When you look at your life, is your lifestyle one of true enjoyment, solely maintenance, or survivable chaos?

I recently mentioned about the need to “plan for life,” especially when life’s responsibilities appear to be squeezing your dreams out of the picture and life becomes solely a process of maintenance.  However, I have been reminded how easy it is for people to believe their lifestyles are intended to be chaotic to be fulfilling.

My spouse has done business in the past with a couple whose lives are in a constant state of chaos — by choice. The one person’s personality lends to feeling that this state of chaos is necessary for a fulfilling life. Both of them, being in a religious environment, either consciously or subconsciously believe that this state of “chaos” is a matter of religious sacrifice or higher calling. Working in religious fields, I’ve seen this concept too often in religious people, and unknowingly lived by that philosophy myself in my 20’s and 30’s. The effects of this barely tolerable lifestyle are already becoming visible in their kids and in poor business decisions, as time for restful meditation is lacking.

If your lifestyle is not one of true enjoyment, the mental perspective needs to be engrained that a healthy, restful way of life is intended by design and necessary for fulfillment.

Jesus expressed God’s design for your life in Matthew 11:28-30, Message translation.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

Several points are interesting in this translation. First, the religious concept of living in a chaotic state of overwork as being somehow spiritual is a false religious concept that will burn you out. Second, living the way God intends for you, a healthy lifestyle with rest and freedom, will enable you to “recover your life,” true life.

Similar thoughts are expressed effectively in the Amplified translation.

Come to Me all you who are…overburdened and I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls…Learn of Me…and you will find rest, relief, ease, refreshment, recreation and blessed quiet…For My yoke is wholesome, useful, good — not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant.

Notice God’s plan of lifestyle is not one that is overburdened. We must remove such religious misconceptions from our minds. His way of healthy lifestyles includes refreshment, recreation, and is not pressing, but wholesome, comfortable, and pleasant.

If your life is one of solely maintenance or what you believed to be “constructive chaos,” it is time to restructure and reorganize. Go back and re-read the Planning for Life post if you have not and make a healthy lifestyle plan. Or, if you made a life plan and you now realize that you created one that is chaotic, take some time this week to re-evaluate and restructure it with refreshment, recreation, wholesomeness, comfort so that you can “recover your life.”

In actuality, all the people you love, those that you have expended yourself to help and sacrificed your own well-being, will be better off after you re-focus on self help! This article by fellow SelfGrowth.com professional, Lori Snyder, covers 10 basic steps for getting back to daily care for yourself.

Lori admits that she herself was so busy with everyone else’s needs that she sidelined her own needs, only to discover that the reality was, by neglecting her own needs and not meeting them first, she was not able to give her best to those she loves. These are brief excerpts from Ms. Snyder’s article. Use the link in the footnote below to read the full article.

1. Start each day filled with gratitude for all that you are…Appreciate the beauty all around you. [I would suggest, at the beginning, to make a list of self appreciation points. If you’ve neglected yourself for a long time, it will be difficult at the beginning to really focus on your own value.]

2. Count your blessings for the people who you love and who love you…They all come, and some go, for a reason.

3. Take a moment of silence for yourself to meditate, and think about what your needs of the day are, and what you would like to accomplish.

4. Be mindful of your health, and incorporate a wellness schedule into your week. Exercise, eat healthy, get enough rest.

5. Look at your goals sheet quickly each week, and evaluate how you are doing with them.

6. Learn new things, research something you have always been interested in. Talk about them with your loved ones.

7. Take the time to give loved ones and friends, a squeezing hug.

8. Come from a positive mindset. This will help you to create a happier state of being.

9. Take time to play. This can be any hobby or activity that you truly enjoy.

10. Do not be afraid to say no to someone…Tell them you still care about their needs, it is just that you cannot do what they ask of you at this time. You can choose to state your reasons for your decision or not.

This ending quote by Lori is both a good summary and challenge:

If your needs are met, you will be in much better spiritual, mental and physical shape to be there for all the people in your life who are important to you. And you will be in a much happier frame of mind to want to support them with their needs.

Please use this link to read Lori Snyder’s full article, Looking Out for Number One. 

Do you have a clear perspective of daily being grateful for the life you are now living—in spite of any unreached goals—and for what you already possess?  Or do you become easily disgruntled due to comparing your life and possessions with those of others’?

The other day I read an illustrated lesson for children on thankfulness in which the teacher had hidden various amounts of candy under the students’ chairs in the classroom. As the children came in and sat down, they settled in for the day’s lesson, content in their present circumstances, having nothing extra beyond that with which they entered the room. After the teacher announced that there was candy hidden under each chair, the students immediately became discontent upon discovering that the amounts of candy were not the same. The main points the teacher drew out for the students’ from that experience were:

1. Each student was content when he or she came in the classroom, having only the things that were already in their possession. They could have easily continued to be content by being grateful solely for what they already had.

2. When the students’ compared the varying amounts of candy they had received, they were immediately discontent; yet, each of them now possessed more than when they came in the room. Each of them could have felt appreciation for the fact that they had received a gift and had more than they did a few moments before.

When you start the comparison game between your life and the lives of others, you will frustrate your own ability to be grateful.

Though the above illustration seems humorous to us, as adults, we really are not much different than the children.

1. Once you start the comparison game, your ability to be grateful is greatly hindered. There is too much temptation to put emotional emphasis on not possessing what someone else owns.

2. Not only does comparison stifle appreciation for what you presently possess, but it often develops ingratitude for the future gifts you receive. One can end up subconsciously ignoring the love and spirit in which a gift was given all because it was not equal in material value to something someone else possesses.

Benefit your daily life with greater senses of happiness and fulfillment just by choosing a perspective that is grateful.

Survey your present circumstances and make note of your appreciation for all the good you are now experiencing, regardless of any unreached dreams and goals.

Begin to expand your attitude of daily gratitude by making an actual, physical list of the people, situations, experiences, environment, and, yes, even possessions for which you are thankful. Use the list each morning and night for a few days until you are easily able to make mental notes of the various aspects of your life for which you are grateful without using the list.

Realizing the blessings you already have and actively feeling grateful for them frees you to exist in the present in a state of happiness as well as experience joy for each new gift that comes into your life! Enjoy your life now! Be happy now! Enjoy the benefits of being grateful!

• Self Esteem
• Forgiving Yourself
• Balance in Self Sacrifice and
• Rest

Merton on Self Esteem:

We cannot achieve greatness unless we lose all interest in being great. If we pay too much attention to [our idea of greatness], we will be lured out of the peace and stability…God gave us, and seek to live in a myth we have created for ourselves. We are truly ourselves when we lose the futile self consciousness that keep us constantly comparing ourselves with others in order to see how big we are.

We all seek to imitate one another’s imagined greatness….If I do not know who I am, it is because I think I am the sort of person everyone around me wants me to be. Perhaps I have never asked myself whether I wanted to become what everybody else seems to want to become. Perhaps if I only realized that I do not admire what everyone seem to admire, I would really begin to live after all.

Every man has a vocation to be someone: but he must understand clearly that, in order to fulfill his vocation, he can only be one person: himself…What does this mean? In order to be what we are meant to be, we must know Christ, and love him, and do what he did. Our destiny is in our own hands since God has placed it there, and has given us the grace to do the impossible. It remains for us to take up courageously and without hesitation the work he has given us, which is the task of living our own life as Christ would live it is us.

We can either Love God because we hope for something from Him, or we can hope in Him knowing that he loves us. Sometimes we begin with the first kind of hope and grow into the second.

Merton of Forgiving Yourself

It is true that we make many mistakes. But the biggest of them all is to be surprised at them: as if we had any hope of never making any. Mistakes are part of our life, and not the least important part. It is by making mistakes that we gain experience, not only for ourselves but for others.

My successes are not my own. The way to them was prepared by others. The fruits of my labors are not my own: for I am preparing the way for the achievements of another. Nor are my failures my own. They may spring from the failure of another, but they are also compensated for by another’s achievement. There for the meaning of my life is…only seen in the complete integration of my achievements and failures with the achievements and failures of my own generation.

Merton on Rest

We do not live merely in order to “do something” no matter what…We do not live more fully merely by doing more…On the contrary, some of us need to discover that we will not begin to live more fully until we have the courage to do and see and taste and experience much less…There are times, then, when, in order to keep ourselves in existence at all we simply have to sit back for a while and do nothing. And for a man who has let himself be drawn completely out of himself by his activity, nothing is more difficult than to sit still and rest.

Balance in Self Sacrifice

The saint, therefore, is sanctified not only by fasting when he should fast but also by eating when he should eat. He is not only sanctified by his prayers in the darkness of the night, but by the sleep he takes in obedience to God, who made us what we are. Not only his solitude contributes to his union with God, but also his supernatural love for his friends and his relatives and those with whom he lives and works.

All Quotes are Excerpts from Thomas Merton’s book, No Man Is an Island.

Table of contents for Allowing the New Year to be New

1. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 1
2. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 2

Do you desire life to be better in the New Year?  Most of us do!  To experience a better life this year, you play a major part by making 6 vital decisions that will allow your New Year to be new.  This is Part 2 of this post.  If you missed the 3 decisions in Part 1, please use the series link above to read Part 1 first.

Now let’s cover the last 3 vital decisions to allow your New Year to be new!

Live with expectancy for a better future.

In this quote from Philippians 3:13,14, God tells us to forget the past and look toward a better future.

This one thing I do, forgetting what is behind me, but straining every nerve toward that which lies ahead, I am ever pressing on toward the goal, for the prize of the high purpose of God. (BBE, MNT)

I particularly like this translation of “straining with every nerve” toward to high purposes of God. For you to take advantage of living life in this new year, not only forget the past, but honestly put your energy into keeping focused on experiencing the best life possible, the “high purposes” of God for your life. The very next sentence in this discourse says, “All of us who are mature should take such a view of things (Phil. 3:15).” It is true. Maturity teaches us to forget the failures and bad experiences of the past and to look with expectancy for a better future.

Keep in focus that God has in mind even better for you than you can imagine for yourself.

This is a favorite quote I speak over my life.

To Him who by His power that is at work within us, is able to carry out His purpose and do superabundantly, far over and above all that we dare ask or think-infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes or dreams. Eph. 3:20 Amp

Along the same line of thought is the Law of Attraction, a philosophy based on the scriptural concept of “according to your faith it will be done to you.” It is essential for you to expect a better year for you to experience the “new” that you desire in this year. When you live in a state of expectancy, your positive attitude will improve the way people respond to you. When you envision a better life for yourself, your mind will be more creative in possibilities to reach your goals. This type of focus then causes your spirit to become aware of right choices, paths, opportunities that you would have otherwise missed if you were not living in expectancy.

Last, make new progress in your spiritual life.

We are spiritual beings in a physical body. Our spirits were created to live in a loving relationship with our Creator, God. The health of one’s spirit affects every aspect of life. Making a decision to learn to live in a loving relationship with God if you have not already done so, or to build on the one you already have, will only prove to bring new, wonderful experiences during the gift of life in this new year. God expresses this thought in 2 Corinthians 5:17,

Therefore, if any one is in union with Christ, he is a new being! His old life has passed away; a new life has begun! (TCNT)

God has granted you the gift of a new year to live life. Know Him in increasing measure. Allow God to live this life with you as both of you relish in a new life in this new year!

Table of contents for Allowing the New Year to be New

1. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 1
2. Allowing the New Year to be New Part 2

A new year brings most of us the hope of starting over. We desire to see life be better in various areas of our lives during the new year. To start over, to experience a better life, make the decision to allow your year to be new.  Let’s cover 6 vital decisions to allow your year to be new!  (3 decisions in this post, 3 decisions in Part 2)

First, forgive yourself of past mistakes.

Self-condemnation has no benefit. Even God desires us to live without the weight of condemnation. Romans 8:1,2 says that there is no condemnation for those who live in Jesus because God’s Spirit has freed them from the laws (the control, the results) of sin and death.

Second, forgive others.

Remember, if you’ve followed the posts this past year, forgiveness does not involve allowing people to mistreat you. There is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. For reconciliation to take place, it involves both people being willing to have resolution; in many situations, this is impossible. However, forgiveness takes place in your own heart and frees you from being emotionally tied to that person and bad experience for the rest of your life. For a full discussion on this topic, read the post, Forgiveness or Reconciliation: Understanding the Difference.

Third, forget what God forgets.

That may sound strange to someone who, at first thought, believes that God does not forget. Unlike people, God’s forgetfulness is not due to insufficient memory capability; He chooses to forget certain things. God counsels us to be like Him and do the same thing with emotional baggage or bad past experiences. Yes, be reconciled with those who hurt you if possible. Yes, apologize to someone you have offended if possible. But for negative experiences that can never be resolved or undone, it is time to forget.

I heard a great illustration about forgetfulness. I heard Kenneth Copeland talk about a past experience in which he felt self-condemnation. God spoke to his heart and said, “I told you in my Word to forget that.” When Kenneth asked God about why He chooses forget our failures, God spoke to his spirit, “Do you want to remember the bad about your children?” Out of His love for us, so the relationship is reconciled between us and Him, God chooses to forget our failures. As this next quote below explains, we, too, need only to hold to anything beneficial we may have learned from the experience, but then let it go and move on.

(The last 3 vital decisions for making your New Year new are in Part 2 of this post.)

May your life be filled with the abundance and peace God desires for you, containing all that is beautiful, best, bountiful, cheerful, good, joyful, loving, prosperous, and wealthy [Hebrew and Greek definitions of abundance], as well as existing in a state of safety, happiness, good health, friendship, rest, and wholeness so that all is well in your life [Hebrew and Greek definitions of peace].

May you be comforted from all past and present sorrows. May you receive compassion as freely as you have shown it. May all your fears be replaced with faith and peace. May you forgive those who have harmed you in the past so that you are released to reach your future goals and desires. May the greater understanding of God’s love for you which you have gained this year be used as an unshakeable basis for your self worth and foundation for your life. May all your relationships be healthy, rewarding, and free from resentment. May the voice of God be clear in your spirit so that your words and decisions flow from His wisdom, bringing healing and wholeness to every aspect of your life.

Have a very blessed and happy New Year!

Generous people are often compulsive givers, quickly responding to the needs around them, even to their own detriment. It does not take too many years of a lifestyle of compulsive giving to leave one wondering why — when he (or she) has been such a good, caring person — he is struggling with exhaustion and resentment. Ever catch yourself wondering, “How can my life be so miserable and out of control when all I have done is spent my life helping people in need?” People with generous spirits often burn out due to not having healthy generosity. No, not all generosity is healthy; just as with every other area of your life, it must be controlled by wisdom.

A generous person who is also a religious person tends to be more readily trapped into a lifestyle of unhealthy, unwise giving.

As I have mentioned in prior posts, the life of a religious person that is unhappy and out of balance is often due to childhood teaching that is based on religious tradition rather than the truth of Scripture. Let’s look at a quote on giving that is frequently misunderstood due to religious tradition.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Phil. 2:3-5

This quote is used by religious tradition to promote a life of self abasement, or self neglect, when, in actuality, it is promoting a lifestyle of balance in the attitude of giving. First, it expresses the need for those who struggle with selfish ambition and pride to combat that unhealthy, imbalanced attitude by thinking better of others. The second sentence, used by religious tradition to make people feel guilty for taking care of their own needs, does not promote unhealthy giving that only looks to the interests of others. Look at the quote again, “Look not only to your own interests…”

The words “not only” mean 2 things are to be taking place — Yes, take care of your own interests (or needs), but remember to also take care of the needs of others. God does not say to only give to others’ needs and neglect your own interests; on the contrary, He says to take care of your own needs and the needs of others. It is significant that taking care of your own needs is mentioned first, as you cannot effectively take care of other people’s needs unless you first take care of your own so that you are a “whole” person.

To have a healthy, wise, and balanced lifestyle of giving, it is also important to remember that givers usually have difficulty discerning which situations are the other person’s actual needs.

A person who is a user/abuser tries to get out of his personal life responsibilities by promoting his irresponsibilities as needs. It is unwise and unhealthy for both people involved when a giving person takes care of situations that are the user’s personal responsibility. It enables the user to stay irresponsible and overloads and burns out the giver. If you need more information on these types of situations, use these links to read about it in detail.
Spiritual Guidelines to Stay Free From Abusive Relationships
Freedom Through Responsibility

Let’s look at one last quote that effectively describes healthy, wise, controlled giving.

For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have. Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality. 2 Cor. 8:12-14

The easiest way to explain this quote is to again paraphrase. If you have a willingness to give, you are to give based on what you have, so that you are not hard pressed. If you are depleted of both energy and time, you are “hard pressed;” you need to rest and be refreshed so that you will again be able to give of what you have, i.e. time and energy. If someone keeps expecting you to pay their bills and it is causing you to be “hard pressed,” it is not healthy giving. The person’s need may be real, but you are not the one to be giving at this time. Get the person in touch with a charity organization, food pantry, church, etc. which has avenues available to help needy people.

Take a self inventory to determine the healthiness of your giving.

How happy, rested, and refreshed are you now-physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually? If you are exhausted, depleted, and struggling with resentment, it is time to step back and re-evaluate your giving. God doesn’t expect you to give until you are hard-pressed. He desires “equality” or balance in your life and relationships. Evaluate which areas of your life and relationships are unhealthy, out-of-control and causing you to be hard-pressed. Make the necessary changes so that you are refreshed and restored. Controlled giving is truly wise and healthy giving.

Some of the most difficult people with whom to maintain healthy long-term relationships are those who feel that every conflict of opinion is an opportunity to prove that they are “right,” rather than come to a mutual understanding of other people’s points of views. Every disagreement instantly puts them into a “challenge to win” mode, which, unfortunately for the people in the relationships around them, means someone else must first lose. Another person is never allowed to have a different way of doing something because this person’s way is always better, as far as he or she is concerned. We cannot always avoid this type of person, as they may be a required part of the environment at work, home, or other frequented social settings. Today, however, let’s look at this in a more personal way.

Ask yourself, “Am I the type of person whose determination to always win produces an environment of defeat for other people?”

Joel Osteen is well-known worldwide for his gifting of encouragement.  This is a quote from a story I came across on his blog about a counseling session with a person who was creating an environment of defeat. This comment was very insightful:

She didn’t recognize that her desire to be right all the time was driving home the point that everyone around her was wrong. She was creating a losing environment for her husband and children and depleting their sense of worth and value. Sadly, she didn’t even realize it… If you never let your spouse or your children win, you’re creating a spirit of defeat on the inside of them. Eventually, your family will just quit trying and lose that passion to win. (See Footnote)

You do not want to be responsible for creating a spirit of defeat in those with whom you daily interact when you have the power to cultivate a self esteem-building environment instead.

The blog went on to say that if you allow others to have winning moments, building their self esteems, you will live in an environment of winners. This description gives a good mental image for this concept.

You definitely do not want to create a self esteem-destroying environment with your spouse or children. But even in your less emotionally close associations at work or other frequented social settings such as clubs, boards, councils, etc, you do not want to be responsible for creating an environment which defeats people’s self esteems.

To motivate yourself toward change, ask yourself these questions.

1. Do I really want to be responsible for negatively affecting someone’s value of their own gift of life?
2. Do I want to be responsible for anyone being less effective in what they do or not reaching as high a goal as they would have if I had not beat down their self esteem?
3. Do I want to negatively affect someone else’s destiny?

Cultivating an environment of healthy self esteem is a win/win situation.

If you have lived out the feeling of a “challenge to win and make someone else lose” whenever they have a differing opinion, the realization that such action causes you to lose as well by harming your important relationships may be motivational enough to put an end to that game once and for all. By being aware of how your proper responses can build someone else’s self worth, you are becoming a better person, a less self-focused person. Rather than being motivated by a false desire that you “win” when you make someone else “lose,” draw satisfaction from the truth that allowing others the freedom to express themselves and implement their ideas and visions makes you a participant in their personal growth and success. And, not any less vital, cultivating the environment of self esteem will allow your relationships to flourish with life-long benefits!

The first quote was taken from the August 20th, 2009, post on Joel Osteen’s site. If you would like to read their full post on the topic, click here.

Gifting someone else’s life with an unexpected, and even undeserved, kindness is living at the peak of human character, achieving one of the most perfect elements of the human spirit. While most anyone believes that random acts of kindness are a part of the ultimate lifestyle and a thing a beauty in life, stress and busyness can prevent you from consistently thinking creatively enough to live out such acts in your own life.

People of great admiration throughout history have spurred us on to live a lifestyle of random acts of kindness.

I’m pasting a few quotes here from both secular and religious authors challenging us to commit random acts of kindness, with links to 2 sites of quotes which you will probably enjoy reading as well.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless. Mother Teresa

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profundity. Kindness in giving creates love. Lao-Tse

Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. Scott Adams(1)

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.
Mother Teresa

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstandings, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. Albert Schweitzer(2)

Rather than missing out on one of the highest joys of life by allowing busyness to steal from you those opportunities for random acts of kindness, decide to daily envision yourself as “clothed” with kindness.

When God encourages us to reach for the pinnacle of what is happiest, healthiest, and best in the human spirit, he describes it as being “clothed” or totally covered with kindness.

As God’s people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Col 3:12

Though clothing may vary from culture to culture, to correctly envision this statement, you must envision it as in the Middle Eastern culture of 2000 years ago when it was written. Clothing was from head to toe. God says to envision yourself as being completely enveloped in kindness, along with other similar traits. If you follow this advice and envision yourself that way each day, it will be easier to flow into the creative mindset of committing random acts of kindness.

What does kindness entail?

You can think of a million ways to express kindness through the day as you envision yourself as clothed with it, but let’s take just a moment to define the mental concept.

In Scripture, the Hebrew for kindness, checed, includes the concepts of piety, beauty, favor, good deeds, loving kindness, and mercy.(3)

In the Greek part of Scripture, 2 words are used. Philanthropia, from which we get our term philanthropy, includes benevolence, fondness, and love of mankind.(4) The other Greek term, chrestotes, includes usefulness morally, excellence in character, gentleness, and goodness.(4)

Don’t deprive yourself of the joy.

In reality, this is probably one of the easiest things you can do in life to be in tune with one of the most excellent parts of the human spirit as God created it, as well as bring to yourself (not just the other person) a level of joy that rarely can be matched by any other deed in life. Don’t wait. Go out and commit some random acts of kindness.

1. The first 3 quotes and many others on the topic of kindness may be read at: Suite101.com Personal Development – Acts of Kindness
2. The last 2 quotes and many others on the topic of kindness may be read at: this site by the Prince Edward School District in Canada on Random Acts of Kindness
3. Strong’s Dictionary of Old Testament Words (Hebrew)
4. Strong’s Dictionary of Old Testament Words (Greek)