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Everyone wants to love and be loved; making some small changes can greatly improve your relationships and the quality of your love.

Richard Carlson, PhD, has perfected the art of quick, practical tips to improve your life with his “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” series of books. His books have been bestsellers for years. He and his wife co-wrote “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love.” I would recommend this book to anyone, even if you are single, as it will do wonders for your interpersonal relationships. See the ISBN in the footnotes to read his full book.

Here are a few easy-to-understand, easy to implement phrased points from Dr. Carlson’s book for improving the quality of your love:

1. Don’t Do the Same Things and Expect Different Results: That’s an old saying we are all familiar with but it is the same in love relationships. If you know you react negatively in certain situations — overreacting, lashing out, knee-jerk reactions — and then suffer disappointing and negative responses in return, you have to choose to use new responses that will bring healthy results.

2. Avoid Correcting Each Other: This point is not referring to an isolated incident but the habit of publicly correcting the person you love when it is absolutely unnecessary. It is Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Comparing yourself with others can be a slippery slope into a life of envy, inferiority, and intimidation.

When you fail to recognize your value as a unique person with a divine destiny that affects this world in ways that no one else ever can or will, it is easy to fall into the comparison game. I came across a great article by Norma Schmidt on this topic.  The points below are excerpts from her article.

Norma is an accomplished Ezine article author; her articles can be viewed on many Ezine sites across the Internet. Norma provides 5 guidelines to overcoming the temptation to compare your personal value to that of others and avoid the resulting envy, intimidation, and other negative feelings it produces. A link to her full article is footnoted below.

Whether comparing yourself is an extreme habit of yours, or an occasional one, we can all benefit from Norma’s points on Breaking Free from Comparisons:

1. Give Yourself More Credit.

This strategy is preventive. Look inside, and give yourself credit for your accomplishments and positive character traits… recognize the heart, intelligence, imagination and integrity you bring to living life your way.

2. Count Your Blessings

This is another preventive tactic to build your comparison “immunity.” Cultivating an awareness of all the blessings of your life can take the sting out of seeing how others are blessed

3. Exhale

When you notice that you’re comparing yourself to someone else, bring your attention to your breathing. Then, on an exhale, let the comparison leave Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

In rejection recovery, realize that negative thoughts cannot be changed without replacing them with positive ones.

This is Part 2 of a 2 part post.  If you missed Part 1, please use the series link above to read it first as Part 1 covers the two initial steps for recovering from rejection.

To overcome the negativity that is overrunning your thought life as a result of the rejection, you must actively make yourself think on thoughts that will move you forward to the productive life you should be living. There are 3 main ways to replace thoughts of rejection.

1. Base your value on God’s value of you. With all the beauty that exists in creation, with all the billions of people, God still loves you and considers you precious and honored in His sight (Is. 43:4). Scripture describes that God saw your unformed body before you were born, already knew all the days of your life before it began, and that His thoughts of you outnumber the grains of sand–because He thinks so often about you. (Ps. 139:15-18) Throughout the up’s and down’s of life, it is essential that you base your value of yourself on the value God sees in you. This is the only way your value of yourself can remain constant. It cannot be based on people because people come and go in our lives, even if it is by death. Your value cannot be based on your career or other abilities because, one day, you will no longer be able to do those things.

2. Be your own cheerleader. This is a self-help tip that I’ve heard Joel Osteen say many times and it is worth repeating. Every day, get up in the morning and be your own cheerleader. Say good things about yourself to yourself! Speak to yourself about God’s value of you. Throughout the day, remind yourself of your value and your abilities. And, it doesn’t hurt to Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Rejection comes to each of us, but we can take steps to heal and move forward with the productive life we deserve and desire.

Many readers have asked for help in dealing with rejection from parents and other relationships. Whether rejection comes from a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a mere stranger, it leaves us with a wide variety of emotions, such as pain and guilt, and questions as to why someone would feel that way about us. Let’s cover several steps that help us to heal and move forward to a happier life.

First, don’t spend a great deal of time questioning why.

Unless the person broke off the relationship due to a major personality flaw on your part which they directly communicated to you as the cause of the rejection — and you already know you need to work on that aspect — quit questioning why. If there was no such communication on the offender’s part, speculation will not help you for the following reason. If the cause was a personality flaw on your part and they were not willing to communicate in such a way as to allow for healing and reconciliation Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

A reader asked what to do about harmful friends?

The question itself is almost an oxymoron  (opposite terms). You usually do not think of calling someone a “friend” who is harmful to you. However, depending on one’s personality, some people tend to repeatedly choose relationships with people who are harmful to them — emotionally or physically. Other times, it may not be that the person is harmful, but that there is an idiosyncrasy in the friend’s personality that, if discussed and dealt with, would heal the relationship .

Let’s take a look at how to determine if the relationship is harmful, why you chose the relationship, and when to change friends.

A few simple questions can help you determine if the friendship is healthy for you or not.

Answer each of the following questions either (1) most of the time, (2) about half the time, or (3) rarely.

1. Does the relationship with your friend lessen your self-esteem?

2. Does the relationship hinder you from achieving short and/or long term goals? Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

The course of people’s lives are forever changed by both the heritage we receive and impart.

A few years back, the focus of several weeks of my life was split between normal life responsibilities and the planning of a reception for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. The final week was particularly full with the finalization of all the food, decorations, and communications. The event was a great success in many ways. There were the initial, typical visible ways, such as the food and decorations which everyone enjoyed. However, the aspect of lasting impression from the event on my brother, spouse, and myself were the responses of people, expressing their love for the impact my parents had on their lives.

Some people, though elderly and feeble, traveled long distances to be there. Others were involved in leadership of major community events, yet slipped away for a little while because they, too, did not feel it was an option to miss the opportunity to say, “Thank You,” and honor my parents for the way their lives have been forever changed by knowing them. My parents have expended the energy of their lives befriending, comforting, encouraging and carrying others through the good and bad events of life and it showed through people’s amazing responses.

This event is a good example for us of the importance of being aware of the people in our lives who pour into us a lasting, positive impact .  It is a heritage that changes us and then allows us to impart that change to others.

Our lives are changed forever by the small kindnesses that a few, key people stop to impart to our lives.  Similarly, it is often the Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

It is a good thing, every year, to evaluate what things from the past you are still pouring energy into that never became as fruitful or beneficial as you planned.

We all have areas in our lives where, in the past, we began investing great time and energy.  We stuck with that particular thing through the years out of habit or routine.  The investment of energy became just a part of life.  You can gain greater satisfaction by freeing your life of areas that are a drain on your energy and unprofitable to your overall wellness.  The time or energy invested is truly no longer worth the value you are getting from it.

What types of things can now be unprofitable investments for your life energies?

–Sometimes there are daily or weekly habits that were a part of goals from the past that are no longer worth your energies.  Why?  You change in your desires and maturity as you age.  Certain things that were goals are no longer Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Continuing with the second part of our post on Guilt-Free Confidence, let’s look at 2 benefits from a guilt-free, confident relationship with God.

(If you missed Part 1 of Guilt-Free Confidence, please use the series link above to go there now.)

When you exist in a guilt-free relationship with God, it changes how you communicate with God in prayer.

Look at this beautiful quote from Heb 4:15,16 about confidence in your relationship with God.

For we do not have a High Priest [reference to Jesus] who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy for our failures and find grace to help in good time for every need, appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it.

Remember what I said about Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Feelings of guilt hinder the quality of our relationships, both in the natural and spiritual realms. God desires that you live your life in confidence, free from guilt.

Guilt is a hindrance in any relationship. A person does not act according to the giftings of his personality, the best that he is capable of, when suffering from guilt, because it is a form of fear. It makes the person fear another conflict with that person or fear failure when facing a similar type situation as in the past. Guilt also often causes one to give in to manipulation from controlling people’s selfish desires, even when the decision is against his better judgment.

In one’s relationship with God, guilt also keeps a person from interacting in a healthy manner and, thus, relating to God with the confidence in which He desires us to interact with Him. If you feel that you have not already received forgiveness from God for past failures, or are struggling with the feeling that God is holding the past against you, please read the post, Hold on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure, before finishing this article. This post will deal with God’s descriptions of interacting with Him through a perspective of guilt-free confidence.

God clearly expresses His desire that each of us enjoy a favorable relationship with Him.

In the following quote from Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

With regard to physical health, the phrase “No pain, no gain,” is quite popular. When it comes to emotional health in relationships and boundary setting, “No pain, no gain” is also an appropriate phrase.

People who repeatedly allow themselves to be hurt or harmed by others, physically or emotionally, have difficulty setting boundaries. They bring a continual flow of harm into their lives due to not setting boundaries, or not making clear what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behavior mainly due to a fear of the other person’s response. They fear the other person’s anger or they even fear hurting the other person’s feelings. Often, the boundaryless person fears hurting the controlling person because of an “over-identification with loss.” He or she hasn’t dealt with their own personal losses, especially those caused by the harmful relationship, so there is an unrealistic, over-emotional response to the thought of hurting the other person. It is a tragic thing to see destruction rule throughout a person’s whole life when restoration and abundance is attainable — all because he or she fears boundary setting will hurt the other person’s feelings. In such cases, pain is a good thing!

First, realize that it is possible to hurt someone’s feelings by “doing what needs to be done” to be responsible with your gift of life.

I’ve referred before to the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend when discussing relationship issues of this type. You do what you need to do to be responsible with the gift of your life though it may hurt the other person’s feelings. This is not a matter of being inconsiderate. You think through and evaluate how the boundary will likely hurt the other person’s feelings; that’s being empathetic and “taking into account” the other person’s feelings. But you still set the boundaries to stop the harm to your life; otherwise, you are being irresponsible to the gift of your own life. The other person will likely Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

Whether a criticism is intended to be harmful or helpful, you can still choose to be in control of how it affects you.

Criticism is similar to many other events in our lives in that we can choose both the extent to which it affects us, as well as the type of outcome it has upon us.

Most of us remember the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Yet, many people carry hurt their entire lives as a result of critical words spoken to them during childhood. While there is some truth to the old saying, the error in it is that words can “never” hurt; yes, they can hurt if we are unaware of the fact that we can choose not to allow them to harm us. This is especially the case during childhood when we are supposed to be in a loving, nurturing environment in which we shouldn’t need to protect ourselves and, hence, haven’t learned how to do so. Once we begin growing and stepping out of our protected environment, we must learn to evaluate critical statements as to whether they have any value and use the situation as an opportunity for personal growth.

A reader asked specifically about dealing with unfounded criticism, so we will also cover that in the process of this post.

First of all, consider the source of the criticism and what you perceive the person’s intent to be.

Did the criticism come from someone that is usually a harmful person by nature? If that is the case, it is most likely Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

There were several questions submitted by readers which have helpful replies and discussion already made to you in previous posts.

Today we’re going to go through 7 Reader Submitted Questions and give you the links to the articles provided to  bring healing to those life issues.

1. How to Forgive Yourself
   Healing by Forgiving Yourself
   Hold on to Forgiveness Instead of Failure
   
2. How to Deal with Emotional Pain from Betrayal
   Hope for the Betrayed Heart
   Not Allowing Hurt to Stay Central Focus
   
3. Recognizing Love or When a Person Truly Loves You
   Recognizing Real Love Part 1
   Recognizing Real Love Part 2
   Defining Harmful Behavior
   A Love that Isn’t Earned
   
4. How to Follow Through on Goals
   Break Out of the Rut
   Make Room for Restoration
   
5. How to Overcoming Fear and Negative Thoughts
   Practical Ideas for Overcoming Fear
   Relinquishing Fear Video
   Take Charge of Your Thoughts, Take Charge of Your Life
   Better Thoughts for a Better Life
   Making Real Change to Thought, Feelings, or Behavior
   The Necessity of Strength and Courage
   Enforcing Hope in Your Thought Life
   
6. How to Deal with Emotionally Destructive Relationships
   Healing through Overcoming Family Past
   Defining Harmful Behavior
   Responding to Abusive Relationships
   
7. How do You Release Guilt
   Forgetting What God Forgets
   Why Guilt is Unnecessary
   2 Simple Steps to Releasing Guilt
   Healing by Forgiving Yourself Video

Please note that since these are past posts, the Listen Now feature that appears for you to listen on your laptop/desktop or download these archived articles to your iPod or MP3 will not be available as the company only offers it for 1 month after posting.

Reading Level: Leisurely

A good beginning to resolve many physical health issues is an near as your pillow.

“An estimated 50 to 70 million [people in the US] live on the brink of mental and physical collapse because of a lack of sleep,” as stated in Dr. Don Colbert’s book, “The Seven Pillars of Health (1).” A lack of sleep affects one’s job performance, driving ability, family/friend relationships, creativeness, decision-making as well as contributes to a host of chronic diseases.

Let’s look at a great illustration from nature related to our need for rest.

Dr. Colbert relates the following illustration in his book.  The soil in which our food is grown needs to have regular periods of rest. If crops are not rotated and the soil given a year of rest every so many years, the food grown there, even if organically grown, is devoid of many of the nutrients necessary for life. According to the 1992 Earth Summit, North America has the worst soil in the world-85 percent of the vital minerals depleted from it (2). Data from a USDA handbook from 1972 was compared to USDA food tables in 2001 and found that many vegetables had almost a 50 percent loss in nutrient content during that period of time (3). In scripture, God told people to give the soil a year’s rest every seventh year so that the nutrients could be naturally restored to the soil, and hence, to our food (Lev. 25:1-7). We came from the earth. The earth or soil needs regular rest or it will become devoid of everything of value. The parallel is obvious: if we do not take time to rest, our lives will become devoid of everything of value.

If you are sleep deprived, take a quick inventory of the things of value in your life.

If you have been sleep deprived, you can now quickly see that everything of value in your life-your career, your relationships, your creativity, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

You can gain greater satisfaction by freeing your life of areas that are a drain on your energy and unprofitable to your overall wellness.

We all have areas in our lives where, in the past, we began investing great time and energy. We stuck with that particular thing through the years out of habit or routine. The investment of energy became just a part of life. It is a good thing, every year, to evaluate what things from the past you are still pouring energy into that never became fruitful or beneficial as you planned. The time or energy invested is truly no longer worth the value you are getting from it.

What types of things can now be unprofitable investments for your life energies?

–Sometimes there are daily or weekly habits that were a part of goals from the past that are no longer worth your energies. Why? You change in your desires and maturity as you age. Certain things that were goals are no longer of importance to you. Is there anything like that in your life? Free up that time and energy for new goals that fit with the person you are now.

–There are often projects in which we have been investing time, energy, and finances which are no longer Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »