationship that I wanted to share the basic points and link with you, our readership.

This is a brief summary of the 5 Key Compatibilities but I encourage you to watch/listen to the full talk (link below). You will not be disappointed!

1. Spiritual Intensity and Purpose – Do you seek after God with a similar level of passion? Are your spiritual life — purposes similar? Faith permeates a person’s being and has massive implications in their inner world, changes how they think, behave, love, how they spend spare time, etc. It is a person’s core identity and defines them.

2. Character – You must match equally with your commitment to the same level of character or you set yourself up to face a lifetime of trust-shattering incidents.

3. Emotional Health – There is a long complicated story to each person’s past which must be uncovered thoroughly before you can have any idea of who the other person is. Have each of your you’re your past pains been processed enough to be able to make forward progress in a relationship? If not, it is not the time to feel sorry for someone and try to rescue them. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

The course of people’s lives are forever changed by both the heritage we receive and impart.

The focus of the past several weeks has been split between normal life responsibilities and the planning of a reception for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. This week was particularly full with the finalization of all the food, decorations, and communications. The event was a great success in many ways. There were the initial, typical visible ways, such as the food and decorations which everyone enjoyed. However, the aspect of lasting impression from the event on my brother, spouse, and myself were the responses of people, expressing their love for the impact my parents had on their lives.

Some people, though elderly and feeble, traveled long distances to be there. Others were involved in leadership of major community events, yet slipped away for a little while because they, too, did not feel it was an option to miss the opportunity to say, “Thank You,” and honor my parents for the way their lives have been forever changed by knowing them. My parents have expended the energy of their lives befriending, comforting, encouraging and carrying others through the good and bad events of life and it showed through people’s amazing responses.

The event was a rare opportunity to catch a glimpse into the heritage we have received and the lasting cords of positive impact that have been woven into the communities in which my parents have lived.

The first person to arrive was an elderly widow. She had hand written and framed a letter expressing her love to my parents for the kindness shown to her and her late husband. My dad had visited him repeatedly at their home while the man was dying of cancer. The lady has ceaselessly recalled my dad singing to her husband to bring him comfort in those final days. Another person had a letter enclosed in a gift, expressing how my parents had laughed and cried with them during the ups and downs of her life. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Everyone wants to love and be loved; making some small changes can greatly improve your relationships and the quality of your love.

Richard Carlson, PhD, has perfected the art of quick, practical tips to improve your life with his “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series of books. His books have been bestsellers for years. He and his wife co-wrote “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love.” I would recommend this book to anyone, even if you are single, as it will do wonders for your interpersonal relationships. See the ISBN in the footnotes to read his full book.

Here are a few easy-to-understand, easy to implement phrased points from Dr. Carlson’s book for improving the quality of your love:

1. Don’t Do the Same Things and Expect Different Results: That’s an old saying we are all familiar with but it is the same in love relationships. If you know you react negatively in certain situations — overreacting, lashing out, knee-jerk reactions — and then suffer disappointing and negative responses in return, you have to choose to use new responses that will bring healthy results.

2. Avoid Correcting Each Other: This point is not referring to an isolated incident but the habit of publicly correcting the person you love when it is absolutely unnecessary. It is disrespectful and damaging to the relationship. Are not the feelings of the person you love more important than technicalities? Most all people resent being corrected. Unless it is of extreme importance, keep the correction to yourself. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

Checking the often un-noticed motivations for one’s decisions and actions can reveal the source of either success or failure.

I recently re-read an example on the source of motivations from Cloud and Townsend’s “Boundaries.” It refers to a man who was burned out physically and emotionally and came to see them for help. The man’s explanation for the source of his problem was “loving people too much.” The authors’ response to him was that it could not be love, as love would not cause him to end up in the negative situation he was in. It was discovered that the source of the problem was his un-noticed motivations.

Here is a list from “Boundaries” of types of unhealthy personal motivations for decisions and actions of which we are often unaware. I’ll provide a definition of each motivation.

Fear of a Loss of Love: If, during childhood, a person frequently experienced a withdrawal of love by a parent whenever that parent was displeased with him or her, it creates an emotional pattern or habit in adulthood to base decisions and actions of the fear of a losing people’s love. One acts or decides out of compulsion, not because it is an action or decision that is in his own best interest; he is compelled to do whatever the other person wants due to fear that, if the person is displeased or disappointed, they will no longer love him.

Fear of Others’ Anger: Because of past boundary violations which caused emotional hurts (people mistreating a person as a way to manipulate his or her behavior), a person can feel instant fear when another person shows anger, or when he is in a situation which he believes will cause the other person’s anger; as a result, he immediately decides a course of action to appease the person and avoid their anger, rather than doing what is best for him personally.

Fear of Loneliness: This is similar to a loss of love. A person with this motivation will give in to other people’s unreasonable or unhealthy demands because he is trying to win the other person’s approval; he fears that the other person will end the relationship and he will be alone if he does not continually give in to win their approval. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

I was reminded today of a quote that clearly describes the Fatherly comfort God desires to bring us.

Visualize the level of comfort that a fearful child receives from being held in the arms of a loving father. Visualize the comfort a grieving person receives in the arms of a loving friend or spouse. Now visualize the comfort that a newborn baby receives when placed in the arms of its mother so that he can hear her heartbeat and know that safety and loving nurturing is still there.

This is the same visual picture God gives of Himself in His relationship with us.

Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him. The one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders. (Deut.33:12)

Where is your source of comfort and what is its depth?

God desires that we receive whatever comfort possible from our human relationships, but whether that is available to you or not, nothing can compare to the comfort you can receive from resting in the arms of your loving Father God, resting between His shoulders-a level of closeness in which you can “hear His heartbeat” Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely
Most Everyone Enjoys Hearing Some Practical Ways to Make Your Relationship More Loving.

Quick, practical tips on how to love effectively is something we all appreciate. And when it comes to writing styles, Richard Carlson, PhD, has perfected the art of quick, practical tips to improve your life with his “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series of books. His books have been bestsellers for years now. Any in that series are well worth reading. They are small, easy-reading books. He and his wife co-wrote “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love.” I’m putting some excerpts from the book below and the ISBN info at the end of this post. If you want some info on his other book, click on Richard Carlson in the Tag Cloud in the left column.

Here are 4 great tips on How to Love Effectively:

Wake Up and Think About 3 Things You Love About Him/Her - I’ve found that it’s nearly impossible to get too uptight or to sweat the small stuff with your partner when you have recently reminded yourself about why you love [him/her] so much. [The author describes seeing an irritating habit by his spouse on the way out the door in the morning.] What would have been my reaction to the unlocked door had I awakened and failed to think about such positive things? Or worse yet, what would have happened had I awakened and immediately began to fill my mind with my many responsibilities, to the point of putting myself in a stressful mind-set?…I would have become upset and irritated.

Make the Fresh Start Commitment – It doesn’t matter whether you’ve just met or whether you’ve Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Gratifying

Everyone has lived through believing they were experiencing real love only to discover, in spite of all the feelings, that it was not genuine love at all.

Too often we base the all-important decision of choosing the relationship closest to us on something so completely deceptive as our emotions, or even more foolish, solely on appearance. We then put time, effort, and our very souls into building the desired lasting relationship when there is not a real foundation for it to be built upon. The relationship is like a sandcastle at high tide, doomed to disintegrate.

Fortunately, we can gain wisdom and discernment that will enable us to find and commit to genuine love.

Dr. Dorothy Neddermeyer, Phd, a professional therapist and counselor, has posted a fantastic article called, “Love is Not a Feeling.” In this article, she explains what is happening when we experience euphoric feelings for another individual, why these feelings are not proof of genuine love, how to give genuine love and how to recognize whether the other person has genuine love toward you, being committed to your emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being.

Here are some portions from Dr. Dorothy’s article, “Love is Not a Feeling.” It is one of the most effective discussions on this topic that I’ve seen. Be sure to follow the link to the full article at the bottom of the post.

Love is Not a Feeling. What? You exclaim, of course, love is a feeling. I feel it in my chest, stomach and my body tingles sometimes. Yes, those are the physiological manifestations when one has the sensation of ‘falling in love.’ Falling in love and love are two different phenomena. Falling in love can be either a flash of emotions-the giddiness or euphoric feelings-or a first step towards genuine love. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Time spent with God creates in you the healing qualities that exist in God Himself.

In my last post, I used a quote contrasting human love and Divine love, showing the differing effects on our relationships. The more time one spends seeking God, the more His character becomes evident in your relationships with others, just the same as spending time in the presence of evil people adversely affects your character. With life’s busyness, it is easy to miss otherwise clear opportunities to bring healing to people’s broken hearts via the aspects of God’s nature that He has poured into us through our time spent with Him. I wanted to share with you a personal experience for the purpose of encouraging you to be aware of those opportunities.

During a particular year, there was a great deal of additional stress due to my parents having been in a severe auto accident. A couple of weeks into that accident, while they were still hospitalized, God spoke this verse to me while in prayer one morning, “You will be called, ‘Repairer of Broken Walls.’ (Is.58:12)” I didn’t even remember where the quote was located at the time. It was only vaguely familiar, so I looked it up in a software search so I could meditate on the meaning. I didn’t even have much time to meditate as we were about to leave again for the hospital. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Reading Level: Leisurely

Sometimes our lack of satisfaction with the love we are giving and receiving results from operating solely in the human level instead of the Divine.

I want to share with you a quote I had kept that aptly describes how operating solely in human love instead of Divine love affects the quality of our relationships. The quote is from the late Kenneth Hagin. It is in his book, Faith Food.

Natural love is selfish. Divine love is giving, unselfish. Natural love can turn to hatred when it doesn’t get its way. Divine love, when it is reviled [treated hatefully], reviles not again. God’s divine love is not interested in what it can get but in what it can give. After our new spiritual birth, it is natural for divine love to flow through us and dominate how we live our lives.

As husbands and wives, God’s divine love must dominate us, not natural love, for it is too shallow. Not only can we love our spouse with natural affection, but with divine love that seeks other’s welfare, and never seeks its own. Reciprocate in always putting each other first and outdoing one another in love.

Love is patient and kind; sometimes we endure a situation but we are not kind about it. It is the flesh that is haughty, rude, boastful, arrogant, conceited or unmannerly.

When temptation comes [to respond in a natural love that turns to hatred when you don't get what you want], speak this confession: I am born of the love of God. I will allow the love of God within me to dominate this situation. God loves those who are undeserving and unlovely. Because of the nature of God in me, I now love those who are undeserving and unlovely and do not respond out of my natural affinities [natural likes and dislikes]. Faith Food, February 13th post.

For a related article with a description of God’s type of love, read my post “Recognizing Real Love.”

There were several questions submitted by readers which have helpful replies and discussion already made available in previous posts. Today we’re going to go through 7 Reader Submitted Questions and give you the links to the articles provided to help bring healing to those emotional or spiritual life issues.

1. How to Forgive Yourself
   Healing by Forgiving Yourself
   Hold on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure
   
2. How to Deal with Emotional Pain from Betrayal
   Hope for the Betrayed Heart
   Not Allowing Hurt to Stay Central Focus
   
3. Recognizing Love or When a Person Truly Loves You
   Recognizing Real Love Part 1
   Recognizing Real Love Part 2
   Defining Harmful Behavior
   A Love that Isn’t Earned
   Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »