Getting Back to a Self Help Priority

January 7th, 2010

Reading Level: Leisurely

If you are a giver and your giving has left yourself in need, it is time to re-prioritize.

In actuality, all the people you love, those that you have expended yourself to help and sacrificed your own well-being, will be better off after you re-focus on self help! This article by fellow SelfGrowth.com professional, Lori Snyder, covers 10 basic steps for getting back to daily care for yourself.

Lori admits that she herself was so busy with everyone else’s needs that she sidelined her own needs, only to discover that the reality was, by neglecting her own needs and not meeting them first, she was not able to give her best to those she loves. These are brief excerpts from Ms. Snyder’s article. Use the link in the footnote below to read the full article.

1. Start each day filled with gratitude for all that you are…Appreciate the beauty all around you. [I would suggest, at the beginning, to make a list of self appreciation points. If you’ve neglected yourself for a long time, it will be difficult at the beginning to really focus on your own value.]

2. Count your blessings for the people who you love and who love you…They all come, and some go, for a reason.

3. Take a moment of silence for yourself to meditate, and think about what your needs of the day are, and what you would like to accomplish.

4. Be mindful of your health, and incorporate a wellness schedule into your week. Exercise, eat healthy, get enough rest.

5. Look at your goals sheet quickly each week, and evaluate how you are doing with them. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Choosing a Long Life of Abundance

November 8th, 2009

Reading Level: Gratifying

Each of us desires a long, abundant life with our loved ones. Yet, do your daily decisions work for or against that desire?

These past 2 months have been one of those seasons of life that come to all of us. Tomorrow is a funeral for a friend that died suddenly and unexpectedly. Another friend has been in ICU for weeks. The first person had lived a life that was very abusive to his physical health for years, having just made a change in the recent past. The other friend has lived the more typical unhealthy life of too many sodas and mostly processed foods. She has had many health issues that have drastically affected her family and friends for the whole past year and has now been in ICU for a good part of 2 months. She almost died a couple of weeks ago and still has life-threatening issues going on. Both should have had a good 20 to 30 more years of living an abundant life, loving life and loving family, but the choice of poor daily health habits stole the precious gift of long abundant life not only from them, but from their friends and families.

We need to be reminded of how essential the little daily choices regarding health-food, sleep, exercise-are truly the ultimate decision for a long life.

Every day that you get up, you make seemingly insignificant choices regarding what you eat, whether or not you skip exercise, how you deal with stress, if you get enough sleep. These decisions come so frequently that one usually makes them almost without thinking. Each little decision not to do what is beneficial to your physical health is, in actuality, a decision of whether or not to embrace a long abundant life, with time to live life, enjoying and loving your family and friends, and giving them the gift of that time to love you and enjoy your presence on this earth. Isn’t that what each of us want? Yet it seems so easy to choose otherwise. There is a quote worth remembering, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Do You See Life as Half Full or Half Empty?

October 14th, 2009

Reading Level: Gratifying

Though most everyone is aware of the old expression, acting on it truly empowers your life.

Like the old expression of whether a glass is half full or half empty, how you daily perceive your life, as either half full or half empty, will determine whether you empower yourself to succeed and be happy or drain the very life force (energy-wise) from your day-to-day existence.

Grasping the urgency of this concept can be a key factor to restoration.

I have been recently talking with a friend who has not yet grasped the urgency of this concept in bringing restoration to his life.  He was in a very abusive family relationship. The controlling, self-motivated spouse lived a destructive lifestyle that deeply affected every member of that family. Eventually, even the children as they became adults began to adopt many of her user/abuser behavior traits. Eventually, my friend’s life came completely crashing down around him with the loss of his physical and emotional health, self worth, career, and financial stability. He has been out of the household for about 8 months, though career issues and financial problems caused by the relationship aren’t remedied by a geographic change. The effects from the amount of time – 20 years – in such a abusive relationship are not easily or quickly corrected. Yet, day after day, my friend beats himself down in his thoughts by focusing on what has not yet been restored, i.e. a healthy family setting, new career, and freedom from debt.

By focusing on the “half full” in his journey to restoration, my friend could be living in a state of joy that would bring energy, creativity, vision, motivation, and awareness of good opportunities to his daily life.

Those of us around him can rejoice in the tremendous healings that have visibly taken place: his physical health is doing well, his personality and sense of humor have returned, he has free time/personal time, he is now surrounded by people who deeply love and support him instead of drain him and abuse him. These aspects alone would bring great consolation to many people who are in situations needing improvement. It could to him, too, if he would only allow it.

The decision to focus on what is not yet resolved will drain the life force from anyone’s day, making difficult any type of effectiveness and clarity of perception. In addition, staying focused on the problem causes you to only see the problem, not the solutions.

Look at these examples of life benefits from focusing on the “half full.”

The decision to focus on the “half full” part of my friend’s life would: Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Reach to be Complete

October 2nd, 2009

Reading Level: Gratifying

Is your life focus right now on the main problem area of your life?

What is that controlling area? A job, finances, marriage, other personal relationships, health? Though we must give attention to the problem area if it is going to improve, it is healthier and more effective to be focused on completeness or wholeness than give the totality of your attention to a problem.

Since the beginning of creation, God’s desire for mankind is to be complete.

At the beginning of creation, all was in perfection and harmony. Everything mankind needed was readily available. Yes, man’s rebellion brought devastation, but God still desires for your life to return to a state of wholeness or completeness, and so should you.

Look at this greeting out of Scripture:

1Sam. 25:6 And say this, “May all be well for you: peace be to you and your house and all you have.”

We are to speak the desire for all to be well in others’ lives; certainly, we should speak and desire it over our own lives.

Let’s take a more in depth look with this quote:

Jer.33:9 They will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide.

God speaks here of people being in awe, both mentally and physically at the prosperity and peace He provides for His people. Sounds simple, but, as I’ve mentioned before, much is lost in the translation to English. Look at the depth and expanse of completeness in life (or wholeness — whichever term is easier for you to envision) that is intended to be ours: Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Controlled Generosity

August 9th, 2009

Reading Level: Gratifying

These sound like incompatible terms, but the reality is that healthy generosity will not leave you unhealthy and burned out because it is controlled by wisdom.

Generous people are often compulsive givers, quickly responding to the needs around them, even to their own detriment. It does not take too many years of a lifestyle of compulsive giving to leave one wondering why — when he (or she) has been such a good, caring person — he is struggling with exhaustion and resentment. Ever catch yourself wondering, “How can my life be so miserable and out of control when all I have done is spent my life helping people in need?” People with generous spirits often burn out due to not having healthy generosity. No, not all generosity is healthy; just as with every other area of your life, it must be controlled by wisdom.

A generous person who is also a religious person tends to be more readily trapped into a lifestyle of unhealthy, unwise giving.

As I have mentioned in prior posts, the life of a religious person that is unhappy and out of balance is often due to childhood teaching that is based on religious tradition rather than the truth of Scripture. Let’s look at a quote on giving that is frequently misunderstood due to religious tradition.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Phil. 2:3-5

This quote is used by religious tradition to promote a life of self abasement, or self neglect, when, in actuality, it is promoting a lifestyle of balance in the attitude of giving. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Creating Your Purposeful Life Environment

July 12th, 2009

Table of contents for Living with Purpose

  1. Living with Purpose and Living Your Purpose
  2. Creating Your Purposeful Life Environment

Reading Level: Leisurely

Take a few moments to look at this example and write out the activities, people, and environment that will enable you to live your life with purpose.

This is Part 2 of this post. In Part 1, we talked about author Dawna Markova’s insight on Living with Purpose and looked at her “No Matter Whats” list which she developed as an example to help each of us write our own list of how to live lives with passion and purpose. If you did not read Part 1, please click here to read it.

Here is my “No Matter Whats” List:

What are the influences, activities, and people that cause me to live life with energy, fulfillment, and purpose?

No matter what, I need to be living and working in a spacious environment that encourages my creativity and visionary side.

No matter what, I need to be living and working in an environment with garden and ocean views that fill my body with pleasure, health, and energy.

No matter what, I need to live a lifestyle that provides times for prayer, meditation, healthy eating, exercise, relaxation, and friendship so that my mind, spirit, and body are all equally healthy.

No matter what, I need to work privately as an author, but also outwardly, impacting the world, so that all nations of the earth are blessed through me. (Gen.12:3) Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Living with Purpose and Living Your Purpose

July 11th, 2009

Table of contents for Living with Purpose

  1. Living with Purpose and Living Your Purpose
  2. Creating Your Purposeful Life Environment

Reading Level: Leisurely

Do you feel that you are living the purpose for which your life exists and enjoying achieving it with passion?   Or do you feel that you are powerless, caught in a habitual life that you do not want?

This past week my brother mentioned to me a book by Dawna Markova. He said she is known for encouraging people to surround themselves with the environment, people, and activities that bring energy into their lives, rather than drain energy from their lives. I have read articles by other authors on that topic, but none by Dawna, so I decided to Google her and find out more. Dawna Markova, Ph.D, is an internationally known speaker and author who encourages people to” learn from our wounds, find our gifts, celebrate our values, and live our dreams to live on purpose and with passion.” One of her most popular books is, “Wide Open: On Living With Purpose and Passion.” She has many other great sounding books, as well as a blog, which you can find at DawnaMarkova.com  .

I also came across an article of Ms. Markova’s called, “Landscape of the Soul.”  She has a great illustration of how one can be trapped in an unfulfilling life of habit. She tells of a science experiment in which baby fish were raised in a small glass tank that was inside a larger glass tank of adult fish. Once the baby fish were grown, the small tank was removed, but the baby fish still would not swim beyond the place where the walls of the small tank had once been. The habit was more real than reality, even though reality provided them with more freedom.

Are you living in a way that develops that best of who you are?

Ms Markova wisely instructs to give thought to the kind of environment you need to bring out the best of the person that you are so that, when you are in a needy, demanding environment, you will not lose your sense of self or purpose. Rather than accept the environment you have been given, or the habitual lifestyle you are in, contemplate and decide what environment, people, and activities you need so that you are living your life’s purpose and, thus, able to live life passionately because your life is purposeful. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Choose Your Thoughts, Choose Your Well-Being

June 28th, 2009

Reading Level: Leisurely

Regardless of the stresses you are facing, you have the power to choose your thoughts and, as a result, choose your well-being.

It may seem an illogical and impossible statement, but it is truth none-the-less.  Regardless of your circumstances, you choose your thoughts, and subsequently, your state of mind and personal well-being.  People throughout history have proven it true, usually in circumstances far worse than what most of us will ever experience.

One of my favorite examples is Dr. Viktor E. Frankl, whom I have mentioned before.  He is an Austrian Jew who was sent to a concentration camp with his family during World War II.

We who lived in concentration camps can remember men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.  Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl

Whatever circumstances you are presently you going through, any situations you may yet face, Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Kindness: Have You Considered Committing a Random Act?

June 26th, 2009

Reading Level: Leisurely

When is the last time you committed the random act of kindness which we all hold in so high esteem?

Gifting someone else’s life with an unexpected, and even undeserved, kindness is living at the peak of human character, achieving one of the most perfect elements of the human spirit. While most anyone believes that random acts of kindness are a part of the ultimate lifestyle and a thing a beauty in life, stress and busyness can prevent you from consistently thinking creatively enough to live out such acts in your own life.

People of great admiration throughout history have spurred us on to live a lifestyle of random acts of kindness.

I’m pasting a few quotes here from both secular and religious authors with links to 2 sites of quotes which you would probably enjoy reading as well.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless. Mother Teresa

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profundity. Kindness in giving creates love. Lao-Tse

Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. Scott Adams(1)

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.
Mother Teresa

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstandings, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. Albert Schweitzer(2)

Rather than missing out on one of the highest joys of life by allowing busyness to steal from you those opportunities for random acts of kindness, decide to daily envision yourself as “clothed” with kindness. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Being an Optimist: It Is Worth the Effort

June 5th, 2009

Reading Level: Leisurely

Do you consider yourself an optimist? If not, it’s time to join this noteworthy group!  Even if you consider yourself fairly optimistic, one always has room to improve on his or her optimism. Or, if you are pretty sure that being optimistic has not yet become a way of life for you, now is the time to change.

People throughout history of whom we view with great respect have been known for their optimism.

We admire them for it. They inspire us with it. It is time to join their ranks! In going through my personal file of famous quotes, I came across some that I had gathered from emails sent to me which I wanted to share with you. Benefit from the wisdom of these influential, optimistic people!

Sir Edmund Hillary was asked this question on goals. It may not appear to directly be on optimism, but I see part of his point being that your satisfaction is obviously in how you choose to view your achievements.

Question: “How does one know whether or not a project is worthy of his or her consideration?” Sir Edmund’s answer: “If you only do what others have already done, you will only feel what others have already felt. However, if you choose to achieve something that no one has ever done, then you will have a satisfaction that no one else has ever had.” (1)

Helen Keller on optimism dictating one’s goals or actions: Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Keeping Your Focus

May 19th, 2009

Reading Level: Gratifying

An important principle of success is staying more focused on the goal than the present obstacles or even the steps to reaching it.

I was reminded of this principle while working toward the completion of all the necessary seasonal responsibilities in my garden. I have quite extensive gardens with a large variety of plants, including over 30 antique rose bushes. Though I have always enjoyed gardening, this time of year’s seasonal requirements get very overwhelming as it takes about 3 months to complete due to other life responsibilities. The care and upkeep is probably too extensive for this time in life, but, when we designed and planted it 15 years ago, it was not possible to foresee the changes in career, family responsibilities, and physical energy in the future. It is a temptation to cause myself continual displeasure by solely viewing all the tasks yet undone rather than staying focused on the forthcoming end result and enjoying the present pleasures my garden during the process of the oiling, fertilizing, pruning, and mulching to reach the goal; it will become a healthy, lush garden that is a delight to the eyes and a joy to share with friends and family.

Here are some results of staying more focused on the end goal than the present obstacles or process: Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Adding Discernment with Personality Profiles

April 29th, 2009

Table of contents for Discerning People’s Character

  1. Safety in Discernment
  2. Benefiting From Discernment
  3. Adding Discernment with Personality Profiles

You can increase your discernment in business relationships and personal interactions through an understanding of the basic personality types.

(This is Part 3 in this Post. Please use the above links if you have not yet read Parts 1 and 2.) There are a couple of well-known charts or profiles that explain personality types. Becoming aware of the tendencies in other people’s personalities can help you discern more clearly, for example, which people tend to be manipulative or strong-willed, which would greatly affect your business dealings. Or, these profiles can also help you be more aware of your own tendencies so you know which personalities are more difficult for you to deal with in long-term relationships. I trust these 2 lists will increase your ability to have wisdom and discernment in your business and other interpersonal relationships.

This is a great definition from Emotional Competency.com explaining how the categorization of personality traits is beneficial to discernment.

Personality traits are intrinsic differences that remain stable throughout most of our life. They are the constant aspects of our individuality. Each individual behaves according to certain distinctive patterns throughout a variety of situations…Also, you have probably observed that these various behaviors stay with the person consistently over time and throughout a variety of circumstances. These persistent behavior patterns, called personality traits, are stable over time, consistent in a variety of situations, and differ from one individual to the next.(1)

This first list of 4 Personality Types is one of the most well-known and is commonly used for career planning or staff relations/management.

I found a great, simplified summary in a excerpt from a book by Tim Bryce for helping young adults adapt to the workplace. It sounds like a great book. See the footnote below for more info on Tim and his book. Here is Mr. Bryce’s summary of the 4 personality types using the letter system:

Type “A” Personality - Is a highly independent and driven personality, typically representing the leaders in business. They are blunt, competitive, no-nonsense types who like to get to the point. They are also strong entrepreneurial spirits (risk takers). As such, they embrace change and are always looking for practical solutions for solving problems.

Type “B” Personality - Represents highly extroverted people who love the spotlight. Because of this, they are very entertaining and possess strong charisma (everyone likes to be around them). Small wonder these people are sales and marketing types. They thrive on entertaining people and are easily hurt if they cannot sway someone. Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Benefiting From Discernment

April 26th, 2009

Table of contents for Discerning People’s Character

  1. Safety in Discernment
  2. Benefiting From Discernment
  3. Adding Discernment with Personality Profiles

The ability to discern the character of the people with whom you do business or interact is essential for a clear path to success. 

In Part 1 of this series, we discussed how discernment is important to your life.  (If you missed Part 1, click here for Safety in Discernment or use the above Series link.)

Love Yourself Enough to Choose Discernment

How much do you love yourself?  The level of your desire for discernment may be proof.  There is a proverb that says,

He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding (discernment) prospers. Pr. 19:8

Wisdom and discernment are connected, as we will see in a moment.  Your desire for wisdom proves how much you value yourself. When you desire discernment, you show that you value yourself enough to choose to bring prosperity to your life.  Most people have a natural love for themselves; their self-esteems might have room for improvement, but the innate desire for self preservation and a “life worth living” is there.  As scripture says, “No one hates his own body. On the contrary he nourishes and cherishes it (Eph 5:29).”  Evaluate your present life perspective to see if you are choosing a path that demonstrates love for yourself and your destiny.

Discernment is also a part of emotional/spiritual maturity.

We can observe in the natural realm how discernment is an aspect of emotional growth and maturity.  We admire those who have attained it, along with the stability and success it has brought their lives.  Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Safety in Discernment

April 19th, 2009

Table of contents for Discerning People’s Character

  1. Safety in Discernment
  2. Benefiting From Discernment
  3. Adding Discernment with Personality Profiles

Reading Level: Gratifying

An important part of your success in life is the ability to discern the character of the people with whom you do business or interact in other ways on a regular basis.

In spite of all your education, giftings, and hardwork to reach the goals and level of success in life that you desire, not discerning the character of the people with whom you do business or otherwise interact can quickly undermine the majority of your efforts and greatly hinder your path to success. 

My spouse and I have usually worked together in our careers and are visionaries, tending to be workaholics and overachievers.  We always want to see progress.  Some years back, at a crossroads in our lives, a person wisely pointed out to us a main source of the setbacks we had been experiencing at that time in our careers.  Being visionaries, we sought after working with other people of vision, people who were “going places” and achieving things.  However, we were repeatedly accepting jobs with people who were the type that achieved their goals by being controlling and abusive to those that worked with them.  As a result, not only did we have to work harder to accomplish our goals, but it would eventually lead to the need to change from that environment due to the physical and emotional drains it created.  The fact was that their lack of character in their modes of operation made the accomplishing of our goals more difficult than was necessary.  We were advised to be discerning as to the personality and character of people before choosing to do business with them.

It is both a practical as well as a spiritual concept to be discerning.

Discerning the character of the people with whom you need to interact is practical; it can keep you from investing money with a con artist who is planning on stealing it.  It can keep you from getting into an abusive marriage.  It can prevent you from committing to projects that are either headed for failure or will create more trouble for you than it is worth.  Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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Reflecting on Life’s Key People

January 27th, 2009

We each have key people in our lives whom have been instrumental in making us the people that we are.

As fast as life goes by, and with no guarantee of who will be able to share the next day with us, it would benefit us greatly to take time to reflect on the importance of these people to our lives while they are still with us.

I recently read a post by one of my favorite bloggers, Susan Hanshaw of Sanctuary for Change. She wrote a brief post on her father’s 74th birthday, reflecting on his influence in her life. I want to share it with you. It is very heartwarming, but more importantly, let it challenge you to reflect on the key people in your life while they are still alive and the specific ways that knowing them has enhanced your life.

Susan Hanshaw, “10 Life Lessons from My Dad on His 74th Birthday”

Today is my father’s 74th birthday. I recognize how blessed I am to be able to share it with him, and I don’t want to wait until he’s gone to reflect on what I’ve learned from him. In no particular order:
Immerse Yourself in the Full Healing Contemplation Here »

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