Do you have a clear perspective of daily being grateful for the life you are now living—in spite of any unreached goals—and for what you already possess?  Or do you become easily disgruntled due to comparing your life and possessions with those of others’?

The other day I read an illustrated lesson for children on thankfulness in which the teacher had hidden various amounts of candy under the students’ chairs in the classroom. As the children came in and sat down, they settled in for the day’s lesson, content in their present circumstances, having nothing extra beyond that with which they entered the room. After the teacher announced that there was candy hidden under each chair, the students immediately became discontent upon discovering that the amounts of candy were not the same. The main points the teacher drew out for the students’ from that experience were:

1. Each student was content when he or she came in the classroom, having only the things that were already in their possession. They could have easily continued to be content by being grateful solely for what they already had.

2. When the students’ compared the varying amounts of candy they had received, they were immediately discontent; yet, each of them now possessed more than when they came in the room. Each of them could have felt appreciation for the fact that they had received a gift and had more than they did a few moments before.

When you start the comparison game between your life and the lives of others, you will frustrate your own ability to be grateful.

Though the above illustration seems humorous to us, as adults, we really are not much different than the children.

1. Once you start the comparison game, your ability to be grateful is greatly hindered. There is too much temptation to put emotional emphasis on not possessing what someone else owns.

2. Not only does comparison stifle appreciation for what you presently possess, but it often develops ingratitude for the future gifts you receive. One can end up subconsciously ignoring the love and spirit in which a gift was given all because it was not equal in material value to something someone else possesses.

Benefit your daily life with greater senses of happiness and fulfillment just by choosing a perspective that is grateful.

Survey your present circumstances and make note of your appreciation for all the good you are now experiencing, regardless of any unreached dreams and goals.

Begin to expand your attitude of daily gratitude by making an actual, physical list of the people, situations, experiences, environment, and, yes, even possessions for which you are thankful. Use the list each morning and night for a few days until you are easily able to make mental notes of the various aspects of your life for which you are grateful without using the list.

Realizing the blessings you already have and actively feeling grateful for them frees you to exist in the present in a state of happiness as well as experience joy for each new gift that comes into your life! Enjoy your life now! Be happy now! Enjoy the benefits of being grateful!

Quick, practical tips on how to love effectively is something we all appreciate. And when it comes to writing styles, Richard Carlson, PhD, has perfected the art of quick, practical tips to improve your life with his “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series of books. His books have been bestsellers for years now. Any in that series are well worth reading. They are small, easy-reading books. He and his wife co-wrote “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love.” I’m putting some excerpts from the book below and the ISBN info at the end of this post. (1)

Here are 4 great tips on How to Love Effectively:

Wake Up and Think About 3 Things You Love About Him/Her - I’ve found that it’s nearly impossible to get too uptight or to sweat the small stuff with your partner when you have recently reminded yourself about why you love [him/her] so much. [The author describes seeing an irritating habit by his spouse on the way out the door in the morning.] What would have been my reaction to the unlocked door had I awakened and failed to think about such positive things? Or worse yet, what would have happened had I awakened and immediately began to fill my mind with my many responsibilities, to the point of putting myself in a stressful mind-set?…I would have become upset and irritated.

Make the Fresh Start Commitment – It doesn’t matter whether you’ve just met or whether you’ve been together for many years-it can be enormously helpful to make the “fresh-start commitment”…Making the fresh start commitment means making the decision to drop all concerns, regrets, and disappointments of you’re your past, as well as all of your expectations regarding the future. Today becomes more important than past mistakes or future plans. The good news is that you have the capacity to make the precious moments of today all that they can be…It’s easy to see why this is a wise decision that can put your relationship on solid ground, or give it new life.

Think Gentle Thoughts - I’ve learned that perhaps even more powerful than thinking positive thoughts is learning to think gently…The qualities of a gentle mind are inconsistent with annoyance-the two are mutually exclusive. When your mind is gentle, your responses to ordinary events-especially small stuff-will tend to be compassionate…Gentle thoughts are those that reinforce the beauty of life and the privilege of being here. They range from thoughts of love and peace to those of forgiveness and generosity. They often include a hint of gratitude.

Don’t Allow Passing Thoughts to Become Issues – As thoughts pass through your mind, essentially one of two things can happen. First, your thought can be a passing thought…For example, while driving, I might think to myself, “I wonder if ___ remembered to respond to our dinner invitation…If it seems relevant, I might make a note to call her later…If not, I’ll probably forget it altogether…The other possibility is that I hold that thought in my mind, as if to examine it. I give it my undivided attention and attach significance to it. While it’s there in my mind, I might think of examples where ___ was forgetful…Within a matter of seconds, I’m a little irritated…The problem is, if you don’t see how your own thinking contributes to the issues that frustrate you, then pretty soon your relationship will be filled up with various issues—and it’s always going to seem like it’s your partner’s fault.

 1. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love , Richard Carlson PhD ISBN#0-7868-8420-7

I’ve mentioned before in some other posts the power of your words; even scientific studies show how words affect one’s body. Your words are produced by your thoughts. Those words/thoughts tell your body how to respond, in addition to directing your mental and emotional focus for the day.

Use this quote as a quick check to see whether your words are producing positive or negative power in your life:

Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil words, nor unwholesome or worthless talk ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good and beneficial to the progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace — God’s favor — to those who hear it. Eph. 4:29

How consistently are your words worthless or beneficial, fitting to people’s needs, enabling your life progress, enabling others’ life progress, imparting God’s blessing and favor into your life as you hear them and others’ lives as they hear them?

Check your Word Power! You determine the outcome!

Do you consider yourself an optimist? If not, it’s time to join this noteworthy group!  Even if you consider yourself fairly optimistic, one always has room to improve on his or her optimism. Or, if you are pretty sure that being optimistic has not yet become a way of life for you, now is the time to change.

Admired People throughout history have been known for their optimism.

They inspire us with it.  We admire them for it.  It is time to join their ranks! In going through my personal file of famous quotes, I came across some that I had gathered from emails sent to me which I wanted to share with you. Benefit from the wisdom of these influential, optimistic people!

Sir Edmund Hillary was asked this question on goals. It may not appear to directly be on optimism, but I see part of his point being that your satisfaction is obviously in how you choose to view your achievements.

Question: “How does one know whether or not a project is worthy of his or her consideration?” Sir Edmund’s answer: “If you only do what others have already done, you will only feel what others have already felt. However, if you choose to achieve something that no one has ever done, then you will have a satisfaction that no one else has ever had.” (1)

Helen Keller on optimism dictating one’s goals or actions:

No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit. (2)

J. Gustav White on life being what you make of it:

One man gets nothing but discord out of a piano; another gets harmony. No one finds fault with the piano. Life is like that. (2)

Wilfred Yoder on being optimistic in the midst of extreme physical pain from arthritis:

Question: “How can you say you’re fine when you’re in so much pain” Yoder’s response: “How I feel has very little to do with how I am. You see, the part of me that hurts is just a shell, not the real me, and the real me is fine!” (2)

Tamara Eberlin on optimism and achievement:

Positive thinking is a lot more than blind faith, and its power over people’s lives is awesome. Optimists fare better than pessimists in almost every aspect of life, often achieving more, and enjoying greater social success. Optimistic people are also less susceptible to depression and physical ills. (2)

Winston Churchill on difficulties versus opportunities:

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. (2)

Thomas Edison on disaster, after losing his manufacturing facilities and much of the records of his work due to fire at the age of 67:

There is value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Now we can start anew. (2)

Maria Robinson on overcoming the past:

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. (3)

John Heywood on adversity:

If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be. (3)

1. The Most Important Quote of 2007, Second Billion Network Ezine, January 2008

2. David Arnold, January 08 Newsletter. (These quotes were part of a selection gathered by Mr. Arnold. This is a newsletter that showed up in my email box without being requested. I could not find an online link for you to view the whole article.)

3. ThinkExist.com  on Optimism

Table of contents for Allowing the New Year to be New

1. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 1
2. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 2

Do you desire life to be better in the New Year?  Most of us do!  To experience a better life this year, you play a major part by making 6 vital decisions that will allow your New Year to be new.  This is Part 2 of this post.  If you missed the 3 decisions in Part 1, please use the series link above to read Part 1 first.

Now let’s cover the last 3 vital decisions to allow your New Year to be new!

Live with expectancy for a better future.

In this quote from Philippians 3:13,14, God tells us to forget the past and look toward a better future.

This one thing I do, forgetting what is behind me, but straining every nerve toward that which lies ahead, I am ever pressing on toward the goal, for the prize of the high purpose of God. (BBE, MNT)

I particularly like this translation of “straining with every nerve” toward to high purposes of God. For you to take advantage of living life in this new year, not only forget the past, but honestly put your energy into keeping focused on experiencing the best life possible, the “high purposes” of God for your life. The very next sentence in this discourse says, “All of us who are mature should take such a view of things (Phil. 3:15).” It is true. Maturity teaches us to forget the failures and bad experiences of the past and to look with expectancy for a better future.

Keep in focus that God has in mind even better for you than you can imagine for yourself.

This is a favorite quote I speak over my life.

To Him who by His power that is at work within us, is able to carry out His purpose and do superabundantly, far over and above all that we dare ask or think-infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes or dreams. Eph. 3:20 Amp

Along the same line of thought is the Law of Attraction, a philosophy based on the scriptural concept of “according to your faith it will be done to you.” It is essential for you to expect a better year for you to experience the “new” that you desire in this year. When you live in a state of expectancy, your positive attitude will improve the way people respond to you. When you envision a better life for yourself, your mind will be more creative in possibilities to reach your goals. This type of focus then causes your spirit to become aware of right choices, paths, opportunities that you would have otherwise missed if you were not living in expectancy.

Last, make new progress in your spiritual life.

We are spiritual beings in a physical body. Our spirits were created to live in a loving relationship with our Creator, God. The health of one’s spirit affects every aspect of life. Making a decision to learn to live in a loving relationship with God if you have not already done so, or to build on the one you already have, will only prove to bring new, wonderful experiences during the gift of life in this new year. God expresses this thought in 2 Corinthians 5:17,

Therefore, if any one is in union with Christ, he is a new being! His old life has passed away; a new life has begun! (TCNT)

God has granted you the gift of a new year to live life. Know Him in increasing measure. Allow God to live this life with you as both of you relish in a new life in this new year!

Table of contents for Allowing the New Year to be New

1. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 1
2. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 2

A new year brings most of us the hope of starting over. We desire to see life be better in various areas of our lives during the new year. To start over, to experience a better life, make the decision to allow your year to be new.  Let’s cover 6 vital decisions to allow your year to be new!  (3 decisions in this post, 3 decisions in Part 2)

First, forgive yourself of past mistakes.

Self-condemnation has no benefit. Even God desires us to live without the weight of condemnation. Romans 8:1,2 says that there is no condemnation for those who live in Jesus because God’s Spirit has freed them from the laws (the control, the results) of sin and death.

Second, forgive others.

Remember, if you’ve followed the posts this past year, forgiveness does not involve allowing people to mistreat you. There is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. For reconciliation to take place, it involves both people being willing to have resolution; in many situations, this is impossible. However, forgiveness takes place in your own heart and frees you from being emotionally tied to that person and bad experience for the rest of your life. For a full discussion on this topic, read the post, Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference.

Third, forget what God forgets.

That may sound strange to someone who, at first thought, believes that God does not forget. Unlike people, God’s forgetfulness is not due to insufficient memory capability; He chooses to forget certain things. God counsels us to be like Him and do the same thing with emotional baggage or bad past experiences. Yes, be reconciled with those who hurt you if possible. Yes, apologize to someone you have offended if possible. But for negative experiences that can never be resolved or undone, it is time to forget.

I heard a great illustration about forgetfulness. I heard Kenneth Copeland talk about a past experience in which he felt self-condemnation. God spoke to his heart and said, “I told you in my Word to forget that.” When Kenneth asked God about why He chooses forget our failures, God spoke to his spirit, “Do you want to remember the bad about your children?” Out of His love for us, so the relationship is reconciled between us and Him, God chooses to forget our failures. As this next quote below explains, we, too, need only to hold to anything beneficial we may have learned from the experience, but then let it go and move on.

(The last 3 vital decisions for making your New Year new are in Part 2 of this post.)

Busyness of life demands a well-thought out plan to achieve your life goals.

During the past year, I found myself pulled in numerous directions by unavoidable responsibilities, such as adding new parts to one of our businesses, another family member in the household, attending to needs of aging relatives. The use of my time was not always a matter of choice. When this year began, I realized that I needed to refocus with a new, clear cut “life plan” if I was going to achieve my own goals instead of just maintaining in the face of these new responsibilities. Calling to memory last year’s posts on Dawna Markova’s book, I knew I needed to make sure I was “living on purpose” and daily creating the environment needed to live out those purposes. (If you missed those 2 posts, use the links here. Living with Purpose and Living Your Purpose and Creating Your Purposeful Life Environment) In the same way, it is essential for each of you to make a clear cut life plan now, early in the year, to ensure that you stay on a progressive track with all of your goals.

Why Bother?

Because a clear cut life plan is a form of taking control of your life! Someone said to me the other day something along the lines of “Why bother? I know what I want.” Here is the reason — without a detailed plan for your life, the stresses of life distract you. Your focus gets pulled to the issues taking place. Your energies get poured into putting out fires. A detailed life plan in writing which you can skim over every morning keeps you focused on what you need to do the present day, week, and month to accomplish your goals for the year. Secondly, as with the Law of Attraction, making yourself see or “visualize” those goals every morning creates a vital alertness in your mind to any options/opportunities that come up in a day are helpful in achieving those goals.

A Sample Plan

Here is a sample of the categories I used to make my life plan. Yours may vary but you can see that the multiple categories help me make thorough progress in all the various aspects of my life. The details under each of my categories are not listed for privacy purposes, but generally I have about a dozen goals under each category:

Business Goals (This included projected statistics as well as desired projects)

Personal Growth

Spiritual Growth

Household Goals

Charitable Goals

I encourage you to go ahead this week and make a life plan. Life goes by too fast to wait! Don’t let another year slip by and your goals be lost in the midst of life’s busyness. With a life plan, you can stay focused, become alert to daily opportunities, and make your dreams realities!

(This is one of the classic holiday “help” articles– a good reminder for each of us each Christmas/New Year’s season.)

These tips by Connie Ragen Green are excerpts from her holiday stress article, Dealing With The Three Types of Difficult People. Use the link in the footnotes to read her full article.

• The person who won’t stop talking -The best thing you can do for this person is to just listen. See if there are others who will share this listening with you. Try asking them about something that you are also interested in.
• The person who has to be right -The best way to handle this person is to praise them. They will beam like a young child when you compliment them.
• The person who has to be the center of attention – Ask their opinion on something. They will enjoy the chance to tell you what they think and may even have some great ideas.

These tips to minimize your stress while spending holidays with the relatives are excerpts from E.K. Tirado’s article, Three Ways to Cope with Difficult Relatives During the Holidays. Use the link in the footnotes to read the full article.

1) Change what you can, and do not fret about what you can’t change. Too many times the cause of our stress derives from our need to change people. Accept the fact that you cannot control other peoples’ actions, but you can control how you react to them. Don’t come to any event with unrealistic expectations.

2) Stay close to the “normal” family member. There is often one family member who you can actually hold an intelligent conversation with…someone you feel pretty good being around. My advice: Hang around with this family member…..often. Finds ways to spend time with that person whether it’s taking a post-meal walk around the neighborhood, or playing a game (or two or three) of checkers. If you have absolutely NO “normal” family members, then invite a “normal” person to attend an occasion with you.

3) Give yourself an important job. “Remove” yourself from the situation by giving yourself an important job. For example,decide that this year you will be the official family photographer. If you’re not much of a photographer, then give yourself another important job like tending to the turkey, making fancy swans with the table napkins, running to the store for last minute food items, Do whatever it is you have to do to keep busy, while still continuing to interact with family.

4) Lastly, you simply have to accept the fact that you don’t have the ability to change people, they must change themselves. The one person you can change is yourself. You can change how you react to things, how you view things, and how you ultimately deal with things.

Dealing with Difficult Relatives for the Holidays by Kate Zabriskie, Business Training Works, Inc., offers these tips to reduce conflicts with your relatives. These are only excerpts. Use the link in the footnotes to read her full article.

1. Whatever the reason is that you are with your holiday crew, you are not obligated to call up feelings you don’t have.

2. Be civil no matter what. The last thing you want is for your negative reaction to overshadow the initial offense.

3. Figure out a couple of ways that you might rein in your reaction ahead of time. [Remember past irritations or confrontations by your relatives and come up with a plan of action or response to keep yourself calm, change the subject, and divert the attention.]

4. Consider journaling [rather than venting your feelings to your friends.]

5. Downtime is the smell of opportunity to difficult relatives. Your holidays will run more smoothly if there are plenty of activities to fill gaps. [games, walks, etc.]

6. Plan an entry and exit time, as well as a date for yourself, if you are going to someone else’s house. Do the same if a group is coming to yours. For example, “Bob and I would like you to come for Thanksgiving. If you could arrive between 11:00 and noon on Thursday that would give us time to get everything ready for you. We’ve also planned a big breakfast for Friday before everyone leaves.

7. Think about inviting more people to your holiday. When there are fifty people in attendance, it is much more difficult for a diva to be a diva.

8. Focus on the kids. Babies and little kids don’t fully understand weird family dynamics. Most of the time, discussions about babies are usually fairly benign.

9. Focus on the less fortunate. If, for example, at Thanksgiving everyone brings a gift for Toys for Tots or some other charity group, part of your discussion will naturally revolve around that.

Use these links to read the full articles by these authors:

Dealing with 3 Types of Difficult People at Holiday Time, Connie Ragen Green

Three Ways to Cope with Difficult Relatives During the Holidays, E.K. Tirado

Dealing with Difficult Relatives for the Holidays, Kate Zabriskie, Business Training Works, Inc.

Some of the most difficult people with whom to maintain healthy long-term relationships are those who feel that every conflict of opinion is an opportunity to prove that they are “right,” rather than come to a mutual understanding of other people’s points of views. Every disagreement instantly puts them into a “challenge to win” mode, which, unfortunately for the people in the relationships around them, means someone else must first lose. Another person is never allowed to have a different way of doing something because this person’s way is always better, as far as he or she is concerned. We cannot always avoid this type of person, as they may be a required part of the environment at work, home, or other frequented social settings. Today, however, let’s look at this in a more personal way.

Ask yourself, “Am I the type of person whose determination to always win produces an environment of defeat for other people?”

Joel Osteen is well-known worldwide for his gifting of encouragement.  This is a quote from a story I came across on his blog about a counseling session with a person who was creating an environment of defeat. This comment was very insightful:

She didn’t recognize that her desire to be right all the time was driving home the point that everyone around her was wrong. She was creating a losing environment for her husband and children and depleting their sense of worth and value. Sadly, she didn’t even realize it… If you never let your spouse or your children win, you’re creating a spirit of defeat on the inside of them. Eventually, your family will just quit trying and lose that passion to win. (See Footnote)

You do not want to be responsible for creating a spirit of defeat in those with whom you daily interact when you have the power to cultivate a self esteem-building environment instead.

The blog went on to say that if you allow others to have winning moments, building their self esteems, you will live in an environment of winners. This description gives a good mental image for this concept.

You definitely do not want to create a self esteem-destroying environment with your spouse or children. But even in your less emotionally close associations at work or other frequented social settings such as clubs, boards, councils, etc, you do not want to be responsible for creating an environment which defeats people’s self esteems.

To motivate yourself toward change, ask yourself these questions.

1. Do I really want to be responsible for negatively affecting someone’s value of their own gift of life?
2. Do I want to be responsible for anyone being less effective in what they do or not reaching as high a goal as they would have if I had not beat down their self esteem?
3. Do I want to negatively affect someone else’s destiny?

Cultivating an environment of healthy self esteem is a win/win situation.

If you have lived out the feeling of a “challenge to win and make someone else lose” whenever they have a differing opinion, the realization that such action causes you to lose as well by harming your important relationships may be motivational enough to put an end to that game once and for all. By being aware of how your proper responses can build someone else’s self worth, you are becoming a better person, a less self-focused person. Rather than being motivated by a false desire that you “win” when you make someone else “lose,” draw satisfaction from the truth that allowing others the freedom to express themselves and implement their ideas and visions makes you a participant in their personal growth and success. And, not any less vital, cultivating the environment of self esteem will allow your relationships to flourish with life-long benefits!

The first quote was taken from the August 20th, 2009, post on Joel Osteen’s site. If you would like to read their full post on the topic, click here.

I cam across a very practical, helpful article by psychologist and life coach Melissa McCreery with tips to move on from the guilt, anger, hurt, or frustrations of a bad day and get back to the peace and productivity of a positive mindset.

Ms. McCreery says that the secret to thriving is learning how to move forward in spite of bad days.

Here are some excerpts of from Melissa’s article, “How to Recover from a Bad Day:”

1. Give yourself permission to have a bad day. Stop beating yourself up so that you can move on. Let go of blame and guilt, realizing that a bad day does not mean you failed.

2. Ask, “What will I need to let go of to do move on?” You must be willing to stop beating yourself up, feeling miserable (or hurt or angry), drowning your sorrows, or feeling victimized.

3. Decide what do you want to move on TO?   How do you want things to be? How do you want to feel? What do you want your mindset or mental attitude to be?

4. Take a look in the mirror at your posture and facial expressions; make sure you aren’t still carrying your bad day with you.

5. What helps you to feel present in this moment? People accomplish this in different ways: deep breathing, physical activity, writing in a journal, or spending quiet time alone. Set your intention for how you want to BE in the present moment and into the future.

6. What special thing can you do for yourself? Call a friend, rent a movie, pick flowers, get a massage, take a long bath, etc. Bad day recovery plans need some self-care time.

7. What’s one thing small positive action you can commit to take just to know you are making progress? Do a good deed, workout, clean out one drawer. This goal is the first step toward to a positive track; when that’s done, take the next one.

Melissa is a fellow SelfGrowth.com expert. You can read more on Melissa McCreery, PhD, ACC, Psychologist and Life Coach on her SelfGrowth page or  her full website.