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Comparing yourself with others can be a slippery slope into a life of envy, inferiority, and intimidation.

When you fail to recognize your value as a unique person with a divine destiny that affects this world in ways that no one else ever can or will, it is easy to fall into the comparison game. I came across a great article by Norma Schmidt on this topic.  The points below are excerpts from her article.

Norma is an accomplished Ezine article author; her articles can be viewed on many Ezine sites across the Internet. Norma provides 5 guidelines to overcoming the temptation to compare your personal value to that of others and avoid the resulting envy, intimidation, and other negative feelings it produces. A link to her full article is footnoted below.

Whether comparing yourself is an extreme habit of yours, or an occasional one, we can all benefit from Norma’s points on Breaking Free from Comparisons:

1. Give Yourself More Credit.

This strategy is preventive. Look inside, and give yourself credit for your accomplishments and positive character traits… recognize the heart, intelligence, imagination and integrity you bring to living life your way.

2. Count Your Blessings

This is another preventive tactic to build your comparison “immunity.” Cultivating an awareness of all the blessings of your life can take the sting out of seeing how others are blessed

3. Exhale

When you notice that you’re comparing yourself to someone else, bring your attention to your breathing. Then, on an exhale, let the comparison leave Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Most people fear change; it is more advantageous to fear the lack of it.

Each of us have areas of our lives in which we need desperately change as well as those in which we greatly desire to see change. It may be in our personal relationships, career, health, spiritual life, or even projected retirement investments. Too often our frustration goes on for years due to one of the main points in the post on Reaching Success, “You have to follow through with a plan.”

Wishful thinking, as opposed to vision casting, will only lead to continued disappointment.

To put an end to the disappointment of a lack of change, one must first vision cast (Create a mental image of the changes you want as well as put them in print.) and then act. Wishful thinking will not accomplish anything. Be aware of how dangerous to your fulfilled life are thoughts such as:

I’ll work in this goal when I have more money.
I’ll make these changes when I have more time.
I’ll focus on this need when I have fewer distractions.
I’ll start exercising or eating right next week.

Though none of us would consider ourselves insane, it is beneficial to remember Eistein’s Definition of Insanity, “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

To do what you have always done each day, the same life patterns, the same activities, the same thoughts, only allow Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

I was reminded today of a quote that clearly describes the Fatherly comfort God desires to bring us.

Visualize the level of comfort that a fearful child receives from being held in the arms of a loving father. Visualize the comfort a grieving person receives in the arms of a loving friend or spouse. Now visualize the comfort that a newborn baby receives when placed in the arms of its mother so that he can hear her heartbeat and know that safety and loving nurturing is still there.

This is the same visual picture God gives of Himself in His relationship with us.

Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him. The one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders. (Deut.33:12)

Where is your source of comfort and what is its depth?

God desires that we receive whatever comfort possible from our human relationships, but whether that is available to you or not, nothing can compare to the comfort you can receive from resting in the arms of your loving Father God, resting between His shoulders — a level of closeness in which you can Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

A reader asked what to do about harmful friends?

The question itself is almost an oxymoron  (opposite terms). You usually do not think of calling someone a “friend” who is harmful to you. However, depending on one’s personality, some people tend to repeatedly choose relationships with people who are harmful to them — emotionally or physically. Other times, it may not be that the person is harmful, but that there is an idiosyncrasy in the friend’s personality that, if discussed and dealt with, would heal the relationship .

Let’s take a look at how to determine if the relationship is harmful, why you chose the relationship, and when to change friends.

A few simple questions can help you determine if the friendship is healthy for you or not.

Answer each of the following questions either (1) most of the time, (2) about half the time, or (3) rarely.

1. Does the relationship with your friend lessen your self-esteem?

2. Does the relationship hinder you from achieving short and/or long term goals? Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

What can practically be done about the past failures and guilt?

There are some simple steps you can daily implement to help you move past guilt.  (If you missed Part 1 of this 2-part post, please use the above series link. Part 1 explains what God Himself says about His compassionate, forgiving, uncomdemning nature to help you remove emotional hindrances in receiving the good He desires to bring into your life. This is heavier reading than most posts on this site but should help those of you struggling with guilt, condemnation, and other negative thought patterns that hinder healing. )

First, a reminder– as mentioned in Part 1, to receive healing it is only logical that all habits of a destructive lifestyle need to be left in the past.   Scripture refers to this as repentance, a 180 degree turn around. Otherwise, it is like the continually unsuccessful dieter who starves herself or himself for a couple of days, only to binge for several days thereafter. Next, as also mentioned in Part 1 of this post, just as God’s mercies toward us are new every morning we need to have mercy on ourselves and release the guilt of past failures. If God deems us worthy of such mercy, we can honestly show such mercy to ourselves.

But what about those who are plagued by guilt, not as much self-imposed, but from inaccurate childhood teachings about God that have left them with images of an angry, harmful, unforgiving God? If you suffer from harmful, inaccurate childhood teachings about God, it will take some discipline of focusing on truth to eradicate that input.

On the practical side, many people print out a list of verses such as covered in this article and spend sometimes even months of daily repeating out loud the truth God says about Himself, i.e., God’s continually renewing compassion, graciousness, desire for our wholeness and superabundant life in quality. Another beneficial verse along this line is Psalm 103:10, “He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” If people have put into your mind as a child the image of God standing over you eagerly desiring to punish you for the slightest mistake, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Whether or Not You Believe You Deserve to be Well Greatly Affects All Aspects of Your Health!

Though it sounds like an absurd question, but medical science has proven that your mental perspective, what you think about yourself and God, has a great effect on physical, emotional, and spiritual health. (This is Part 1 of a 2-part post. It is heavier reading than most posts on this site but should help those of you struggling with guilt, condemnation, and other negative thought patterns that hinder healing. )

For the purpose of example, there is a particular area in the medical field in which the procedure actually brings back to one’s mind past emotional hurts that are causing current physical health problems. Brief, physical treatments are then done which actually remove the pent up emotion from that bad emotional experience which has been stored in the body. During the physical treatment, you are asked to state out loud phrases along the lines of, “I deserve to be healthy. I deserve to be free from allergies” etc. People are then cured of various recurring physical ailments once that stored negative emotion from a past experience was removed from the body.

Believing that you deserve to be well is just as necessary a perspective in the area of faith and the spiritual realm.

In Matthew 9:29, while bringing healing to people, Jesus said, “According to your faith will it be done to you.” The Amplified Version (expanded from the Greek) says, “According to your faith and trust and reliance on the power invested in Me be it done to you.” Most anyone you talk to, regardless of their religious beliefs or the lack of them, believes that Jesus healed people. Yet even Jesus said that people’s healing was dependent on whether or not people believed that they would be healed or, one may say, whether or not they believed that God desired to heal them. (1. Click on the text link for “faith” to open a window with the Greek definition. 2.Click on “to be done” for the Greek definition. 3. Click the text link here to read why I use Greek definitions.)

Whether you are a believer in God, or if you are just interested in knowing what Scripture says about God’s desire to heal our lives, it will be beneficial to focus on a few brief examples which show God’s heart and character with regard to healing. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

It is an essential part of our healing, whether physical, emotional, and/or spiritual, to be able to believe that God wants our lives to be well.

I mention in various articles on this site how our view of God can either aid or hinder our healing. If we doubt God’s love for us, feel unworthy of His goodness, or struggle with poor childhood teaching which portrayed God as evil and vindictive, such ideas actually affect our ability to receive good from God. It is much like the psychological concept of projection. I’ll just briefly touch on it here; a person is hindered from good, positive progress in life with regards to jobs, relationships, etc. because he/she projects negative feelings and perceptions from past experiences into present job situations and relationships. Without realizing he/she is doing this, the person actually recreates a constant cycle of problems in the present situations similar to ones in the past. To put it in simplest form, a negative view of how others want to act toward you can cause people to “treat you poorly” and create more negative experiences; however, it is your own response and actions based on your negative perceptions from the past that make people again react negatively toward you.

In a similar way, our projection of negative feelings or actions onto God which do not exist in His person affect our receptibility to healing and other good from Him.

As I cover our own perceptions more in other articles, my purpose here is to briefly provide some comforting, health-giving passages about God’s activity in our environment that relay how much God desires that our lives be safe, well, happy, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

As the ideas of economic upheaval, threats of war, disease, natural disaster, or other factors beyond one’s ability vie for control of your thoughts, where is your attention?

 Fear is a major factor of everyday life in the times in which we live.  It is a force that one must come to terms with.  Fear can control one’s life, altering your every decision. It can change your health due to the stress it creates.  It can steal creativity and rational thought. It hinders spiritual receptivity.  It is a force that cannot be ignored or it will grow in control and dominate your life.

Make the decision to be in control of your thoughts.

It is vital to control your thoughts, rather than allowing them to have free, random access to your mind – the center of all your decision making.  This positive habit is referred to as “taking captive” every thought.   A simpler way to express it may be to say that whatever controls your thought life controls you. Is fear the center of your attention?

You may feel that it is necessary to fear.  With all the uncertainty with the economy, with the instability of the political world, it may give you a false sense of Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

It is a good thing, every year, to evaluate what things from the past you are still pouring energy into that never became as fruitful or beneficial as you planned.

We all have areas in our lives where, in the past, we began investing great time and energy.  We stuck with that particular thing through the years out of habit or routine.  The investment of energy became just a part of life.  You can gain greater satisfaction by freeing your life of areas that are a drain on your energy and unprofitable to your overall wellness.  The time or energy invested is truly no longer worth the value you are getting from it.

What types of things can now be unprofitable investments for your life energies?

–Sometimes there are daily or weekly habits that were a part of goals from the past that are no longer worth your energies.  Why?  You change in your desires and maturity as you age.  Certain things that were goals are no longer Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

How you deal with crises or tragedies affect the length of your life as well as the daily quality.

I once heard a report on the news about a study done with people over 100 years of age.  They were expecting to discover a common health link, something those seniors did or did not eat, or some type of exercise routine.  Much to the astonishment of those doing the study, there did not appear to be any common denominators in health habits.  Obviously, health habits will affect the quality of one’s physical life, especially as you get older. However, the sole common denominator in these seniors who lived to be over 100 years of age was how they dealt with crises or tragedies;  they had a commitment to move forward or move past the tragedy and continue to find enjoyment in life. In their view, it was worth living just to be alive, regardless of the events they experienced.

A perspective that sees value solely in being alive will benefit one’s daily life as well.

Though it wasn’t discussed in the part of the report I heard, I would imagine that people who outlived their peers due to a commitment to move beyond tragedy had also lived their daily lives with the same perspective- ”This too shall pass,”  “Life goes on…,” or whatever applicable saying you have heard.  If one has a view to be able to enjoy life just because he or she is still alive, regardless of even facing tragedies, imagine how much less that type of person stresses over the typical daily struggles.  During those times in life when daily struggles start coming at you from every side Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Your own life and the lives of others are greatly enhanced when you choose to daily show just a little respect to the people you meet.

Making a difference in the world — in the lives of all the people with whom you come in contact in a day – is not difficult to achieve. Everyone appreciates being shown a simple kindness, such as being treated with respect. It does not take any extra effort on your part, just a decision to live by the golden rule, “Do to others as you would have them do to you (Lk. 6:31).” In other words, these simple words give us a life guideline of treating people with the respect with which we ourselves desire to be treated. Most people will appreciate it; a few will not. But it is still well worth it to give people a gift that everyone inwardly desires and, hence, meet a basic human need. You, personally, cannot solve all the problems of humanity. Yet you can meet the innate daily human need for respect in those with whom you come in contact.

Show proper respect to everyone.(1)

You may not know the person at all to know if they are worthy of respect in the various aspects of his or her lifestyle, but in your daily business and community contacts, “proper respect” is responding to the fact that the person is a human being with the basic need of being shown respect. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

With regard to physical health, the phrase “No pain, no gain,” is quite popular. When it comes to emotional health in relationships and boundary setting, “No pain, no gain” is also an appropriate phrase.

People who repeatedly allow themselves to be hurt or harmed by others, physically or emotionally, have difficulty setting boundaries. They bring a continual flow of harm into their lives due to not setting boundaries, or not making clear what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behavior mainly due to a fear of the other person’s response. They fear the other person’s anger or they even fear hurting the other person’s feelings. Often, the boundaryless person fears hurting the controlling person because of an “over-identification with loss.” He or she hasn’t dealt with their own personal losses, especially those caused by the harmful relationship, so there is an unrealistic, over-emotional response to the thought of hurting the other person. It is a tragic thing to see destruction rule throughout a person’s whole life when restoration and abundance is attainable — all because he or she fears boundary setting will hurt the other person’s feelings. In such cases, pain is a good thing!

First, realize that it is possible to hurt someone’s feelings by “doing what needs to be done” to be responsible with your gift of life.

I’ve referred before to the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend when discussing relationship issues of this type. You do what you need to do to be responsible with the gift of your life though it may hurt the other person’s feelings. This is not a matter of being inconsiderate. You think through and evaluate how the boundary will likely hurt the other person’s feelings; that’s being empathetic and “taking into account” the other person’s feelings. But you still set the boundaries to stop the harm to your life; otherwise, you are being irresponsible to the gift of your own life. The other person will likely Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Rarely do we contemplate that the key to one’s success in life is a matter of re-constructing our personalities or character to reflect the nature of the Creator.

How are all great works of art recognized? They bear the distinct, unique characteristics of the artist, of the creator. It is also these characteristics of the artist that give the work of art its value. Similarly, we were created to live bearing the unique characteristics of our Creator, of His divine nature. It is these same characteristics that increase the value of our person and enhance our ability to succeed in life.

Consider this daily life example. It is a common principle that the more admirable qualities which exist in a person, the more they are esteemed by society. For example, people desire to enter into business contracts with someone they know is trustworthy. People want to shop at stores with efficient and helpful customer service. We were created to live embodying the very Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Whether a criticism is intended to be harmful or helpful, you can still choose to be in control of how it affects you.

Criticism is similar to many other events in our lives in that we can choose both the extent to which it affects us, as well as the type of outcome it has upon us.

Most of us remember the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Yet, many people carry hurt their entire lives as a result of critical words spoken to them during childhood. While there is some truth to the old saying, the error in it is that words can “never” hurt; yes, they can hurt if we are unaware of the fact that we can choose not to allow them to harm us. This is especially the case during childhood when we are supposed to be in a loving, nurturing environment in which we shouldn’t need to protect ourselves and, hence, haven’t learned how to do so. Once we begin growing and stepping out of our protected environment, we must learn to evaluate critical statements as to whether they have any value and use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth.

A reader asked specifically about dealing with unfounded criticism, so we will also cover that in the process of this post.

First of all, consider the source of the criticism and what you perceive the person’s intent to be.

Did the criticism come from someone that is usually a harmful person by nature? If that is the case, it is most likely Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

How you deal with crises or tragedies affect the length of your life as well as the daily quality.

I once heard a report on the news about a study done with people over 100 years of age. They were expecting to discover a common health link, something those seniors did or did not eat, or some type of exercise routine. Much to the astonishment of those doing the study, there did not appear to be any common denominators in health habits. Obviously, health habits will affect the quality of one’s physical life, especially as you get older. However, the sole common denominator in these seniors who lived to be over 100 years of age was how they dealt with crises or tragedies; they had a commitment to move forward or move past the tragedy and continue to find enjoyment in life. In their view, it was worth living just to be alive, regardless of the events they experienced.

A perspective that sees value solely in being alive will benefit one’s daily life as well.

Though it wasn’t discussed in the part of the report I heard, I would imagine that people who outlived their peers due to a commitment to move beyond tragedy had also lived their daily lives with the same perspective-”This too shall pass,” “Life goes on…,” or whatever applicable saying you have heard. If one has a view to be able to enjoy life just because he or she is still alive, regardless of even facing tragedies, imagine how much less that type of person stresses over the typical daily struggles. During those times in life when daily struggles start Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »