Each of us desires a long, abundant life with our loved ones. Yet, do your daily decisions work for or against that desire?

These past 2 months have been one of those seasons of life that come to all of us. Tomorrow is a funeral for a friend that died suddenly and unexpectedly. Another friend has been in ICU for weeks. The first person had lived a life that was very abusive to his physical health for years, having just made a change in the recent past. The other friend has lived the more typical unhealthy life of too many sodas and mostly processed foods. She has had many health issues that have drastically affected her family and friends for the whole past year and has now been in ICU for a good part of 2 months and still has life-threatening issues going on. Both should have had a good 20 to 30 more years of living an abundant life, loving life and loving family, but the choice of poor daily health habits stole the precious gift of long abundant life not only from them, but from their friends and families.

We need to be reminded of how essential the little daily choices regarding health-food, sleep, exercise-are truly the ultimate decision for a long life.

Every day that you get up, you make seemingly insignificant choices regarding what you eat, whether or not you skip exercise, how you deal with stress, if you get enough sleep. These decisions come so frequently that one usually makes them almost without thinking. Each little decision not to do what is beneficial to your physical health is, in actuality, a decision of whether or not to embrace a long abundant life, with time to live life, enjoying and loving your family and friends, and giving them the gift of that time to love you and enjoy your presence on this earth. Isn’t that what each of us want? Yet it seems so easy to choose otherwise. There is a quote worth remembering,

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Ps. 90:12

Being aware of your daily health choices is an aspect of wisdom. This quote is a prayer to God asking for the ability to be wise in making choices that affect the number of one’s days on this earth, to value each day with its gift of life enough to be wise in how those days are used and how not to unnecessarily shorten them.

Life events such as funerals are moments that cause one to re-evaluate how wisely he or she is living life.

I, myself, this week was again brought to a point of evaluating how fleeting and how fragile the precious gift of life is, and which daily choices I and my family need to change to so that valuable time together living an abundant life is not lost. What does it take to remind you that your little daily health choices are, in effect, the overriding decision of whether or not you want to live a long abundant life with family and friends? Do you really want to deprive yourself of long life with those daily, thoughtless choices? Do you really want to deprive your loved ones of long life with you-your spouse, children, and grandchildren?

After decades of being a great, effective leader of millions of people, knowing he was about to die, Moses spoke to the Jewish nation about the things that were most important to their lives, guidelines for daily living so that they would live long, prosperous lives with their loved ones. The events in my own life brought these words back to mind. I want to share them as a challenge with you:

See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. Deut. 30:15,19

In actuality, all the people you love, those that you have expended yourself to help and sacrificed your own well-being, will be better off after you re-focus on self help! This article by fellow SelfGrowth.com professional, Lori Snyder, covers 10 basic steps for getting back to daily care for yourself.

Lori admits that she herself was so busy with everyone else’s needs that she sidelined her own needs, only to discover that the reality was, by neglecting her own needs and not meeting them first, she was not able to give her best to those she loves. These are brief excerpts from Ms. Snyder’s article. Use the link in the footnote below to read the full article.

1. Start each day filled with gratitude for all that you are…Appreciate the beauty all around you. [I would suggest, at the beginning, to make a list of self appreciation points. If you’ve neglected yourself for a long time, it will be difficult at the beginning to really focus on your own value.]

2. Count your blessings for the people who you love and who love you…They all come, and some go, for a reason.

3. Take a moment of silence for yourself to meditate, and think about what your needs of the day are, and what you would like to accomplish.

4. Be mindful of your health, and incorporate a wellness schedule into your week. Exercise, eat healthy, get enough rest.

5. Look at your goals sheet quickly each week, and evaluate how you are doing with them.

6. Learn new things, research something you have always been interested in. Talk about them with your loved ones.

7. Take the time to give loved ones and friends, a squeezing hug.

8. Come from a positive mindset. This will help you to create a happier state of being.

9. Take time to play. This can be any hobby or activity that you truly enjoy.

10. Do not be afraid to say no to someone…Tell them you still care about their needs, it is just that you cannot do what they ask of you at this time. You can choose to state your reasons for your decision or not.

This ending quote by Lori is both a good summary and challenge:

If your needs are met, you will be in much better spiritual, mental and physical shape to be there for all the people in your life who are important to you. And you will be in a much happier frame of mind to want to support them with their needs.

Please use this link to read Lori Snyder’s full article, Looking Out for Number One. 

• Self Esteem
• Forgiving Yourself
• Balance in Self Sacrifice and
• Rest

Merton on Self Esteem:

We cannot achieve greatness unless we lose all interest in being great. If we pay too much attention to [our idea of greatness], we will be lured out of the peace and stability…God gave us, and seek to live in a myth we have created for ourselves. We are truly ourselves when we lose the futile self consciousness that keep us constantly comparing ourselves with others in order to see how big we are.

We all seek to imitate one another’s imagined greatness….If I do not know who I am, it is because I think I am the sort of person everyone around me wants me to be. Perhaps I have never asked myself whether I wanted to become what everybody else seems to want to become. Perhaps if I only realized that I do not admire what everyone seem to admire, I would really begin to live after all.

Every man has a vocation to be someone: but he must understand clearly that, in order to fulfill his vocation, he can only be one person: himself…What does this mean? In order to be what we are meant to be, we must know Christ, and love him, and do what he did. Our destiny is in our own hands since God has placed it there, and has given us the grace to do the impossible. It remains for us to take up courageously and without hesitation the work he has given us, which is the task of living our own life as Christ would live it is us.

We can either Love God because we hope for something from Him, or we can hope in Him knowing that he loves us. Sometimes we begin with the first kind of hope and grow into the second.

Merton of Forgiving Yourself

It is true that we make many mistakes. But the biggest of them all is to be surprised at them: as if we had any hope of never making any. Mistakes are part of our life, and not the least important part. It is by making mistakes that we gain experience, not only for ourselves but for others.

My successes are not my own. The way to them was prepared by others. The fruits of my labors are not my own: for I am preparing the way for the achievements of another. Nor are my failures my own. They may spring from the failure of another, but they are also compensated for by another’s achievement. There for the meaning of my life is…only seen in the complete integration of my achievements and failures with the achievements and failures of my own generation.

Merton on Rest

We do not live merely in order to “do something” no matter what…We do not live more fully merely by doing more…On the contrary, some of us need to discover that we will not begin to live more fully until we have the courage to do and see and taste and experience much less…There are times, then, when, in order to keep ourselves in existence at all we simply have to sit back for a while and do nothing. And for a man who has let himself be drawn completely out of himself by his activity, nothing is more difficult than to sit still and rest.

Balance in Self Sacrifice

The saint, therefore, is sanctified not only by fasting when he should fast but also by eating when he should eat. He is not only sanctified by his prayers in the darkness of the night, but by the sleep he takes in obedience to God, who made us what we are. Not only his solitude contributes to his union with God, but also his supernatural love for his friends and his relatives and those with whom he lives and works.

All Quotes are Excerpts from Thomas Merton’s book, No Man Is an Island.

Do you consider yourself an optimist? If not, it’s time to join this noteworthy group!  Even if you consider yourself fairly optimistic, one always has room to improve on his or her optimism. Or, if you are pretty sure that being optimistic has not yet become a way of life for you, now is the time to change.

Admired People throughout history have been known for their optimism.

They inspire us with it.  We admire them for it.  It is time to join their ranks! In going through my personal file of famous quotes, I came across some that I had gathered from emails sent to me which I wanted to share with you. Benefit from the wisdom of these influential, optimistic people!

Sir Edmund Hillary was asked this question on goals. It may not appear to directly be on optimism, but I see part of his point being that your satisfaction is obviously in how you choose to view your achievements.

Question: “How does one know whether or not a project is worthy of his or her consideration?” Sir Edmund’s answer: “If you only do what others have already done, you will only feel what others have already felt. However, if you choose to achieve something that no one has ever done, then you will have a satisfaction that no one else has ever had.” (1)

Helen Keller on optimism dictating one’s goals or actions:

No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit. (2)

J. Gustav White on life being what you make of it:

One man gets nothing but discord out of a piano; another gets harmony. No one finds fault with the piano. Life is like that. (2)

Wilfred Yoder on being optimistic in the midst of extreme physical pain from arthritis:

Question: “How can you say you’re fine when you’re in so much pain” Yoder’s response: “How I feel has very little to do with how I am. You see, the part of me that hurts is just a shell, not the real me, and the real me is fine!” (2)

Tamara Eberlin on optimism and achievement:

Positive thinking is a lot more than blind faith, and its power over people’s lives is awesome. Optimists fare better than pessimists in almost every aspect of life, often achieving more, and enjoying greater social success. Optimistic people are also less susceptible to depression and physical ills. (2)

Winston Churchill on difficulties versus opportunities:

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. (2)

Thomas Edison on disaster, after losing his manufacturing facilities and much of the records of his work due to fire at the age of 67:

There is value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Now we can start anew. (2)

Maria Robinson on overcoming the past:

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. (3)

John Heywood on adversity:

If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be. (3)

1. The Most Important Quote of 2007, Second Billion Network Ezine, January 2008

2. David Arnold, January 08 Newsletter. (These quotes were part of a selection gathered by Mr. Arnold. This is a newsletter that showed up in my email box without being requested. I could not find an online link for you to view the whole article.)

3. ThinkExist.com  on Optimism

May your life be filled with the abundance and peace God desires for you, containing all that is beautiful, best, bountiful, cheerful, good, joyful, loving, prosperous, and wealthy [Hebrew and Greek definitions of abundance], as well as existing in a state of safety, happiness, good health, friendship, rest, and wholeness so that all is well in your life [Hebrew and Greek definitions of peace].

May you be comforted from all past and present sorrows. May you receive compassion as freely as you have shown it. May all your fears be replaced with faith and peace. May you forgive those who have harmed you in the past so that you are released to reach your future goals and desires. May the greater understanding of God’s love for you which you have gained this year be used as an unshakeable basis for your self worth and foundation for your life. May all your relationships be healthy, rewarding, and free from resentment. May the voice of God be clear in your spirit so that your words and decisions flow from His wisdom, bringing healing and wholeness to every aspect of your life.

Have a very blessed and happy New Year!

Generous people are often compulsive givers, quickly responding to the needs around them, even to their own detriment. It does not take too many years of a lifestyle of compulsive giving to leave one wondering why — when he (or she) has been such a good, caring person — he is struggling with exhaustion and resentment. Ever catch yourself wondering, “How can my life be so miserable and out of control when all I have done is spent my life helping people in need?” People with generous spirits often burn out due to not having healthy generosity. No, not all generosity is healthy; just as with every other area of your life, it must be controlled by wisdom.

A generous person who is also a religious person tends to be more readily trapped into a lifestyle of unhealthy, unwise giving.

As I have mentioned in prior posts, the life of a religious person that is unhappy and out of balance is often due to childhood teaching that is based on religious tradition rather than the truth of Scripture. Let’s look at a quote on giving that is frequently misunderstood due to religious tradition.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Phil. 2:3-5

This quote is used by religious tradition to promote a life of self abasement, or self neglect, when, in actuality, it is promoting a lifestyle of balance in the attitude of giving. First, it expresses the need for those who struggle with selfish ambition and pride to combat that unhealthy, imbalanced attitude by thinking better of others. The second sentence, used by religious tradition to make people feel guilty for taking care of their own needs, does not promote unhealthy giving that only looks to the interests of others. Look at the quote again, “Look not only to your own interests…”

The words “not only” mean 2 things are to be taking place — Yes, take care of your own interests (or needs), but remember to also take care of the needs of others. God does not say to only give to others’ needs and neglect your own interests; on the contrary, He says to take care of your own needs and the needs of others. It is significant that taking care of your own needs is mentioned first, as you cannot effectively take care of other people’s needs unless you first take care of your own so that you are a “whole” person.

To have a healthy, wise, and balanced lifestyle of giving, it is also important to remember that givers usually have difficulty discerning which situations are the other person’s actual needs.

A person who is a user/abuser tries to get out of his personal life responsibilities by promoting his irresponsibilities as needs. It is unwise and unhealthy for both people involved when a giving person takes care of situations that are the user’s personal responsibility. It enables the user to stay irresponsible and overloads and burns out the giver. If you need more information on these types of situations, use these links to read about it in detail.
Spiritual Guidelines to Stay Free From Abusive Relationships
Freedom Through Responsibility

Let’s look at one last quote that effectively describes healthy, wise, controlled giving.

For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have. Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality. 2 Cor. 8:12-14

The easiest way to explain this quote is to again paraphrase. If you have a willingness to give, you are to give based on what you have, so that you are not hard pressed. If you are depleted of both energy and time, you are “hard pressed;” you need to rest and be refreshed so that you will again be able to give of what you have, i.e. time and energy. If someone keeps expecting you to pay their bills and it is causing you to be “hard pressed,” it is not healthy giving. The person’s need may be real, but you are not the one to be giving at this time. Get the person in touch with a charity organization, food pantry, church, etc. which has avenues available to help needy people.

Take a self inventory to determine the healthiness of your giving.

How happy, rested, and refreshed are you now-physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually? If you are exhausted, depleted, and struggling with resentment, it is time to step back and re-evaluate your giving. God doesn’t expect you to give until you are hard-pressed. He desires “equality” or balance in your life and relationships. Evaluate which areas of your life and relationships are unhealthy, out-of-control and causing you to be hard-pressed. Make the necessary changes so that you are refreshed and restored. Controlled giving is truly wise and healthy giving.

Gifting someone else’s life with an unexpected, and even undeserved, kindness is living at the peak of human character, achieving one of the most perfect elements of the human spirit. While most anyone believes that random acts of kindness are a part of the ultimate lifestyle and a thing a beauty in life, stress and busyness can prevent you from consistently thinking creatively enough to live out such acts in your own life.

People of great admiration throughout history have spurred us on to live a lifestyle of random acts of kindness.

I’m pasting a few quotes here from both secular and religious authors challenging us to commit random acts of kindness, with links to 2 sites of quotes which you will probably enjoy reading as well.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless. Mother Teresa

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profundity. Kindness in giving creates love. Lao-Tse

Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. Scott Adams(1)

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.
Mother Teresa

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstandings, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. Albert Schweitzer(2)

Rather than missing out on one of the highest joys of life by allowing busyness to steal from you those opportunities for random acts of kindness, decide to daily envision yourself as “clothed” with kindness.

When God encourages us to reach for the pinnacle of what is happiest, healthiest, and best in the human spirit, he describes it as being “clothed” or totally covered with kindness.

As God’s people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Col 3:12

Though clothing may vary from culture to culture, to correctly envision this statement, you must envision it as in the Middle Eastern culture of 2000 years ago when it was written. Clothing was from head to toe. God says to envision yourself as being completely enveloped in kindness, along with other similar traits. If you follow this advice and envision yourself that way each day, it will be easier to flow into the creative mindset of committing random acts of kindness.

What does kindness entail?

You can think of a million ways to express kindness through the day as you envision yourself as clothed with it, but let’s take just a moment to define the mental concept.

In Scripture, the Hebrew for kindness, checed, includes the concepts of piety, beauty, favor, good deeds, loving kindness, and mercy.(3)

In the Greek part of Scripture, 2 words are used. Philanthropia, from which we get our term philanthropy, includes benevolence, fondness, and love of mankind.(4) The other Greek term, chrestotes, includes usefulness morally, excellence in character, gentleness, and goodness.(4)

Don’t deprive yourself of the joy.

In reality, this is probably one of the easiest things you can do in life to be in tune with one of the most excellent parts of the human spirit as God created it, as well as bring to yourself (not just the other person) a level of joy that rarely can be matched by any other deed in life. Don’t wait. Go out and commit some random acts of kindness.

1. The first 3 quotes and many others on the topic of kindness may be read at: Suite101.com Personal Development – Acts of Kindness
2. The last 2 quotes and many others on the topic of kindness may be read at: this site by the Prince Edward School District in Canada on Random Acts of Kindness
3. Strong’s Dictionary of Old Testament Words (Hebrew)
4. Strong’s Dictionary of Old Testament Words (Greek)

Table of contents for Goals: Where is Your Focus?

1. Is Your Focus on the Goal or the Obstacles? Pt. 1
2. Is Your Focus on the Goal or the Obstacles? Pt. 2

It is an important principle of success to focus more on your goal than the obstacles that come against you, or even the steps to achieve it. 

(This is Part 2 of a two part post in which we’ll cover quotes from historical figures on goal focus as well as how  focus affects your spiritual goals.  Part 1 of this post covered reasons, results, and benefits of focusing on your goal. If you missed Part 1 of this post, please click here to read Part 1 now.)

Famous literary authors have encouraged people through generations to “focus on the goal.”

Though Ralph Waldo Emerson is well-known for his quote, “Life is a journey, not a destination,” encouraging people to enjoy each day of life as opposed to only allowing oneself to enjoy achievements, he also promoted keeping one’s destination in view.

To finish the moment, to find the journey’s end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours, is wisdom.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Orison Swett Marden, known for his philosophies on one’s thoughts influencing  life and circumstances, pointed out the determining factor in the success of focusing on the goal:

We advance on our journey only when we face our goal, when we are confident and believe we are going to win out.  Orison Swett Marden

Instruction on one’s spiritual journey also involves a clear, constant focus on the goals.

This same principle should be added to your daily spiritual life. Do not settle for where you are. There are greater, unknown aspects waiting to be discovered with your spiritual life and communication levels with God. Grow and benefit by setting goals and keeping them in focus. Here are quotes from Scripture instructing you to approach spiritual life and growth like a runner in a race, free from distractions and hindrances, focused on the clear goal:

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. Phil 3:13-15

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training…Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly…so that I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Cor. 9:24-27

Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Heb. 12:1

Believe that you will reach your goals – spiritually, financially, relationally, or otherwise. Then keep daily focus on those goals. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by the trip or any apparent lack of progress, you can live effectively and experience greater joy knowing that each day is a day closer to your heart’s desire.

Table of contents for Goals: Where is Your Focus?

1. Is Your Focus on the Goal or the Obstacles? Pt. 1
2. Is Your Focus on the Goal or the Obstacles? Pt. 2

An important principle of success is staying more focused on the goal than the present obstacles or even the steps to reaching it.

I was reminded of this principle while working toward the completion of all the necessary seasonal responsibilities in my garden. I have quite extensive gardens with a large variety of plants, including over 30 antique rose bushes. Though I have always enjoyed gardening, this time of year’s seasonal requirements get very overwhelming as it takes about 3 months to complete due to other life responsibilities. The care and upkeep is probably too extensive for this time in life, but, when we designed and planted it 15 years ago, it was not possible to foresee the changes in career, family responsibilities, and physical energy that would take place in the future. It is a temptation to cause myself continual displeasure by solely viewing all the tasks yet undone rather than staying focused on the end result, or enjoying the present pleasures in my garden during the process of the oiling, fertilizing, pruning, and mulching to reach the goal; my garden will become a healthy, lush one that is a delight to the eyes and a joy to share with friends and family.

Here are some results of staying more focused on the end goal than the present obstacles or process:

1. You will maintain a level emotional state of joy and fulfillment, knowing the end of the process will come; you will live the fulfillment of that goal.

2. A clearer focus of your future goals/objectives allows you to be more effective in your present decisions with regard to the future goal.

3. You will maintain a higher energy level when focused daily on the final goal rather than the overall process to achieve it.

Many realms of practical life prove the benefit of staying focused on the goal or end result.

Life coaches, motivational speakers, and business instructors all tell us to “write out” the goals we want to achieve, write out the plan we envision, even the restoration that we need. Writing develops a clear mental picture of the desired end. In turn, this process enables one to notice relevant, beneficial opportunities related to the goal and make wiser decisions to reach the goal all due to staying daily focused on the end picture. It is the Law of Attraction in action.

The benefits of this principle of focusing on the goal flow into more aspects of one’s life than we are usually aware of – personal goals, financial goals, career changes, restoration – but even in the little things. Remember drivers’ education class? When teaching Interstate driving, they instruct you to focus on where the road meets the horizon; if, instead, you only look at the few cars in front of you or a short distance of the open road in front of you, your driving will be unsteady and erratic. You will weave back and forth unknowingly and overcompensate in decisions. It is the same in every aspect of one’s life. Staying focused on the goal will keep you from being unsteady and erratic, wavering from the desired goal, and overcompensating in decisions.

(This is Part 1 of a two part post.  In Part 2, we will cover quotes from historical figures on goal focus as well as how  focus affects your spiritual goals.)

It may seem an illogical and impossible statement, but it is truth none-the-less.  Regardless of your circumstances, you choose your thoughts, and subsequently, your state of mind and personal well-being.  People throughout history have proven it true, usually in circumstances far worse than what most of us will ever experience.

One of my favorite examples is Dr. Viktor E. Frankl, whom I have mentioned before.  He is an Austrian Jew who was sent to a concentration camp with his family during World War II.

We who lived in concentration camps can remember men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.  Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl

Whatever circumstances you are presently you going through, any situations you may yet face, even if they are horrifically unthinkable as those experienced by Frankl, inside you is still the power to choose the state of your personal well-being by choosing your thoughts and perspectives.

Scripture reinforces this truth that your well-being is determined by your choice of thoughts.

All the days of the despondent are made evil by anxious and foreboding thoughts, but he who has a glad heart has a continual feast regardless of the circumstances.

Notice the days of the despondent are made bad by their thoughts; in contrast, the person who takes authority over his thoughts, uses his personal power to control his perspective and have a glad heart, will experience continual good regardless of his or her circumstances. 

You alone have the power to choose your thoughts.  Choose ones that will ensure your well-being!