How much does guilt and self rejection hold you back from what is most important to you in life?

Do guilty feelings keep you from confidence, happiness, and success? Feelings of guilt or self rejection will usually hold you back from most of what you desire out of life unless you choose to change those mindsets and bring restoration to your confidence and self esteem.

I have been enjoying a book by Brennan Manning called, Abba’s Child; it was a recent gift from a friend. In the beginning of the book, he discusses his own path to overcoming shame and self rejection. He is aware that his own past experiences are so common in the human experience that many people will benefit from the results of his journey to self acceptance and value.

One of the main behaviors that cause a person to live with guilt and self rejection is the habit of projecting his or her feelings of self onto God.

The emotional weight is great when one feels shame or self disapproval of past choices, decisions, or just the person that you are. How much greater is that weight when one convinces himself that his Heavenly Father, his Creator, the most phenomenal being in the universe thinks all the same negative, condemning thoughts about him? Yet, this is a typical thought pattern in the human experience, though we are usually unaware that this is what we are doing.

Usually included in these projected thoughts is the idea that life’s good and bad times signal God’s approval or rejection.

As Manning says, it is easy to feel loved by God when life is going well, all your support systems are in place, and hence, your self acceptance is good; however, when dreams are shattered or failures take place, your guilt and self rejection are often projected onto God. In your mind, He appears “fickle and unpredictable.” When something good takes place, you feel that you have His love and approval. When a bad event happens, you think it is a sign of His disapproval and rejection of you as a person worth being loved. (1)

Manning has a beautiful, rather tongue-in-cheek statement about projecting one’s own self image onto God’s view of you:

We cannot assume that He feels about us the way we feel about ourselves unless we love ourselves compassionately, intensely, and freely…God is relentlessly tender and compassionate toward us, just as we are, not in spite of our sins and faults, but with them. Though God does not condone evil, He does not withhold His love because there is evil in us.” (2)

Choosing to come out of hiding in your spiritual relationship opens the doors to endless possibilities in spiritual intimacy.

Manning brings to the forefront 2 demonstrations of God’s own desire that failure and guilt not keep a person from a loving relationship with Him. One illustration is that of the father character in the Parable of the Prodigal Son; he ran to welcome home the son who returned after ruining his life. Jesus told the parable to illustrate God’s own view and subsequent actions toward us of redemptive love. The other example is historical. In the fall of mankind, Adam and Eve were hiding in shame and guilt from their daily time of loving relationship and conversation with Father God. God, even knowing their failures, came seeking Adam and Eve to continue a loving relationship with them. (3) Manning paraphrases the thoughts of God to end our self hatred:

Acknowledge and accept who I want to be for you: a Savior of boundless compassion, infinite patience, unbearable forgiveness, and love that keeps no score of wrongs. Quit projecting onto Me your own feelings about yourself. At this moment your life is a bruised reed and I will not crush it, a smoldering wick and I will not quench it. You are in a safe place. (3)

Releasing yourself from the need of perfectionism results in a blissful state of safety with self and God.

Like many religious people, Manning says he proclaimed God’s unconditional love for years, convicted in his head but never convinced in his heart. He only felt safe in his relationship with God when he saw himself as successful in being generous, noble, loving—perfect! Once he chose to end the negative projections onto God and release the need for perfectionism, Manning was able to internalize and finally feel God’s unrelenting love. Here is a great quote on his new sense of safety:

To feel safe is to…feel liked and accepted, not having to hide anymore and distract myself with books, television, movies, ice cream, shallow conversation…no need to impress. Unself-conscious, calm, unafraid, loved, valued. (4)

Rather than carrying guilt, one can strive to echo the apostle Paul’s feelings in 2 Cor.12:9, “I shall be very happy to make my weak nesses my special boast so thaqt the power of Christ may stay over me.”

Manning’s conclusion is that a “sense of safety with God results in a sense of safety with self,” with all your noble points and failures, strengths and weaknesses. Knowing you exist in a safe loving relationship with Father God, the most phenomenal being in the universe, realize there are now no limits to confidence, happiness, dreams, and success you can achieve!

Synopsis of concepts are from Brennan Manning’s “Abba’s Child,” ISBN-13: 978-1-57683-334-6
1. pg.21,pg.19
2. pp.19-20
3. pg.22
4. pg.27

I mention in various articles on this site how our view of God can either aid or hinder our healing. If we doubt God’s love for us, feel unworthy of His goodness, or struggle with poor childhood teaching which portrayed God as evil and vindictive, such ideas actually affect our ability to receive good from God. It is much like the psychological concept of projection. I’ll just briefly touch on it here; a person is hindered from good, positive progress in life with regards to jobs, relationships, etc. because he/she projects negative feelings and perceptions from past experiences into present job situations and relationships. Without realizing he/she is doing this, the person actually recreates a constant cycle of problems in the present situations similar to ones in the past. To put it in simplest form, a negative view of how others want to act toward you can cause people to “treat you poorly” and create more negative experiences; however, it is your own response and actions based on your negative perceptions from the past that make people again react negatively toward you.

In a similar way, our projection of negative feelings or actions onto God which do not exist in His person affect our receptibility to healing and other good from Him.

As I cover our own perceptions more in other articles, my purpose here is to briefly provide some comforting, health-giving passages about God’s activity in our environment that relay how much God desires that our lives be safe, well, happy, and whole.I’ll put the concepts into a paraphrase here with the verses of origin below it.

As you progress in your daily journey through life, God says that He will make the rough places in your path smooth. The crooked paths that slow your progress He will make straight. Those mountains that seem so overwhelming will be leveled; the valleys that have caused you heartache will be raised up. Even your darkest moment will be turned into light before you. God says that He will be a shield “around” you, encompassing you with protection. He will impart glory on you and lift up your head when life’s pressures have weighed you down. Not only will God go before you, making a good path for you, but He will be your rear guard; He will watch your back. His goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life. He is with you. He will never leave you or forsake you, so you do not need to be afraid o discouraged.

In spite of how others have treated you in life, regardless of past poor input that may have created negative perceptions of God’s feelings for you, allow these truths that He Himself speaks about His loving care for your life replace the negativity of the past and make you receptive to His goodness. Let the presence of God grant you a full comprehension today of the loving care He wants to actively display in your life for your whole life!

• Isa 42:16 I I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
• Lu 3:5 Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.
• Ps 3:3 But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
• Isa 52:12 The LORD will go before you; God will be your rear guard.
• Ps 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
• De 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Each of us have ideas of how other people will respond to us based on past experiences. There may be certain personality types which do not mesh well with our own, so we immediately assume anyone with one of those personality types will not like us and will not bring good into our lives. Or, some have a more extreme view, going through life assuming that it is most likely that any person will not like them. Obviously, past negative experiences tend to leave a deeper mark than positive ones. It is beneficial to clear the path for abundance by evaluating and altering negative views from past experiences that we project onto people because projection repels, rather than attracts, whatever good people may bring into our lives.

Projection is the opposite of the Law of Attraction.

For those who have not read about projection before, it is a term from psychology which basically is the opposite of the Law of Attraction, repelling good instead of attracting it. In the Law of Attraction, no matter how bad your life has been up to that point, you choose to change and believe that your life is destined for good purposes and good results; you choose to believe that abundance will come to you. This causes you to be looking for, and eventually see, the right openings and beneficial connections which you otherwise would have missed if you had a negative, defeatist attitude.

With projection, a person projects negative feelings and perceptions from past experiences into present job situations and relationships. He or she expects the same past bad scenarios to repeat themselves, or is afraid that they will. The person may frequently change jobs or change relationships due to this unrecognized habit of projection. Completely unaware, the person now interprets people’s responses on the new job or in the new personal life in light of those past experiences; it is like there is a negative filter on all input, hindering good, positive progress in life with regards to jobs, relationships, and other opportunities.

The other people are usually unaware the person is wrongfully interpreting all their info. He/she then responds in a negative defensive, angry, or hurt attitude toward the new people, actually recreating a constant cycle of the same old problems in the present situations. To put it in simplest form, your negative view of how others will act toward you cause peoples to “treat you poorly” and create more negative experiences; however, it is your own response and actions based on your negative perceptions from the past that make people again react negatively toward you.

When you evaluate your job and personal life situations, do you change jobs and relationships frequently due to past problems recurring no matter what the job or who you are involved with?  Or, do you experience the same type of problems, regardless of the job or relationship.  If so, realize the people and situations are different. It is most likely your projection, or negative info filter, which is recreating the same problems regardless of where you are or who you are with.

A decision to forgive yourself and others is necessary to free yourself from the past. It does not mean that you are foolish and go into situations or relationships blindly, not protecting yourself from fraud or physical abuse, etc. However, you need to evaluate situations and responses in light of the present. Do not assume people are treating you badly. Expect people to like you. Expect good opportunities to come to you. Think and act in ways that are positive and attract abundance. And, if you think someone is treating you the same as in the past, possibly recreating a bad scenario, be sure to ask for clarification in a non-hostile way.

If you need to forgive yourself and others, take a look at these posts:

Healing by Forgiving Yourself
Holding on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure
Resentment and Anger Management
Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference

In addition to opening the path of abundance by removing projection from your relationships with people, you can also benefit by evaluating to see if similar projection is taking place in your relationship with God.

The causes of projection in one’s relationship with God are usually much more obvious:

1. Past abusive relationships with fathers or ex-husbands cause one to project those characteristics onto God  due to the analogy in Scripture of God as a “father.” 

2. Because of God as an authority figure, one may project bad past experiences with any authority figure, parental or otherwise, onto God.

3. Some religious leaders or other professed religious people have presented God has a harsh, unforgiving, unreachable person.

Though Scripture makes clear that spiritual beings are neither male or female, God often uses the analogy of a father to illustrate to us certain positive characteristics seen in good earthly fathers which also exist in Himself. The analogy is intended to help us understand His undying love and compassion.

Throughout my career, I have made it a point to remind people that God’s fatherly characteristics are those of, not just a good father but, a perfect one, since God is perfect; that concept has been helpful to people in overcoming projection of the past onto God. However, the main way to overcome such negative thoughts about God is by replacing them with the truth about Himself that He has provided in Scripture. If you realize that you are projecting past negative experiences onto God and you need to change them, clearing the path of abundance between you and Him, take a look at these past posts. Just like any good father, Father God desires a clear path to pour all kinds of loving abundance into your life. Choose to make yourself receptive to His abundance!

God Wants Our Lives to be Well
Handling the Fear of God’s Rejection

It is an essential part of our healing, whether physical, emotional, and/or spiritual, to be able to believe that God wants our lives to be well.

I mention in various articles on this site how our view of God can either aid or hinder our healing. If we doubt God’s love for us, feel unworthy of His goodness, or struggle with poor childhood teaching which portrayed God as evil and vindictive, such ideas actually affect our ability to receive good from God. It is much like the psychological concept of projection. I’ll just briefly touch on it here; a person is hindered from good, positive progress in life with regards to jobs, relationships, etc. because he/she projects negative feelings and perceptions from past experiences into present job situations and relationships. Without realizing he/she is doing this, the person actually recreates a constant cycle of problems in the present situations similar to ones in the past. To put it in simplest form, a negative view of how others want to act toward you can cause people to “treat you poorly” and create more negative experiences; however, it is your own response and actions based on your negative perceptions from the past that make people again react negatively toward you.

In a similar way, our projection of negative feelings or actions onto God that do not exist in His person affect our receptibility to healing and other good from Him.

As I covered our own perceptions more in other articles, my purpose here is to briefly provide some comforting, health-giving passages about God’s activity in our environment that relay how much God desires that our lives be safe, well, happy, and whole.I’ll put the concepts into a paraphrase here with the verses of origin below it.(1)

As you progress in your daily journey through life, God says that He will make the rough places in your path smooth. The crooked paths that slow your progress He will make straight. Those mountains that seem so overwhelming will be leveled; the valleys that have caused you heartache will be raised up. Even your darkest moment will be turned into light before you. God says that He will be a shield “around” you, encompassing you with protection. He will impart glory on you and lift up your head when life’s pressures have weighed you down. Not only will God go before you, making a good path for you, but He will be your rear guard; He will watch your back. His goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life. He is with you. He will never leave you or forsake you, so you do not need to be afraid or discouraged.

In spite of how others have treated you in life, regardless of past poor input that may have created negative perceptions of God’s feelings for you, allow these truths that He Himself speaks about His loving care for your life replace the negativity of the past and make you receptive to His goodness. Let the presence of God grant you a full comprehension today of the loving care He wants to actively display in your life for your whole life!

(1)
*Isa 42:16 I I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
*Lu 3:5 Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.
*Ps 3:3 But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
*Isa 52:12 The LORD will go before you; God will be your rear guard.
*Ps 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
*De 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Table of contents for Attracting Abundance

1. Clear the Path to Attract Abundance
2. An Activity for Moving from Projection to Abundance

Changing the often un-noticed habit of projection makes your life more receptive to the abundance that would otherwise come to you through your relationships with other people and God.

This post is Part 2 of 2. If you missed the first post, Clearing the Path to Attract Abundance, please read that first as it explains how we project past experiences into our relationships and ways to implement change.

I was reading a passage the other day which was the source of inspiration for these 2 posts. It clearly portrays an attitude of abundance, of clearing the path to attract and receive abundance based on believing good will come to you.

This passage speaks of many types of abundance that you can expect to receive from your interaction with God. However, there are several key points of benefit for you to keep in mind as you read it to change your habit of projection with God or people:

1. Notice the overwhelmingly positive description of God’s love and compassion and the resulting abundance that comes to you from them.

2. If you realize after reading Part 1 that you are projecting past negative experiences onto God and need to change, the main way to overcome those negative thoughts is by replacing them with these truths He speaks of Himself.

3. If you have been projecting past negative experiences onto people, hindering your job and personal relationships, use this example of the overwhelmingly positive thoughts of abundance coming to you from God to pattern your own expectations of good coming to you on a daily basis with your job interactions and personal life.

4. Notice the attitude that makes you receptive to abundance does not ignore the fact that there are problems in life. See the references to disease, oppression, destruction, sins.

5. Observe that, though God is aware of all our failings, He “imprints on His heart” the love and compassion He has for us. Similarly, if you have been projecting the past onto God, imprint this list of abundance God desires for you on your heart. Or, if you have been projecting the past onto your job and personal relationships, keeping those negative things “imprinted” on your heart, it is time to imprint on your heart positive thoughts of abundance.

This passage is abbreviated from the Amplified Version.

Bless (affectionately and gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul; and all that is deepest within me. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and do not forget even one of all His benefits–

Who forgives every one of all your iniquities,

Who heals each one of all your diseases,

Who saves your life from the pit (of destruction)

Who beautifies, dignifies, and crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercy;

Who satisfies you (your necessities and desires and situation) with good so that your youth, renewed, is like the eagle’s–strong, overcoming, soaring!

The Lord implements righteousness and justice not for me only, but for all who are oppressed.

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy and loving-kindness.

He will not keep His anger forever or hold a grudge.

He has not dealt with us according to our sins. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great are His mercy and loving-kindness toward those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our sins from us.

As a father loves and pities his children, so the Lord loves and pities those who fear Him with reverence, worship, and awe. For He earnestly remembers and imprints on His heart that we are dust [that our lives our short].

The mercy and loving-kindness of the Lord are from everlasting to everlasting upon those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him, and His righteousness is to children’s children [to our grandchildren], to those who keep His covenant– hearing, receiving, loving, and obeying it –and to those who earnestly remember His commandments to do them, imprinting them on their hearts.

Table of contents for Attracting Abundance

1. Clear the Path to Attract Abundance
2. An Activity for Moving from Projection to Abundance

We each desire good to come to us in our relationships with other people and with God. Sometimes it is necessary to clear the path for abundance by evaluating the views we automatically project onto others and God.

Each of us have ideas of how other people will respond to us based on past experiences. There may be certain personality types which don’t mesh well with our own, so we immediately assume anyone with one of those personality types will not like us and will not bring good into our lives. Or, some have a more extreme view, going through life assuming that it is most likely that any person will not like them. Obviously, past negative experiences tend to leave a deeper mark than positive ones. It is beneficial to clear the path for abundance by evaluating and altering negative views from past experiences that we project onto people as projection repels, rather than attracts, whatever good they may bring into our lives.

Projection is the opposite of the Law of Attraction.

For those who haven’t read about projection before, it is a term from psychology which basically is the opposite of the Law of Attraction, repelling good instead of attracting it. In the Law of Attraction, no matter how bad your life has been up to that point, you choose to change and believe that your life is destined for good purposes and good results; you choose to believe that abundance will come to you. This causes you to be looking for, and eventually see, the right openings and beneficial connections which you otherwise would have missed if you had a defeatist attitude.

With projection, a person projects negative feelings and perceptions from past experiences into present job situations and relationships. He or she expects the same past bad scenarios to repeat themselves, or is afraid that they will. The person may frequently change jobs or change relationships due to this unrecognized habit of projection. Completely unaware, the person now interprets people’s responses on the new job or in the new personal life in light of those past experiences; it is like there is a negative filter on all input, hindering good, positive progress in life with regards to jobs, relationships, and other opportunities. The other people are unaware the person is wrongfully interpreting all their info. He/she then responds in a negative defensive, angry, or hurt attitude toward the new people, actually recreating a constant cycle of the same old problems in the present situations. To put it in simplest form, your negative view of how others will act toward you cause peoples to “treat you poorly” and create more negative experiences; however, it is your own response and actions based on your negative perceptions from the past that make people again react negatively toward you.

When you evaluate your job and personal life situations, do you change jobs and relationships frequently due to past problems recurring no matter what the job or who you are involved with? If so, realize the people and situations are different. It is most likely your projection, or negative info filter, which is recreating the same problems regardless of where you are or who you are with. A decision to forgive yourself and others is necessary to free yourself from the past. It does not mean that you are foolish and go into situations or relationships blindly, not protecting yourself from fraud or physical abuse, etc. However, you need to evaluate situations and responses in light of the present. Do not assume people are treating you badly. Expect people to like you. Expect good opportunities to come to you. Think and act in ways that are positive and attract abundance. And, if you think someone is treating you the same as in the past, possibly recreating a bad scenario, be sure to ask for clarification in a non-hostile way.

If you need to forgive yourself and others, take a look at these posts:

Healing by Forgiving Yourself
Holding on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure
Resentment and Anger Management
Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference

In addition to opening the path of abundance by removing projection from your relationships with people, one can benefit by evaluating if similar projection is taking place in his or her relationship with God.

The causes of projection in one’s relationship with God are usually much more obvious:

1. Past abusive relationships with fathers or ex-husbands cause one to project those characteristics onto God, solely due to the intended positive analogy in Scripture of paternal characteristics in God.

2. Because of God’s position of authority, one may project bad past experiences with any authority figure, parental or otherwise, onto God.

3. Some religious leaders present God has a harsh, unforgiving, unreachable person due to either distortions regarding the character of God, or a failure to teach the full scope of God’s character (such as only teaching on His justice.)

Though Scripture makes clear that spiritual beings are neither male or female, God often uses the analogy of a father to illustrate to us certain positive characteristics seen in good earthly fathers which also exist in Himself. The analogy is intended to help us understand His undying love and compassion.

Throughout my career, I have made it a point to remind people that God’s fatherly characteristics are those of, not just a good father but, a perfect one, since God is perfect and that concept has been helpful to them in overcoming projection of the past onto God. However, the main way to overcome such negative thoughts about God is by replacing them with the truth about Himself that He has provided. If you realize that you are projecting past negative experiences onto God and you need to change, clearing the path of abundance between you and Him, take a look at these past posts. Just like any good father, Father God desires a clear path to pour all kinds of loving abundance into your life. Choose to make yourself receptive to the abundance!

God Wants Our Lives to be Well
Handling the Fear of God’s Rejection

The first matter to overcome regarding a fear of God’s rejection is a concrete decision to replace feelings with truth.

Negative feelings about God most often stem from harmful relationships with authority figures in one’s past, such as parents, or from improper religious education during childhood. Authority figures may have misused their authority or shown a harsh form of discipline that was lacking in love and security. Or, some religious leaders present God has a harsh, unforgiving, unreachable person due to, not only some distortions regarding the character of God, but a failure to teach the full scope of God’s character. Contrary to such a presentation of God, His love and sense of justice are perfectly balanced. He does discipline us at times, but in ways that lovingly bring about our healing and restoration!

Negative feelings from childhood can be overcome, but accept the fact that it will take consistent effort since usually you are trying to correct decades of negative thought patterns.

When faced with certain situations that spur your desire to seek God, your mind will automatically follow the negative pattern of thoughts, fearing God’s rejection, as it has always done. You will need to be consistent in interrupting those automatic negative thought processes by repeatedly speaking truth to yourself and refusing to allow the emotions that are associated with those old thoughts until your present feelings line up with truth. There are numerous quotes that could be pasted below proving God’s loving desire for relationship with you, but here are a few to get you started.

1. Ps. 9:9,10, “The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your Name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have NEVER forsaken those who seek you.” If you are fearing God’s rejection, it goes without saying that you desire to communicate with Him. What does God say about those who seek to communicate with Him? God does not forsake-reject–those who seek Him. Similarly, God says, “If you draw near to Me, I will draw near to you (Jms. 4:8).” To alleviate one’s fear of rejection, it doesn’t get more plain than that-a wonderful promise of God that He will always draw close to the person who is seeking to draw close to Him. However, it again comes back to you not allowing yourself to doubt His promises and fall back into the negative thought patterns; God doesn’t break His word like people do. When the fears of rejection come to your mind, interrupt those thought processes and say, “God says, ‘I never forsake those who seek Me.’ God says, ‘I will draw close to anyone who draws close to Me,’ and I am anyone!”
2. Here are 2 translations of the same verse, Romans 5:8, both very beautiful. “But God gives proof of His love to us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (MNT).” The fact for you to focus on is while you were living in a manner contrary to God, against all He is, He loved you enough to die for you and bring restoration to your spiritual life. That fact must be made a prominent thought in your mind, overriding the non-truths. Another translation describes it this way, “But God puts His love for us beyond all doubt by the fact that Christ died on our behalf while we were still sinners (TCNT).” Again, it is up to you to put an end to the doubts that plague your mind by focusing on the facts, on what is the truth God speaks about Himself.



3. Remove all thoughts of condemnation. “There is no condemnation for those who are in union with Christ Jesus (TCNT).” No condemnation for those who are united with God, none, nada, not at all. Realize, condemnation is destructive in nature; that is why it does not come from God. Scripture says that God’s kindness leads you to a state of repentance–a desire to turn from ways that are destructive to follow the nature of God (Rm. 2:4). It also says that repentance doesn’t leave one with feelings of regret (2 Cor. 7:10). This again illustrates that condemnation doesn’t come from God because condemnation creates feelings of regret. State to yourself, “God says that He does not condemn me.”
4. Lastly, realize you have God’s favor now! 2 Corinthians 6:2 says, “Now is the time of God’s favor.” When fears of God try to override logical thoughts of truth, speak to yourself, “I have God’s favor NOW!” God’s favor toward you is always in the present. In fact, Ps. 5:12 says that God’s favor surrounds His people like a protective shield. Use that shield of favor to protect your mind from untruthful thoughts of God rejecting you.

The fear of God’s rejection must be treated as one would other unhealthy, unfounded fears.

Make a definite decision to replace those fears with truth, daily interrupting the old, negative thought patterns and replacing them with statements of the loving desire of relationship that God says He has toward you.

It is an essential part of our healing, whether physical, emotional, and/or spiritual, to be able to believe that God wants our lives to be well.

I mention in various articles on this site how our view of God can either aid or hinder our healing. If we doubt God’s love for us, feel unworthy of His goodness, or struggle with poor childhood teaching which portrayed God as evil and vindictive, such ideas actually affect our ability to receive good from God. It is much like the psychological concept of projection. I’ll just briefly touch on it here; a person is hindered from good, positive progress in life with regards to jobs, relationships, etc. because he/she projects negative feelings and perceptions from past experiences into present job situations and relationships. Without realizing he/she is doing this, the person actually recreates a constant cycle of problems in the present situations similar to ones in the past. To put it in simplest form, a negative view of how others want to act toward you can cause people to “treat you poorly” and create more negative experiences; however, it is your own response and actions based on your negative perceptions from the past that make people again react negatively toward you.

In a similar way, our projection of negative feelings or actions onto God that do not exist in His person affect our receptibility to healing and other good from Him.

As I cover our own perceptions more in other articles, my purpose here is to briefly provide some comforting, health-giving passages about God’s activity in our environment that relay how much God desires that our lives be safe, well, happy, and whole.I’ll put the concepts into a paraphrase here with the verses of origin below it.

As you progress in your daily journey through life, God says that He will make the rough places in your path smooth. The crooked paths that slow your progress He will make straight. Those mountains that seem so overwhelming will be leveled; the valleys that have caused you heartache will be raised up. Even your darkest moment will be turned into light before you. God says that He will be a shield “around” you, encompassing you with protection. He will impart glory on you and lift up your head when life’s pressures have weighed you down. Not only will God go before you, making a good path for you, but He will be your rear guard; He will watch your back. His goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life. He is with you. He will never leave you or forsake you, so you do not need to be afraid o discouraged.

In spite of how others have treated you in life, regardless of past poor input that may have created negative perceptions of God’s feelings for you, allow these truths that He Himself speaks about His loving care for your life replace the negativity of the past and make you receptive to His goodness. Let the presence of God grant you a full comprehension today of the loving care He wants to actively display in your life for your whole life!

• Isa 42:16 I I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
• Lu 3:5 Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.
• Ps 3:3 But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.
• Isa 52:12 The LORD will go before you; God will be your rear guard.
• Ps 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
• De 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

In my life experience of working with people who are seeking after God, there has been a noticeable characteristic of people’s responses to God being affected by past parental relationships.

I have seen children from abusive family situations that felt great apprehension at the thought of even talking to God, fearful of His rejection or of some sort of mistreatment by Him. I have known women who were making an effort to seek after God, but because of past abusive relationships with fathers and ex-husbands, could not emotionally handle the intended positive analogy in Scripture of paternal characteristics in God. Though Scripture makes clear that spiritual beings are neither male or female, since God often uses the analogy of a Father to illustrate to us certain positive characteristics that can be seen in earthly fathers, people can, without being aware of it, project bad attributes particularly from fathers (but also mothers and any other person seen as an authority figure) onto God. Throughout my career, I have made it a point to remind people that God’s fatherly characteristics are those of, not just a good father but, a perfect one, since God is perfect and that concept has been helpful to them.

There is a term in psychology when dealing with boundary violations that is called a withdrawal of love. An example of this emotional violation is when a parent who is displeased with the child, whether for poor behavior or even just behavior against the parent’s personal preferences, responds with anger.

Even if the child’s behavior was ethically unacceptable and needed some form of discipline, the discipline included more than just corrective action; it was carried out with types angry behaviors which portrayed that the parent no longer loved the child due to his behavior. Parents like this, often unintentionally, also display behavior that conveys to the child that his actions were a personal insult to the parent. This results in a performance-based relationship. “If you do what I like, I’ll love you. If you actions/choices displease me, I’ll withdraw my love from you.”

I have been eternally grateful that I did not have the extreme negative experiences with parents as did many of my peers. It appears from the stories of my peers, my parents were, though no one but God is perfect, above average in their positive treatment of myself and my brother. A friend who returned with me to my home several times to visit my parents joked about how unbelievable it was that my family actually liked each other; he insisted that I was raised in “the Cleaver” household, a reference to the 1960’s program, “Leave it to Beaver.” However, it has been amazing to me the more I study psychology, how much, even in a situation with fairly positive family history, past parental interactions affect my present relationships, even my relationship with God.

Thankfully, in spite of negative parental relationships like what is described above or those that have been physically and/or emotionally abusive, God makes it clear that His relationship with us is love-based, not performance-based.

Romans 8:35,37-39 describes it this way, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This passage illustrates that no negative circumstances can separate us from God’s love. Since it is so adamant that no circumstance in all creation can separate us from His love, I believe it stands to reason that this level of security is still the case whether the circumstances are caused by those who do not love us properly or even by our own failures. For those who still fear that their own imperfection will bring about a loss or withholding of God’s love, especially when it has proved to be the case with parental love, these next two verses bring great comfort and relief. Psalm 27:10 says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” And in Isaiah 49:15,16, “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”

Being a perfectionist by nature, it is difficult for me to overcome anything that I view as a personal failure.

Yes, Scripture does exhort us to “Aim for perfection (2 Cor. 13:11),” for moral and spiritual excellence. However, after talking to my brother some years ago about a situation in which I was emotionally “beating myself up,” he said to me, “Who are you trying so hard to be perfect for?” He rather shocked me, and, realizing the grace of God didn’t give license to my feelings, I stumbled out, “Myself, I guess.”

In addition, I became aware of the “withdrawal of love” boundary violation from my own childhood during some study this past year.

During a recent series of crises, I sincerely felt that some of the issues were either caused or enhanced by my own mistakes. While seeking God’s wisdom and assistance to work through these situations, it was apparent that there was an emotional struggle which was affecting my faith in His responsiveness. A passing remark in a sermon about performance-based relationships caused me to realize that I was indeed, rather subconsciously, applying the “withdrawal of love” boundary violation experienced in childhood to God’s response to me in my time of need. I was feeling that any mistakes of my own in this situation would cause God either to respond unenthusiastically to my need or not at all. It is almost beyond belief how these emotional situations from the past hold on, to the point that one can rationally know something is not the case, (i.e. know that I am under the grace of God and that He responds to me with mercy) yet the past emotional baggage still keep him or her from a state of actively believing/having faith in God for help. While contemplating this issue, God reminded me of a passage that I had come across in the Amplified translation of Hebrews 4:15,16.

“For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and have a fellow feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace–the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners; that we may receive mercy for our failures and find grace to help in good time for every need—appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it.”

Now let me abbreviate the above verse, and slightly paraphrase for the purpose of sentence structure, so the main points beneficial to us are easier to focus on.

“We have a High Priest [referring to Jesus’ in His work of salvation] who sympathizes with our weakness and the assaults of temptation. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us [unearned, not performance-based] that we may receive mercy for our failures and find help for every need—appropriate help, coming just when we need it.”

As mentioned in some prior articles, it takes repeated, conscious effort to replace the recurring thoughts that are less than truth (from deep-seated, past emotional experiences) with rational, actual truth.

This passage was a starting point for me. I have been repeating it, pondering it, and quoting it out loud to eventually override my incorrect emotionally driven thoughts—thoughts that God won’t help me out of problems due to my own failures–with the truth with which He describes Himself in Scripture.

Using Hebrews 4 and the other 2 aforementioned verses, these are the truths I am working to establish in my mind and spirit.

1. No circumstance separates me from God’s love.

2. He has promised to never forsake or abandon me.

3. He does feel sympathetic toward my struggles.

4. Because the relationship is love-based, not performance based, I can let go of the false fears.

5. I can confidently seek and expect His favor and perfectly timed supernatural help even during times of failure.

Breaking free from projecting the relational difficulties between our parents and ourselves onto God is a major step for anyone in experiencing either physical or emotional healing.

Many physical ailments are caused by emotional hurts. Even if the physical ailment has solely physical origins, overcoming the habit of projecting onto God the image of a performance-based relationship between yourself and Him frees you to accept His unfailing love for you and be receptive to His help. You can believe yourself “worthy” of receiving because God’s loving responses to you will always be based on His unfailing love, not your perfection.