From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

August 27th, 2013

Table of contents for From Rejection to Self Esteem

  1. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1
  2. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

In rejection recovery, realize that negative thoughts cannot be changed without replacing them with positive ones.

This is Part 2 of a 2 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read it first as Part 1 covers the two initial steps for recovering from rejection.

To overcome the negativity that is overrunning your thought life as a result of the rejection, you must actively make yourself think on thoughts that will move you forward to the productive life you should be living. There are 3 main ways to replace thoughts of rejection.

1. Base your value on God’s value of you. With all the beauty that exists in creation, with all the billions of people, God still loves you and considers you precious and honored in His sight (Is. 43:4). Scripture describes that God saw your unformed body before you were born, already knew all the days of your life before it began, and that His thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand–because He thinks so often about you. (Ps. 139:15-18) Throughout the up’s and down’s of life, it is essential that you base your value of yourself on the value God sees in you. This is the only way your value of yourself can remain constant. It cannot be based on people because people come and go in our lives, even if it is by death. Your value cannot be based on your career or other abilities because, one day, you will no longer be able to do those things.

2. Be your own cheerleader. This is a self-help tip that I’ve heard Joel Osteen say many times and it is worth repeating. Every day, get up in the morning and be your own cheerleader. Say good things about yourself to yourself! Speak to yourself about God’s value of you. Throughout the day, remind yourself of your value and your abilities. And, it doesn’t hurt to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1

August 22nd, 2013

Table of contents for From Rejection to Self Esteem

  1. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 1
  2. From Rejection to Self Esteem Part 2

Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why someone would feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke off the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection — and you already know you need to work on that aspect — quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such a way as to allow for healing and reconciliation Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Guilty Feelings to Self Esteem

April 1st, 2012

Reading Level: Impassioned

How much does guilt and self rejection hold you back from what is most important to you in life?

Do guilty feelings keep you from confidence, happiness, and success? Feelings of guilt or self rejection will usually hold you back from most of what you desire out of life unless you choose to change those mindsets and bring restoration to your confidence and self esteem.

I have been enjoying a book by Brennan Manning called, Abba’s Child; it was a recent gift from a friend. In the beginning of the book, he discusses his own path to overcoming shame and self rejection. He is aware that his own past experiences are so common in the human experience that many people will benefit from the results of his journey to self acceptance and value.

One of the main behaviors that cause a person to live with guilt and self rejection is the habit of projecting his or her feelings of self onto God.

The emotional weight is great when one feels shame or self disapproval of past choices, decisions, or just the person that you are. How much greater is that weight when one convinces himself that his Heavenly Father, his Creator, the most phenomenal being in the universe thinks all the same negative, condemning thoughts about him? Yet, this is a typical thought pattern in the human experience, though we are usually unaware that this is what we are doing.

Usually included in these projected thoughts is the idea that life’s good and bad times signal God’s approval or rejection.

As Manning says, it is easy to feel loved by God when life is going well, all your support systems are in place Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Rejection to Self Esteem Building

September 3rd, 2008

Reading Level: Gratifying

Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why would someone feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection–and you already know you need to work on that aspect–quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such as way as to allow for healing and reconciliation in the relationship, the offender is not presently, and may never be, in a mental/emotional state to have a long-term, healthy relationship. As it is, it is much more likely, since they were unwilling to communicate in a way as to provide for reconciliation, that the major emotional issues are on their part.

Second, quit being too hard on yourself.

If you are aware of certain mistakes you made that contributed to the rejection, you can always work on changing those behaviors, even getting profession help if needed. However, you must be realistic in accessing your failures. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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In God’s Mercy or At His Mercy?

June 27th, 2008

Reading Level: Very Impassioned

While in a time of prayer and meditation this morning, some thoughts came to mind about God’s mercy. Are we in His mercy or at His mercy?

Many of us have been raised to feel that we are “at” God’s mercy, that God is an uncompassionate authority figure who rules over our lives at a distance, yet He is unmoved by the severity of our situations and we are forced to feel grateful if He acts in our behalf. Such feelings may be due to inadequate religious teaching from childhood or a parent or other authority figure that misused their authority. Feelings of being “at” God’s mercy may even stem from being raised in poverty, which often causes one to feel that you are always at the mercy of others’ whims and unable to help yourself.

As I began to study the topic of God’s mercy this evening, I discovered that God’s mercy is clearly governed by His overwhelming love and concern for us.

The first passages I came across were of people in crises who were writing about God’s response to their cries for help. Take a look at these people’s view of God’s merciful responses: Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Handling the Fear of God’s Rejection

May 29th, 2008

Reading Level: Gratifying

The first matter to overcome regarding a fear of God’s rejection is a concrete decision to replace feelings with truth.

Negative feelings about God most often stem from harmful relationships with authority figures in one’s past, such as parents, or from improper religious education during childhood. Authority figures may have misused their authority or shown a harsh form of discipline that was lacking in love and security. Or, some religious leaders present God has a harsh, unforgiving, unreachable person due to, not only some distortions regarding the character of God, but a failure to teach the full scope of God’s character. Contrary to such a presentation of God, His love and sense of justice are perfectly balanced. He does discipline us at times, but in ways that lovingly bring about our healing and restoration!

Negative feelings from childhood can be overcome, but accept the fact that it will take consistent effort since usually you are trying to correct decades of negative thought patterns.

When faced with certain situations that spur your desire to seek God, your mind will automatically follow the negative pattern of thoughts, fearing God’s rejection, as it has always done. You will need to be consistent in interrupting those automatic negative thought processes by repeatedly speaking truth to yourself and refusing to allow the emotions that are associated with those old thoughts until your present feelings line up with truth. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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A Love That Isn’t Earned

April 3rd, 2008

Reading Level: Leisurely

The most basic desire of every heart is to be loved solely for your intrinsic value. Though it may be difficult to consistently find people who will fill this void, God’s love can fill that need for true, consistent love on a permanent basis.

People’s attitudes, actions, emotions, and commitment levels toward us vary greatly depending upon physical attributes, personal perspectives, illness, stress, hormone fluctuations, and on and on the list goes. It takes a person who is fairly self-disciplined and firmly committed to the relationship with us to demonstrate consistently positive responses in spite of outer stimuli or inner health variations. If one does not have such a person, or a good number of this type of people, in his or her inner circle, it creates the feeling of a great void in the need for love, often affecting one’s self-worth, peace, joy, and even job effectiveness. However, God’s love for us is based solely on our intrinsic value; in other words, because we are, we are of infinite value to Him. We do not need to feel pressure to earn His love, favor, kindness, or help. This realization can bring great relief from the guilt and lack of closeness that many people carry in their relationship with God Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Healing One’s Self Worth

March 14th, 2008

One of the surest, most stable ways to heal one’s self worth is to form the mental perception of yourself based on God’s value of you. If your self-perception is based on God’s value of you, and God is unchanging, that means your value remains priceless and unchanged, as opposed to when we form our self worth on our interaction with other humans who are imperfect and fluctuate emotionally depending on physical health and circumstances. Lavish in today’s Video Reflection as it expresses your priceless value and God’s endless love for the person that you are!
Click to Open This Receive Healing Video

Click Here to Open the Healing One’s Self Worth Flash Video

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Healing Through Overcoming Family Past

February 19th, 2008

Reading Level: Impassioned

In my life experience of working with people who are seeking after God, there has been a noticeable characteristic of people’s responses to God being affected by past parental relationships.

I have seen children from abusive family situations that felt great apprehension at the thought of even talking to God, fearful of His rejection or of some sort of mistreatment by Him. I have known women who were making an effort to seek after God, but because of past abusive relationships with fathers and ex-husbands, could not emotionally handle the intended positive analogy in Scripture of paternal characteristics in God. Though Scripture makes clear that spiritual beings are neither male or female, since God often uses the analogy of a Father to illustrate to us certain positive characteristics that can be seen in earthly fathers, people can, without being aware of it, project bad attributes particularly from fathers (but also mothers and any other person seen as an authority figure) onto God. Throughout my career, I have made it a point to remind people that God’s fatherly characteristics are those of, not just a good father but, a perfect one, since God is perfect and that concept has been helpful to them.

There is a term in psychology when dealing with boundary violations that is called a withdrawal of love. An example of this emotional violation is when a parent who is displeased with the child, whether for poor behavior or even just behavior against the parent’s personal preferences, responds with anger.

Even if the child’s behavior was ethically unacceptable and needed some form of discipline, the discipline included more than just corrective action; it was carried out with types angry behaviors which portrayed that the parent no longer loved the child due to his behavior. Parents like this, often unintentionally, also display behavior that conveys to the child that his actions were a personal insult to the parent. This results in a performance-based relationship. “If you do what I like, I’ll love you. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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